681:, thanks for addressing my comments. My advice - if you can't find an exact source that says "He is the most successful", then don't add it. It might be better to say "He is considered to be the most successful.." with the sources at the end. For the "medal contender" claim, I have removed the word "medal" because he is definitely a contender, but may not necessarily be a medal winner! I have read half of the article again and made some small changes for you. Let me know if you're okay with them.
1312:. I was meant to point out the issues to all the editors in general. Anyway, I have just finished reading the article and it looks much better. I've made some edits too, such as using "1st" instead of "first", if he came in that position in a race. This was to keep it consistent throughout the article. I've also trimmed some of the sentences down and replaced words that may introduce bias (eg. "claimed", "noted", "although") —
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It is optional if you want to use a table or not. If you think it looks better in a table, then you can, but it's not necessary. Also, try not to use the same quotes twice; you've got "NBC Sports described him as "arguably the greatest freestyle swimmer of all time" in the lead and achievements
1054:
This sentence: "WADA, which has a right of appeal if it perceives a sanction to be too light, elected not to proceed further after reviewing the case file." — has been copy and pasted from the article at source 43 (The Sydney
Morning Herald). Please don't copy from sources directly, see:
655:
I've resolved all of your comments. I've been making additional edits and improvements to the article, including some expansions to underdeveloped/unwritten parts of the Career section. Feel free to review these changes, and take your time with the rest of the review.
1114:", the second paragraph also has sentences very similar to source 82 (ABC News). Please avoid copying the article, and put it in your own words instead. If you take a sentence from a source, please put it in quote marks. Example below:
945:
Got it. Deleted the extra quote, and renamed the subheaders. However, I don't agree about moving those sections after
Personal life. I think it's better to consecutively organize all career-related information. See the featured article
964:
I can't find any sources for his achievements from 2006 and 2007, so I'll probably be deleting them. Those entries seem like national tournaments anyway, so they aren't as noteworthy as the rest of his international achievements.
297:"China's Anti-Doping Agency deputy director Zhao Jia subsequently commented: "Sun proved.." — I don't think you need this quote in the lead. It is already mentioned later. Just summarise the fact: "He was banned for three months"
1026:" section, the last paragraph is about Sun driving without a licence and his apology. Could we perhaps merge this to the "Personal life" section as it is mentioned there too. I don't think it needs to be mentioned in 2 places.
925:
sections. In your career headers, try to put the date first (2013 — Continued success, 2015 — Worldwide
Championships etc). Move the Awards, Achievements and Personal bests to the bottom (just after Personal life). Thanks,
1198:
These references don't have website titles: 44, 62, 65, 66, 67, 90, 91, 93, 95, 96, 97, 98, 126, 127, 128, 129, 130. This doesn't stop it from being a Good
Article, but it's usually good practice to mention them.
1246:
Unfortunately it seems so. It also isn't archived. Judging from the title, the article is about Sun playing basketball, which we fortunately already have another source for. I've deleted the dead reference.
1117:"fully transparent to clear his name" – this part should be in quote marks because this phrase is from source 102 (Swim Swam). I have done this for you. Any direct quotes from sources must have quote marks.
1316:. Overall, the article is mostly well-written, neutral, stable, verifiable and illustrated with images. Thanks for improving this article, I hope you keep up the quality! I'm now passing this as a GA.
1082:" section, the two paragraphs mention the incident about Mack Horton refusing to share the podium with Sun. Does it need to be mentioned in both paragraphs if it's the same incident?
716:"most decorated Chinese male swimmer in Olympic history, and the first swimmer to win the 400/1500 double since Vladimir Salnikov.." — is that also sourced in the ref
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I didn't remove it because it's objectively true; he is the most decorated (as in, he has the most medals of any
Chinese athlete). (See the opening sentence of
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The Awards table is great. Could we try moving that image of Sun with a gold medal somewhere else? We should allow the table to fully expand to the right.
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688:"After qualifying for the final with the fastest time, he seemed a sure winner." — does that mean a winner for a medal? Is that sourced anywhere?
806:
I think you need a few more sources, especially in the "Continued success (2013)" section. Does source support everything in the paragraph?
423:"Sun was considered a favorite in the 400 metre and 1500 metre freestyle, as well.." — really? I think this needs a source(s) if it's true
195:"he is also the most decorated Chinese swimmer in history." — I think you should remove this line because it sounds like puffery (see
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531:"most successful Chinese male swimmer in Olympic history" — this might need to be sourced otherwise it sounds like puffery again
268:"then-stimulant" — you should rephrase it as "which was classified as a stimulant at the time by WADA" rather than using "then"
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395:"he placed" — I think you should change all instances of that to "he came", because this is how it is expressed in English
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Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Added two sources, but couldn't find sources for the "medal contender" claim. Should I do some more searching?
216:.) I feel like the next sentence would be more likely to be considered puffery, but there is attribution to a
332:"He was named after the combination of his parents' surnames" — you can probably remove "the combination of"
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Thanks for taking the time to review! I’ll try to work through your comments within the next few days.
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Most of this article was not written by me. Regardless, thanks for pointing this out and for the fix.
1062:
Most of this article was not written by me. Regardless, thanks for pointing this out and for the fix.
773:"Sun was given the task of anchoring the team for the 4 × 200 metre.." — change the word "anchoring"
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Probably meant that he got silver last time, but it's not really too relevant here, so I deleted it.
360:"Sun is the only son to his parents." — the right phrase in English would be: "He is an only child"
452:"anchored the Chinese team" — we might need a different term because "anchored" doesn't make sense
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199:. I know it states that he is "decorated" in the source but let's just give only the facts
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I have started an initial review of this article! Here are my comments so far:
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903:
For the "Major achievements" section, should I convert it to a table format?
593:
There's a few copy edits and minor language changes, which I can do later
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986:
Finally finished the table. Let me know if there's anything else to do.
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1264:
I have also made some minor edits to the rest of the article. Thanks,
1018:
Okay great, that's fine. Here's a few (last) more things, I promise!:
1170:" header? You could just mention "long course" in the table instead.
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Also, the "Major achievements" section will also need sources (like
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More comments later, but it's good so far. Nothing major. Thanks,
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Reworded to say "strongest event". The next sentence explains it.
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Reference 130 doesn't work for me. Has the article been deleted?
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I think that's everything. Thanks for the detailed review!
744:"he improved on his silver showing" — what does this mean?
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was the closest I could find to a source. Should I add it?
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Let me know if it sounds verbose now. I can try to trim.
1308:. Apologies — I know the article wasn't written all by
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Changed; alternated between "he finished" and "he came"
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6 times. Please start the sentence with something else
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1166:Is it necessary to state "(long course)" in the "
502:"in his best event" — what does it mean by best?
544:Couldn't really find an explicit source, but
8:
1059:. I have rephrased this sentence for you.
882:Working through. Thanks for the comments.
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1057:Knowledge:Copying text from other sources
1314:Knowledge:Manual of Style/Words to watch
577:Also reworded the rest of the sentence.
236:In the second paragraph, you have used
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33:The following discussion is closed.
480:Nevermind; changed them back. See
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1080:2019–present: World Championships
1329:The discussion above is closed.
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1202:Will try to work through these.
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837:Michael Phelps#Honors_and_awards
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644:22:26, 10 November 2019 (UTC)
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606:05:49, 12 November 2019 (UTC)
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819:Let me know if I need more.
786:I'll link the key term. See
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1331:Please do not modify it.
35:Please do not modify it.
1024:2013: Continued success
463:Reworded both instances
1112:2018 testing incident
1092:Deleted first mention
197:MOS: Words to watch
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128:Article talk
127:
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104:
101:
92:Instructions
32:
115:visual edit
948:Ian Thorpe
788:anchor leg
482:anchor leg
327:Early life
238:"At the.."
59:Authorship
45:GA toolbox
783:Rephrased
698:Rephrased
155:Reviewer:
82:Templates
73:Reviewing
27:GA Review
1281:Lizzy150
1110:In the "
1078:In the "
1022:In the "
982:Lizzy150
941:Lizzy150
899:Lizzy150
868:Thanks,
651:Lizzy150
630:Lizzy150
541:Reworded
168:contribs
158:Lizzy150
87:Criteria
754:Deleted
574:Deleted
307:Removed
138:history
119:history
105:Article
1036:Merged
390:Career
1318:Lizzy
1266:Lizzy
927:Lizzy
870:Lizzy
615:Lizzy
147:Watch
16:<
1322:talk
1291:talk
1270:talk
1253:talk
1231:talk
1223:Done
1208:talk
1188:talk
1180:Done
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1148:Done
1126:talk
1100:talk
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992:talk
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956:talk
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909:talk
888:talk
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857:talk
849:Done
825:talk
816:Done
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763:talk
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583:talk
554:talk
546:this
521:talk
512:Done
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433:Done
413:talk
378:talk
370:Done
350:talk
342:Done
315:talk
287:talk
278:Done
258:talk
226:talk
190:Lead
176:Hey
162:talk
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