331:
to
Charles and Katie Russell in West Monroe, Louisiana. West Monroe was strictly segregated, and the Russells often struggled with racism." I.e. they don't just jump into their career in the first line. All it needs is a simple change. Like I said this is GA not FA, so I'm not asking for an entire section, just a slight re-word, to start the article from his birth and explain where he went to school, since you've already listed it, rather than jump into how he started as a basketball player.
402:"White was implicated in early investigations of the University of Michigan basketball scandal for having accepted US$ 37,000" I think the latter part sounds a bit clunky, I would suggest " ... because he accepted US$ 37,000," I would also suggest splitting the sentence after $ 37,000. Although the two clauses are linked, there's nothing wrong with short sentences, and it would help to add impact to the charges being dropped against him.
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37:"In high school, he was a Street & Smith, Parade, and McDonald's All-American and in college he became a first team All-Big 12 Conference player and CNN/Sports Illustrated Big 12 Player of the Year." I realise these are wikilinked, but it seems too much like jargon for the lead especially the first two lines. It would easily put people off from reading further.
190:"In high school, he starred at Metro Detroit's Inkster High School," This seems to jump straight in without putting White's life in context. Even if you only add his date of birth and place of birth and say "He attended Inkster High School, ..." etc. I would suggest a brief re-write to open the main body of the article.
439:"White went undrafted in the NBA draft in a year where the first four selections (Elton Brand, Steve Francis, Baron Davis, and Lamar Odom) also had declared with eligibility remaining and high schoolers Jonathan Bender and Leon Smith were drafted in the first round." I don't understnad this sentence.
92:
I understand what you mean, but you need to remember you're writing for more than just basketball fans. I don't have any problem with this information being used, but I think a better way of writing this in the first couple of sentences would be better. It would make sense and easier reading to those
998:
No worries about the final misunderstanding. I think this is now in a much better position than at the start of the GA process. It meets the GA criteria, and although the lead is perhaps a little too long, I would rather keep what is a good intro, and hope you can expand the main article. If you can
330:
Both Jordan and
Russell are perfect. They explain how the men are, as well as the players they are. Jordan starts "Jordan was born in Brooklyn, New York, the son of Deloris (née Peoples), who worked in banking, James R. Jordan, Sr., an equipment supervisor." and Russell starts "Bill Russell was born
271:
If this was a full bio and you had more details, you would explain who White was, i.e. where and when born, parents, schooling and how he started his basketball career. These details will help towards FAC. However, since this is GA, not all these details are necessary. However, you still need to
40:
After saying he was a professional basketball player in the first sentence we need to define his notability. These subjects for a basketball player might be like saying a soldier has earned the
225:
I still think the first line could do with re-writing to essentially open up the main article. Even if it's only a minor re-write. It doesn't put the article in any context at the moment.
272:
write the start of the bio to try best and explain who he was. The article currently jumps half-way through his life without any explanation. There are a couple of options.
568:
It was the difference between the second year of the two written fully out or missing the century. It was only one that was different in the end so I've changed it.
56:
ING by saying he was an excellent high school player. People interested in basketball biographies would be interested in knowing what types of
999:
find more information about his personal life, and make any other expansions, there is no reason you can't push this beyond the GA process.
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honors he earned. I stand by this text for a non-NBA athlete who does not have the later career things to describe his notability.--
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I have expanded the lead to take the details out of the introductory paragraph. Clearly, a players awards are suppose to be in the
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I'm still unsure, I think it's "the first four selections also had declared with eligibility remaining" bit I'm struggling with.
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s above jump right to the NBA career. What is different about this one and those? Can we get a second opinion?--
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There is a difference in styles for seasons, e.g. 1994–95 and 1995–1996. Stick with one for consistency.
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and getting confused on what you were talking about. I was looking at the wrong sentence.--
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1) "Born XXX, White went to high school at XX school, where he played ..." or
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I only see ndashes in the article now. I think you edited this mistake.--
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A few things to do, but nothing substantial, so I'll put it on hold.
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I apologize, I kept looking at your comment and looking at the
161:
It looks much better now, and reads far more appealing.
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It is not really clear what you are asking me to do.--
680:There are no images of White that I know of.--
93:reading it without good basketball knowledge.
8:
940:(images are tagged and non-free images have
278:2) "White's basketball career started ..."
488:I tried to explain this a little better.--
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625:Still a few more needed to be done.
935:, where possible and appropriate.
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52:. Removing them would lead to
18:Talk:Albert White (basketball)
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1024:
442:I hope this is better.--
193:I don't have POB info.--
747:reasonably well written
50:Army Commendation Medal
954:(appropriate use with
929:It is illustrated by
881:neutral point of view
845:broad in its coverage
639:I think I get them.--
111:. See, for example,
942:fair use rationales
786:factually accurate
956:suitable captions
913:No edit wars etc.
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799:(references)
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682:TonyTheTiger
641:TonyTheTiger
595:TonyTheTiger
538:TonyTheTiger
490:TonyTheTiger
444:TonyTheTiger
407:TonyTheTiger
351:TonyTheTiger
300:TonyTheTiger
292:Both of the
241:TonyTheTiger
195:TonyTheTiger
131:TonyTheTiger
127:Bill Russell
62:TonyTheTiger
58:All-American
46:Purple Heart
185:High school
42:Bronze Star
791:verifiable
699:WP:CHICAGO
658:WP:CHICAGO
612:WP:CHICAGO
555:WP:CHICAGO
507:WP:CHICAGO
461:WP:CHICAGO
424:WP:CHICAGO
368:WP:CHICAGO
317:WP:CHICAGO
258:WP:CHICAGO
212:WP:CHICAGO
148:WP:CHICAGO
79:WP:CHICAGO
54:WP:PEACOCK
981:Pass/Fail
862:(focused)
593:Thanks.--
27:GA Review
48:, &
1001:Peanut4
975:Overall
754:(prose)
717:Peanut4
703:WP:LOTM
662:WP:LOTM
627:Peanut4
616:WP:LOTM
588:WP:DASH
570:Peanut4
559:WP:LOTM
528:General
511:WP:LOTM
476:Peanut4
465:WP:LOTM
428:WP:LOTM
397:College
372:WP:LOTM
347:WP:LEAD
333:Peanut4
321:WP:LOTM
280:Peanut4
262:WP:LOTM
227:Peanut4
216:WP:LOTM
163:Peanut4
152:WP:LOTM
109:WP:LEAD
95:Peanut4
83:WP:LOTM
932:images
907:stable
905:It is
883:policy
843:It is
784:It is
745:It is
734:review
405:O.K.--
736:(see
16:<
1005:talk
788:and
738:here
721:talk
631:talk
574:talk
480:talk
337:talk
284:talk
231:talk
167:talk
120:and
99:talk
32:Lead
766:MoS
695:bio
654:bio
608:bio
551:bio
503:bio
457:bio
420:bio
364:bio
313:bio
254:bio
208:bio
144:bio
129:.--
75:bio
1007:)
983::
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829::
825:OR
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732:GA
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