Knowledge

671:) – The local café proprietor who, whilst trying to remain impartial, has been dragged into the war by both sides. The Germans are threatening to shoot him if he does not secretly hide stolen valuables; the Resistance is using his café as a safe-house for shot-down British airmen; and on top of that, he is trying to keep his passionate love affairs with the café waitresses secret from his wife. Whenever his wife Edith catches him in the arms of another woman, René invariably responds with the phrase "You stupid woman! Can you not see that..." followed by a convoluted explanation, which Edith always believes, leading to an apology from her. René does not care much for his mother-in-law, often referring to her as a "silly old bat!" Each episode starts with scenery, costumes or props from the end of the previous episode, and (usually) René opens each episode with a monologue to the camera starting "You may be wondering why..." and proceeding to describe the situation he finds himself in, and to summarise the previous episode. Rene's only love is for his waitress/mistress Yvette Carte Blanche. 812:) – "Alfonse, the half Belgian undertaker, swiftly and with style." He is in love with Madame Edith, often wooing her with flowers and the prospect of living above the mortuary. He has a serious heart condition, causing his "dicky ticker" to go into overdrive when he glimpses the women's underclothing. He often helps the Resistance. When he hears that René is to remarry Madame Edith he challenges him to a duel, from which René eventually escapes, disguised as a woman. René is thereafter proclaimed by Alfonse as the Hero of the Resistance – "The bravest transvestite in all France". Alfonse is later due to officiate at the remarriage of René and Edith himself, in his capacity as Deputy Mayor, only to faint due to his "dicky ticker". He has set up a tunnel from his mortuary to the British POW camp to smuggle in the airmen. Funds for the Resistance, borrowed from him, are forged by Leclerc on their return – unfortunately leading Alfonse to feel generous and spend the money on a party at the café. 1003:) (series 2 to 9) – A British spy posing as a French police officer. Unfortunately, his French is weak and he is invariably unable to use the correct vowel sounds, which means that sometimes he is quite incomprehensible, most famously in his usual greeting "Good moaning!" (which he is even heard to use at night). Despite this, the Germans never seem to suspect him. To quote a notable example: "I was pissing by the door when I heard two shats. You are holding in your hind a smoking goon. You are clearly the guilty potty!" Another, during an air raid, is: "They have had a direct hot on the pimps!" "The pimps?" "The pimps! The pimps in the pimping station! No water is being pimped down the poops!" To repair the airmen's air balloon: "You must get your hands on girl's knockers. At least farty, maybe fifty." And: "I am mauving in a ginger fashion becerrs my poloceman's pints are full of dinamote!" He then unbuttons his flies and slowly pulls out several large 703:) – Edith's mother. She lives in an attic above the café, lying in bed wearing white nighties and a goffered cap. This is also where the British airmen and the radio (complete with "Ze flashing knobs!") are hidden. When she wants attention she bangs her walking stick on the floor, and cries out "Will nobody 'ear the cries of a poor old woman?" She is partial to a glass of gin, and occasionally fills in for her daughter as part of the café cabaret, although her singing is just as bad (if not worse). She also hates the Germans, as evidenced by saying "The Germans, I spit on zem", after which she actually spits, usually to the side of the bed. Her attitude towards M. Alfonse varies from one episode to the next, she often says that he would make a better husband for Edith than Rene, but she will also hurl pottery at him from her bedroom window because she does not like undertakers. 872:) (series 1 to 4, series 7) – Original assistant to Colonel von Strohm, he has various characteristics that run counter to the stereotype of a Nazi officer (for example, he is not at all shocked to discover that his uniform is being made by a Jewish tailor). He frequently visits the café. He is mistaken for a British airman in 'Camp Dance' and sent to Britain. He returns briefly in one episode of series 7, having accidentally become a trusted member of Britain's intelligence service. He is astonished to discover that his friends René and Edith are actually the mysterious "Nighthawk", but is happy in his new life, having become a naturalised British subject. He is notable for his odd pronunciation of "colonel" which usually sounds like "Colon-Nell" (as if he were speaking French). Whenever the Germans have to salute the 1040:, series 7) – An Italian officer who is seconded to Colonel von Strohm as liaison between the German and Italian forces in the prelude to the proposed invasion of Great Britain, and as a replacement for Captain Geering. He has an eye for the ladies and is known as a womaniser, often using the phrase "Da Beautiful-a Laydee. I kiss-a de hand-a". When saluting the Führer, Bertorelli instead says "Heil-a Mussolini", and when things go wrong he always says "What a mistake-a to make-a!" His Italian troops are unprofessional and always run away. In greeting, he kisses everybody except Gruber whom he knows about and so shakes his hand. Famously asked about his medals: "The first row are for service in Abyssinia. The second row are for service in North Africa". The last row? "They are for servicing 1008: 796:) (series 1 to 5) – The Resistance's elderly forger, 'master' of disguises (all of them unconvincing), and café piano player. He is responsible for delivering to the café various goods such as batteries, bombs, and radio equipment. He does this in a variety of disguises, ranging from an onion seller to a lost mountain hiker. On delivery Leclerc always says, "It is I, Leclerc", accompanied by a raising of his glasses to reveal his identity. He seems to think that he is good at disguise even though he is always instantly recognisable; René once remarks: "Man of a thousand faces, every one the same!" and on another occasion, "I know. It is you. Leclerc." He is also the childhood sweetheart of Madame Fanny, and often pops up out of her bed whenever Fanny says 983:) (series 2 to 9) – Herr Flick's assistant. Dressed exactly like Herr Flick but much shorter, von Smallhausen copies Flick's exaggerated limp. He often suggests stupid plans and ideas, only for them to be put down by Herr Flick. He once delivered an out-of-date ransom note from the Resistance, saying "It vas tied around a brick and thrown at my head – I have only just regained consciousness!". On another occasion, he arrived at Herr Flick's dungeon and banged on the door without any response. The door then exploded and he entered over the wreckage to say apologetically "I forgot my key!"; Herr Flick then berated him for the misuse of Gestapo dynamite. Von Smallhausen is often sent on spying missions or to eavesdrop on the radio, but he likes listening to 920:(whose telephone number, according to Herr Flick, is "Berlin 1"). He fancies the equally blonde Helga Geerhart, whom he plans to marry after the war. He has a considerably exaggerated limp, and frequently uses the word 'Gestapo' as an adjective: "My powerful Gestapo binoculars", "My Gestapo staff car" etc. In one episode he answers the phone by announcing himself as "Flick, the Gestapo"; after a short period, he is forced to explain to the caller that he said "Flick, the Gestapo" and not "Fick the Gestapo". Herr Flick often hits von Smallhausen on the head with his cane, saying "Wrong!" When Herr Flick wants Helga to kiss him, he will say in a stern manner "You may kiss me now!" In the episode 940:) – the Colonel's secretary, and lover of Herr Flick. She is well-built, and known for a tendency to take off her clothes for tenuous reasons, showcasing a vast range of lingerie. She says, "When he's like this I always find it's best to strip off and ask questions later". When inquiring how they are going to be together after the war, he says: "I will take you for long walks on a short lead". Helga's attempts to seduce Herr Flick usually have no effect. Typically these include a particularly vigorous kiss. When announcing visitors to the Colonel's office, Helga always yells at the top of her voice, for example, "GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN!" and "GO A-VAY!" Helga was a 780:) – Leader of the local "French Charles de Gaulle (the one with the big 'ooter) Résistance", she devises elaborate plans to help British airmen escape, and to blow up German ammunition trains and lorries. Whenever she concocts a plan, she gathers everyone around and issues her instruction, "Listen very carefully, I shall say 'zis only once!", followed by the vital information. Whenever her plans are thwarted by someone's stupidity, she rebukes that person, "You fool!" She pretends to fall in love with René, but only to stop him leaving the Resistance. Michelle is also the only French character in the series who speaks English (see 924:, it is revealed that he has the same taste in undergarments as Helga. Inviting Helga to the Gestapo dance, he explains their song, which is sung to the tune of "Hokey-Cokey": "You put your left boot in! You take your left boot out! You do a lot of shouting and you shake your fists about! You light a little smokie and you burn down ze town! Zat's vot it's all about! Ahh... Himmler, Himmler, Himmler...". When Richard Gibson decided not to return for the final series, the change of actors was explained by Herr Flick having had 966:) (series 1–7, series 9) – Two British airmen who are trying to get back to the United Kingdom, their plane having been shot down. Emerging from where they are hiding, they say "Hello!" with an exaggerated upper-class English accent. When talking to one another, Fairfax or Carstairs always start with the words "I say, Fairfax/Carstairs...". On discovery of the tunnel to the British POW camp, all the café staff are trapped there, including the Resistance and the hostage German officers, who then all have to adopt exaggerated 691:. Occasionally however there are hints of affection between the two, notably when reminiscing about their courtship. When Edith recreates their honeymoon dinner for their wedding anniversary Rene tells her "I don't deserve you" with apparent sincerity. Whenever she finds René embracing one of the waitresses, she usually asks "René! What are you doing 'olding that servant girl in your arms?". While René is constantly fêted as the 'hero of the resistance' it is usually Edith who comes up with the solution to any problem. 1060:, ) – This character was introduced to the series after the sudden death of Jack Haig (the actor who played Roger Leclerc), as his brother. He has many of the same characteristics, and is also a former childhood sweetheart of Madame Fanny. The character switch was explained by claiming that Roger had tried to get his brother out of prison, but ended up taking his place. When Royle died after only one series, the series' producers chose to replace him with a different actor playing the same character. 971: 840:) – The corrupt German town commandant. He is kept occupied by hiding valuable local paintings and antiques, which he intends to sell after the war. He frequently visits the café, where the waitresses provide him with much entertainment. He always gets René to do his dirty work, threatening him with the line "Othervise I vill have you shot!", with Captain Hans Geering agreeing in a high-pitched voice, "He vould, he did it before!" Hiding his baldness with a 740:, but cannot do so because René has to stay with his wife. She is also responsible for 'entertaining' the German officers, upstairs at the café with wet celery and a flying helmet; and sometimes with an egg whisk (exactly how these accessories are used remains unclear). In her intimate moments with René, she throws her arms around him and rumbles an elongated, deep growl of "Ooooooh, René." Often clinched in the kitchen, "I was just 'anging up ze 828:. He is later implicated in a plot to blow up Hitler, based on a conversation, misheard by the Gestapo, of a plan for a birthday party, with Hitler's painting at the head of the table, and the "blowing-up" is actually just the inflating of the balloons, by Lt. Hubert Gruber. Von Klinkerhoffen is almost universally disliked by von Strohm and the other Germans – who unsuccessfully plot his assassination on more than one occasion. 1140:) (series 7) is Helga's replacement when she leaves for a course. She is a masculine type with red hair and a booming voice. She is young and eager, to the point of stunning General von Klinkerhoffen and Colonel von Strohm. She starts a relationship with Herr Flick, but seems the more dominant of the two, much to his disgust. When Helga returns, Elsa disappears without explanation. 712: 1020:) (series 4 to 9) – The replacement waitress for Maria, she is also short in stature. She is a member of the Resistance with a bloodthirsty hatred of the Germans, and a secret mission to kill the "German swines", often after wooing them – her address on her card is "straight up the stairs, first on the left past the linen cupboard". She also has a bit of a fancy for René. 844:, overweight, bumbling and greedy, the Colonel often promises René a cut of the profits but is quick to take them away. He exclaims with a big smug smile, "Ve are vinning ze var. I am a German officer and I can shoot anyone I like!". In episode 1 of series 8, Colonel von Strohm refers to himself as Erich. In his pre-war life, he owned a gateau factory in the Black Forest. 683:) – René's wife, and the café's resident cabaret performer. However, her singing is so bad and tuneless (as René is once heard to comment: "my wife, who cannot carry a tune in a bucket...") that the cafe's customers stick cheese in their ears to block out the noise. Whilst René views her with disdain, she is also the subject of much romantic wooing by the local undertaker 912:, series 9) – The local Gestapo officer who tries to show as little emotion as possible. He dresses in a long leather double-breasted coat over a pinstriped suit, with a wide-brimmed leather hat, leather gloves and octagonal steel-rimmed glasses. In the episode "Watch the Birdie" (series 5, episode 9), he is shown wearing an SS uniform with the insignia of 860:" (which we later find out to be called Hubert Jr.), driven by the unseen Clarence. Gruber is in charge of the firing squad that shoots René (unbeknownst to Gruber, with blanks) and feels terribly guilty about the incident. He takes over from Captain Geering as the Colonel's assistant after the captain is captured by the British. 970: 856:) – A German officer who has been reassigned following service on the Eastern Front. He is implied to be homosexual and seems to have a crush on René, although in the final episode he is revealed to have married Helga after the war. He is also responsible for forging certain pieces of art. He owns a " 1119: 1206: 1188: 1177:, Dr Le Conte does pregnancy tests for both the newly widowed Madame Lennard and Yvette; but the frogs he used for the pregnancy test jumped into each other's jars, meaning Yvette was not pregnant with René's child (as she had believed), meaning that Madame Lennard was pregnant out of wedlock. 1007: 1077:) (series 5–7) – A German general, whose sexuality is similar to that of Gruber. At one point he has to take over command of the district when von Klinkerhoffen is considered to have gone completely mad. Ken Morley would later play a similar German general in the sci-fi comedy series 876:, Geering often heralds him by saying "-tler!" instead of the full salute. In a 2007 BBC special, Kelly says about his character that "Hans was just too lazy to say the whole sentence". Rumours that the actor refused to give the regular salute are false. In the second series episode 1023: 767: 824:) – A ruthless commander. He always threatens to have French peasants shot when the Resistance attacks the Germans. He occupies a rather grand château, where he is wooed by the serving girls as part of a Resistance mission to steal the 1160: 760: 1415: 764: 1120: 756:) (series 1 to 3) – Another waitress, who is also in love with René. She has no idea that René loves Yvette, and also believes that René should run away with her. She is 1169: 928: 1272: 1410: 1173: 1349: 1291: 1365: 1265: 1198: 64: 1128: 1358: 59: 1174: 921: 889: 885: 881: 877: 114: 109: 104: 99: 94: 89: 84: 79: 74: 732:) – Head waitress at the café and René's mistress. She is passionately in love with René, and wants to elope with him to 1339: 1334: 1329: 1324: 1319: 1314: 1309: 1304: 1299: 1258: 857: 688: 987:. When hypnotised in one episode, he reveals that his real name is Bobby Cedric von Smallhausen. He studied at 892:, the Hans Geering character gives the full "Heil Hitler" salute. Kelly also went on to play Hitler himself in 991: 967: 1044:!" Later he puts on a big feast for Madame Edith and is seen to put some of the olive oil on his hair. 700: 328: 1388: 1282: 913: 781: 720: 34: 988: 955: 793: 753: 244: 179: 1099:) (series 5) – Original leader of the Communist resistance and childhood sweetheart of René. 980: 963: 917: 684: 633: 479: 1111:) (series 5–9) – Later leader of the Communist resistance, she is also in love with René. 1057: 959: 925: 602: 284: 1212: 1033: 1000: 941: 905: 837: 821: 809: 729: 715: 680: 573: 525: 439: 367: 346: 310: 158: 140: 28: 1404: 984: 777: 757: 223: 1211:, put his copy of this painting up for auction in 2007, where it fetched more than 1108: 1037: 909: 548: 454: 1250: 1137: 1053: 937: 737: 668: 507: 262: 124: 1170: 1096: 1084: 1074: 1004: 825: 741: 1079: 1017: 869: 853: 841: 761: 711: 406: 385: 197: 17: 1148: 873: 1192: 1149: 916:, and he may actually hold that rank, given that he is the godson of 733: 1232: 710: 1041: 1254: 952: 800:, only to be pushed back down. He is an escaped convict. 27: 744: 1375: 1348: 1290: 1152:and in a worse state than anyone else in the town. 1215:4,000, which was donated to a children's charity. 1416:Lists of British sitcom television characters 1266: 1083:, where he (and his pet crocodile) encounter 8: 1273: 1259: 1251: 1389:The Fallen Madonna (With the Big Boobies) 1191:The Cracked Vase with the Big Daisies by 1186:The Fallen Madonna (with the Big Boobies) 1181:The Fallen Madonna (with the Big Boobies) 39:that ran for 85 episodes from 1982–1992. 46: 1224: 820:Major-General Erich von Klinkerhoffen ( 343:Major-General Erich von Klinkerhoffen 1202:paintings) occasionally crop up, but 776:Michelle "of the Résistance" Dubois ( 7: 1073:General Leopold von Flockenstuffen ( 220:Michelle "of the Résistance" Dubois 25: 679:Edith Melba Artois (née La Fan) ( 489: 414: 979:Herr Engelbert von Smallhausen ( 630:RAF Flight Lieutenant Carstairs 718:as Yvette Carte-Blanche in the 476:Herr Engelbert von Smallhausen 975:Herr Engelbert von Smallhausen 948:Officers Fairfax and Carstairs 880:and the third series episodes 599:RAF Flight Lieutenant Fairfax 1: 646: 615: 424: 1032:Captain Alberto Bertorelli ( 999:Officer (Captain) Crabtree ( 558: 464: 272: 886:"Pretty Maids All in a Row" 570:Officer (Captain) Crabtree 522:Captain Alberto Bertorelli 1432: 1366:The Return of 'Allo 'Allo! 1069:Leopold von Flockenstuffen 1028:Captain Alberto Bertorelli 852:Lieutenant Hubert Gruber ( 689:Captain Alberto Bertorelli 144: 131: 128: 1196:, essentially one of the 1052:Monsieur Ernest Leclerc ( 836:Colonel Kurt von Strohm ( 637: 606: 593: 582: 562: 552: 542: 537: 534: 529: 521: 514: 511: 496: 493: 468: 458: 446: 443: 435: 428: 418: 410: 389: 382:Lieutenant Hubert Gruber 374: 371: 358: 353: 350: 335: 332: 317: 314: 293: 288: 276: 266: 258: 251: 248: 227: 206: 201: 186: 183: 162: 68: 63: 58: 55: 52: 49: 1359:The Best of 'Allo 'Allo! 936:Private Helga Geerhart ( 848:Lieutenant Hubert Gruber 792:Monsieur Roger Leclerc ( 364:Colonel Kurt von Strohm 259:Monsieur Ernest Leclerc 1411:'Allo 'Allo! characters 1136:Private Elsa Bigstern ( 1048:Monsieur Ernest Leclerc 958:Fairfax and Carstairs ( 832:Colonel Kurt von Strohm 816:Erich von Klinkerhoffen 504:Private Helga Geerhart 241:Monsieur Roger Leclerc 944:for several episodes. 932:Private Helga Geerhart 878:"Herr Flick's Revenge" 868:Captain Hans Geering ( 788:Monsieur Roger Leclerc 728:Yvette Carte-Blanche ( 725: 667:René Francois Artois ( 1132:Private Elsa Bigstern 890:"The Great Un-Escape" 714: 699:Madame Fanny La Fan ( 403:Captain Hans Geering 155:Yvette Carte-Blanche 1064:Recurring characters 864:Captain Hans Geering 798:"Ze flashing knobs!" 707:Yvette Carte-Blanche 325:Madame Fanny La Fan 137:Edith Melba Artois 1383:List of characters 1233:"'Allo 'Allo! FAQ" 1204:The Fallen Madonna 956:Flight Lieutenants 808:Monsieur Alfonse ( 726: 1398: 1397: 1036:, series 4 to 6; 989:Oxford University 908:, series 1 to 8; 904:Herr Otto Flick ( 882:"Flight of Fancy" 754:Francesca Gonshaw 660: 659: 307:Monsieur Alfonse 180:Francesca Gonshaw 16:(Redirected from 1423: 1275: 1268: 1261: 1252: 1245: 1244: 1242: 1240: 1229: 1095:Denise Laroque ( 995:Officer Crabtree 981:John Louis Mansi 964:Nicholas Frankau 918:Heinrich Himmler 804:Monsieur Alfonse 752:Maria Recamier ( 687:and the Italian 685:Monsieur Alfonse 653: 648: 643: 634:Nicholas Frankau 622: 617: 612: 588: 580: 565: 560: 555: 540: 532: 517: 499: 491: 486: 480:John Louis Mansi 471: 466: 461: 449: 436:Herr Otto Flick 431: 426: 421: 416: 395: 377: 356: 338: 320: 299: 291: 279: 274: 269: 254: 233: 212: 204: 189: 168: 150: 47: 21: 1431: 1430: 1426: 1425: 1424: 1422: 1421: 1420: 1401: 1400: 1399: 1394: 1371: 1344: 1286: 1279: 1249: 1248: 1238: 1236: 1235:. 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