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Onion News Network

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1644: 508:. Hosted by Jim Haggerty (Brad Holbrook) and Tracy Gill (Tracy Toth), the style is typical of the breezy style often found in morning network television shows, with the presenters either uncritical or completely oblivious to the subject matter presented, regardless of the absurdity of the subject (e.g., Haggerty's earnest question about whether or not an omelet recipe strictly requires a metal shoe-horn to measure the butter into the pan). The series was featured within 1666: 1696: 1632:
Williams wrote. Williams criticized a sketch relating to racism in the US judicial system, saying: "This is the kind of thing Jon Stewart could say with one eyebrow or the judicious rolling back of his wheelie presenter's chair. It's true, racism in the American judicial system is certainly worth lambasting, but there just isn't the complexity in the issue to warrant a satirical news story that goes on for four minutes."
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Obama in the balls, Republicans accused of slowing things down due to moving in slow motion, search and rescue efforts for missing hikers continue even though they are probably dead, high unemployment rate found to be caused by Illinois man who has 42,000 jobs, small town spitefully welcomes back failed aspiring musician who had left to the big city, hackers responsible for malfunction of actress
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out applicants' personal Internet sex videos, imprisoned millionaire not appreciative of rigid jail routine, Shelby Cross suggests changing your identity every three years to avoid identity theft, Obama reelection campaign asks voters not to make his daughters change schools, and Tucker Hope interviews pole-dancing stripper about fire in strip club.
1127:, Damaged Women's Coalition demand attention from Congress, protestors concerned adopted children of gay couples harmed by their protests, future National American Dream Memorial to dissolve and collapse, Americans celebrate no longer having to pretend they had not given up their dreams, NASA launched mission to explore New Mexico, 518:: ONN's continuing coverage of Presidential and midterm elections, opening with a dramatic video apparently depicting Air Force One and a squadron of fighter planes seemingly attacking the White House. Notable for its consistent use of military terminology (e.g. "Election Analysis Bunker") and deadpan style. 1044:
Comic Sans is funny, UFO sightings proven to be hoax perpetrated by aliens, regular Americans resistant to speaking their mind on Congress proposal to save money by cutting States from the Union, today NOW! featured the inspirational story of Amanda McCormick overcoming great difficulties to have sex with
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Heroic student killed potentially harmful outcasts, regular human Zorla Gorgalon gave birth to 352 children, crying woman making people uncomfortable, female escort claims to have slept with some famous, handsome Hollywood actor whose last name starts with 'B', first openly drunk senator elected, one
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fans cutting off hands for release of iHand tomorrow, 'higher' support legalization of marijuana, autopsy of pilot in plane wreckage determines pilot too charred to fly, citizens of Pennington, Illinois anticipating major brawl between Carl and Jerry over Megan, today in history the Civil Rights Act
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Mystery candidate leading GOP presidential polls, new robot warns masturbators of people approaching, government officials sick of dealing with Afghanistan, Russia asked by NASA to stop filming porn on International Space Station, the First Responders debate whether it's fair for employers to check
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Onion reporter died in brothel fire while recording part 412 of his report on the Eastern European sex trade, Shelby Cross recommends keeping kids safe from pedophiles on Halloween by sedating and keeping them in your basement until morning, corporate tax cut deal struck allows Republicans to kick
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prevents the friend-less from purchasing guns (only to decay into a rant how they want to punch Brooke in her "goddamn, hitch face"), today NOW! interviews boy about his "totally awesome" encounter with a shark, sluts and muscle-bound douchebags gathered in military bunker to repopulate the earth,
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Congress passes bill making incomprehensible shouting the official language of the United States, GoldenMade factory explosion results in flood of corn syrup, Federal Dating Agency adjusts datings standards to a record low, child who witnessed the murder of his parents is on the path to becoming a
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by obese extremists due to her un-American food portion reduction stance failed, Steve Jobs 2 announced by Apple, U.S. alliance with Israel unharmed by attack on U.S., Obama's approval rating increases after punching banker, Shelby Cross instructs ONN viewers to thoroughly search their neighbor's
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have begun, New York Senator criticized for taking cheap bribes, Supreme Court supports law allowing citizen's right to carry gun at head level, rumors of Supreme Court Justice's health triggers speculation on which disease will kill him, Brooke Alvarez condemns songs for issuing commands to DJs,
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suspected to be hiding near set of TV show "Bin Laden Live", FDA Commissioner gives up on convincing Americans to eat healthy, Officials intend to discuss that North Korea destroyed Asia, GoldenMade CEO claims his company is not responsible for deaths due to massive corn syrup flood, study proves
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IFC renewed Onion News Network for a second season, which was sponsored by Acura. Season 2 aired on Tuesdays for the first three episodes, and then moved back to Friday nights beginning with the November 18, 2011, episode. In March 2012, IFC publicly announced that they had not renewed ONN for a
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gave a mixed review of the first episode, stating that, "even by the opening credits I was smiling so much I had a sore face". However, she was critical of the content. "Persistently, where the programme could rip into one thing, it instead chooses something more peripheral, more candyflossy,"
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dine there ironically, Jim and Tracy investigate discrimination against obese people by going undercover, attractive blonde woman questioned in case of missing fat black man, high school girls run clothing charity drive for their peers, chef demonstrates how to prepare needlessly expensive and
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recalls wand massagers after discovery of unintended uses, Congress passes new law providing workers six minutes per day to cry in stairwell, Joe Biden unveils anticipated Vice President uniform, Shelby Cross urges Americans to secretly film those engaged in sexual activity to curb
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won't be recalled since people who buy them are obviously pathetic, Biden launches fitness program aimed at making youthful American women more attractive, comatose presidential candidate quits after caught receiving oral sex from nurse, and O'Brady Shaw rudely leaves during his
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and Julie Smith were the executive producers of an ONN TV show project developed by IFC . Season 1 aired on Friday nights at 10 pm. It was implied on-air that the ONN show "FactZone with Brooke Alvarez" is "simulcasted" on IFC Friday nights at 10 pm ET.
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film, terrorists deny kidnapped ONN reporter access to make-up, today NOW! inquired as to how a rescued girl will make up for the loss of a firefighter, ONN viewer is a boring, annoying, ugly woman with a cheating husband, and mentally handicapped son,
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this day in 1982 the first boom-box carrying rollerskater was elected to congress, guy born with goddamn stupid-looking face finds solace in Association of Americans with Hateful Faces, and Mayor who counterfeited coupons to save $ 14.81 has resigned.
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film, Beyond The Facts investigates basement spouse arguments, O'Brady Shaw comforts the wife and children of a missing soldier, this day in 1969 Apollo 12 crew-members cleaned up Apollo 11's trash on the moon, smell in local library identified as
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stoning of an unbearably happy couple, miners still trapped in jobs mining, U.S. deploys military strike to aid relief efforts in Iran train derailment, nation's repairman Ron will be fixing the nation's infrastructure tomorrow,
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OSN: A reference to ESPN, OSN usually features clips from SportsDome, a parody of ESPN's SportsCenter. The clips usually focus on specific parodies of SportsCenter segments such as the Budweiser Hot Seat, which becomes
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Brooke Alvarez will always be the face of cable news, comatose former congressman running for president, potentially dangerous self-defense instructors know all your moves, First Responders totally watched the
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to make people think they're peaceful, those 7 asshole snowmobilers still not lost or hurt, Snowstorm killer still at large, people are sad about dead woman, time travelers interrupt report on protest, and the
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failed miserably, Shelby Cross intends to rule the post-apocalyptic world, UN releases apocalypse-themed progressive rock concept album created with entire emergency fund, the First Responders analyze a new
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debate, O'Brady Shaw is a compassionate dog-slayer tomorrow night on Gut Check, soldiers in Afghanistan sad about some men dying but happy about other men dying, Kanye West and Syria in conflict, defective
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to write immigration reform bill to save money, missing teens found drowned in dangerous bathtub, first openly drunk senator to spend more time drinking, everyone would be safer if they had their own
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Snow storm causing major problems for the nation's idiots, and leaving thousands without access to pornography, forecast of possible light snow triggers emergency response from the entire government,
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For Season 1, the series was the only scripted live-action comedy series in the US to employ non-union writers. However, the writers unionized between Seasons 1 and 2 in the midst of a strike threat.
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artist's new album inspired by true stories of rural life and meth, and a man claiming to be the missing fat black man complains the news coverage is ruining the sick call he made to his employer.
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Brooke Alvarez's cold personality is a result of her childhood trauma in the Russian space program, Obama puts CEO of highly profitable and terrible tasting beverage in charge of U.S. economy,
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O'Brady Shaw co-hosts as a woman's loud voice disturbs the nation, new weight-loss drug causes nightmarish hallucinations around food, parents tribute dead son by continuing to update his
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on OSN. Hosts present in the jocular style synonymous with ESPN and sportscasters on sets that are near-identical knockoffs of the SportsCenter studios. On January 11, 2011, cable network
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In a rebroadcast of today NOW!: Search for missing fat black man continues, medical expert Dr. Kareem Mazari talks about children who refuse to take off their costume after Halloween,
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mandated racism be made less obvious, Los Angeles residents join to obey instructions from vibrating obelisk to protect Suri Cruise, and the Memphis murderer is still unimpressive.
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with sexy female bodyguards, no one will ever invent something better than the American-invented zipper, victim count continues to increase after accidental release of 34
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is seeking counseling to resolve their issues, train is okay after hitting a man, and teenage pregnancy rates in Pennington, Illinois are up thirty percent due to Cody.
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heroic high school student refuses to participate in foreign language courses, reality show following former warlord renewed for second season, states suffering from
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outbreak, genetically engineered food safety questioned after corn begs for death, undercover investigation into the intentions of a waitress inconclusive, man who
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documentary about Brooke Alvarez's checkered past which in part may explain her on-air icy demeanor. Beck stated that while auditioning for the part of anchor of
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rally a man for presidency due to his disinterest in politics, Obama requests Americans pretend to not be classless idiots while French leader visits,
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Commissioner urges Americans to "just eat a goddamn vegetable once in a while", states requiring sex offenders to wear identifying clothes in public,
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claims to be treated differently than crazy men, environmentalist claims that bogs and marshes aren't just dead body landfills, opinion polls up for
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presidential polls boosted by morbid curiosity, perfectly good tire just sitting there behind the deli, another time traveling soldier harassed
2415: 1787: 558:, an offshoot of the OSN feature, marking the first time an ONN feature became a full-fledged television series. It has since been cancelled. 1919: 1602:
wrote that Onion News Network makes other satirical news programs "sluggish by comparison", before going on to say: "If the longstanding
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real-life Batman, real Obama found after revelations that a lookalike took his place two years ago, fifty-two injured in attack on
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called it a "densely packed, highly intelligent comedy you’ll want to watch for a second or third time". Neil Genzlinger of
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It was announced on March 22, 2011, that IFC had picked up the show for a second season due to premiere on October 4, 2011.
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Oberg was the only actor to appear on two different television shows produced by The Onion. Oberg portrayed Mark Shepard in
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Brooke Alvarez is now single, government warning country of impending release of rap ballads about fatherhood by
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homes for missing Baby Kate, banker punched by Obama promptly assaulted by reporters at press conference, FOX's
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appear to be trying to communicate something, first openly drunk senator accused of drunken campaign promises,
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is graduate school, requiring much quicker thinking and a greater tolerance for comfort-zone invasion".
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third season. Some time after the show's cancellation, a pilot for a new Onion Studios series titled
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after prostitute admits to paying him for sex, and the plan for stimulating the economy is coconuts.
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passes bill allowing doctors to perform fake abortions, and this day in 1929 doctors eliminated the
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Peak Kwinarian as Brandon Armstrong (former ONN Newsroom anchor; died on October 25, 2011, episode)
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Onion News Network received generally positive reviews from television critics. Michael Deacon of
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Asteroid set to destroy Earth in 30 minutes, screenwriter's plan to stop asteroid with attractive
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with insults, SIURT investigates whether SIURT reporter is responsible for ruining his family's
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spill hit with BBQ flavoring cloud, Shaken Manchild Syndrome on the rise, and this day in 600
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mutants reassure public that claims of radiation danger are baseless, nation shocked as
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invested about $ 1 million in production and hired 15 staffers to focus on the venture.
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lifetime achievement award for "giving divorced dads something to do with their kids",
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leaked, FDA Commissioner urges Americans to wash hands after using restroom following
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shot in 1 of 30 daily shootings, something either good or bad to happen as result of
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appeared on the "Today Now!" special, showing how to cook a dish from his "new book"
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carries the same promotional banner as the U.S. editions, incorrectly implying that
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marathon, people with facial tattoos face discrimination from potential employers,
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segments that appear during commercial breaks or replays on 24-hour news networks.
536:: Onion Film Critic Peter K. Rosenthal (Ron Rains) reviews movies both new and old. 371: 350: 326: 130: 126: 894:
demands an end to using chickens to randomly select Oscar winners, sources within
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appeared as himself on episode 9, in a fake PSA for "Shaken Man-Child Syndrome".
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donated $ 2 million to charity focused on ending his illiteracy, Biden replaces
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segment is a sort of introductory course in wringing humor from headlines, and
457:, he implied that Alvarez cut his brake lines and his car ended up in a ditch. 3389: 3138: 2901: 2862: 2842: 2832: 2827: 2348: 948: 721: 676: 446: 338: 306: 282: 90: 2273:"'Onion News Empire' Trailer: Amazon Video Pilot Stars Jeffrey Tambor(VIDEO)" 1915: 579:
television network's news room with TV's and switchboards in the background.
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show that ran for two seasons of ten episodes each, both during 2011, on the
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Celebrity Chef Ted Allen Cooks His Favorite Pretentious Foodie Bullshit Meal
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films, and Obama declares the new American Dream to be motorcycle ownership.
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Autistic Reporter Michael Falk: A recurring character played by John Cariani
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appeared as himself on the November 1, 2011, episode involving a fictional
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family increases security in response to continued time traveler attacks,
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Malachy Cleary as David Barrodale (whose opinions are sponsored by Acura)
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Anti-gay Congressman allegedly spending time romantically with a horse,
2957:'No Way to Prevent This', Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens 2127:"IFC Renews "Onion News Network," Greenlights Four New Original Series" 823: 779: 688: 1404:
time-wasting food, local weather conditions are vulgar, award-winning
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Stock markets crash as traders realize humans are capable of error,
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agrees to suspend nuclear program in exchange for lead role in next
2416:"Chef Cooks 'Dream Omelet' From Recipe That Came To Him In A Dream" 1002:, entire town attends parade for the town's only gay man, Oklahoma 826:, wife of Congressman caught in affair with a horse coping through 316:
s "newsroom". It was not successfully picked up for a full series.
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beginning with an image of a pig in boots, legislators should use
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Heartbreaking: The Worst Person You Know Just Made A Great Point
2004:"Onion News Network Writers Join Writers Guild Of America, East" 1657: 720:
allows women to serve in combat with supervising male chaperon,
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attempts to compete with quietly sitting in the dark, HBO's
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program 'Facebook', Diplomatic talks between Washington and
2160:"The Onion News Network on IFC - Series - On Air - IFC.com" 1778:"IFC Picks Up 'Onion News Network,' 90s Cult Comedy Series" 1467:
faces criticism for admirative comments toward Jews, older
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ends the series due to loneliness of being its only viewer.
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is a parody of morning lifestyle and news programs such as
309:, which presented a fictitious "behind-the-scenes look" of 1323:, and the eccentric billionaire who single-handedly funds 2637: 2167: 1678:. Confusingly, the front page of the Canadian edition of 524:: Weekly news updates from “America's Finest News Source” 1586:
described it as one "glorious blizzard of absurdity and
1568:'s rants, and O'Brady Shaw wins ONN person of the year. 1245:
fans debating how producers will eventually ruin FOX's
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being retooled to take place in modern day New Jersey,
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is a pathetic man, all unequal groups receive casinos,
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To further invoke the atmosphere of a 24-hour network,
1904:"'Onion News Network' Revels in Fake Stories - Review" 2035:"This Just In: WGA East Unionizes Onion News Network" 939:, seven-hour-long audio sex tape featuring celebrity 593:: A mockumentary-style series examining the world of 2443:"IFC Renews Onion News Network, Announces New Shows" 3240: 3089: 3058: 3051: 2973: 2935: 2891: 2807: 2789: 2757: 2725: 2693: 211: 201: 196: 188: 183: 165: 154: 146: 138: 122: 106: 74: 57: 41: 1873:"The Onion launches two new television news shows" 866:TR-425 answers for its crimes in court, President 2586: 2584: 2183:"'Onion News Network' Canceled: IFC Spokesperson" 658:Teenage white girl to be tried as a black adult, 3350:The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret 1471:men assemble at theaters in anticipation of new 413:Michael Torpey as Dan Carlysle, political expert 3523:Television series based on Internet-based works 2216:"Onion News Network Canceled: IFC Spokesperson" 2065:"Onion News Network Writers Join WGA East Fold" 1745:"Fake Area Newspaper Gets Real Television Show" 1540:In a review of the year's top headlines: Obese 3498:2010s American sketch comedy television series 3478:IFC (American TV channel) original programming 441:appeared as themselves in the fourth episode. 3026: 2667: 2468:"Onion News Network Season Two Episode Guide" 8: 2593:"TV review: Onion News Network; The Killing" 332:Todd Alan Crain as Tucker Hope #8 (Season 1) 3209:The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman 786:, today NOW! reported live from the annual 335:Ryan Blackwell as Tucker Hope #9 (Season 2) 3518:American English-language television shows 3493:2010s American satirical television series 3055: 3033: 3019: 3011: 2674: 2660: 2652: 2154: 2152: 1153: 830:, and anarchy erupts after discovery that 624: 49: 38: 1843:"Press 'Play' for Satire: March 23, 2007 745:murderer needs to try harder if he wants 1052:misinformed viewers about Clyde the Cat. 3488:2011 American television series endings 1735: 1717: 1548:consummates her grandson's marriage to 1537: 1519: 1504: 1486: 1456: 1438: 1430: 1412: 1392: 1374: 1351: 1333: 1315: 1297: 1279: 1261: 1219: 1201: 1184: 1166: 1120: 1102: 1074: 1056: 1032: 1014: 985: 967: 951:in pants in elementary school receives 924: 906: 876:Department of Health and Human Services 856: 838: 818: 800: 771: 753: 713: 695: 655: 637: 3483:2011 American television series debuts 2569:from the original on November 27, 2011 2536:from the original on November 26, 2011 2503:from the original on September 4, 2010 2303:"George Riddle is "Joad Cressbeckler"" 2096:"Onion News Network Writers Join WGAE" 1823:from the original on February 24, 2020 1253:proudly announces shit he took on the 585:: A newsroom segment about technology. 2522:Deacon, Michael (November 26, 2011). 2377:from the original on November 3, 2011 2045:from the original on January 24, 2014 1922:from the original on October 11, 2017 1883:from the original on October 10, 2017 1757:from the original on December 1, 2010 1520: 1487: 1439: 1413: 1375: 1334: 1298: 1262: 1202: 1167: 1103: 1057: 1015: 1010:sound that accompanied falling pants. 968: 907: 878:bans the nation's Shawnas from using 839: 801: 754: 696: 638: 477:produces the following video series: 7: 3503:2010s American television news shows 2033:Fleming, Mike Jr. (August 2, 2011). 2605:from the original on March 28, 2014 2591:Williams, Zoe (November 26, 2011). 2557:"Video preview: Onion News Network" 2313:from the original on April 23, 2023 2283:from the original on April 27, 2013 2195:from the original on March 29, 2017 2075:from the original on March 12, 2016 1790:from the original on April 23, 2023 1776:Luippold, Ross (December 4, 2010). 30:For the related Internet site, see 2226:from the original on June 26, 2015 2125:Seidman, Robert (March 22, 2011). 2014:from the original on June 26, 2015 1984:from the original on June 26, 2015 1953:from the original on June 26, 2015 1853:from the original on June 26, 2015 1656:in October 2011. It also airs on 1399:new advertising campaign suggests 822:in five teens illegally enriching 404:George Riddle as Joad Cressbeckler 392:Michele Ammon as Jean Anne Whorton 25: 2780:The Onion Book of Known Knowledge 2555:Seale, Jack (November 26, 2011). 2441:Reevers, China (March 23, 2010). 2271:McGlynn, Katla (April 24, 2013). 2214:Luippold, Ross (March 21, 2012). 2181:Luippold, Ross (March 21, 2012). 1972:Luippold, Ross (August 2, 2011). 1809:Whipp, Glenn (January 15, 2011). 356:Julie Brister as Lauralee Hickock 289:, was the ONN's head writer, and 2245:Evans, Bradford (May 29, 2013). 1941:Luippold, Ross (July 29, 2011). 1743:Itzkoff, Dave (March 22, 2010). 1694: 1664: 1642: 1724:Attributed to multiple sources. 2365:"Glenn Beck on Brooke Alvarez" 1459:Thousands trapped on couch by 1123:Last U.S. citizen gives up on 993:by film director Michael Bay, 955:, and this day in history The 687:, and this day in history the 380:Ester David as Jane Carmichael 341:as Tucker Hope #10 (Season 2)* 166: 155: 1: 2638:The Onion News Network on IFC 2094:Hall, Mike (August 2, 2011). 2008:Writers Guild of America East 1811:"The Onion makes big TV push" 1358:activist running for seat in 1077:Congress renewed funding for 728:can't remember how to pass a 395:Kyla Grogan as Andrea Bennett 344:Brad Holbrook as Jim Haggerty 175: 3450:Young, Broke & Beautiful 1618:is the advance-level class, 1461:Confessions: Animal Hoarding 927:al-Qaeda launches crippling 285:, former Editor-in-Chief of 2418:. The Onion. Archived from 1420:November 18, 2011 1382:November 11, 2011 914:February 25, 2011 846:February 18, 2011 808:February 11, 2011 463:Pretentious Foodie Bullshit 3539: 1527:December 9, 2011 1494:December 9, 2011 1446:December 2, 2011 1341:November 1, 2011 1305:October 25, 2011 1269:October 18, 2011 1226:, attempted kidnapping of 1209:October 11, 2011 761:February 4, 2011 703:January 28, 2011 645:January 21, 2011 597:starring real NFL athletes 410:as O'Brady Shaw (season 2) 29: 2524:"'The Onion' comes to TV" 2401:November 8, 2011, at the 2336:February 3, 2011, at the 1902:Genzlinger, Neil (2011). 1590:", while Jack Seale from 1538: 1523: 1505: 1490: 1457: 1443:"Artificial Intelligence" 1442: 1431: 1416: 1393: 1378: 1352: 1338:"Exposed, Brooke Alvarez" 1337: 1316: 1301: 1280: 1265: 1220: 1205: 1185: 1174:October 4, 2011 1171:"Asteroid Heads to Earth" 1170: 1121: 1106: 1075: 1060: 1033: 1018: 986: 971: 925: 910: 857: 842: 819: 804: 772: 757: 714: 699: 656: 641: 48: 3219:The Whitest Kids U' Know 2986:Univision Communications 2497:Independent Film Channel 2472:Independent Film Channel 1110:March 25, 2011 1088:high fructose corn syrup 1064:March 18, 2011 1022:March 11, 2011 572:is set in the fictional 347:Tracy Toth as Tracy Gill 249:Independent Film Channel 3410:The Spoils Before Dying 1845:The Wall Street Journal 1704:: Program premiered on 975:March 4, 2011 870:seems to hate his dog, 675:band reuniting to play 516:War For The White House 3513:American news parodies 3169:The Henry Rollins Show 2999:Novak v. 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Archived from 2091: 2085: 2084: 2082: 2080: 2061: 2055: 2054: 2052: 2050: 2030: 2024: 2023: 2021: 2019: 2000: 1994: 1993: 1991: 1989: 1969: 1963: 1962: 1960: 1958: 1938: 1932: 1931: 1929: 1927: 1899: 1893: 1892: 1890: 1888: 1869: 1863: 1862: 1860: 1858: 1839: 1833: 1832: 1830: 1828: 1806: 1800: 1799: 1797: 1795: 1773: 1767: 1766: 1764: 1762: 1740: 1725: 1722: 1700: 1698: 1697: 1670: 1668: 1667: 1648: 1646: 1645: 1625:Zoe Williams of 1534: 1532: 1524:"Year in Review" 1501: 1499: 1453: 1451: 1427: 1425: 1417:"Sex in America" 1389: 1387: 1364:Michele Bachmann 1348: 1346: 1312: 1310: 1276: 1274: 1239:Boardwalk Empire 1216: 1214: 1181: 1179: 1154: 1117: 1115: 1107:"American Dream" 1071: 1069: 1029: 1027: 1000:public indecency 982: 980: 972:"The Real Obama" 941:Garrison Keillor 921: 919: 900:Democratic Party 853: 851: 815: 813: 778:rules talkative 768: 766: 710: 708: 652: 650: 625: 606:Access Hollywood 595:fantasy football 556:Onion SportsDome 522:The Onion Review 420:Onion SportsDome 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