719:: When I believed myself a safe four hundred years for the Boers, I pulled Stembok to a canter and straightened in the saddle. But some Boer scout had paid no attention to the British fire and kept pumping steadily at my dim, retreating pony, and even at this great distance, in the moonlight, he managed to send one bullet true. My last vision of my good Stembok was his silhouette against the sky, legs in air, directly over me. When I came to, the half moon was just setting, so I knew the time to be about two hours later". I have added context to the article accordingly.
42:
905:
It's probably beyond the scope of the GAN, but you should at some point clean up that legacy section. It really reads trivially, and it's rather disjointed. Possibly call it "Tributes", but it needs to be more cohesive. A good case could be made in my opinion, that
Burnham's legacy is
855:"They had three children together, but only one survived into adulthood. In the early years, she watched over the children and the pack animals, always careful to keep a rifle within arms length." my first thought was "were two of the kids taken by hyenas?"
275:"baby brother". Younger brother. The "Burnham was only 12" might be more effective at the end of the paragraph. The reader is more likely to be impressed by his age in connection with his going solo than with respect to the death of his father.
306:
The final paragraph of the section is a bit jarring. First it should be in the past tense. I would place that information somewhere within the section rather than ending with it. Perhaps when you discuss little brother going east with
633:
Roberts made
Burnham a captain at the start of the war. This was not a commission and I have changed the text accordingly. Later, the King did give Burnham a commission as a major and that is already well cited in the article.
924:
Now fixed. I believe we have adequately addressed the issues identified for the GAN review and I think the article reads much better with these changes. Let us know if anything further is needed and many thanks for your help.
655:" looking for a critical choke point along the Pretoria-Delagoa Bay railway line" maybe "trying to identify the best choke point along the Pretoria-Delagoa Bay railway line" and move up the explanation of why he was doing this.
789:
I wonder if the scouting activities paragraphs (basically everything which follows the deGroot quote in that subsection) should be separated off and placed later, possibly titled == Scouting activities == or some
626:" given a commission by Lord Roberts" A quibble. Was it Roberts doing the commissioning? Or technically the Queen. You'll find our British reviewers can be very picky over the proper language in this situation.
739:"heroically" consider omitting. It speaks for itself. Something could be said about his no doubt fit for a hero reception in the UK? Also, why "Nevertheless," because he didn't win the VC? Few have.
823:
Not sure yet. Both the House and the Senate have a
Committee on Agriculture. Tomorrow, I'll need to check the names of the congressmen present against the historical records and clarify.
47:
401:
The exploits of most
Rhodesian colonists did fall out of favor when Mugabe came in and the history of Zimbabwe continues to be re-written from a predominantly Shona perspective.
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576:" while prospecting in Skagway, Alaska" quibble. He would be unlikely to be prospecting IN Skagway, which was a port where the trails into the Yukon started.
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247:
Does a one-year-old actually witness things? It should be made clear, I suspect, that the basket was not in the house when it was burned down. A barn?
601:
I think that the Second Boer War could do with a sentence or two capsule description of why they were fighting, and who the blip Lord
Roberts was.
278:
As both
Arizona and Oklahoma were territories then, I would refer to them as such "Arizona Territory", and link to the territorial articles.
494:" Second Matabele War" I would use the term in the prose and then say Zimbabwe calls it a First War of Independence, or whatever it was.
174:
Here's a long list of picky comments which goes beyond a GAN but I expect you plan to take it further so you might as well get it now.
75:
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I would pare down the list of engagements in the infobox. You might want to have someone from milhist look over this article.
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419:" transport the copper through Mozambique" Since you use "copperbelt" immediately before this, perhaps "ore" or "metal".
374:
That is, not everyone knows where these places are, you might want to put a (today in
Zimbabwe) in where appropriate.--
961:
Britt, Albert (1923). "Chapter 3. The Last of the Scouts". The Boys' own Book of
Adventurers. New York: Macmillan.
92:
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I think you should finish the life stories before talking about all his family members. So I'd put death first.
444:
can you not merge some of the short sections? A one paragraph one is too short to stand on its own in my view.
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A quote from
Roosevelt's great tribute would be nice, if it's handy. I wonder if he met Meeker …
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The "died" at the end of the sentence for B's dad should be moved earlier in the sentence.
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PumpkinSky and I have added to the context of the paragraph with cites accordingly.
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281:"cattle and mining interests." Perhaps too vague "herding cattle and prospecting"?
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Rhodesian histories in particular? Did he go out of fashion when Mugabe came in?
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I would omit "thus". I think it is implied. Also, soon after, I'd omit "only a"
764:
In the image, you might want to say which is
Burnham and which is Churchill.
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Did the Boers not pursue him, or did they not see the shot strike the horse?
344:
You might want to scatter a few (today in (country)) where appropriate.
504:
No longer PC may be the reason why nobody today has made Burnham's
497:
The killing of Mlimo is a heck of a story! No longer PC, I fear.
793:" lake of carbonate of soda in Tanzania." German East Africa.
451:
Open to ideas. It'd put two+ different topics in a section.
159:) 12:43, 9 June 2013 (UTC) I'll give this one a shot.--
134:
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941:
Seen, you're welcome. I'll look it over tonight.--
652:Some unsourced matter I'd like to see cleared up.
818:"the Committee on Agriculture" House or Senate?
254:It was outside. Fixed accordingly in article.
771:Named in caption everyone known in the photo.
583:PumpkinSky has changed the text accordingly.
8:
715:Burnham states the following on pg. 343 of
474:I've consolidated several short sections.
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222:Reservation should be lower case.
556:Think of these as suggestions.--
288:Fixed accordingly by PumpkinSky.
966:This reference is not used. --
18:Talk:Frederick Russell Burnham
1:
533:I have none of these books.
977:13:30, 17 August 2013 (UTC)
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717:Scouting on Two Continents
506:Scouting on Two Continents
316:All early life items done
951:20:07, 13 June 2013 (UTC)
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169:12:43, 9 June 2013 (UTC)
662:Done to here for now.
426:Fixed by PumpkinSky.
229:Fixed by PumpkinSky.
692:I asked Ctatkinson.
194:All lead items done
837:House. Now fixed.
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117:Article talk
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81:Instructions
906:Scouting.--
862:Now fixed.
800:Now fixed.
746:Now fixed.
104:visual edit
927:Ctatkinson
889:Ctatkinson
887:Now fixed.
864:Ctatkinson
839:Ctatkinson
825:Ctatkinson
802:Ctatkinson
773:Ctatkinson
748:Ctatkinson
721:Ctatkinson
636:Ctatkinson
610:Ctatkinson
585:Ctatkinson
510:Ctatkinson
476:Ctatkinson
428:Ctatkinson
403:Ctatkinson
290:Ctatkinson
256:Ctatkinson
231:Ctatkinson
217:Early life
48:Authorship
34:GA toolbox
971:Gadget850
339:Milcareer
144:Reviewer:
71:Templates
62:Reviewing
27:GA Review
157:contribs
76:Criteria
943:Wehwalt
908:Wehwalt
695:Pumpkin
665:Pumpkin
558:Wehwalt
536:Pumpkin
454:Pumpkin
376:Wehwalt
354:Pumpkin
319:Pumpkin
197:Pumpkin
161:Wehwalt
147:Wehwalt
127:history
108:history
94:Article
790:such.
136:Watch
16:<
947:talk
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407:talk
380:talk
362:talk
351:???
327:talk
307:mom?
294:talk
260:talk
235:talk
205:talk
177:Lede
165:talk
151:talk
123:edit
100:edit
698:Sky
668:Sky
539:Sky
457:Sky
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322:Sky
200:Sky
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