922:
1032:"Still upcoming" is unclear. What year are we talking about? Don't assume that your readers know about these shows, so identify them, even briefly. Not everyone is going to know that The Tonight Show was important for comedians' careers, I think you should say: "Cosby had appeared on the late-night program The Tonight Show, something that signified success for comedians like him, multiple times, but his break-out role in I Spy had not occurred yet."
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unless you can find a source that specifically supports it. I'm also not sure why the radio show is important. The implication, I think, is that Coca-Cola finally sponsored a program starring a Black person, unlike Cole's experience. I think that you need to state that clearly. Does
Pendergast say something like this was the first time a major company sponsored a program starring a Black person?
405:
42:
2029:
I notice that some bot went through and add redmarks to many of your refs. Something happened to your formatting; please go through and fix. Notice that I've gone through and stricken the resolved comments. Please address what's left. If you disagree with me, that's fine, but explain why, please.
1646:
The connection between hiring Cosby and their legal troubles needs to be made stronger. I don't think you need to go into so much detail about their troubles; you can refer to it generally and remove the information about the company's restructuring, since it has little to do with Cosby. How about:
1419:
I have problems with everything after the second comma. First off, you mix your tenses; "suggests" is present tense, while every other verb in the sentence is past tense. It's unclear who did the killing--Cosby or Bergin. Yes, I know it's obviously Cosby, but the wording needs to make that clear.
515:
articles "Commercial success" (which partly leans to selling to
African Americans) and "Star Struck". Even in Google Scholar, I'm turning up short, not that I could access most of these articles anyway. There simply have not been any significant works published about black endorsement in America. --
1680:
I've changed it to "photo finishing system". It's the process by which the photos were developed; Googling it, I believe it's actually more of a
Canadian term. Especially back in the days of 35mm, we'd take the rolls to a photo finisher. I've changed it to "photo processing system", but held back on
954:
Ref 1: Is there another source for the Cole quote? I ask because although it's reliable, it's kind of a throw-away quote in the source. I mean, it's such an important statement, and I'd think that it'd be in a source about Cole or his show. If not, that's fine, and please forgive my pickiness. I
229:
The prose is very weak. There are typos and grammar errors throughout. For example, the very first word in the first section should be "an", not "a". We essentially have a data dump here: overuse of direct quotes and I suspect too much close paraphrasing. I think that you should at least explain
1135:
Debuting in 1968, and running for five years, The Bill Cosby Radio
Program, was sponsored by The Coca-Cola Company. Ref 14 doesn't state how long the show ran; it just states that it existed and who the producer was, which isn't important here. I think you could remove it and the show's duration,
1450:
Changed to "to create and air commercials". Pepsi heartland is whatever geographic area was the dominant seller for an extended period. I'm guessing the
Carolinas, but I'm not sure, my sources didn't say. (Well, there's one book I had referred to that might say, but it's back at the library.) I've
1285:
You should identify Gioia more than linking him. Also, does the source state that Gioia specifically used the product to boost sales? Rather, it says that it was one of the recipes they used, and that they used Cosby to connect it with family life. Finally, the last sentence is too close to the
1105:
I think that this suffers from close paraphrasing, which is probably why you felt the need to quote "safe". (Actually, I think that moving away from close paraphrasing may solve this issue of using quotes around too many single words too often here.) How about: "According to Ad Age
Encyclopedia,
1007:
Although it's technically grammatically correct (i.e., it's not a dangling modifier), remember that encyclopedic writing is simple. You've lost me if I, as the reader, have to go back and re-read a sentence to get the full meaning. I'd change this to: "He liked their slogan, "We're going to get
192:
To be honest, I'm inclined to quick-fail this article. There are a score of problems with it. I regret the possibility, since the main editor has assisted me in many of the articles I bring here for review, and because his articles are usually pretty good. I'm also usually more than willing to
909:
2nd paragraph: Overuse of quotations. Some of them aren't necessary. You put quotes around a few words or phrases at a time, something you don't always have to do. For example, you don't need to put quotes around "inconceivably arrogant" or "blow-ups", even though that's probably the original
653:
I do make it clear that he chose to endorse companies with unpleasant histories (E F Hutton) and companies that have unintentionally made him (and themselves) look stupid and contradictory (Coca-Cola via New Coke), and I do include direct criticism of his place in
African American culture. But I
661:
Cosby helped open the door to
African American endorsement, but it wasn't exclusively him in the early years. I'm unsure which article it was, but there were many one off (as opposed to Cosby's campaigns) where singers and athletes appeared. As mentioned above, there are very few works on black
649:
I think that this article is a bit harsh on Cosby, which is unusual, since articles like this tend to be complimentary towards their subjects. I should be about how Cosby changed the advertising field, and how he changed it so that
African Americans were able to successfully endorse commercial
920:
I've rephrased the sentence around the final quote, as suggested, and that specified Bergin worked on Coca-Cola's advertising. The reason that this section is over-quoted, in your opinion, is that I find it somewhat precarious to reword people's opinions, when the subject of the section is so
301:
When Cosby started endorsements, there was suggestion that one couldn't be a serious actor and shill for a product; that's since gone, albeit not because of his endorsements. The fact that Cosby endorsed so many products, and questions of his connection with "real" black people called some to
542:
Wow, that's kind of a surprise to me. I took a course in college about Blacks in film (one of the few classes that actually changed my life), and watched a documentary called "Ethnic
Notions", which details how Blacks are portrayed in cinema. I remember that it has some information about
2075:
Thanks. Yah, there's just a few left after my strike-throughs. If you deal with them, or give me good reasons for opposing them, I'll go ahead and pass to GA. I'm glad you came back; to be honest, I was going to fail it and would have if I wasn't so busy yesterday. Good work!
921:
abstract. If I changed "quality products and quality services" to "good" or "great" or "high-grade", none of those exactly match the original, slightly broad intent. "Even specific actions Cosby took, which seem contrary to his image (ie "blow ups"), are a matter of opinion. One
410:
The sources look good, but many of them aren't formatted correctly. There are too many red error messages. Also, the Pendergast refs are all formatted incorrectly; you should put it in a "Works cited" or "Bibliography" section and follow the convention in your "Notes" section.
503:
As stated above, there needs to be more information about Cosby himself. I think that there needs to be a "Background" section, about the history of the Advertising field and racism, and how Cosby helped change it. This article really suffers from a lack of comprehensiveness.
838:
As I state above, I'm inclined to quick-fail this article. It's definitely not ready to be passed to GA. I recommend that you remove it, work on it some more, and resubmit. It certainly has a lot of potential to be an excellent article, but needs lots of work to get there.
286:
The lead is too short and is too peacocky. The "Personality" section is misnamed; I think it needs to be restructured. "Early Career" has a typo. I don't get the "Integrity as an actor" section; perhaps it's misnamed as well. I think it's more about Cosby's later career.
1504:
Who is Moreira? Please identify. Did he reflect on working on the New Coke campaign? Please clarify, and fix the contraction. If he was, how about: "In 2011, Marcio Moreira reflected on his time at McCann Erickson, especially his work on the New Coke launch campaign..."
197:
I appreciate the changes you've made. Sorry I wasn't able to address them earlier; I've had a very busy weekend. I no longer think that this article needs to be quick-failed because of the changes. Later today or tomorrow I'll do my normal prose and source review.
581:
really fits there; it's belongs in the "Background" section. I disagree with how this article is structured; why does "Jello" have its own section, and not "Coca-Cola". I think it should be structured by parts of Cosby's career. I could go on, but I won't.
1171:
Reason for the inclusion of the program: since it was single sponsor, essentially one can say that they paid for the whole series, and thus paid for the entire programming timeslot, which is a form of advertising, in my mind. It's not as explicit as
1984:, it does seem to only be needed for things that change; why cite book allows it at all is stupid... books that change aren't books (or have edition numbers). I had always wondered why this field existed for books. --
589:, who interestingly even edited the GA1 to reflect changes since. Given the major overlap between endorsements, the only fair way to break it up is by decade, which I've just added. I have removed the content about
1282:
Their actual Jell-O gelatin line still lagged in the mid-1980s, with newly appointed Dana Gioia gambling on a recipe for holdable Jell-O called "Jigglers". Cosby was brought on board, to help with the promotional
1919:
Not sure what you mean by this. The physical copy that Google scanned is at University of Michigan. Either way, I've deleted it entirely, as I don't know what exactly was supposedly sourced to this book. --
654:
don't think any of this is undue. The story of those endorsements would be incomplete otherwise, and the criticism aligns with common critics of Cosby outside of advertising. (His views are represented in the
1501:
In 2011, Marcio Moreira reflected on his time at McCann Erickson, working on the New Coke launch campaign, and suggested that the idea to hire Cosby wasn't made until other spots were already in the editing
983:
Yes, quotations like this tend to self-perpetuate. I think the source you found is fine, but I find it hard to believe that a significant quote like that wouldn't be in any of Cole's biographies. Ah well.
1819:
Changed, but I've modified it to be "to be a Jell-O spokesman", because I don't know if he had a yearly contract by that point (or just one-offs), or whether there were any other spokespeople at that point.
1463:
Unlike the above, this is definitely a dangling modifier. I think you should put the phrase about when the ads ran earlier, perhaps in the previous sentence the first time you introduce the series of ads.
929:
book believes in the director's claim, but there's nothing else printed to confirm or deny it as true. The quotation marks in that case help remind the reader that the section is filled with opinion. --
1439:
At the height of the Cola Wars, marketer Sergio Zyman convinced Coca-Cola executives to have commercials with Cosby praising Coke for being less sweet than Pepsi, aired strictly in the "Pepsi heartland".
964:
I've cleaned up the quote, and added a few more locations. The 1988 one is before the Ad Age reference, but I think most of the things cite each other. None has footnotes to say where they found it.
1361:
This seems like a throw-away line to me. How about putting it in the final paragraph, and starting the next sentence, "He also appeared..." "Bottler's" in the next sentence isn't a possessive.
1647:"The company had been accused of fraud the previous year and was going through financial difficulties, so they needed a spokesperson who was well-liked." And include the references, of course.
47:
193:
help editors when their articles aren't quite ready for GA, but this one isn't even close. It requires more than just a quick fix, or a copyedit, or improvements in its references.
1061:
Um, no I don't think so; it may go into the realm of common knowledge. I do think, though, that it should be mentioned in order to strengthen your point. Others might disagree.
1809:
Public appearances for Cosby for Jell-O continued through the 1990s, with the actor on hand for the lighting of the brand's first billboard in New York's Times Square, in 1998.
955:
don't think you need to directly quote Mehri, since the NAACP's opinions about racism in the advertising industry in the early 2000s doesn't have anything to do with Cole.
126:
1899:
Review finished for now. Next, I'll go through the refs and improve their formatting. If you disagree with my BOLD-ness, you can revert them, but tell me why first.
1332:
How about: "In 1999, Advertising Age magazine named Cosby's 1975 Jell-O commercials, which they called "Bill Cosby with kids", the 92nd best ad campaign of all time."
1944:
I meant, as you state, that the book didn't appear in any of the citations you included. I would've removed it myself, but I wanted to make sure you didn't need it.
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2008:
This is one of the reasons I gave up on the cite templates. I think that citing "by hand" is easier to both use and navigate, and clearer for reader and editor.
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Coca-Cola was simultaneously testing possible new variations of their soft drink, and deciding that their product would sell best if it used a sweeter formula.
1103:
Ad Age Encyclopedia cites Cosby and Robert Culp appearing as equals on I Spy as the turning point for advertisers to know such a move was "safe" for them too.
1221:. Ultimately, this should be added, but I don't know how much there is about the product, as to whether I could create a section or article worth linking to.
70:
913:
3rd paragraph: Too many quotes. I think you could paraphrase the quote by Kodak. Also, it's unclear who's speaking in the last quotation. Please clarify.
295:
What would you suggest a section about the abstract qualities that have drawn advertisers to Cosby, independent of their product's own identity, be called?
1811:
This is clearer, I think: "Cosby continued to be Jell-O's spokesman through the 1990s. He was present for the lighting..." Also, remove the last comma.
910:
language in the source. The reader can surmise that this is how Bergin thought of Cosby. (What did Bergin direct Cosby in? I think you should tell us.)
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The company needed a boost from someone well-liked: they had been found the previous year to be check kitting, pleading guilty to 2000 counts of fraud.
1828:
I think the entire 1st paragraph of this section could be copy-edited. Instead of going through every sentence here, would you mind if I just did it?
1417:
John Bergin, who directed the series of commercials, personally disliked Cosby, but suggests his presence killed the first Challenge campaign in 1983.
1768:
How about: "Promotions included posters, a tiny spy camera, point of sale standees of Cosby, Porshes, and contests." Why is "standees" red-linked?
1483:
How about: "At the same time, Coca-Cola was testing variations of their soft drink, and researching if it would sell better with a sweeter formula."
156:
1106:
Cosby and Robert Culp appearing as equals on I Spy made it possible for advertisers to show Blacks and whites together in their commercials."
1966:
It's my understanding that for books, you don't need a date retrieved date. If that's accurate, please go through and correct the format.
414:
Fixed. The article has been nominated for long enough that the template itself changed, requiring the title in abbreviated citations. --
926:
577:
The anecdotes about Cosby's experiences with Coca-Cola better fits in the section about it. I don't think that the information about
302:
question him. I've renamed the Integrity section to Criticism, all of the content qualifies as such or as a retort to criticism. --
180:
507:
I can find published works about blacks in German advertising, blacks in the American media in general, even a book specifically on
1441:"To have commercials": Unclear. Do you mean Zyman wanted the execs to produce commercials? Where and what is the Pepsi heartland?
1005:
Liking the slogan "We're going to get you," he had agent Norman Brokaw of William Morris Agency inquire about being a spokesperson.
1695:
Including television and print ads, were joined by point of sale and promotional programs, for an estimated $ 10 million contract.
1766:
Promotions ranged from posters to "tiny promotional spy camera", point of sale standees of Cosby to Porsche cars for a contest.
1330:
In 1999, Advertising Age magazine named Jell-O's 1975 "Bill Cosby with kids" commercials the 92nd best ad campaign of all time.
1309:
does prove that sales went up, and the sales were attributed to the campaign. Sadly, it's only limited preview in Google. --
75:
1381:* 1st sentence: "African Americans isn't hyphened; it is when it modifies another noun, such as "African-American comedian".
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1461:
Beginning to air in October 1984, the company's independently owned bottlers demanded the ads run in their markets as well.
1654:
Changed; I've kept the merger part in a shrunken form, to help indirectly explain why it was a short-lived campaign. --
1607:
How about: "In 1986, Cosby's only contract was with Jell-O..." I think you should replace "accounts" with "contracts."
1896:
Another dangling modifier. I think that you could remove the first part of the quote, and just keep the mean part.
1084:
Change "weren't" to "were no", please. I suggest that you go through the entire article and change your contractions.
1407:
I've changed it to "mock the brand". Knock it in the source was meaning to metaphorically knock down the Pepsi brand.
658:, representing his differing identity and ideologies, which indirect explain why Mad Ave found him "safe" early on.)
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endorsement in advertising, and thus very little to place him in the grand scheme of things, without running into
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advertising. I'll take your word about not finding anything about black endorsements and blacks in advertising.
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as an advertising character. I cannot find any works discussing blacks in American advertising, aside from the
2104:
I agree. Thanks for addressing everything; I think that the article's better as a result. Will go pass now.
804:
Additional images added. I've tried to avoid non-free images, and the dubiously free unmarked PR images. --
1420:
Saying that his presence "killed" the campaign is unencyclopedic. What do you mean by that? Please clarify.
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Dude, you still need to fix the Pendergast refs. I can fix them for you if you like in the next day or so.
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I've got a bunch done tonight, but I have to log off now and head home. Not all issues are addressed. --
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you", so he had agent Norman Brokaw of William Morris Agency inquire about being their spokesperson."
2047:
Sorry for disappearing for a few days, I'll try and get the rest covered as soon as possible. --
1605:
In 1986, Cosby was initially only on contract to Jell-O, but added two more accounts by year's end.
863:
Nice job with the changes. I feel better about things now. I'll do a copy-edit and review soon.
1880:
Moved. I thought I had already, but I guess not. It was a relic from before the decade sections.
1286:
source. How about: "Cosby was brought on board as part of the company's advertising campaign."
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And another one. It's unclear if you mean Coca-Cola produced the films, or Columbia Pictures.
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1862:* The sentence about Bird's Eye seems out of place. Shouldn't it be in the 1980s section?
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cast, or of his other shows mentioned. Other celebrities mentioned, like Nat King Cole.
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593:, it was a remainder from an earlier, shorter version where I was grasping for content.
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There has to be more images available, even if they're screen shots. Or an image of
786:
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1575:
I think this is clearer: "had made him financially secure for the rest of his life."
1540:
I think that this paragraph is a little long. How about breaking it up, like after
1030:
Cosby had appeared on The Tonight Show multiple times, but I Spy was still upcoming.
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Coca-Cola purchased Columbia Pictures in 1982, producing some successful films...
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You need to create a "Works cited" section and separate it from the "Notes".
230:
who Cosby is, and you don't. I could go on, but I suspect you get my point.
1300:
Oops on Gioia, that's something I regularly catch others on in GA reviews.
1210:
1398:
2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: What does "knock it" mean? Please explain.
1451:
changed it to "in areas where Pepsi sales dominated"... does that work?
1343:
Just to clarify, that was a Facebook type of "Like", not valley girl.
1305:
Is that wording better? I dumped "gambling" for merely "introduced".
1230:
I think you should introduce that General Mills makes Jell-O earlier.
1214:
1359:
Advertising Age named Cosby the top advertising personality of 1978.
2030:
I'll give you a week (until 6/20) to resolve these final issues.
1162:
Sorry, I misread the article saying the one fellow had worked on
1166:
for five years, though it was on Cosby's program for five years.
1624:
Changed, but the second occurrence is now "endorsements". --
1049::* Changed to similar, but I'm wondering if the assertion of
1082:
Cosby would later comment that there weren't commercials...
1747:
What parenting book? Please at least mention the title.:*
2118:
Thank you so much, for your patience and guidance! --
330:
I think that's right, and I agree with the name change.
134:
103:
1053:being a big thing for comedians needs to be cited?
776:Just one image, but free and appropriately tagged.
1255:Remove quotes from "fun", and rephrase sentence.
735:Has very little vandalism, and one main editor.
1217:, but there's only mention of the product on
585:Those sections weren't my idea, they were by
8:
165:Hi, I'm reviewing this article. See below.
1916:Works cited: Where is the last book cited?
781:B. Images are provided if possible and are
30:
1542:...the ads run in their markets as well.
694:I'm fine with this explanation, thanks.
61:
33:
1697:Another dangling modifier; please fix.
1552:Broken, and changed the wording. --
1508:You still haven't identified Moreira.
1174:The Jell-O Program Starring Jack Benny
1573:...had him set for life, financially.
7:
641:Fair representation without bias:
404:
24:
1198:* Does Pudding Pops have a link?
1176:, but I think it qualifies. --
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398:B. Citation to reliable sources
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1672:* What's a "finishing system"?
1093:Multiple contractions expanded.
610:Nice way to solve the problem.
1842:Done, tell me what you think.
1213:, strangely. I've fixed it to
18:Talk:Bill Cosby in advertising
1:
1706:Reworded significantly. --
367:appropriate reference section
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1837:By all means, be my guest.
1796:Fixed, slightly different.
1522:How's that read now? --
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762:valid fair use rationales
749:to illustrate the topic?
2090:I think that's it. --
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246:21:52, 29 May 2013 (UTC)
208:16:33, 3 June 2013 (UTC)
175:15:26, 28 May 2013 (UTC)
161:15:26, 28 May 2013 (UTC)
1683:Photographic processing
785:to the topic, and have
216:reasonably well written
587:user:Augsburgbeliever
486:broad in its coverage
1894:Among the reasons...
468:No original research
1262:How's it now? --
1209:was a redirect to
354:factually accurate
221:A. Prose quality:
1247:Good point, done.
787:suitable captions
764:are provided for
656:Pound Cake speech
89:
88:
2144:
1980:Looking through
1804:1990s to present
1307:Oxford Companion
877:Thank you. --
835:
834:
794:
793:
773:
772:
766:non-free content
758:copyright status
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513:Black Enterprise
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147:Figureskatingfan
139:
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43:Copyvio detector
31:
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1340:Like, changed.
927:scholarly cited
901:
400:where necessary
258:compliance for
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1584:Changed. --
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830:Pass or Fail:
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799:The Cosby Show
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268:words to watch
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53:External links
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183:review – see
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1207:Pudding Pops
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291:Lead pending
290:
233:
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191:
187:for criteria
179:
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164:
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143:
142:
135:
131:
117:Article talk
116:
112:
93:
90:
81:Instructions
1681:linking to
904:Personality
756:with their
509:Aunt Jemima
380:Done. --
298:Typo fixed.
104:visual edit
650:products.
591:Fat Albert
579:Fat Albert
365:A. Has an
359:verifiable
48:Authorship
34:GA toolbox
1982:cite book
1890:Criticism
1164:Discovery
725:edit wars
144:Reviewer:
71:Templates
62:Reviewing
27:GA Review
1211:Popsicle
783:relevant
744:contain
742:Does it
664:WP:SYNTH
234:Pending.
185:WP:WIAGA
157:contribs
76:Criteria
2120:Zanimum
2092:Zanimum
2063:Zanimum
2049:Zanimum
1986:Zanimum
1922:Zanimum
1708:Zanimum
1656:Zanimum
1626:Zanimum
1586:Zanimum
1554:Zanimum
1524:Zanimum
1311:Zanimum
1264:Zanimum
1178:Zanimum
1117:Zanimum
1051:Tonight
932:Zanimum
879:Zanimum
825:Overall
806:Zanimum
727:, etc:
668:Zanimum
666:. --
635:neutral
567:Focused
518:Zanimum
416:Zanimum
382:Zanimum
304:Zanimum
272:fiction
238:Zanimum
127:history
108:history
94:Article
1756:Fixed.
1738:Fixed.
1429:Fixed.
1389:Fixed.
1283:blitz.
1215:Jell-O
1016:Fixed.
899:Review
760:, and
754:tagged
746:images
718:stable
716:Is it
632:Is it
484:Is it
352:Is it
274:, and
264:layout
214:Is it
1502:room.
1378:1980s
1195:1970s
948:1960s
276:lists
136:Watch
16:<
2124:talk
2110:talk
2096:talk
2082:talk
2067:talk
2053:talk
2036:talk
2014:talk
1990:talk
1972:talk
1950:talk
1926:talk
1905:talk
1848:talk
1774:talk
1712:talk
1660:talk
1630:talk
1590:talk
1558:talk
1528:talk
1514:talk
1367:talk
1315:talk
1268:talk
1182:talk
1142:talk
1121:talk
1067:talk
1038:talk
990:talk
936:talk
883:talk
869:talk
845:talk
810:talk
700:talk
672:talk
616:talk
549:talk
522:talk
448:talk
420:talk
386:talk
356:and
336:talk
308:talk
260:lead
242:talk
236:--
204:talk
171:talk
151:talk
123:edit
100:edit
1219:SNL
723:No
565:B.
491:A.
466:C.
256:MoS
254:B.
2126:)
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2016:)
1992:)
1974:)
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1003:*
992:)
938:)
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827::
812:)
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768::
720:?
702:)
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638:?
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524:)
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470::
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402::
388:)
369::
362:?
338:)
310:)
278::
270:,
266:,
262:,
244:)
218:?
206:)
181:GA
173:)
159:)
125:|
106:|
102:|
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154:·
149:(
132:·
129:)
121:(
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110:)
98:(
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