712:- this I don't get - I thought the not scheduling of examination was something desired by Levy, but the way that this setence comes straight after one which says "come into conflict" sounds odd. I guess I was expecting some oppositional statement to qualify the conflict before this (?) resolution (?)
745:
The two short sentences about Morris
Sessler just sorta sit there. I doubt they'd sit well tacked onto the previous para. Is there any material which can be added? i.e. did they look for a more liberal rabbi? Was Sessler one? why did he not get on with the congrgation, how did they choose him etc.
549:
If you don't mind my jumping in, on my browser they're always kept together, never wrapped. Regardless, to make it easier on the reader I've gone through the article and combined and streamlined multiple refs in many places. The reader should now never see more than two refs side by side, and most
496:
I still think it's a bit overlinked. "pipe organ"? I haven't checked the "Dome" article, but I hope it's sufficiently relevant and informative to most readers in this context, since we're supposed to know what a dome is. If there's a section or daughter article on "Synagogue domes" or the like ...
282:"That year the current sanctuary was built, a Beaux-Arts structure designed by G. Albert Lansburgh that is the oldest synagogue in Oakland." Two "thats". Try "In the same year,...", or change the second one to "which"; or "... Lansburgh—the oldest ...", if you don't mind the interrupter.
497:
SURE! But otherwise, let's be conservative. "Bible" as the pipe for Tanakh: I worry that readers will pass over it, thinking it's just the article on the bible alone, rather than something more specialised. (But I can live with that one.) I would
132:
328:"... from a number of countries, but predominantly Polish Jews from Posen." The "but" prepares us to be told something that is unexpected or contrastive; but it doesn't fulfill that promise here. "... countries—predominantly ..."?
501:
link "Word War I/II" in this context; rarely, in fact, and I see them linked all over the place in the most unlikely contexts as a formulaic wikilink. "Disarmament", "birth control", etc ... we
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Monetary conversions need to say "equivalent to $ X in 2010), rather than "today", which may escape the attention of the guardians of the article, who would need to update yearly.
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Sandy, do others complain about the wrapping of ref tags? I think it's something the developers at WikiMedia should be approached about. I get "... $ 2.2 million).
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need a comma before "which"; otherwise, the meaning is unintended, I think (subset of all such economic downturns). "negatively impacted" is a bit ugly, isn't it?
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My intent here was to spell out single words, and use numbers for two words or more, but I'm quite open to other views. What would you suggest?
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PS: The queries are not deal-breakers - they'd be good to fix or otherwise note as impossible, but I think we're over the line now. Cheers,
392:"Soon after he was hired, California experienced another economic downturn"—have we been told about the first one? And here I think you
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The conversions are done "on the fly" via a
Knowledge function that is updated on a yearly basis, so "today" will always be accurate.
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812:- again a stubby para, and again this leaves one wondering why. A concluding sentence/expalantion would round off the section nicely.
758:- ditto here. A couple of words on how they chose him (if possible) would be good. Not a deal-breaker though if the info ain't there.
699:- only Poland is mentioned - are they all from Europe, in which case, specifying Europe or Central/Eastern Europe would be good.
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598:- Extremely thorough, giving not only a material but a social history. This is everything we look for in a featured article.
265:. The prose is OK; needs an independent run-through if I can find things like this. I think the nomination is FA material.
364:
commas), but I'd remove the comma after 1891, since there's another in the vicinity. I do find some of them intrusive.
781:
an "elliptical dome", and an entrance characterized by "graceful
Corinthian columns supporting a Greco-Roman portico".
403:. I've added the missing comma, and replaced "negatively impacted" with "hurt the finances of". How does that sound?
331:
It was intended to contrast with "a number of countries", but I've replaced it with the emdash, per your suggestion.
783:- aargh, more quotations - the first you could just say oval dome and de-quote - I agree second might be trickier...
248:
Thanks for reviewing that. I wasn't quite sure myself. I've made the citation a little more complete, at any rate.
401:
due to a severe recession in
California at the time, the congregation did not construct a building until 1878
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230:
Sources look good—although I'm not entirely versed in the conventions needed to cite an open letter. --
756:
In 1893, the congregation hired Marcus
Friedlander of Congregation Baith Israel in Brooklyn, New York.
168:
I am nominating this for featured article because this article was already a GA, and I have recently:
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The structure had "Moorish elements inspired by Isaac Mayer Wise's Plum Street Temple in
Cincinnati".
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section, but could split out the last two sentences if there was any info to add (e.g. how he died)
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Temple Sinai hired Harvey B. Franklin as rabbi in 1917, but his tenure there was only two years
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could also go, followed by "that". It's up to you (a certain personal latitude in the use of
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635:
Feel free to revert any changes I inadvertently make to meaning. I will jot queries below.
566:
this nomination on the basis of the writing, even though people are saying I've gone soft.
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523:"Approximately" is such an ugly word, isn't it. I encourage "about". But that's personal.
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Friedlander and former congregation president
Abraham Jonas influenced the congregation
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Commas removed. I also replaced a couple with emdashes, to further reduce the number.
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Why is "foreign-born merchants" in quotes? Seems an odd choice to place as such.
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Otherwise, sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool.
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Yeah, I like links, perhaps too much. I've fixed the examples you brought.
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08:04, 28 March 2010 (UTC) Update: I've unlinked several other words too.
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Featured article candidates/Temple Sinai (Oakland, California)/archive1
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Remove comma after "objected" to avoid a bumpy ride. The comma after
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Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in
736:- be nice if this could be phrased without needing quotation marks.
469:
Thanks, and I've added a publisher for the "Bylaws" reference.
342:"including adding" ... ungainly. "including the addition of"?
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95 but eighteen. Where's your boundary for spelling out?
198:. No problems in dab links, external links, or alt text.
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significantly expanded it, more than doubling its size,
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831:The above discussion is preserved as an archive.
296:"It has since been led ...", and cut the "then".
746:Doesn't have to be much but would help the flow.
399:Yes, a few paragraphs earlier the article says
43:. No further edits should be made to this page.
837:No further edits should be made to this page.
29:The following is an archived discussion of a
8:
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41:Knowledge talk:Featured article candidates
543:Or is it peculiar to my OS and platform?
181:added alt text to all of the photographs.
451:The "Bylaws" reference needs a publisher
140:
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550:points are supported by one citation.
378:"However, he did not get along with"?
285:Fixed; I preferred the second option.
185:I feel it now meets the FA criteria.
18:Knowledge:Featured article candidates
7:
821:I combined the stubby paras in the
72:Temple Sinai (Oakland, California)
65:Temple Sinai (Oakland, California)
24:
771:"persuaded" a better verb here??
724:- why not just say "declined"?
1:
31:featured article nomination
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799:02:47, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
697:from a number of countries
675:03:09, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
651:01:35, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
618:02:33, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
606:00:58, 29 March 2010 (UTC)
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178:updated the citations, and
124:17:55, 14 March 2010 (UTC)
633:beginning a read-through.
585:Thanks for your support!
313:I've added a link to the
175:thoroughly copyedited it,
834:Please do not modify it.
36:Please do not modify it.
722:successfully resisted
207:Thanks for checking.
56:17:39, 30 March 2010
823:Stern era: 1934–1965
317:article, thanks.
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613:Thank you!
271:Thank you!
234:Andy Walsh
526:Changed.
795:contribs
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631:Comments
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149:Analysis
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50:promoted
770:--: -->
627:Support
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381:Fixed.
345:Fixed.
141:Toolbox
89:protect
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299:Cut.
110:views
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