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The chronology seems jumbled in places too - I think part of this is due to going through the story of the TV play in that section (Jan to Dec 1969), then the
Beginnings section refers to 1968's Village Green, then early 1969 with asides on 1977 and 1965, then the Recording section is from May to Oct
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I have read the article twice and the
Background section several times - the Beginnings subsection confuses me each time. We have a nice intro in the Television play section, then there is a lot of material which has very little to do with Arthur. We learn about the group's poor album sales the year
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In early 1969, Quaife had told the band he was quitting, though the other members did not take the remark seriously; when an article in the New
Musical Express mentioned the band, Maple Oak, that he had formed without the rest of The Kinks' knowledge, Ray Davies unsuccessfully requested Quaife to
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before, the bassist leaving, and Ray flying off to the US to work with the
Turtles, almost none of which has anything to do with Arthur. I wonder if it would help to put much of this information earlier, before the Television play section, then mention the few relevant bits in there later?
182:: For once a music album I actually know at PR! The melody of "Victoria" is going through my head as I type. While I like what is here, I think it needs a fair amount of work before it would pass FAC, so here are some suggestions for improvement in order as I reread the article.
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Watch needless repetition, for example we are told in two different places after the lead about Arthur being named for the brother-in-law, or the whole US tour ban is also discussed twice. Once in the lead and once in the text is a good rule for most
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There are four fair use media files in the article (two images and two sound clips). The album cover and sound clips are pretty standard for album articles. The art insert is not realy discussed in the article now at enough detail to pass
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Kinks frontman Ray Davies constructed the concept album as the soundtrack to a
Granada Television play; however, though the storyline had been developed in collaboration with novelist Julian Mitchell, the play was cancelled and never
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I also was not sure what the purpose of the tour map was - it is difficult to see the dots (at least on my monitor) and the trip to
Lebanon is not shown on it and most of the dates shown are not mentioned in the article that I could
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which has no year or clear date. The reader has to wade through the previous section, which talks about a 1965 concert ban in the US five sentences before (doubt this is the year) and then six sentences earlier we get
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I think that having the idea for the TV play in the background section so the reader knows why they wrote it would be OK, but also think having the whole tv play story there is just confusing (as I explained
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A few of the other sections seem out of order to me too - for example the story and themes seems out of place where it is - could it be moved to a spot between
Recording and the the Release and Reception
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Kinks frontman Ray Davies constructed the concept album as the soundtrack to a
Granada Television play and developed the storyline with novelist Julian Mitchell; however the play was cancelled and never
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For most articles the most difficult FA criterion to meet is 1a, a professional level of
English. Though the writing is generally good, it could still use some polish in places. See
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The reviews in the Legacy section also seem oddly out of place - the article already has a reception section, could the more modern reviews be added there, perhaps as a subsection?
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Other places where context could be provided to the reader are the year of
Village Green Preservation Society or the years of the reviews in the Legacy section
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The Kinks had performed demo takes and test sessions for Arthur with Quaife a few months earlier, trying out several new songs that Ray Davies had written.
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Responding to the placement of the TV play info - I agree with you on its awkwardness. I had initially filed it lower down the page, as you can see from
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Or in the lead all the reviews referring to "their finest hour" are quoting the album's song "Mr Churchill says", so it might help to say something like
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I've listed this article for peer review because I will be listing it for FAC very soon, and would appreciate any comments on it before I proceed.
323:(which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours,
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1969. I think it might help to tell the story more chronologically, even if that would split up the story of the TV play a bit.
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http://www.stylusmagazine.com/articles/on_second_thought/the-kinks-arthur-or-the-decline-and-fall-of-the-british-empire.htm
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Golden, Matt. "On Second Thought: The Kinks - Arthur (or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire)". Stylus Magazine.
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Until Dave Davies is introduced, I think Ray Davies can just be referred to as "Davies" (after his own first appearance)
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MAke sure refs have all needed information, for example current ref 23 omits the date (2003-09-01) given in the review
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357:, but SilkTork suggested that it would work better integrated with the "background" section. What do you think?
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Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at
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Or this is just too long and complex a sentence - I think it needs to be split into simpler sentences
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Thanks very much for your review, Ruhrfisch. Here are my responses to some of the points raised:
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Davies travelled to United Recording Studios in Los Angeles, California on 11 April 1969,...
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A model article is always useful for ideas and examples to follow. There are a number of
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I trust your judgment (but be aware that it might be questioned at FAC too).
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I would also mention the CD reissue in the article - what tracks were added?
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247:- as one example look at the first sentence in the recording section
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Iam not sure what makes music sources relaible but please check
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echoing the lyrics of the album's song "Mr. Churchill says"...
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on albums, though most are not as old an album as this. See
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Arthur (Or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire)
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