298:"On 15 April 2000 he became the first Indian player to score in the English league." I guess it follows logically that if he was the first Indian player in the league then any goal he scored would also be the first goal by an Indian player in the league, but it seems seems slightly as if too much emphasis is being placed on this somewhat trivial point by mentioning it explicitly... how about just saying "his first English League goal was scored against XXXX on 15 April 2000"
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280:"He had difficulty obtaining a visa and could not make his debut until 3 October 1999 against Cardiff City, coming on as a substitute for Ian Lawson and being shown a yellow card after 30 seconds." There's a lot going on in that sentence, and the first part is talking about something completely different than the last part. Also, why is it significant he got a penalty after 30 seconds?
88:
Hi, I'll be doing this review. My usual approach is to carefully read the article and do a preliminary copyedit, this saves us both time; review my changes and feel free to revert or discuss any edits you don't agree with. I'll mostly change the easy stuff and bring other issues here for discussion.
160:'s gift to Indian football"." What's the point of linking to God? Regardless, wikilinks in quotes are to be avoided. Why is Vijayan so important that his opinion about Bhutia merits a quote in the introductory lead paragraph of this Knowledge (XXG) article?
259:"This followed unsuccessful trials with Fulham, West Bromwich Albion and Aston Villa." I'm unclear here... Bhutia had unsuccessful trials with these teams, or other Indian players had unsuccessful trials with them?
120:"He is often nicknamed the Sikkimese Sniper because of his shooting skills." I assume "shooting" here is football lingo for kicking the ball, not skill with rifles... could this be made more explicit please?
103:
Ok, here are comments and questions based on my first pass through the article. I made some relatively minor adjustments, but didn't want to fiddle too change for fear of inadvertently altering the meaning.
341:"On 23 January 2008, Bhutia was nominated for the Padma Shri, the fourth highest civilian award, in 2008 for his contribution to Indian football." I don't think you need to mention 2008 twice.
165:"When he signed for English club Bury in 1999" "Signed for English club" sounds like a football expression that probably mean "signed up to play with the English club"... am I correct?
365:
I M Vijayan is a 3 time "Indian player of the year" . Changed the India international part. It is usually used for someone who has represented India in
International matches.
346:"Bhutia set up a foundation called the "Indian Sports Foundation" to help footballers overcome serious injuries." Please clarify what part he had in "setting it up".
336:"Bhutia missed the final match of the round robin as India were already in the deciding match." how about "as India had already guaranteed a spot in deciding match."
170:
Two consecutive sentences starting with "In addition to this he" and then "As well as this he", suggest to mix up wording for variety and better prose flow.
326:"Bhutia scored on his international debut for India against Uzbekistan in the 1995 Nehru Cup becoming India's youngest ever goalscorer." How old was he?
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331:"He was adjudged as the man of the match for his performance." suggest "man of the match" be in quotes, if that expression comes from the source.
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203:"...spotted his talent and helped him make a move to Calcutta football." I'm not fond of "make the move", how about "make the transition"?
431:
Thanks for implementing the suggested changes. The article looks good to me now, and I see no reason not to promote it. Congratulations!
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236:"and has won numerous other awards since then including the Arjuna Award in 1999." again a few words to explain what this award is.
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560:
Well-cited to reliable sources. I checked several of the online citations at semi-random and didn't find problems with any.
413:
Given the recognition which carrying an
Olympic torch is and that no one before from India had refused, It seems important.
175:"As well as football, he also represented his school at badminton, basketball and athletics." Who? Baichung or his brother?
351:"He formed FPAI after seeing the Professional Footballers' Association in England." A bit more detail here would be good.
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398:"making debut" and "make his debut" are the commonly used terms I have seen in Media. Not sure about grammar though.
198:"His favourite sportspeople are Diego Maradona, Steffi Graf and Michael Schumacher." Most definitely unencyclopedic.
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356:"He was the first Indian sportsman to refuse to carry the Olympic torch." Is this so important to be pointed out?
208:"In 1993, at the age of sixteen, he left school..." Did he quit or leave (I'm just wondering if he returned)?
232:"...and was chosen to play in the Nehru Cup." A few more words please to explain why this is significant."
180:"... eventually won a football scholarship SAI to attend the Tashi Namgyal Academy in Gangtok." What year?
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I'm guessing he didn't return since the club is professional and can't find evidence of him returning.
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Bhutia started the "Indian Sports
Foundation". I am not sure what further clarification is needed.
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321:"He also finished as the top scorer with nine goals." Top scorer of the match? The tournament?
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I'm not a sports fan, but the article answered everything I might want to know about Bhutia.
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Arjuna award is linked and the article makes it clear that it is a big achievement in India.
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Rephrased the "In addition to this he" and "As well as this he" parts.Is it OK now?
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Changed the first line to Bury para to give context to penalty after 30 seconds.
263:"... and could not make his debut.." suggest "playing debut", if that's correct
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138:"Former India international I. M. Vijayan..." What is an "India international"?
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404:"goal in the final" means final. the final period is mentioned as second half.
89:
In a second pass I'll check the sources and other GAR criteria details.
266:
As Vinay said debut is the most commonly used term in football media.
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240:"In 1997 he returned to East Bengal." The place or the football club?
245:"scoring the only ever hat-trick to date" remove superfluous "ever"
371:"signed up to play with the" is the better version. Changed it.
303:"Bhutia scored a goal in the final, " final game? final period?
226:"Two years later he moved to JCT Mills in Phagwara" moved-: -->
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Prose is reasonably well-written; article complies with MOS.
380:
Added age to
Football scholarship. It is in the reference.
377:
It was
Baichung who represented school in badminton ...
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410:There is FPAI description in the previous line.
693:All images have appropriate free use licenses.
284:I changed it to something a bit more relevant
386:His international debut was in the Nehru cup.
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665:(images are tagged and non-free images have
383:A lot of changes in phrases incorporated.
142:Changed to something a bit more relevant
368:Removed the link to god in the quote.
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392:East Bengal as in the football club.
660:, where possible and appropriate.
395:The trials are for Bhutia himself.
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614:Fair representation without bias
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362:Redefined the Shooting phrase.
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99:06:24, 2 September 2009 (UTC)
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24:Talk:Baichung Bhutia/GA1
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606:neutral point of view
569:broad in its coverage
18:Talk:Bhaichung Bhutia
667:fair use rationales
254:an unnecessary link
509:factually accurate
681:suitable captions
638:No edit wars etc.
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707:Pass/Fail
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310:Spiderone
287:Spiderone
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215:Spiderone
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145:Spiderone
127:Spiderone
34:GA Review
701:Overall
470:(prose)
418:Vinay84
74:history
55:history
41:Article
657:images
632:stable
630:It is
608:policy
567:It is
507:It is
461:It is
450:review
433:Sasata
252:Europe
106:Sasata
91:Sasata
452:(see
83:Watch
16:<
511:and
454:here
437:talk
422:talk
110:talk
95:talk
70:edit
47:edit
482:MoS
158:God
709::
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448:GA
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