733:"Hondo, Harmony and Heritage, three offshore platforms owned by Exxon Mobil, depend on the line to transport their oil after it is received by onshore tanks at its Santa Ynez Unit in Las Flores Canyon." This is one of several instances of very awkward sentence construction and makes for awkward reading, requiring the reader to rescan the sentence to try to make sense of the wording. In this construction, the oil is getting transported before it gets to the tanks that it's transported from. Try something like, "Exxon Mobil owns three offshore platforms, Hondo, Harmony and Heritage, that transport their oil to onshore tanks at its Santa Ynez Unit in Las Flores Canyong. They depend on Line 901 to transport their oil from Las Flores to a pump station in a coastal canyon near Gaviota."
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828:"Santa Barbara County's emergency management team recommended that the Board of Supervisors keep a proclamation of local emergency intact till until May 2016." This seems like an unusual action and the fact appears to be tacked on. I can imagine that this kind of declaration might be controversial and perhaps notable. Was it? If so, does this seemingly small event merit more coverage?
694:"This reminded some of another major oil spill in Santa Barbara. On January 28, 1969 an oil rig in the Santa Barbara Channel had a blow-out and spilled an estimated 3.4 to 4.2 million US gallons (81,000 to 100,000 bbl) of crude oil over a ten-day period." This long reference to the older spill is described in the lede and summarized in the body. It should be the other way around.
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be hard to obtain unless there's a source that has already done that. You'd have to dig up what those parks typically take in during that period and how much they cost to operate. So as you suggest there might be a better way to describe this impact, e.g., "Two state parks were closed for X period of time, resulting in an unknown loss of revenue to the state.(source?)" —
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577:, the scope ought to address these issues as well IMO: (1) The article mentions tar ball cleanup. Apparently some tar balls and oil seepage are natural to the area: "Fingerprinting of oil and tarballs on the beaches has demonstrated that some matched the pipeline oil, while others likely originated from natural seeps in the area." See
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this and just have the idea that it's somewhere on the west coast of North
America will be very confused by descriptions in terms of east-west, and will more likely think (incorrectly) that east is inland and west is coastward. "Down the coast", as used earlier in the article, would also be acceptable, but I think not necessary. —
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are two estimates of the original spill amount, so I put them together along with the varying total amounts spilled and the clean up amounts. I removed some info on the Santa
Barbara spill from the lede as it's not really pertinent to this spill except for the current spill's relative impact on the sensitive environment.
785:"Researchers from the nearby University of California, Santa Barbara are monitoring the impacts ..." Since this article will rapidly become dated, present tense is not recommended. Better to say something like, "Researchers from the nearby University of California, Santa Barbara began monitoring the impacts ..."
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Are you suggesting that the oil company will reimburse the parks for their lost revenue? I think that would be a first. I think it's just lost revenue to the state, and increased costs because the parks still must be maintained while they are closed. Are there numbers available for this? If so they'd
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and completely rewrote the lede. You have likely noticed that Google et. al. excerpt the first 30 words or so when presenting search results. So those first few precious words ought to pique the reader's interest and motivate them to click through to read the entire article. I also found that there
1419:
No, I am not looking for that information. I am just trying to come up with a section heading better than "Economic." I just think the closure of the parks itself is notable, I just can't think of a appropriate section heading. This effected many people that plan months in advance to camp at these
230:
my apologies. I have been a little AWOL lately. Lots of stuff going on in my life... Anyway, Btphelps thank you so much for taking the time to review this! Your comments are super in depth and very much appreciated. Fettlemap I see you have already addressed a number of them. I will try to address
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Just a drive-by comment: I think downcoast is a perfectly cromulent word. It is also a concise way of getting around what would otherwise be a big problem in geographical description: the coast runs east-west there (with the land to the north and the water to the south), but people who don't know
1340:
I think you make a good point here that if there was an economical impact it should be discussed there. I disagree that it isn't pertinent without it. Noting that two parks were closed for over a month seems pretty notable to me. Can you discuss more and help me understand your line of thinking?
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I tried to improve the entire corrosion section, but the WP Visual Editor on a tablet is crap. That whole section is wordy and repetitive. For example, here's another awkward sentence where the action is described before the thing being acted on is mentioned: "Repairs to the area where the pipe
1377:, is there a different term besides "Economic" that could be used that also includes the significant inconvenience of two very popular state parks being closed at the beginning of the season when all campsites are full? State parks will probably be reimbursed so it is not an economic issue.
1519:
I marked a few more done. Your assistance in editing the lede and such was much appreciated. I tried to address the emergency declaration comment but left if open for further work. Otherwise I think we are done (though I have a few ideas such as the political reaction when I get time).
825:"The impact on Santa Barbara County has been estimated at $ 74 million if the pipeline remains out of service for the next three years..." This is the first mention that the pipeline is shut down. That's a pretty significant fact that's omitted from the lede.
311:
So I just made a few edits to try to reduce some wordiness and to clarify actions and results. I left some comments in my summary of these edits to try to explain why I made some of these changes and why I added some "who" and "clarify" templates. —
759:"The slick has reached four marine protected areas that have received state protections..." Written in the present tense, when the incident is in the past. Present tense will become obsolete quickly as the date of the spill passes.
266:, I'm glad you appreciate my review. When I didn't get a response from you initially, I stopped where I was. I'll take another look in the next 48 hours to see if there's anything else needing attention. —
1338:
Under "Economic" aftermath, the article states that two parks were closed, but does not mention any adverse economic impact. If there was an impact, name it. otherwise this information isn't pertinent.
798:
Under "Economic" aftermath, the article states that two parks were closed, but does not mention any adverse economic impact. If there was an impact, name it. otherwise this information isn't pertinent.
746:"Although this thinning of the pipe..." What thinning of the pipe? The prior sentence mentions corrosion. When making an antecedent reference ("This"), the reference needs to be clearly stated.
1482:, what is left for the nominator to do on this review? Based on the icons, I would guess that the review ended successfully, but the appropriate steps for finishing a review that passed (see
949:, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
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broke had been made at least three times since July 2012 when the line had undergone a comprehensive internal inspection." Was the inspection or the repairs made in 2012? I'm confused.
182:, do you want to try to address the issues I've identified thus far below and resolve these during my review or would you prefer I fail it and you can resubmit it another time? —
772:"By May 25, 2015, 6% of the oil released into the ocean was reported to have been recovered from the ocean and beaches." Another incident of passive tense that needs fixing.
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440:: "The Refugio oil spill occurred on May 19, 2015, just north of Refugio State Beach in Santa Barbara County, California.The oil spill originated from Line 901 owned by ..."
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484:: "The Refugio oil spill on May 19, 2015 deposited 142,800 U.S. gallons (3,400 barrels) of crude oil onto one of the most biologically diverse coastlines of the west..."
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Most of the issues are very clear and can be addressed. I don't have a lot of time in the near term but over the next few weeks I could address many of the issues.
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parks. People without a reservation actually wait at the entrance in case there is a cancellation for that day. These parks are extremely popular.
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Considering WP is an encyclopedia and not a dictionary, we shouldn't be making up words. "Down the coast" covers all options and is preferred. —
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1486:) have not been done, so I'm assuming there's something more left to be completed. If not, then please officially conclude the review. Thanks!
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The pipeline was underground. This isn't mentioned anyplace and seems pertinent to help explain why the spill was hard to initially locate.
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I don't think it's made up. Curiously, it's not in the Oxford
English Dictionary, but "upcoast" (with the corresponding meaning) is. —
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The lede doesn't include info on the economic impact, which appears to be large and is certainly primary in these kinds of events.
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The article states 7 miles of coast impacted. The clean up program covered 96 miles of coastline. Which is accurate? See
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for putting up with many petty requests and congrats on the huge improvements you've made in the past few days. —
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720:"Before the spill, both these lines..." The antecedent reference to the two lines in a prior section are unclear.
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Thanks for the continued improvements! Can you resolve the topics tagged with {{clarify}} and {{who}}? Thanks. —
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Natural
Offshore Oil Seepage and Related Tarball Accumulation on the California Coastline
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1211:valid non-free use rationales
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231:the rest. Thank you both! --
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302:Yes. Wooops. —
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81:Instructions
1488:BlueMoonset
1336:you stated
1272:Discussions
1205:with their
1168:Illustrated
104:visual edit
1448:Zackmann08
1373:Zackmann08
1344:Zackmann08
894:Verifiable
575:Zackmann08
391:Zackmann08
285:Zackmann08
264:Zackmann08
234:Zackmann08
180:Zackmann08
48:Authorship
34:GA toolbox
1522:Fettlemap
1452:Fettlemap
1422:Fettlemap
1398:Fettlemap
1379:Fettlemap
630:Attribute
222:Fettlemap
199:Fettlemap
144:Reviewer:
71:Templates
62:Reviewing
27:GA Review
1517:btphelps
1480:btphelps
1456:btphelps
1415:Btphelps
1405:btphelps
1366:Btphelps
1332:Btphelps
1298:btphelps
1236:relevant
1174:such as
1155:edit war
595:btphelps
527:btphelps
351:btphelps
314:btphelps
304:btphelps
278:Btphelps
268:btphelps
226:Btphelps
184:btphelps
168:btphelps
157:contribs
147:Btphelps
76:Criteria
1129:Neutral
865:fiction
127:history
108:history
94:Article
1209:, and
1203:tagged
1176:images
1151:Stable
867:, and
857:layout
1450:and
1184:audio
1182:, or
1180:video
1172:media
897:with
626:Rate
581:and
136:Watch
16:<
1526:talk
1492:talk
1426:talk
1383:talk
1315:talk
1284:talk
1070:Done
1053:Done
1040:Done
1027:Done
959:Done
941:are
881:Done
822:Done
808:Done
795:Done
782:Done
769:Done
756:Done
743:Done
730:Done
717:Done
704:Done
691:Done
678:Done
593:. —
591:here
585:and
579:here
395:bold
224:and
203:talk
151:talk
123:edit
100:edit
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