671:) – The local café proprietor who, whilst trying to remain impartial, has been dragged into the war by both sides. The Germans are threatening to shoot him if he does not secretly hide stolen valuables; the Resistance is using his café as a safe-house for shot-down British airmen; and on top of that, he is trying to keep his passionate love affairs with the café waitresses secret from his wife. Whenever his wife Edith catches him in the arms of another woman, René invariably responds with the phrase "You stupid woman! Can you not see that..." followed by a convoluted explanation, which Edith always believes, leading to an apology from her. René does not care much for his mother-in-law, often referring to her as a "silly old bat!" Each episode starts with scenery, costumes or props from the end of the previous episode, and (usually) René opens each episode with a monologue to the camera starting "You may be wondering why..." and proceeding to describe the situation he finds himself in, and to summarise the previous episode. Rene's only love is for his waitress/mistress Yvette Carte Blanche.
812:) – "Alfonse, the half Belgian undertaker, swiftly and with style." He is in love with Madame Edith, often wooing her with flowers and the prospect of living above the mortuary. He has a serious heart condition, causing his "dicky ticker" to go into overdrive when he glimpses the women's underclothing. He often helps the Resistance. When he hears that René is to remarry Madame Edith he challenges him to a duel, from which René eventually escapes, disguised as a woman. René is thereafter proclaimed by Alfonse as the Hero of the Resistance – "The bravest transvestite in all France". Alfonse is later due to officiate at the remarriage of René and Edith himself, in his capacity as Deputy Mayor, only to faint due to his "dicky ticker". He has set up a tunnel from his mortuary to the British POW camp to smuggle in the airmen. Funds for the Resistance, borrowed from him, are forged by Leclerc on their return – unfortunately leading Alfonse to feel generous and spend the money on a party at the café.
1003:) (series 2 to 9) – A British spy posing as a French police officer. Unfortunately, his French is weak and he is invariably unable to use the correct vowel sounds, which means that sometimes he is quite incomprehensible, most famously in his usual greeting "Good moaning!" (which he is even heard to use at night). Despite this, the Germans never seem to suspect him. To quote a notable example: "I was pissing by the door when I heard two shats. You are holding in your hind a smoking goon. You are clearly the guilty potty!" Another, during an air raid, is: "They have had a direct hot on the pimps!" "The pimps?" "The pimps! The pimps in the pimping station! No water is being pimped down the poops!" To repair the airmen's air balloon: "You must get your hands on girl's knockers. At least farty, maybe fifty." And: "I am mauving in a ginger fashion becerrs my poloceman's pints are full of dinamote!" He then unbuttons his flies and slowly pulls out several large
703:) – Edith's mother. She lives in an attic above the café, lying in bed wearing white nighties and a goffered cap. This is also where the British airmen and the radio (complete with "Ze flashing knobs!") are hidden. When she wants attention she bangs her walking stick on the floor, and cries out "Will nobody 'ear the cries of a poor old woman?" She is partial to a glass of gin, and occasionally fills in for her daughter as part of the café cabaret, although her singing is just as bad (if not worse). She also hates the Germans, as evidenced by saying "The Germans, I spit on zem", after which she actually spits, usually to the side of the bed. Her attitude towards M. Alfonse varies from one episode to the next, she often says that he would make a better husband for Edith than Rene, but she will also hurl pottery at him from her bedroom window because she does not like undertakers.
872:) (series 1 to 4, series 7) – Original assistant to Colonel von Strohm, he has various characteristics that run counter to the stereotype of a Nazi officer (for example, he is not at all shocked to discover that his uniform is being made by a Jewish tailor). He frequently visits the café. He is mistaken for a British airman in 'Camp Dance' and sent to Britain. He returns briefly in one episode of series 7, having accidentally become a trusted member of Britain's intelligence service. He is astonished to discover that his friends René and Edith are actually the mysterious "Nighthawk", but is happy in his new life, having become a naturalised British subject. He is notable for his odd pronunciation of "colonel" which usually sounds like "Colon-Nell" (as if he were speaking French). Whenever the Germans have to salute the
1040:, series 7) – An Italian officer who is seconded to Colonel von Strohm as liaison between the German and Italian forces in the prelude to the proposed invasion of Great Britain, and as a replacement for Captain Geering. He has an eye for the ladies and is known as a womaniser, often using the phrase "Da Beautiful-a Laydee. I kiss-a de hand-a". When saluting the Führer, Bertorelli instead says "Heil-a Mussolini", and when things go wrong he always says "What a mistake-a to make-a!" His Italian troops are unprofessional and always run away. In greeting, he kisses everybody except Gruber whom he knows about and so shakes his hand. Famously asked about his medals: "The first row are for service in Abyssinia. The second row are for service in North Africa". The last row? "They are for servicing
1008:
Bertorelli for a German officer, addressing him with a raised hand and: "Hole Hotler!" (as taken from script) instead of "Heil Hitler!" When
Captain Bertorelli points out he is actually Italian, Officer Crabtree responds with: "Hael Missuloni!" instead of "Hail Mussolini!" When Flick and von Smallhausen (in disguise as "vinkle" salesmen) comment on his strange accent, he tells them he's from "Nipples" (Naples). When they can't understand the answer, he frustratingly states "You know...See Nipples and do!". There is additional "explanation" in S6E6 when Agent Grace, who appears to be Crabtree's girlfriend, explains that when they were both training, "they trooned us to talk pish", i.e. posh. Ironically Arthur Bostrom was the one cast member who could speak fluent French.
796:) (series 1 to 5) – The Resistance's elderly forger, 'master' of disguises (all of them unconvincing), and café piano player. He is responsible for delivering to the café various goods such as batteries, bombs, and radio equipment. He does this in a variety of disguises, ranging from an onion seller to a lost mountain hiker. On delivery Leclerc always says, "It is I, Leclerc", accompanied by a raising of his glasses to reveal his identity. He seems to think that he is good at disguise even though he is always instantly recognisable; René once remarks: "Man of a thousand faces, every one the same!" and on another occasion, "I know. It is you. Leclerc." He is also the childhood sweetheart of Madame Fanny, and often pops up out of her bed whenever Fanny says
983:) (series 2 to 9) – Herr Flick's assistant. Dressed exactly like Herr Flick but much shorter, von Smallhausen copies Flick's exaggerated limp. He often suggests stupid plans and ideas, only for them to be put down by Herr Flick. He once delivered an out-of-date ransom note from the Resistance, saying "It vas tied around a brick and thrown at my head – I have only just regained consciousness!". On another occasion, he arrived at Herr Flick's dungeon and banged on the door without any response. The door then exploded and he entered over the wreckage to say apologetically "I forgot my key!"; Herr Flick then berated him for the misuse of Gestapo dynamite. Von Smallhausen is often sent on spying missions or to eavesdrop on the radio, but he likes listening to
920:(whose telephone number, according to Herr Flick, is "Berlin 1"). He fancies the equally blonde Helga Geerhart, whom he plans to marry after the war. He has a considerably exaggerated limp, and frequently uses the word 'Gestapo' as an adjective: "My powerful Gestapo binoculars", "My Gestapo staff car" etc. In one episode he answers the phone by announcing himself as "Flick, the Gestapo"; after a short period, he is forced to explain to the caller that he said "Flick, the Gestapo" and not "Fick the Gestapo". Herr Flick often hits von Smallhausen on the head with his cane, saying "Wrong!" When Herr Flick wants Helga to kiss him, he will say in a stern manner "You may kiss me now!" In the episode
940:) – the Colonel's secretary, and lover of Herr Flick. She is well-built, and known for a tendency to take off her clothes for tenuous reasons, showcasing a vast range of lingerie. She says, "When he's like this I always find it's best to strip off and ask questions later". When inquiring how they are going to be together after the war, he says: "I will take you for long walks on a short lead". Helga's attempts to seduce Herr Flick usually have no effect. Typically these include a particularly vigorous kiss. When announcing visitors to the Colonel's office, Helga always yells at the top of her voice, for example, "GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN!" and "GO A-VAY!" Helga was a
780:) – Leader of the local "French Charles de Gaulle (the one with the big 'ooter) Résistance", she devises elaborate plans to help British airmen escape, and to blow up German ammunition trains and lorries. Whenever she concocts a plan, she gathers everyone around and issues her instruction, "Listen very carefully, I shall say 'zis only once!", followed by the vital information. Whenever her plans are thwarted by someone's stupidity, she rebukes that person, "You fool!" She pretends to fall in love with René, but only to stop him leaving the Resistance. Michelle is also the only French character in the series who speaks English (see
924:, it is revealed that he has the same taste in undergarments as Helga. Inviting Helga to the Gestapo dance, he explains their song, which is sung to the tune of "Hokey-Cokey": "You put your left boot in! You take your left boot out! You do a lot of shouting and you shake your fists about! You light a little smokie and you burn down ze town! Zat's vot it's all about! Ahh... Himmler, Himmler, Himmler...". When Richard Gibson decided not to return for the final series, the change of actors was explained by Herr Flick having had
966:) (series 1–7, series 9) – Two British airmen who are trying to get back to the United Kingdom, their plane having been shot down. Emerging from where they are hiding, they say "Hello!" with an exaggerated upper-class English accent. When talking to one another, Fairfax or Carstairs always start with the words "I say, Fairfax/Carstairs...". On discovery of the tunnel to the British POW camp, all the café staff are trapped there, including the Resistance and the hostage German officers, who then all have to adopt exaggerated
691:. Occasionally however there are hints of affection between the two, notably when reminiscing about their courtship. When Edith recreates their honeymoon dinner for their wedding anniversary Rene tells her "I don't deserve you" with apparent sincerity. Whenever she finds René embracing one of the waitresses, she usually asks "René! What are you doing 'olding that servant girl in your arms?". While René is constantly fêted as the 'hero of the resistance' it is usually Edith who comes up with the solution to any problem.
1060:, ) – This character was introduced to the series after the sudden death of Jack Haig (the actor who played Roger Leclerc), as his brother. He has many of the same characteristics, and is also a former childhood sweetheart of Madame Fanny. The character switch was explained by claiming that Roger had tried to get his brother out of prison, but ended up taking his place. When Royle died after only one series, the series' producers chose to replace him with a different actor playing the same character.
971:
to illustrate this, upper-class
English accents and French accents are used to distinguish between the two languages. One of the minor characters of the show remarks on Fairfax and Carstairs' origin being from 402 Squadron, although in reality this was a Canadian RAF Squadron, whereas both characters are from England. In season 8, it is said that they have returned to England, but they return in the final season, having been captured by the Germans on D-Day.
840:) – The corrupt German town commandant. He is kept occupied by hiding valuable local paintings and antiques, which he intends to sell after the war. He frequently visits the café, where the waitresses provide him with much entertainment. He always gets René to do his dirty work, threatening him with the line "Othervise I vill have you shot!", with Captain Hans Geering agreeing in a high-pitched voice, "He vould, he did it before!" Hiding his baldness with a
740:, but cannot do so because René has to stay with his wife. She is also responsible for 'entertaining' the German officers, upstairs at the café with wet celery and a flying helmet; and sometimes with an egg whisk (exactly how these accessories are used remains unclear). In her intimate moments with René, she throws her arms around him and rumbles an elongated, deep growl of "Ooooooh, René." Often clinched in the kitchen, "I was just 'anging up ze
828:. He is later implicated in a plot to blow up Hitler, based on a conversation, misheard by the Gestapo, of a plan for a birthday party, with Hitler's painting at the head of the table, and the "blowing-up" is actually just the inflating of the balloons, by Lt. Hubert Gruber. Von Klinkerhoffen is almost universally disliked by von Strohm and the other Germans – who unsuccessfully plot his assassination on more than one occasion.
1140:) (series 7) is Helga's replacement when she leaves for a course. She is a masculine type with red hair and a booming voice. She is young and eager, to the point of stunning General von Klinkerhoffen and Colonel von Strohm. She starts a relationship with Herr Flick, but seems the more dominant of the two, much to his disgust. When Helga returns, Elsa disappears without explanation.
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1020:) (series 4 to 9) – The replacement waitress for Maria, she is also short in stature. She is a member of the Resistance with a bloodthirsty hatred of the Germans, and a secret mission to kill the "German swines", often after wooing them – her address on her card is "straight up the stairs, first on the left past the linen cupboard". She also has a bit of a fancy for René.
844:, overweight, bumbling and greedy, the Colonel often promises René a cut of the profits but is quick to take them away. He exclaims with a big smug smile, "Ve are vinning ze var. I am a German officer and I can shoot anyone I like!". In episode 1 of series 8, Colonel von Strohm refers to himself as Erich. In his pre-war life, he owned a gateau factory in the Black Forest.
683:) – René's wife, and the café's resident cabaret performer. However, her singing is so bad and tuneless (as René is once heard to comment: "my wife, who cannot carry a tune in a bucket...") that the cafe's customers stick cheese in their ears to block out the noise. Whilst René views her with disdain, she is also the subject of much romantic wooing by the local undertaker
912:, series 9) – The local Gestapo officer who tries to show as little emotion as possible. He dresses in a long leather double-breasted coat over a pinstriped suit, with a wide-brimmed leather hat, leather gloves and octagonal steel-rimmed glasses. In the episode "Watch the Birdie" (series 5, episode 9), he is shown wearing an SS uniform with the insignia of
860:" (which we later find out to be called Hubert Jr.), driven by the unseen Clarence. Gruber is in charge of the firing squad that shoots René (unbeknownst to Gruber, with blanks) and feels terribly guilty about the incident. He takes over from Captain Geering as the Colonel's assistant after the captain is captured by the British.
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accents as POWs, with large moustaches and flying helmets. On inspection by the German camp guards, they stand to attention saying clichés like "Toodle pip! Good Show! Bang on! Old fruit!" Humour is also derived from the French not being able to understand what the
British airmen are saying, in order
856:) – A German officer who has been reassigned following service on the Eastern Front. He is implied to be homosexual and seems to have a crush on René, although in the final episode he is revealed to have married Helga after the war. He is also responsible for forging certain pieces of art. He owns a "
1119:
Henriette (Phoebe
Scholfield) (series 1–2 and 5–6) – in series 1–2, Michelle's assistant in the Resistance. Often appears alongside Michelle during attempts to save the British airmen. In series 5, Schofield appears as a member of the communist resistance, although her character is not named, and in
1206:
frequently recurs throughout all of the series, often hidden in sausages or other guises. No-one ever knows who has the original. On one occasion, Herr Flick manages to get hold of three copies and comments "I have three Fallen
Madonnas with six big boobies!" Shawn Moore, the production designer of
1188:
by fictional artist van Klomp – the long-running gag of the series. It is a valuable portrait, the location and authenticity of which is a key concern to the other characters as the original changes hands frequently and there are various forgeries. Other antiques (such as a painting referred to as
1177:, Dr Le Conte does pregnancy tests for both the newly widowed Madame Lennard and Yvette; but the frogs he used for the pregnancy test jumped into each other's jars, meaning Yvette was not pregnant with René's child (as she had believed), meaning that Madame Lennard was pregnant out of wedlock.
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in front of the watching café patrons. After
Crabtree is introduced in the series, Yvette frequently announces him as "That idiot British officer who thinks he can speak French". He says, "I admit my Fronch cod be butter." Another example comes when Officer Crabtree mistakes Captain Alberto
1077:) (series 5–7) – A German general, whose sexuality is similar to that of Gruber. At one point he has to take over command of the district when von Klinkerhoffen is considered to have gone completely mad. Ken Morley would later play a similar German general in the sci-fi comedy series
876:, Geering often heralds him by saying "-tler!" instead of the full salute. In a 2007 BBC special, Kelly says about his character that "Hans was just too lazy to say the whole sentence". Rumours that the actor refused to give the regular salute are false. In the second series episode
1023:
It is heavily hinted that the waitresses supplement their income by prostitution with the
Germans, and Yvette frequently entices Colonel von Strohm with the promise of using "the flying helmet and the wet celery". Precisely how these are to be used is never made clear.
767:
It is heavily hinted that the waitresses supplement their income by prostitution with the
Germans, and Yvette frequently entices Colonel von Strohm with the promise of using "the flying helmet and the wet celery". Precisely how these are to be used is never made clear.
824:) – A ruthless commander. He always threatens to have French peasants shot when the Resistance attacks the Germans. He occupies a rather grand château, where he is wooed by the serving girls as part of a Resistance mission to steal the
1160:
Clarence – Lt. Gruber's tank driver. Drives Gruber's little tank quite often for him, but is never actually seen in the flesh. Gruber often gives him orders to drive the tank, and is sometimes mentioned by him while in René's café.
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and many of the jokes play on her small size. "May I get you something...that is not on a high shelf?" When she speaks she has the tendency to spit when she rolls her "r"s. She disguises herself as a
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parcel after sneaking into the
British POW camp's mail room in the episode 'Camp Dance', but unfortunately gets sent back to Switzerland after failing to put enough stamps on.
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series 6 she is seen again in
Michelle's camp. It was never stated whether it was a different character, or the same character either going undercover or changing loyalties.
756:) (series 1 to 3) – Another waitress, who is also in love with René. She has no idea that René loves Yvette, and also believes that René should run away with her. She is
1169:
Madame Lennard – Aside from Clarence, Madame Lennard is the most frequently-mentioned unseen character. She works as a milliner and dressmaker. She models a see-through
928:
to avoid capture by approaching Allied forces, rather than being a straightforward recast – such as when Roger Kitter replaced Gavin Richards as Captain Bertorelli.
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for Edith when she plans to remarry René, and René, who was looking through the keyhole, enjoys watching her as she is "very well arranged.". By
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Corporal Caponi (John Banks) (series 5–6) – Captain Bertorelli's second-in-command of the Italian troops stationed in Nouvion.
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732:) – Head waitress at the café and René's mistress. She is passionately in love with René, and wants to elope with him to
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987:. When hypnotised in one episode, he reveals that his real name is Bobby Cedric von Smallhausen. He studied at
892:, the Hans Geering character gives the full "Heil Hitler" salute. Kelly also went on to play Hitler himself in
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some time before the war, making him (in Flick's view) a useful source of information about English culture.
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1044:!" Later he puts on a big feast for Madame Edith and is seen to put some of the olive oil on his hair.
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1099:) (series 5) – Original leader of the Communist resistance and childhood sweetheart of René.
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1111:) (series 5–9) – Later leader of the Communist resistance, she is also in love with René.
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This is a list of all main and recurring characters of
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when I remembered all ze 'appy times we 'ad in 'ere."
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1215:4,000, which was donated to a children's charity.
1416:Lists of British sitcom television characters
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1389:The Fallen Madonna (With the Big Boobies)
1191:The Cracked Vase with the Big Daisies by
1186:The Fallen Madonna (with the Big Boobies)
1181:The Fallen Madonna (with the Big Boobies)
39:that ran for 85 episodes from 1982–1992.
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820:Major-General Erich von Klinkerhoffen (
343:Major-General Erich von Klinkerhoffen
1202:paintings) occasionally crop up, but
776:Michelle "of the RĂ©sistance" Dubois (
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1073:General Leopold von Flockenstuffen (
220:Michelle "of the RĂ©sistance" Dubois
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679:Edith Melba Artois (née La Fan) (
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979:Herr Engelbert von Smallhausen (
630:RAF Flight Lieutenant Carstairs
718:as Yvette Carte-Blanche in the
476:Herr Engelbert von Smallhausen
975:Herr Engelbert von Smallhausen
948:Officers Fairfax and Carstairs
880:and the third series episodes
599:RAF Flight Lieutenant Fairfax
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1032:Captain Alberto Bertorelli (
999:Officer (Captain) Crabtree (
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886:"Pretty Maids All in a Row"
570:Officer (Captain) Crabtree
522:Captain Alberto Bertorelli
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1366:The Return of 'Allo 'Allo!
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1028:Captain Alberto Bertorelli
852:Lieutenant Hubert Gruber (
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1411:'Allo 'Allo! characters
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816:Erich von Klinkerhoffen
504:Private Helga Geerhart
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878:"Herr Flick's Revenge"
868:Captain Hans Geering (
788:Monsieur Roger Leclerc
728:Yvette Carte-Blanche (
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667:René Francois Artois (
18:Monsieur Roger Leclerc
1132:Private Elsa Bigstern
890:"The Great Un-Escape"
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403:Captain Hans Geering
155:Yvette Carte-Blanche
1064:Recurring characters
864:Captain Hans Geering
798:"Ze flashing knobs!"
707:Yvette Carte-Blanche
325:Madame Fanny La Fan
137:Edith Melba Artois
1383:List of characters
1233:"'Allo 'Allo! FAQ"
1204:The Fallen Madonna
956:Flight Lieutenants
808:Monsieur Alfonse (
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989:Oxford University
908:, series 1 to 8;
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882:"Flight of Fancy"
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176:Maria Recamier
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838:Richard Marner
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822:Hilary Minster
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810:Kenneth Connor
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758:short statured
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748:Maria Recamier
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730:Vicki Michelle
716:Vicki Michelle
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1016:Mimi Labonq (
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922:"Pigeon Post"
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778:Kirsten Cooke
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53:Portrayed by
48:
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30:
19:
1387:
1382:
1364:
1357:
1283:'Allo 'Allo!
1281:
1237:. Retrieved
1227:
1208:
1203:
1197:
1190:
1185:
1184:
1175:series eight
1168:
1159:
1147:
1135:
1127:
1118:
1109:Carole Ashby
1106:
1094:
1078:
1072:
1051:
1038:Roger Kitter
1031:
1022:
1015:
998:
978:
951:
935:
910:David Janson
903:
893:
867:
851:
835:
819:
807:
797:
791:
775:
766:
751:
727:
721:'Allo 'Allo!
719:
698:
695:Fanny La Fan
678:
675:Edith Artois
666:
549:Roger Kitter
455:David Janson
194:Mimi Labonq
121:René Artois
69:Nationality
35:'Allo 'Allo!
33:
32:
26:
1144:Dr. LeConte
1138:Louise Gold
1054:Derek Royle
1012:Mimi Labonq
938:Kim Hartman
894:Stalag Luft
858:little tank
738:Switzerland
724:tour (1986)
669:Gorden Kaye
663:René Artois
508:Kim Hartman
263:Derek Royle
125:Gorden Kaye
1405:Categories
1219:References
1209:Allo 'Allo
1171:nightdress
1097:Moira Foot
1085:Ace Rimmer
1075:Ken Morley
1005:knockwurst
826:knockwurst
742:knockwurst
50:Character
31:'s sitcom
1199:Sunflower
1115:Henriette
1080:Red Dwarf
1018:Sue Hodge
896:in 1993.
870:Sam Kelly
854:Guy Siner
842:comb over
794:Jack Haig
782:Languages
762:Red Cross
701:Rose Hill
407:Sam Kelly
386:Guy Siner
329:Rose Hill
245:Jack Haig
198:Sue Hodge
1350:Specials
1193:Van Gogh
1156:Clarence
1107:Louise (
594:British
543:Italian
56:Seasons
43:Overview
1239:18 June
359:German
132:French
60:Best of
1376:Others
1292:Series
1150:asthma
1103:Louise
874:FĂĽhrer
734:Geneva
65:Return
1042:Fiats
656:Main
638:Main
625:Main
607:Main
591:Main
583:Main
535:Main
512:Main
494:Main
444:Main
411:Main
398:Main
390:Main
372:Main
351:Main
333:Main
315:Main
302:Main
294:Main
249:Main
236:Main
228:Main
215:Main
207:Main
184:Main
171:Main
163:Main
145:Main
129:Main
1241:2012
1056:, ;
962:and
888:and
953:RAF
784:).
736:in
1407::
1087:.
968:RP
884:,
647:G.
616:G.
490:R.
425:G.
415:R.
273:M.
1340:9
1335:8
1330:7
1325:6
1320:5
1315:4
1310:3
1305:2
1300:1
1274:e
1267:t
1260:v
1243:.
1213:ÂŁ
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559:M
465:M
115:9
110:8
105:7
100:6
95:5
90:4
85:3
80:2
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20:)
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