1490:"He also invented the Antipodean Performers suction-cup shoes used by circus performers to ascend up solid side walls and walk upside down across high ceilings": this is sourced to a newspaper that says "a pair of shoes that enabled a circus performer to walk up walls" and the Smithsonian Magazine, which says "ceiling-walking circus device". Neither says the invention was ever used; the newspaper implies it was effective but I think that's not a good enough source to say in the article that they worked as intended. I would rephrase this as "claimed" or something similar.
423:
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2044:—to be significantly above that of GA's "well-written". GA as you've quoted would seem to require a level of quality above "some weak prose": clear and concise is frequently not particularly engaging but I wouldn't expect it to be weak or repetitive if we're calling it "good". (Personally, I've always had trouble elevating my workmanlike prose to "engaging" or "of a professional standard". With some care and self-editing, however, "clear and concise" is well within my wheelhouse, along with a bit of variation in structure.)
2059:
grammatical, not repetitive, and not ambiguous, and hence meet the "clear and concise" standard, without being considered good prose. A lot of Doug's prose is like this, in fact; he is not a fluent writer, and his sentences can be stilted and awkward, but they're usually not ungrammatical or ambiguous. It's moot as I'm going to raise the standard of prose I require in a GA review, and it appears other regular reviewers are also requiring a higher standard than my original interpretation would support.
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technically incorrect (except for that run-on sentence). I do copyedit as I review, but it's hard to do that without access to the sources. Other GA reviews I've looked at seem to be setting the prose bar higher than my interpretation of GACR so I think I'm going to end up being a bit more stringent in the future, if only to avoid criticism.
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This is probably not the right forum for an extended discussion of GA prose requirements, but I've started being stricter about prose in my reviews, just because that seems to be the community norm. However, I think "clear and concise" doesn't mean the same as "good" prose; I think a sentence can be
1996:
I passed it, and I'm aware the prose is weak, but I interpret "clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct" as allowing some weak prose through in comparison to what FACR requires. These sentences convey what they mean to convey and aren't
1219:
The lead asserts he invented "safety pin, sewing machine, repeating rifle, and fountain pen": this appears to be too strong a claim. He's the inventor of the safety pin but for the others he is not the person now mainly credited with their invention, as far as I can tell. For the fountain pen his
1887:
is the source. The source is paywalled to Gale through TWL. There is a very high chance that I have missed more close paraphrasing and copyright violations from both this source and others, as I only removed the most blatant of what I could see. The original addition was also blatantly copy-pasted,
1100:
Some images are tagged as PD because they were prepared by a US government employee, but as far as I can see that's not the case. A patent application is prepared by the inventor. However, putting the image in a point counts as publication, so it's not an issue for GA, since they're old enough to
1968:
is a run-on sentence and needs to be split into preferably two, or even three, sentences. Also, "at the borough of
Manhattan in the city of New York" is both unnecessarily detailed and technically grammatically correct. No one would say "at Manhattan", and most people would just say "in Manhattan,
1888:
and then subsequently edited down. There was an effort by the nominator to reword, but it barely changed the actual copied text. There was also plagiarism, and there's a chance that more needs to be attributed. The copyright issues means that this article is possibly not broad enough as it stands.
1958:
He also made improvements to guns, cylindro-conoidal bullets, ice-breaking wooden hull boats, paraffin oil candles, velocipedes, machines for making rivets and nails, and self-closing inkwells. He also invented the
Antipodean Performers suction-cup shoes claimed to be used by circus performers to
595:
section, two sentences, could also go into the section covering his early life, since it only involves two brief statements about his average education. Also, couldn't more be said about Hunt's legacy other than his invention of the safety pin? Though Hunt was inducted into the inventor's hall of
586:
Looks like an interesting well written article. I'd recommend, however, not having two sections, one at the beginning, one at the end, about his family and personal life respectively, since both sections cover aspects about his personal life. Seems these things should go into one section, perhaps
1973:
He gave as reasons for not procuring a patent that 1) he was busy with other businesses then; 2) the expense of getting the appropriate drawings and paperwork together to register a patent was more than he could afford and; 3) the difficulty of introducing the new sewing machine into public use,
1528:"It had a characteristic of an eye-pointed needle": does this just mean "It had an eye-pointed needle"? If not I don't understand it. And this paragraph is repetitive; we mention the eye-pointed needle three times, and the fact that it created an interlocking stitch three times.
1258:"Others made millions of dollars from his devices, one in particular was the safety pin." I don't see support in the body for this except for the safety pin. I don't think we can count the paper collar for this, since this is in reference to devices for which he sold the patent.
1907:
Obviously, this needs to be delisted. Given the amount of CV already removed, we can't assume good faith on anything else. It would need a complete rewrite from top to bottom from a completely different editor to retain GA status, and I doubt that's going to happen.
1959:
ascend up solid side walls and walk upside down across high ceilings. He did not realize the significance of many of his inventions when he produced them and sold off most of his patent rights to others for low prices making little for himself in the long run
1981:
These are just examples and not a full review. Since large parts of the article have been determined to be copyright violations, the article would have to be rewritten anyway, but these examples are representative of what improvements are needed. –
761:
Sentences such as "One time in 1816 his expertise in mechanics was applied to a flax spinner and allowed the flax mill operator and a local community member to get a patent in 1823 on a combination spinning and roping apparatus
1965:
He developed the first modern feasible operating sewing machine sometime between the years 1832 and 1834 at his Amos Street shop that was up a narrow alley in
Abingdon Square at the borough of Manhattan in the city of New
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1604:"The basic design is the same in the twentieth century as when Hunt innovated the device in the nineteenth century and is manufactured inexpensively." Is manufactured inexpensively now? Or it was then?
1946:. Honestly, the issues go beyond copyright violations. Irrespective of that, if I had reviewed the article, I would not have passed the page in its current state because of the quality of the prose (
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The lead says he invented the streetcar gong "that is used throughout the United States" but the body doesn't say this; it only says it was once in use by most horse-drawn vehicles in NYC.
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I have never failed a GAN before, but I'm sorry to say that this does not come close to meeting the good article criteria. The issues are too numerous to list, but most noticeably:
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saying it would have cost two thousand (equivalent to $ 54,290 in 2021) or three thousand (equivalent to $ 81,430 in 2021) dollars to start the sewing machine business.
1414:"and another was Walter Hunt’s 1849 patent model for the first American safety pin": suggest cutting this; you cover the safety pin in detail further on in the article.
1376:"he invented fire engines, police stations": I think we need to be more specific. Presumably he invented some improvement or redesign of these, not the entire concept.
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1961:- Three sentences in a row that start with "He" make for a very awkward paragraph indeed. I'm pretty sure the second sentence also needs a comma after "shoes".
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The lede mentions that the subject invented the gongs in use in street cars today... Street cars are not in use today? Was this article written in 1910?
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2023:, your prose comments are fine with me. I'm just saying that, if I had reviewed this article, I would have required a few more tweaks to the prose. –
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Why are we including a sound file for a tram in
Australia? Is there any evidence that this is related to the sound or mechanism of Hunt's invention?
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The issues here are damning and would require a total rewrite to keep GA status. The CV alone is more than enough, let alone bad prose.
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and his contribution to the sowing machine was one of many, arguably not even the most significant, despite what this article suggests.
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226:, a collaborative effort to create, develop and organize Knowledge's articles about people. All interested editors are invited to
566:(a Londoner) who initially put in "velocipedes" on creating the article back in 2006, however he has not edited for over a year.--
1694:
Yes, I guess I did forget about this one. I'll start working on it today after lunch. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.--
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1976:- Technically, this is not a run-on, but it is a very long sentence, and "1) 2) 3)" aren't necessary in a prose list like this.
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Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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fame for this, it seems more could be said about his legacy, given the many inventions he's responsible for. --
741:"He was the first born child to the family of twelve additional children born to Sherman Hunt and Rachel Hunt."
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is tagged as public domain, but it was taken from a website. How do we know when it was first published?
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own patent just says "new and useful improvement", not that he is the inventor of the fountain pen.
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I do not, sorry, I just came across this page by the error message I posted about. Happy
Editing--
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parameter. I don't have the source, so I wanted to ask you which value is correct. Happy
Editing--
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on
Knowledge. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
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Knowledge. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
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Delist, per PMC's comments. I was the GA reviewer and did not spotcheck the sources.
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Good catches. Thanks. Fixed duplicate volume. Submitted GAN. Do you do reviews?--
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The article repeatedly creates needless lists of some or all of his inventions.
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Cut "one thing led to another" from the lead; this is not encyclopedic tone.
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be PD anyway. I suggest fixing the tags, but it won't matter for this GAN.
970:. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
687:. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
1583:- 1836 newspaper article expanded upon with a reference to that article.--
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The lead is not a summary of the article and needs a complete rewrite.
1715:
All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks. --
1452:
Street sweepers are mentioned twice in the lists of his inventions.
234:. For instructions on how to use this banner, please refer to the
1041:- updated link, furnished to show it was published in 1877. --
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In your last edit, you added a cite template with a duplicate
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Unclear, run-on, and/or difficult to follow in many places.
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41:. Once these issues have been addressed, the article can be
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Others made millions of dollars from his safety pin device.
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He isn't mentioned at all on the
Knowledge article for the
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According to the "Velocipede" page, Karl Drais invented it.
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Low-importance biography (science and academia) articles
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It doesn't help that the top two sources are paywalled.
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1664:, just checking you haven't forgotten about this one.
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The third paragraph of "Mid life" is mostly unsourced.
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Replaced with his actual cause of death - pneumonia.
747:"Hunt became renowned for being a prolific inventor."
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its prose is engaging and of a professional standard
434:, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
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of the decision if they believe there was a mistake.
2094:With all of the issues here it should be delisted.
2040:, I've always understood FA-level's "well-written"—
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2159:C-Class biography (science and academia) articles
714:Hello. I will be taking care of this review. --
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786:Not everything is in chronological order.
591:, following the lede. The contents of the
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2169:Science and academia work group articles
33:Engineering and technology good articles
1621:- Is manufactured inexpensively now. --
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1787:The following discussion is closed.
735:The infobox is not organized at all.
532:Walter Hunt invented the velocipede?
428:This article is within the scope of
335:This article is within the scope of
220:This article is within the scope of
271:the science and academia work group
160:It is of interest to the following
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2179:C-Class New York (state) articles
1862:: There is a consensus to delist.
2126:The discussion above is closed.
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442:and see a list of open tasks.
353:and see a list of open tasks.
268:This article is supported by
2149:Former good article nominees
738:Incredibly awkward wording.
338:WikiProject New York (state)
232:contribute to the discussion
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1732:Fixes look good. Passing.
767:Dubious/exaggerated info.
608:20:27, 24 March 2022 (UTC)
527:02:17, 19 March 2009 (UTC)
513:02:14, 19 March 2009 (UTC)
474:project's importance scale
385:project's importance scale
45:. Editors may also seek a
1300:What is a clobber hammer?
886:15:18, 8 April 2022 (UTC)
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1079:- Removed sound file. --
562:- I took it out. It was
499:'Cause of death: Ageing'
1950:point 1). For instance:
330:New York (state) portal
2144:Delisted good articles
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150:This article is rated
27:Walter Hunt (inventor)
589:Early life and family
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131:Delisted good article
39:good article criteria
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1022:File:Walter Hunt.jpg
186:Science and Academia
100:Good article nominee
81:Good article nominee
1883:is the removal and
1275:- copy edited lead
1854:Most recent review
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156:content assessment
110:September 26, 2022
60:Article milestones
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1118:- O.K. Will do.--
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1823:Article talk
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950:Instructions
873:
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810:Cite Journal
789:
772:fountain pen
727:
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667:Instructions
599:Gwillhickers
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503:Seriously?
502:
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162:WikiProjects
130:
113:
98:
79:
48:reassessment
46:
31:
30:
26:
2046:BlueMoonset
1891:Sennecaster
1810:visual edit
964:transcluded
681:transcluded
554:ChamSampian
538:ChamSampian
43:renominated
2138:Categories
2025:Epicgenius
1984:Epicgenius
1755:GA status?
917:Authorship
903:GA toolbox
634:Authorship
620:GA toolbox
343:U.S. state
86:Not listed
2096:Gusfriend
1881:this diff
1865:Gusfriend
1686:Yikes!!!
976:Reviewer:
940:Templates
931:Reviewing
896:GA Review
762:machine."
693:Reviewer:
657:Templates
648:Reviewing
613:GA Review
593:Education
445:Invention
436:Invention
408:Invention
241:Biography
181:Biography
2069:contribs
2007:contribs
1931:contribs
1742:contribs
1674:contribs
1648:contribs
1008:contribs
989:contribs
945:Criteria
854:IAmChaos
706:contribs
662:Criteria
558:Jdcooper
491:Untitled
347:New York
120:Delisted
2073:library
2011:library
1948:WP:GACR
1935:library
1833:history
1814:history
1800:Article
1746:library
1678:library
1652:library
1012:library
472:on the
383:on the
152:C-class
68:Process
2109:Delist
2092:Delist
1944:Delist
1914:(talk)
1860:Result
1156:added
828:volume
158:scale.
105:Listed
71:Result
1966:York.
1842:Watch
966:from
881:Chaos
839:Chaos
683:from
2117:talk
2100:talk
2065:talk
2050:talk
2029:talk
2003:talk
1988:talk
1927:talk
1897:Chat
1885:this
1869:talk
1829:edit
1806:edit
1765:talk
1738:talk
1721:talk
1700:talk
1670:talk
1662:Doug
1644:talk
1627:talk
1618:Done
1589:talk
1580:Done
1551:talk
1542:Done
1513:talk
1504:Done
1475:talk
1466:Done
1437:talk
1428:Done
1399:talk
1390:Done
1361:talk
1352:Done
1323:talk
1314:Done
1285:talk
1272:Done
1243:talk
1234:Done
1204:talk
1195:Done
1166:talk
1153:Done
1124:talk
1115:Done
1085:talk
1076:Done
1047:talk
1038:Done
1004:talk
983:talk
864:talk
818:Hey
797:talk
720:talk
700:talk
604:talk
572:talk
556:and
542:talk
523:talk
509:talk
230:and
65:Date
2071:-
2009:-
1933:-
1910:PMC
1774:GAR
1744:-
1676:-
1650:-
1638:--
1010:-
876:IAm
834:IAm
774:or
464:Low
375:Low
345:of
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1912:♠
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1852:•
1846:•
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807:{{
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184::
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540:(
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476:.
387:.
238:.
164::
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