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I'm probably not going to fail it for this, but there are far too many short sentences for my liking, particularly in the "Plot" section, but throughout the entire article. All the sentences also tend to be the same length, which I find irritating. It's a bit like reading an elementary "See Spot run"
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Thank you for the copyediting, which looks very good to me. I merged a few sentences myself and added a citation where you had left a maintenance tag. I've also carified that the event = the picnic, and added "with force" after "capture him" - which perhaps wouldn't make complete sense in the real
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Overall, you have had to deal with some complex ideas in putting this article together and you've presented them cogently and well. So while my experience with the process is admittedly limited, I would have thought that this article would make a pretty good FAC candidate if you want to give it a
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I dare say I could go over this again and find one or two other bits and pieces that might benefit from a tweak, but it's the law of diminishing returns and this is GAN not FAC and one has to stop somewhere. In any case, once we got over the short sentence issue, the article was already in pretty
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Tried another formulation that hopefully is more clear. Here is what the source says, if that helps: "In it Renoir rediscovers the child, the adolescent, the boy in love that he once was and that he confronts with the questions that are troubling, or that soon will trouble, the modern world:
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No, the filming took place outdoors, but this is about the rehearsals, which took place indoors before filming began, thus the need to use chalk on the flat floor before moving on to the real location. I'll make it more clear that they still were indoors when the rehearsals
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Actually, it was the word "floor" I was querying as floors are generally flat and have no topography and much of the film appears to have been filmed out-of-doors. I have therefore changed "floor" to "ground" - hopefully this is what the source intended.
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Hmmm, I notice that the "Reception" section is much better written; I'm guessing you weren't terribly engaged with the subject matter when you were describing the film's production. Anyway, if the bit of copyediting I have done is acceptable to you
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I know I've said this before, but I'm sure we are just about there now. I will just take a hopefully final look at it tomorrow as I'm a bit tired right now, and we'll take it from there. Thank you for your patience in responding to my
195:
book. IMO you need to learn to vary the length of your sentences more, and also trust that the reader can absorb more than a couple of points at a time in a sentence. But that Plot section definitely needs a bit of work IMO.
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Wait, I got mixed up between Étienne the character and Renoir the filmmaker - the sentence actually makes sense now that I realize it's referring to the character. But I don't think your edit has done any harm
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That's not entirely clear in the movie either, and seems to have been even less clear to the critics. I've changed it to "the reservations Étienne appears to have developed toward the end of the film..."
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No problem Ffranc. This probably isn't far from promotion now, I will just return tomorrow I think to take a fresh look at it and then hopefully we can wrap things up.
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Accordng to MĂ©rigeau, the film was a way for Renoir to confront the boy he once was with the troubling questions of the contemporary world.
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Another parallel is with Renoir's film Partie de campagne, filmed in 1936, and the similarities in its portrayal of eroticism
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These include the films of
Jacques Tati, Mr. Freedom (1968) by William Klein and The Holes (1974) by Pierre Tchernia.
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The rehearsals then resumed, with markers chalked on the floor corresponding to the locations' topography
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shot there. Anyhow, well done, and I hope I didn't test your patience too much over the last few days!
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I changed the section heading to "Youth and experience" and tried to tie it together a bit better.
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A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with
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Renoir offered 50% of his earnings from La Grande
Illusion (1937) as a reimbursement guarantee
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It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
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Furthermore, upsetting for the left, the reservations Étienne develops ...
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It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing
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378:- what reservations? It's not clear what this is referring to.
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Changed to "the multiple-camera technique was abandoned after
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I presume this is meant to refer to the working method of
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They have invited journalists to document the event
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302:? But on which film was it "not used again" -
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230:world, but it is what happens in the movie.
725:No problem. Thank you for taking the time.
567:without going into unnecessary detail (see
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652:valid fair use rationales
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674:to the topic, and have
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320:Looks good, thanks.
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478:are from
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144:Reviewer:
71:Templates
62:Reviewing
27:GA Review
672:relevant
617:edit war
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366:resumed.
172:WP:WIAGA
157:contribs
76:Criteria
693:Overall
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474:B. All
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386:either.
127:history
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94:Article
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608:Is it
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136:Watch
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