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That article also says she came to Hawaii in 1958, which is off by more than two decades according to the other sources – that's why I chose not to cite that source except for details about her death and funeral. Happy to add it if you still think it should be added,
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Surely not, but the source isn't any more specific. Changed to "after beginning her campaign late in the election season" which I feel is less idiomatic while still being supported by the source. Made a similar change for both occurrences of
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The sentence beginning "In 1948, she was" feels rather run-on-y to me. Could it be, perhaps, split up or rephrased? For instance, is "during an election campaign season" even needed, as it could well be garnered from context?
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Rephrased to "In 1948, she was fired; she claimed that the firing was motivated by her support for her husband Harold
Duponte's campaign to be County Attorney as a Democrat." Better, I think?
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I wish it could - but not with the source currently used, and I haven't been able to find a more detailed one on the subject, though that doesn't mean it isn't out there.
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279:, and please don't feel any rush – real life takes priority. I've made changes based on your suggestions and will look forward to the source check!
231:" a controversial figure" is there anything to add about the controvery? controversial to whom? for the actions the next sentence describes?
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suggest reviewing for overlinks, I remoed links to education and secretary. Similar broad concept links are probably not needed
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If we know how long the couple were married, suggest adding the approximate year of their marrieage earlier in the text.
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Just some thoughts, prose is generally fine. Nothing super major. Suggestions, all. Will be back with source check.
412:, but I want to double-check with you first since details suggest that source may be inaccurate. Let me know!
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cites a
Louisville birthplace. suggest mentioning both. Happy to pass after that point is resolved.
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444:-- Obituaries can be iffy particularly when they just contain funeral information. Happy to pass
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Overlinks are an
Achilles' heel of mine. I appreciate the removals you made. I made a few others.
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What does "last-minute campaign" in this context mean? surely not literally last minute
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Clarified – what I have there now is all the source says on the subject
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The source doesn't say, and I don't want to add original research
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one thing about the sources I checked doesn't line up:
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173:(Apologies, got swamped with work this week)
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275:Thanks so much for reviewing,
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104:visual edit
48:Authorship
34:GA toolbox
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71:Templates
62:Reviewing
27:GA Review
446:Eddie891
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76:Criteria
127:history
108:history
94:Article
209:Added!
427:ctrbs
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136:Watch
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