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The sentences in the last paragraph are kind of choppy. Combining some of them would help a lot. I specifically suggest combining the first two ("The developers decided..." and "One of the main...") and the two about music substituting dialogue ("The team decided to..." and "The cello represents...")
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It may take a day or two for me to complete the review. You do NOT need to wait until the review is complete to start responding to my comments. If you disagree with any of my suggestions, please feel free to discuss the issue. Once complete, I will be claiming this review for points in the
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Because "Mountains" isn't a descriptive name for the studio and there's no link, the opening sentence reads a little oddly at first glance. Could you add a brief descriptor to it? Something like "developed by the
Austrailian studio Mountains" (per
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1577:"The team's goal was to create..." I'm not sure the quote works in this sentence. It sounds like the developers had no goals for the game. I recommend "create a game where players focus on exploring emotions instead of achieving goals."
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1557:). She sees him at a park and basically fantasizes back at home about him-- and then they actually meet in the next chapter. So I kept it, but feel free to ping if you think it should really definitely be changed.
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Most of the references contain a wikilink to the source, but some (1, 3, 9, 10, 15) don't. Was this intentional? I couldn't locate an article for App
Trigger (ref 12). Is it worth a redlink?
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Definitely isn't worth the redlink here-- it's not a target to be created. Only reason why it's being used in this article is as a primary source from the developer (it was an interview).
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no concern. I believe the caption for the screenshot is sufficient, but you might consider adding some alt text that describes the image more clearly.
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Florence's age is specified 3 times in the article (lead, gameplay, and plot). I think the one in this section could be removed.
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Thanks so much for the swift review. I've responded to your concerns above, let me know if you have further comments!
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I don't require a full overhaul of the section to pass GA, but I suggest reading the tips for reception sections
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https://www.cnbc.com/2018/02/09/designer-of-monument-valley-has-a-new-game-where-users-explore-relationships.html
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six times in four paragraphs. I suggest rewriting some sentences to avoid it or replacing it with synonyms like
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https://www.polygon.com/2017/10/24/16534386/florence-game-ios-android-release-date-preview-annapurna-interactive
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https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2018/02/florences-love-story-mixes-the-best-of-comics-video-games-and-animation/
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refers to her things that she packed. Is she unpacking her own stuff, or giving Krish different things?
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on
Knowledge (XXG). If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
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http://www.gameinformer.com/games/florence/b/ios/archive/2018/02/20/florence-game-informer-review.aspx
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So weird thing here-- it's actually "sees", not "meets" (see the part of it on YouTube here:
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https://www.theverge.com/2017/10/24/16533918/florence-iphone-game-announce-ken-wong-interview
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twice. I suggest removing the first instance, but it could be reworded other ways as well.
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It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
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https://www.theverge.com/2018/2/14/17007592/florence-iphone-ipad-review-monument-valley
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I think it happens to everyone. I've been pointed to that essay in more than one FAC.
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https://www.engadget.com/2018/02/14/florence-game-ios-love-ken-wong-interview-mobile/
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Got it, thanks. I'll CE after this is done-- it's a bad habit of my writing.
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A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
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https://www.mcvuk.com/business/florence-how-game-design-can-tell-love-stories
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It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing
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https://www.cgmagonline.com/2018/01/22/florence-2018s-interesting-game/
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Giving Krish back his things. Changed wording to reflect that.
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http://www.player.one/florence-game-ken-wong-interview-123975
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And thank you for the swift replies! Happy to pass this one.
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Changed to "the sound of a cello" per the source as well.
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https://apptrigger.com/2018/02/12/ken-wong-game-florence/
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https://www.destructoid.com/review-florence-491831.phtml
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shows the awkwardness of a first date through a puzzle
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https://techcrunch.com/2018/02/14/florence-app-review/
123:. The nomination discussion and review may be seen at
1477:"as they progress " - suggest "as players progress "
234:, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
1284:https://issuu.com/newbayeurope/docs/mcv_march_2018
1175:http://toucharcade.com/2018/02/13/florence-review/
1652:Made some word changes here per your suggestions.
45:. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
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1410:review – see
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1239:
1238:
1237:Development:
1233:
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1222:Destructoid:
1221:
1219:
1215:
1213:
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1203:
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1195:
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1187:
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1177:
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1173:TouchArcade:
1171:
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826:
825:Hotline Miami
823:
820:
816:
813:
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808:
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799:
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782:
780:
774:
773:Dr Disrespect
771:
768:
764:
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742:
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730:
726:
723:
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697:Kim Kitsuragi
695:
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688:
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623:
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546:
528:
524:
521:
518:
514:
511:
508:
504:
501:
500:
491:
485:
483:
478:
475:
472:
466:
464:
459:
458:Covet Fashion
456:
453:
451:
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433:
430:
427:
425:
420:
417:
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316:
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129:
126:
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56:
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48:
44:
40:
36:
35:
34:
28:
25:
22:
18:
17:
2112:
2060:
2000:
1974:
1950:
1926:B. It stays
1911:main aspects
1903:
1803:
1766:
1760:
1680:
1659:
1646:
1642:
1638:
1634:
1630:
1626:
1622:
1611:
1607:
1601:Combined em.
1587:specifically
1586:
1564:
1548:
1542:
1529:
1507:
1485:
1467:please link
1454:
1441:well written
1440:
1422:2018 Wikicup
1418:
1414:for criteria
1406:
1405:
1394:
1384:
1383:
1370:
1359:Instructions
1289:
1272:Apptrigger:
1265:Gamesradar:
1264:
1259:
1251:
1248:
1241:
1236:
1223:
1204:TechCrunch:
1196:
1188:
1180:
1172:
1164:
1144:
1141:
1127:
1050:reassessment
1028:
1010:
998:
986:
974:
962:
926:
912:
898:
884:
870:
856:
842:
828:
804:
790:
776:
752:
738:
735:Pixel Piracy
714:
711:Miner 2049er
700:
656:
642:
628:
601:
589:
577:
565:
553:
487:
484:participants
481:
468:
465:participants
462:
452:participants
449:
439:participants
436:
426:participants
423:
419:Ryo Sakazaki
410:
400:participants
397:
387:participants
384:
291:
269:
229:
167:WikiProjects
106:
105:
102:Did you know
101:
91:Did you know
89:
81:
80:A fact from
52:
43:please do so
31:
30:
26:
2012:with their
1565:Development
1462:this source
1373:transcluded
1297:PlayerOne:
1260:Interview:
1252:The Verge:
1074:screenshots
801:Async Corp.
625:Donkey Kong
503:Screen Rant
413:participant
320:Summary of
309:open tasks:
305:Summary of
245:Video games
236:video games
186:Video games
96:check views
2148:Categories
2032:no concern
1992:no concern
1966:no concern
1942:no concern
1921:no concern
1895:no concern
1885:plagiarism
1874:no concern
1857:no concern
1762:verifiable
1752:no concern
1639:settled on
1326:Authorship
1312:GA toolbox
1197:Engadget:
1036:assessment
895:River Raid
578:The Sims 4
527:discussion
517:discussion
507:discussion
477:Vector TDx
324:open tasks
37:under the
1837:are from
1660:Reception
1385:Reviewer:
1349:Templates
1340:Reviewing
1305:GA Review
1242:Polygon:
1165:Polygon:
1068:cover art
1062:infoboxes
749:Ether One
687:Justin Yu
590:Smash Hit
104:... that
86:Main Page
2039:relevant
1982:edit war
1643:selected
1508:Gameplay
1412:WP:WIAGA
1398:contribs
1354:Criteria
1092:creation
489:relisted
470:relisted
157:GA-class
114:minigame
108:Florence
47:reassess
2114:Nomader
2061:Overall
1952:neutral
1833:B. All
1805:Nomader
1738:fiction
1682:Nomader
1664:I made
1623:decided
1487:Nomader
1469:cellist
1181:Verge:
1146:Nomader
1130:Nomader
1097:merging
1076:(8,817)
1056:cleanup
923:Pikachu
380:Neo Geo
354:vg talk
344:history
272:on the
88:in the
2016:, and
2010:tagged
2002:images
1975:stable
1973:Is it
1949:Is it
1902:Is it
1759:Is it
1740:, and
1730:layout
1631:picked
1612:themes
1572:Fixed.
1439:Is it
1290:CNBC:
1080:photos
1011:Tetris
359:alerts
163:scale.
54:Review
1765:with
1647:chose
1635:opted
1627:chose
1549:meets
1375:from
1278:MCV:
1088:(190)
1070:(248)
929:start
915:start
901:start
887:start
873:start
859:start
845:start
831:start
807:start
793:start
779:start
755:start
741:start
717:start
703:start
667:Birdo
659:start
645:start
631:start
364:purge
349:shell
334:watch
191:Indie
2121:talk
2080:talk
1883:nor
1812:talk
1704:talk
1689:talk
1666:this
1543:Plot
1530:Them
1494:talk
1455:Lead
1430:talk
1392:talk
1153:talk
1134:talk
1082:(66)
1064:(21)
374:AfDs
339:edit
329:view
1934:):
1058:(8)
1052:(0)
1042:) (
1017:rev
1004:rev
992:nom
980:nom
968:nom
819:nom
767:nom
729:nom
691:nom
681:nom
671:nom
607:nom
595:nom
583:nom
571:nom
559:nom
264:Low
49:it.
2150::
2124:)
2082:)
2063::
2045::
2024::
2005:?
1977:?
1955:?
1906:?
1887::
1866::
1849::
1815:)
1776::
1769:?
1744::
1736:,
1732:,
1728:,
1706:)
1692:)
1641:,
1637:,
1633:,
1629:,
1608:it
1497:)
1464:)?
1443:?
1432:)
1424:.
1408:GA
1400:)
1156:)
1136:)
486:;
467:;
189::
63:).
2118:(
2108::
2104:@
2078:(
1809:(
1702:(
1686:(
1491:(
1471:.
1428:(
1395:·
1390:(
1286:)
1150:(
1132:(
1046:)
1044:3
1040:3
1038:(
1019:)
1015:(
1006:)
1002:(
994:)
990:(
982:)
978:(
970:)
966:(
933:)
925:(
919:)
911:(
905:)
897:(
891:)
883:(
877:)
869:(
863:)
855:(
849:)
841:(
835:)
827:(
821:)
817:(
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803:(
797:)
789:(
783:)
775:(
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765:(
759:)
751:(
745:)
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731:)
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479:(
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460:(
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434:(
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421:(
415:)
411:1
408:(
402:)
398:5
395:(
389:)
385:2
382:(
296:.
276:.
169::
127:.
Text is available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License. Additional terms may apply.
