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Hi David. Thank you for your review. I'll try to answer a few of your questions regarding the references. The article had numerous previous editors, hence the hodgepodge of reference formatting. Unfortunately, I do not have access to one of the subject's biographies, so I am unable to reference them.
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Sheene's commentary style was idiosyncratic, to say the least. Never letting the audience wonder for a minute exactly what he thought of a rider, bike, or team, his biases were completely transparent. He combined insight into the skills of riding, and the vagaries of the professional circuit, with a
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Some confusing lack/usage of wikilinking; for example
Bultaco motorcycles are not wikilinked the first time it's referenced in the "First foray into racing" section, but is paragraphs later. Wikilinking technical terms isn't really a replacement for explaining them in-text so readers don't have to
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A similar issue goes to its comprehensibility to a general audience. I'm not a motorcycle racing aficionado, and I was regularly left lost as lots of stuff was just assumed knowledge, like what "smaller capacity classes" means (presumably racing categories with smaller engines, but it's never made
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Articulate and charismatic, Sheene was the first motorcycle racer to harness the power of mass media to transcend the sport to become the best-known face of
British motorcycling during the 1970s, parlaying his fame to gain commercial endorsements from outside the sport including television
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Sheene was born off the Gray's Inn Road, Bloomsbury, London, the second child of parents Frank, who had been resident engineer at the Royal
College of Surgeons, and was himself a former competitive rider who retired in 1956 and an experienced motorcycle mechanic. and
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I have taken your advice regarding the lead section. I have also attempted to reduce the number of run-on sentences as well as aiding the comprehensibility to a general audience. I tried to organize the post-racing career section. I look forward to your further
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The majority of this article is now satisfactory but the early years are not covered. It needs more on 1968 to 1971/2 for
Bultaco, Yamtaco 125 to 350s and the 500 Suzuki and Hi-tac Seeleys. I have a basic idea but I am struggling for sources, presently
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this presumably means Sheene is the latest
British champion in the top echelon of the sport, but it's a bit confusing versus language like "Sheene is the most recent" or similar. Also, the explanation for what premier class is isn't in the
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What makes
Racingmemo.free.fr., visordown.com, iomtt.com, devittinsurance.com, cartersport.com, superbikeplanet.com, crash.net, classicracer.com, speedtv.com, motoamerica.com, royalautomobileclub.co.uk
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This is a really long sentence, and it's also got a bit of repetitious phrasing "to harness... to transcend.. to become..." that would probably be better off simpler and broken into multiple sentences.
2372:, have your concerns about the prose and reference quality been sufficiently addressed such that the article may be passed, or should the nomination be closed so that more thorough work may be done?
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The post-racing career section feels a little haphazardly organized; for example his marriage is covered under television career, for some reason, and more personal details are in the death section.
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Is there a reason the biographies written about Sheene are barely used? It seems like those would be a preference for major sourcing versus newspapers and magazines of the times or random websites.
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obit), others are clearly done by hand versus templates and don't match. Some websites are italicized, some are not, some works are formatted differently such as MCN versus
Motorcycle news, etc.
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We've got a 43-word sentence when most manuals on writing suggest south of 20, and a random sentence fragment added for the mother, who is an afterthought and doesn't get any introduction.
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If 500cc is important, it should at least be wikilinked, but it might be find just to leave out as well. (It needs to be introduced in the body, though.)
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It doesn’t make sense to say that Sheene began competitive motorcycle racing in 1968, winning his first races... then improving to second in 1969.
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Also according to the article, Barry Sheene died in 2003. The date probably should be 2001 but this should be checked by someone before editing :)
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brings up a passage regarding the deadly 350 race and the aftermath that I think runs a bit too much towards close paraphrasing.
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In later years, Sheene became involved in historic motorcycle racing, usually thrashing the awed amateurs behind him.
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first national sales manager for
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is a better article, but none of these 3 actually explains how spokes support the wheel pre-stressed w/compression.
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Probably redirect all these to a single-page history of this series. Main articles on each one later, if desired.
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on
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The prose is pretty rough throughout. There's a lot of run-on sentences that are hard to parse.
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before doing mass systematic removals. This message is updated dynamically through the template
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and related models such as the CR series. Is model code the clearest nomenclature to use?
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From the article: "Sheene competed in his last UK race at the Goodwood Revival in 2011"
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I've added the tone template due to some uneyclopedic passages, particulary:
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Sorry for the wait. Overall, a solid article. My feedback is as follows:
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Short description: British motorcycle racer and racing driver (1950-2003)
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after the link to keep me from modifying it. Alternatively, you can add
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However, Sheene is still the last British champion in the premier class
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Images appear appropriately licensed; no non-free content to evaluate.
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There's no mention in the article of the 2007 biographical film. See
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The following pages have many redlinks that need articles written:
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to keep me off the page altogether. I made the following changes:
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I don't feel I know enough about the subject to fix it myself.
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I agree. It wasn't Encyclopedic in tone. I adjusted the tone.
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with statement explaining not to be confused with 1999 YZF-R7
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When you have finished reviewing my changes, please set the
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1032:(RE: Seattle police officer Ronald Smith, Sturgis shooting)
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Talk:Motorcycle#Re-sort contents with Motorcycling article
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I have just added archive links to one external link on
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Category:Knowledge (XXG) requested images of motorcycles
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of Portland, OR, motorcycle racer and designer of the
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Low-importance biography (sports and games) articles
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These were cited by previous editors, so I assuming
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is non-notable and unsourced; it should redirect to
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chopper). This could also be expanded into a bio of
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2004:using the archive tool instructions below. Editors
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need information moved to more appropriate articles
921:1949. dab page needs work; other pages need work
878:first, then spawn Clifford Vaughs article later.
817:(also include expanding articles already linked)
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228:(assessed as
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2352:suggestions.
2319:
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2141:Instructions
2067:— Preceding
2064:
2041:
2016:source check
1995:
1989:
1974:
1970:
1966:
1964:
1928:Barry Sheene
1925:
1922:
1914:
1911:
1889:
1869:
1866:Early career
1839:
1835:
1834:
1825:
1824:
1821:
1774:
1671:
1669:
1655:NSU Quick 50
1635:Cagiva GP500
1606:
1598:
1589:
1588:
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1577:
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1529:
1459:Ray Pickrell
1326:Derbi GPR125
1291:Cagiva GP500
1233:
1232:
1222:
1221:
1205:
1180:Good Article
1123:Motorcycling
1108:
1107:
1052:Bill Johnson
882:CRP Energica
860:(redirect) (
783:
755:Dick O'Brien
721:Sara Liberte
645:
644:
625:
580:
556:Motorcycling
547:Motorcycling
540:
519:Motorcycling
465:
419:
379:
330:
290:
223:
159:
100:WikiProjects
65:
61:good article
54:
48:
29:Barry Sheene
28:
27:
2370:David Fuchs
2192:David Fuchs
2155:transcluded
2073:5.30.179.46
1982:Sourcecheck
1842:Teiresias84
1388:Kawasaki Z1
1351:Hurt Report
1336:Endurocross
1316:Cycle World
1296:Cagiva Mito
1269:Bell Sports
1249:Alpinestars
1178:Could be a
919:Honda Dream
842:Bimota Tesi
596:To-do list:
2390:Categories
2378:message me
2335:good faith
2298:References
2232:Examples:
2167:Nominator:
2108:Authorship
2094:GA toolbox
1701:Japanese:
1695:Japanese:
1689:Japanese:
1622:See also:
1428:Motobécane
1413:Marchesini
1259:Arlen Ness
1204:says only
1127:Motorcycle
1097:Dirt Rider
1084:Arlen Ness
965:Ambassador
862:Easy Rider
763:SC-Project
710:(redirect)
653:See also:
472:Motorsport
395:Motorsport
386:Motorsport
358:Motorsport
2374:Fritzmann
2311:reliable?
2241:clear) or
2189:Reviewer:
2131:Templates
2122:Reviewing
2087:GA Review
2036:this tool
2029:this tool
1900:Wwwhatsup
1718:BMW C 400
1691:みづほ自動車製作所
1683:Italian:
1677:Italian:
1516:Zach Ness
1433:MotoCzysz
1306:Cory Ness
1196:Velocette
1159:Matchless
1074:Motus MST
179:Biography
119:Biography
2305:Guardian
2202:contribs
2180:contribs
2136:Criteria
2069:unsigned
2042:Cheers.—
1938:cbignore
1403:Kreidler
1224:Copyedit
1154:Malaguti
1099:magazine
969:Eldorado
904:article)
902:Panigale
900:(add to
2224:General
2052::Online
1967:checked
1932:my edit
1896:trailer
1521:Zündapp
1110:Cleanup
1054:at the
833:Bikes:
610:history
583:on the
474:in the
422:on the
333:on the
306:England
297:England
253:England
90:B-class
2354:Orsoni
2339:Orsoni
2170:Orsoni
1975:failed
1946:nobots
1852:Orsoni
1685:Sertum
1630:Bigtoe
1608:images
1580:Wikify
1569:Update
1559:* See
1505:Yamaha
1449:Öhlins
1346:Gilera
1281:Brembo
1235:Expand
844:series
96:scale.
39:Orsoni
2287:Media
2274:lead.
2235:Iris.
2157:from
1697:目黒製作所
1679:Paton
1660:Satra
1616:stubs
1614:Most
1590:Other
1554:Stubs
1532:Merge
1469:Shoei
1321:Derbi
620:purge
615:watch
2358:talk
2343:talk
2262:Lead
2196:talk
2174:talk
2077:talk
1971:true
1904:talk
1892:IMDB
1877:talk
1856:talk
1818:Tone
1703:宮田工業
1543:NPOV
1454:Ossa
915:1958
605:edit
414:High
168:and
43:talk
2010:RfC
1987:).
1973:or
1958:to
1331:DKW
973:850
575:Top
325:Mid
2392::
2380:)
2360:)
2345:)
2320:--
2300::
2289::
2264::
2226::
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2182:)
2079:)
2023:.
2018:}}
2014:{{
1985:}}
1979:{{
1944:{{
1940:}}
1936:{{
1906:)
1894:,
1879:)
1871:--
1858:)
1058:.
232:).
122::
35:.
2376:(
2356:(
2341:(
2199:·
2194:(
2177:·
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2075:(
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1854:(
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971:/
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894:)
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854:)
850:(
650::
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63:.
41:(
Text is available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License. Additional terms may apply.
