Knowledge (XXG)

Talk:Atal Bihari Vajpayee/GA1

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1188:::- "Vajpayee became an active member of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh. In August 1942, he and his elder brother Prem were arrested for 24 days during the Quit India Movement." This is misleading and appears to carry editorial bias. It seems to imply that as an active member, he got himself arrested, and that the written undertaking was a formality. The citation instead argues that the RSS as a movement had no association with the freedom struggle at all. 705:::- "In the 1999 general elections, the BJP-led NDA won 303 seats out of the 543 seats in the Lok Sabha, in the aftermath of the Kargil operations, thereby securing a comfortable and stable majority." Too long a sentence with too many parts. Consider, for example, "The 1999 general elections were held in the aftermath of the Kargil operations. The BJP-led NDA won 303 seats out of the 543 seats in the Lok Sabha, securing a comfortable and stable majority." 1352:, good work so far. I have stricken out the points you have addressed, though there are some that you've missed out. Have a look. In addition, when I ran the copyvio checker, it indicated a high degree of similarity with the text some websites. It's somehow not working now so I can't append the links, but can you run it yourself (link is near the top of this page) and address those links? Thanks. 569:::- "In 1975, Vajpayee was arrested along with several other opposition leaders during the Internal Emergency imposed by Prime Minister Indira Gandhi of the Indian National Congress party." Feels a bit clunky, esp because "1975" and "Internal Emergency" are separated by more information. Also, not necessary to say that Indira Gandhi was of Congress in my opinion. 42: 884:::- "But the biggest political disaster hit his government between December 2001 and March 2002: the VHP held the Government hostage in a major standoff in Ayodhya over the Ram temple." Seems informally written. Sentence should not start with "but", and "biggest" is an opinion, and slightly sensational. 419:
You've moved this, but now there is a line just after a description of 1996 saying that he served as a Lok Sabha MP from Lucknow. This would probably be better much earlier up, or it might be thought that he served as an MP only after the 1996 election.
1093:- "He spoke about his 'lifechanging moment' at a public rally on the 1996 Lok Sabha election trail. He said "But I learned a lesson that changed my life. I took a pledge Iā€™d never rote-learn a speech. It was my first speech at AVM School."" Citation? 396:::- "He spoke about his 'lifechanging moment' at a public rally on the 1996 Lok Sabha election trail. He said "But I learned a lesson that changed my life. I took a pledge Iā€™d never rote-learn a speech. It was my first speech at AVM School."" -: --> 1391:
Vajpayee was with Shri Syama Prasad Mookerjee when the latter observed a fast unto death in 1951 in Kashmir against the supposed inferior treatment shown towards non-Kashmiri visitors. During this strike, Shri Syama Prasad Mookerjee died in
881:::- "As the threat of war between two nuclear capable countries, and the consequent possibility of a nuclear exchange, loomed large, international diplomatic mediation focused on defusing the situation." Remove commas before "loomed large". 702:::- "The militants were killed by the army or forced to withdraw in skirmishes which went beyond the announcement of withdrawal by Pakistan." Which army? Also, the language of "went beyond the announcement" is a bit vague. 1238:::- "Under extreme pressure, the government ultimately caved in." "Extreme" is an opinion. This should be either qualified by explaining what the pressure was (and removing the word "extreme" regardless, or removed. 623::::: Surely you don't need more than one citation for this, because it is a matter of public record. And that citation should be the public record itself, i.e. the report from the Election Commission of India. 599:::- "The ideological shift did not bring it success: Gandhi's assassination generated sympathy for the Congress, leading to a massive victory at the polls. The BJP won only two seats in parliament." Overcited. 1394:, they all seem to be copies of wikipedia as it matches word by word. Further, they have been published after his death thereby increasing chances of being copied from wikipedia. Lastly other 5 links are 964:::- "When Vajpayee subsequently threatened retirement, Naidu backtracked announcing that the party would contest the elections under the twin leadership of Vajpayee and Advani." comma after backtracked. 487:- Is this correct: "lower house of Indian parliament"? (1) If there is "Indian" before "Parliament", shouldn't it be "lower house of the Indian Parliament". Also (2) shouldn't Parliament be capitalised? 1386: 1399: 1312:
for sparing time review the article. I have tried and resolve most of the issues per your suggestions. Kindly let me know if any further changes are required of I have missed out on some.
835:::- "By accepting him as the President of Pakistan, Vajpayee chose to move forward." Qualify this - how does accepting him as the President of Pakistan imply a choice to move forward? 1407: 1374: 1011:::- "Thousands of people and many dignitaries attended his funeral procession including Prime Minister Narendra Modi and President Ram Nath Kovind." Add comma before "including". 47: 1395: 80: 586:- "Vajpayee resigned from his post in 1979. The Janata Party collapsed soon after Desai resigned as Prime Minister in 1979." Complicated two lines, consider merging. 70: 126: 1001:::- "Vajpayee's body draped with the Indian flag was taken to the Bharatiya Janata Party headquarters where party workers paid their tributes until 1 pm." 122: 1423:
Yes, confirmed that the links with high similarity were very similar even before their publication date. Promoting the article. Good work, many thanks.
52: 107: 1378: 156: 99: 1017:::- "Leader of Opposition R. Sampanthan said India has lost one of its "most regarded intellectual and statesman"." Not grammatically sound. 1411: 822:::- "for a joint summit, the Agra summit." Link "joint summit" to the Agra summit WP page, and delete the second half of the sentence. 208:- "he sought to restore relations through engaging with President Pervez Musharraf". "By engaging with" or "through engagement with". 75: 200:
Are the citations necessary? I imagine the same content is covered and cited in the main body. Would make the lead look cleaner.
1403: 1004:::- "Later that afternoon at 4 pm, Vajpayee was cremated with full state honours at Rashtriya Smriti Sthal near Raj Ghat, 1041::::: It is not grammatically sound. The sentence would go: India has lost one of its "most regarded intellectual and ." 665:::- "The BJP's role in the movement led to major political gains." Not sure what this means, either expand or delete. 995:::- "On 11 June 2018, Vajpayee was admitted to AIIMS in critical condition following a kidney infection." Overcited. 1428: 1357: 1330: 1298: 1215: 1114: 1046: 928: 848: 792: 738: 653: 628: 547: 525: 425: 363: 283: 171: 150: 115: 17: 1325:, would you respond to the comments next to or below them to indicate that you've resolved those specific ones? 278::::: Silly mistake on my part. I meant: any reason why "parliament" in "Member of parliament" is in lower caps? 382:- Just a suggestion to move citation to the first line of this section, to clean it up. But this is up to you. 1370: 1263:
Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
923:
This needs to be resolved, because it is vague. It seems to be implying something, but I'm not sure what.
1271:
No content disputes that I can see, just editors working on improving the article's style and formatting.
1382: 205:- The sentences in the first para are long and information-heavy. Hard to read. Can you break them up? 1438: 1424: 1366: 1353: 1326: 1309: 1294: 1211: 1110: 1042: 1014:::- No need to introduce Namita as his daughter again, as you already do so a couple of lines before. 924: 844: 788: 734: 708:::- "president in 22 years since President Jimmy Carter's". Add comma between "22 years" and "since". 649: 624: 543: 521: 421: 359: 279: 167: 146: 92: 1441: 1415: 1349: 1340: 1322: 1313: 1248: 1144: 1125: 1065: 1027: 974: 939: 858: 803: 749: 675: 609: 506: 457: 436: 342: 327: 303: 264: 233: 1175:
Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
397:
Feels a bit out-of-place in this paragraph detailing his education. Some context would help.
358:::::: My mistake, the dates are correct. But could you answer the one immediately above it? 998:::- "However some sources claim that he had died on the previous day." Remove "however". 220:
of the Indian National Congress party to have served a full five-year term in office."
765:::- "to enact the Hindutva agenda." Was there a single particular "Hindutva agenda"? 648:::: Isn't this also a matter of fact? Why does this need any more than one citation? 388:"life changing" or "life-changing". Also "a" life changing moment, rather than "his"? 1444: 1432: 1418: 1361: 1343: 1334: 1316: 1302: 1251: 1219: 1147: 1128: 1118: 1068: 1050: 1030: 977: 942: 932: 861: 852: 806: 796: 787:
This is still unresolved. There is also now a "citation needed" tag attached to it.
752: 742: 678: 657: 632: 612: 551: 529: 509: 460: 439: 429: 367: 345: 306: 287: 267: 236: 175: 160: 520:::: There are two other instances in the article of "Parliament" in lower caps. 211:- " 2018 due to an age-related illness" - or simply, "of age-related illness"? 1377:(63.1%) seems to be copied from wikipedia and not the other way round. 254:::- Any reason why "member" in "member of Parliament" is in lower caps? 1279:
Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
1008:
his pyre was lit by his foster daughter Namita Kaul Bhattacharya."
1055:::- "the two democracies continue to benefit" - "continued". 901:::- "and amidst uncertain circumstance," bit odd phrasing. 387:- "about his 'lifechanging moment' at a public rally" -: --> 484:- Two spellings: "Mukherjee" and "Mookerjee". Standardise. 1414:
which are in green, and doesn't seem to violate copyvio.
711:::- "ideological mentor". The word "mentor" is odd here. 958:::- "recognised Sikkim, as part of India." Remove comma. 833:
India to be the principal architect of the Kargil War"
134: 103: 955:::- " set on fire leading to". Add comma after "fire". 1293:
That's all from me. On hold while we go over these.
898:::- "But to the relief of Vajpayee," seems informal. 696:::- "after 16 days when" - add comma before "when". 961:::- "between Vajpayee and deputy prime LK Advani." 641:- "but stayed in the post until 1986." Overcited. 591:- add link to Indira Gandhi's assassination page. 263:I could not find member with small m in infobox. 1369:, I ran copyvio tool and it provided 10 links. 1109:Cannot find this in the citation. Where is it? 1381:(48.5%) is archive and has been replaced with 216:- "he was the first Indian prime minister not 321:::- Check spaces between dates and en dashes. 8: 819:::- put "saffronising" in inverted commas. 30: 662:::- "In 1986 L. K. Advani" needs a comma. 341:Could you please elaborate on this one. 166:I'm undertaking this page's GA review. 61: 33: 1390: 1080:Verifiable, with no original research: 471::'*'Early political career (1942ā€“1975) 874:::- "armed men with fake IDs stormed 7: 1389:(42.9%) Since there's no source for 887:::- "At the 10th anniversary" -: --> 690:*Terms as Prime Minister (1996ā€“2004) 1182:*Early political career (1942ā€“1975) 24: 895:" used twice in quick succession. 583:- Change "subsequent" to "1977". 1: 699:::- Remove clarification tag. 330:could you answer this please? 1287:Well illustrated by images. 1473: 1445:12:19, 13 April 2020 (UTC) 1433:10:43, 13 April 2020 (UTC) 1419:07:47, 13 April 2020 (UTC) 1339:Sure. Done. Please check. 1087:*Early life and education: 878:Parliament House in Delhi" 843:This is still unresolved. 552:10:27, 13 April 2020 (UTC) 376:*Early life and education: 1362:13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC) 1344:16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC) 1335:13:37, 5 April 2020 (UTC) 1317:12:05, 5 April 2020 (UTC) 1303:07:47, 1 April 2020 (UTC) 1252:16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC) 1220:13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC) 1148:16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC) 1129:04:07, 8 April 2020 (UTC) 1119:13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC) 1069:16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC) 1051:04:58, 8 April 2020 (UTC) 1031:04:26, 8 April 2020 (UTC) 978:16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC) 943:04:09, 8 April 2020 (UTC) 933:13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC) 862:04:21, 8 April 2020 (UTC) 853:13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC) 825:::- "President Musharraf 807:04:21, 8 April 2020 (UTC) 797:13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC) 753:04:21, 8 April 2020 (UTC) 743:13:34, 6 April 2020 (UTC) 679:16:42, 5 April 2020 (UTC) 658:04:52, 8 April 2020 (UTC) 633:04:52, 8 April 2020 (UTC) 613:04:04, 8 April 2020 (UTC) 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talk 116: 112: 93: 90: 81:Instructions 435:Fixed now. 181:GA criteria 104:visual edit 893:shila daan 48:Authorship 34:GA toolbox 1387:Firstpost 1385:(40.8%). 829:believed 248:*Infobox: 144:Reviewer: 71:Templates 62:Reviewing 27:GA Review 218:a member 157:contribs 76:Criteria 1392:prison. 127:history 108:history 94:Article 1247:Fixed 1143:Fixed 1124:Fixed 1064:Fixed 989:*Death 973:Fixed 938:Fixed 857:Fixed 802:Fixed 748:Fixed 674:Fixed 608:Fixed 505:Fixed 456:Fixed 302:Fixed 232:Fixed 1412:12.3% 1408:13.0% 1404:13.8% 1400:14.5% 891:::- " 888:"On" 136:Watch 16:< 1429:talk 1410:and 1358:talk 1331:talk 1299:talk 1216:talk 1115:talk 1047:talk 929:talk 849:talk 793:talk 739:talk 654:talk 629:talk 548:talk 526:talk 426:talk 364:talk 326:::: 284:talk 172:talk 151:talk 123:edit 100:edit 1396:18% 1348:Hi 1321:Hi 1006:and 876:the 827:was 1431:) 1406:, 1402:, 1398:, 1360:) 1333:) 1301:) 1218:) 1117:) 1049:) 931:) 851:) 831:in 795:) 741:) 656:) 631:) 550:) 528:) 428:) 366:) 286:) 198:- 174:) 159:) 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Talk:Atal Bihari Vajpayee
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