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964:”By authoring the work, Kim Jong-il gained social and political power, and secured Kim Il-sung's confidence, making the former's assuming of leadership of the country possible.” – This seems overly complex and really could benefit from being rewritten, possibly as two sentences instead of one long one.
1425:
Just a couple of additional comments that I noticed on the final read through, nothing major. I believe that is my complete review of the current version. Once these are addressed I'll give it another read through. So I am putting this on hold for up to 7 days to give you time to address all the
1559:, and congratulations on great work on your part as well. This nomination was not only given recognition but was also made several improvements to, thanks to your comments. I am confident that your review was well-conducted and accurate and that, consequentially, the outcome was the right one.
336:
So the first sentence states that this book “has become essential”, yet later on it lists that the impact is disputed? Leaving the “essential” statement by itself and not listing the dispute until later makes it initially seem like it’s a universal fact. Those two opposite statements should be
609:”the book is considered the highest authority on cinema” – This is a weasel phrase the way it stands right now. Not attributed to a source at this point in time, not identifying who considers it an authority? That statement really needs to be put in context to be encyclopedic.
1471:. I'll work out the remaining problems. There is a bit of a tension in sources. Some say this is "the most important" book on cinema. Others take up this proposition and critically analyze it. I need to strike the right balance here, and be careful not to weasel it.
179:
337:
together to paint a complete, balanced picture in the lead. And really should we not clarify that it's "essential" in North Korea - where he was a dictator, without a qualifier it's like saying "Mein Kampf" became essential. Not giving the whole picture.
624:
If you are referring to the image caption, it repeats what the adjacent section says in these words: "The work is considered the most authoritative guide on filmmaking in North Korea." This is attributed to Kwak, who in the original source says:
175:
558:
revolves around the choice facing the main character, Gap Ryong: to perish under oppression or sacrificing one's self for the revolution. Its seed could be summarized as "whether or not Gap Ryong participates in the revolutionary movement, he
357:
has become essential to North Korean film theory", and this checks out when compared with the section on seed theory. I think you are confusing two things (which is my fault, since I've written a confusing text): The seed theory
656:
Yes it was in the caption, which has no attributation to Kwak as far as I can tell. But specifying "in North Korea" in the caption it goes from being a universal claim to the very specific claim that the source backs
814:
Kim himself considered his treatise a failure. Films it had contributed to were enjoyed at home, but abroad they were ridiculed. North Korean cinema could not compete with the quality of foreign, and in particular
1157:
Oh it was part of the actual documentary, not him consulting the treatsie as he was filiming it? I totally did not read it that way, but yes if that was shown as part of the documentary the tense is correct.
868:
Who is Shin Sang-ok and why is his kidnapping tied to this? The article neglects to give the proper context so that someone who does not know the details already is not sure exactly what this is about.
182:) candidates in need of input. Not that it's a factor in my GA review. I usually provide my feedback in portions over a day or so, so don't be surprised if I keep popping in with stuff for a while.
1499:- looking at the feedback from you and what I've checked I believe there is only one issue left, specifying "North Korea" in the caption. All other concerns have been addressed one way or another.
232:
Shows possible violation at 45.1% to one website, but that's a direct, attributable quote so I don't think there is a concern there. Everything else is listed as "unlikely" so I am good here
728:“sloppy practices” is a judgment statement, what is sloppy to one person may not be to someone else and should not be presented as a fact, can we get some facts on what those practices were?
47:
1043:
I've exhausted every means to research this (library catalog searches, search in North Korean sources both online and in print, etc.) to no avail. The definite way to access it is in
635:
in there to attribute this statement to what is a general consensus among scholars? Other sources tend to put this more poetically, calling it "the bible of" North Korean cinema.
126:
80:
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52:
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70:
353:
Can you be more specific about where you spotted this problem? No sentence says that the book "has become essential" (in verbatim). There is a phrase: "The
1047:
that currently run into volume 24, in Korean, and as you can imagine these are not easy to come by. We have two options here and I wish input from you:
1117:”The Red Chapel continuously consults the treatise”, I assume that should be past tense, unless he still consults it even after the movie was finished?
99:
871:
So he kidnaps Shin, then Shin studied the book and does stuff to please Kim? There is a part of the story missing that could be elaborated on please.
629:
that was written by Kim Jong-il has been widely recognized as the highest guidelines the process of making films in North Korea." Should I put
691:. Does this suffice or do you want me to duplicate the reference in the caption? What about the point I raised above: should I write that it's
979:
By authoring the work, Kim Jong-il gained social and political power. He secured his father's confidence, thus making succession possible.
883:
If there is a story to be told in North Korean cinema, it's this one. Unfortunately for us, for most sources on the subject this is the
539:"whether or not Gap Ryong participates in the revolutionary movement, he dies" – I am not sure what this sentence is supposed to convey?
169:
223:
nothing that is worth mentioning, I believe the weasel phrase that is called out is sourced and will be included in the general review
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I am about to start the review, full disclosure I am aWiki Cup and a GA Cup participant. If anyone would like to reciprocate I have
887:
story that is told. I've tried to keep this to minimum in this article, but you are right, some context is needed. I elaborated:
914:, where they were supposed to negotiate a deal for a sequel. The couple used the opportunity to escape, and ended up in America.
1446:
I am seeing a lot of great updates, there are only a few things left to do and you're definitely going in the right direction.
1352:"The hero of the story in particular embodies ChajusĹŹng." should be "The hero of the story, in particular, embodies ChajusĹŹng."
75:
115:
17:
207:
I try to always start out by hitting the GA Toolbox provided to us, often it finds issues that can be addressed quickly.
156:
740:
This paragraphs recounts Schönherr's analysis of the book and its impact, so any judgement statement is presented as a
910:, which credits Kim as the executive producer. Kim was delighted with the film and allowed Shin and Choi to travel to
744:
account of a significant viewpoint. I think the right thing to do here is to attribute it directly by quotation to
1063:
out entirely. I'm leaning toward this option, because this is not presented as a comprehensive list in any case.
917:
There is so much more on this, but I think this suffices to establish both context and the link with the book.
92:
1089:
Leave it in with no date, you can source he wrote it, just not when - half the info is better than no info.
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I gave it one last read through with the changes made, I am satisfied that this meets the GA criteria.
399:
I believe the lead originally had that phrase, the current version of the lead is fine the way it is.
898:, were kept in North Korea for eight years under cruel conditions. Nevertheless, Shin studied
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748:. I've verified from source the exact words Schönherr uses and amended the article to read:
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562:(If you still find this confusing, I have other options to use as example here).
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778:"""I think that works, it's clear that the statement is backed up by the source.
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894:, South Korea's most famous film director, in 1978. Shin and his wife, actress
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Glad someone is on the ball, too bad that someone wasn't me. No problems here
754:. There are other options I have in mind if you are not satisfied with this.
1133:
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an attempt to thwart the "sloppiness and thoughtlessness" he had encountered
374:. Do I have to rephrase something in the article to avoid this confusion,
1132:
this is describing things that happen on-screen in a documentary. Per
911:
370:
as a whole might not have been very influential in North Korean
1028:
The “On
Acrobatics” does not have a year listed, the rest do.
938:
Perfect, just enough context for it all to make more sense.
280:: Working archive links already provided to all three.
134:
103:
1241:Caption of the status should start with "A bronze"
180:Mexican National Light Heavyweight Championship
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8:
1136:, this should in in present tense. Right?
30:
799:Why or how did Kim consider it a failure?
61:
33:
890:This directly prompted him to kidnap
7:
556:The Fate of a Self-Defence Corps Man
746:avoid presenting an opinion as fact
176:CMLL World Heavyweight Championship
170:Mexican National Trios Championship
1389:"cancelling" should be "canceling"
24:
1396:
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1186:is shown continuously consulting
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425:”original theories, that” =: -->
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1315:"make-up and" = "make-up, and"
1278:Caption should read "a camera"
554:For example, the seed of film
1:
1220:Just another round of input.
1045:Selected Works of Kim Jong-il
583:I agree, much better wording.
18:Talk:On the Art of the Cinema
362:influential in North Korean
269:Source 25 - Connection Issue
1210:I am good with this change.
551:I've amended this to read:
1592:
1183:I clarified this to read:
699:considered authoritative?
426:“original theories, which”
1576:10:51, 8 March 2016 (UTC)
1550:01:16, 8 March 2016 (UTC)
1515:20:03, 7 March 2016 (UTC)
1488:20:44, 6 March 2016 (UTC)
1462:20:16, 6 March 2016 (UTC)
1442:11:11, 5 March 2016 (UTC)
1418:23:08, 5 March 2016 (UTC)
1381:23:08, 5 March 2016 (UTC)
1344:23:08, 5 March 2016 (UTC)
1307:23:08, 5 March 2016 (UTC)
1270:23:08, 5 March 2016 (UTC)
1236:21:45, 4 March 2016 (UTC)
1206:14:58, 6 March 2016 (UTC)
1174:23:18, 5 March 2016 (UTC)
1153:23:08, 5 March 2016 (UTC)
1105:20:16, 6 March 2016 (UTC)
1081:23:08, 5 March 2016 (UTC)
1018:20:16, 6 March 2016 (UTC)
998:16:02, 6 March 2016 (UTC)
954:20:16, 6 March 2016 (UTC)
934:19:34, 6 March 2016 (UTC)
858:20:16, 6 March 2016 (UTC)
838:19:34, 6 March 2016 (UTC)
794:20:16, 6 March 2016 (UTC)
771:16:02, 6 March 2016 (UTC)
716:20:14, 7 March 2016 (UTC)
673:20:00, 7 March 2016 (UTC)
652:17:54, 7 March 2016 (UTC)
599:20:16, 6 March 2016 (UTC)
579:16:02, 6 March 2016 (UTC)
531:23:08, 5 March 2016 (UTC)
493:23:08, 5 March 2016 (UTC)
455:23:08, 5 March 2016 (UTC)
415:20:00, 7 March 2016 (UTC)
395:17:54, 7 March 2016 (UTC)
325:12:10, 4 March 2016 (UTC)
297:07:33, 4 March 2016 (UTC)
264:Source 31 - Probably dead
259:Source 30 - Probably dead
198:03:43, 4 March 2016 (UTC)
161:03:43, 4 March 2016 (UTC)
900:On the Art of the Cinema
627:On the Art of the Cinema
501:”It has called a” =: -->
902:to please Kim with the
685:Good point. I've added
463:”centers around” =: -->
1188:
1050:Leave it as it is, or
981:
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502:”It has been called a”
172:) needing a review and
249:((aye}} no problems
178:) and Feature List (
174:a Feature Article (
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688:in North Korea
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1061:On Acrobatics
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842:Much better.
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896:Choi Eun-hee
892:Shin Sang-ok
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817:South Korean
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464:“centers on”
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168:my own GAN (
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117:Article talk
116:
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93:
90:
81:Instructions
1563:Finnusertop
1555:Thank you,
1530:Finnusertop
1495:Finnusertop
1475:Finnusertop
1467:Thank you,
1405:Finnusertop
1368:Finnusertop
1331:Finnusertop
1294:Finnusertop
1257:Finnusertop
1193:Finnusertop
1140:Finnusertop
1068:Finnusertop
985:Finnusertop
921:Finnusertop
825:Finnusertop
758:Finnusertop
703:Finnusertop
639:Finnusertop
566:Finnusertop
518:Finnusertop
480:Finnusertop
442:Finnusertop
382:Finnusertop
364:film theory
355:seed theory
284:Finnusertop
211:Peer review
104:visual edit
1426:comments.
1130:Question:
1041:Question:
683:Question:
622:Question:
366:. But the
351:Question:
203:GA Toolbox
48:Authorship
34:GA toolbox
1134:MOS:TENSE
976:Amended:
908:Pulgasari
144:Reviewer:
71:Templates
62:Reviewing
27:GA Review
1572:contribs
1484:contribs
1414:contribs
1377:contribs
1340:contribs
1303:contribs
1266:contribs
1202:contribs
1149:contribs
1077:contribs
994:contribs
930:contribs
834:contribs
819:, films.
767:contribs
712:contribs
648:contribs
575:contribs
527:contribs
489:contribs
451:contribs
391:contribs
293:contribs
157:contribs
76:Criteria
278:Comment
127:history
108:history
94:Article
1557:MPJ-DK
1469:MPJ-DK
1401:Done.
1364:Done.
1327:Done.
1290:Done.
1253:Done.
912:Vienna
695:widely
632:widely
559:dies".
514:Done.
476:Done.
438:Done.
376:MPJ-DK
147:MPJ-DK
906:film
904:kaijū
136:Watch
16:<
1568:talk
1524:pass
1480:talk
1410:talk
1373:talk
1336:talk
1299:talk
1262:talk
1198:talk
1145:talk
1073:talk
990:talk
926:talk
885:only
830:talk
763:talk
708:talk
644:talk
571:talk
523:talk
485:talk
447:talk
387:talk
368:book
289:talk
151:talk
123:edit
100:edit
1545:-US
1538:MPJ
1510:-US
1503:MPJ
1457:-US
1450:MPJ
1437:-US
1430:MPJ
1231:-US
1224:MPJ
1169:-US
1162:MPJ
1100:-US
1093:MPJ
1013:-US
1006:MPJ
949:-US
942:MPJ
853:-US
846:MPJ
789:-US
782:MPJ
742:due
668:-US
661:MPJ
657:up.
594:-US
587:MPJ
410:-US
403:MPJ
320:-US
313:MPJ
193:-US
186:MPJ
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360:is
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125:|
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