1127:"In December 1976, Allmand was Solicitor General when Leonard Peltier was extradited to the United States after the Federal Bureau of Investigation submitted false information to the Canadian government, including an affidavit from a woman with mental disorders who claimed to be Peltier's girlfriend." The source doesn't exactly say this. The source says that according to Allmand, the FBI claim is false. There will need to be more definitive evidence to prove that the FBI statement was false before that information can be included in the article. This could be changed to, "Allmand claims that..." or, the paragraph could be rephrased to mention that Allmand is an advocate for Leonard Peltier's clemency, which is supported by reliable sources. I mention this because Leonard Peltier is a controversial figure, so it is important that any information about him is neutral and verifiable.
462:. He did indeed table a bill that would remove mention of the Queen from the Oath of Citizenship, but nowhere does he postulate on his feelings for a republic. All he says on the topic of the monarchy, at least in the cite provided, is "perhaps I would like to sometime." Note the words "perhaps" and "would," neither of which is an affirmation of any particular opinion. If another source can be found in which he explicitly states he holds republican views, or a reliable someone says he does, then go ahead and add that in. --
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1094:"A visitation for Allmand will be held on December 17 and 18 at Collins Clarke MacGillivray White, and the funeral is planned to be held at St. Patrick's Basilica on December 19" Obviously, now these events are past-tense, but they also seem quite trivial in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps just a straight removal of this information would be best.
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1047:
Just a few minor tweaks, as noted below, and I'll pass it. Nice work! update: There are still a few small things (see final updates below) that I think will improve the article, but I realize the impetus to fix these issues isn't there. After tidying up, I've decided to go ahead and pass the article.
1206:
Under
Abolishing the Death Penalty, "Almost all opponents thought that the death penalty was a useful tool to deter crime and terrorism" - citation needed. The first half of this rather lengthy paragraph appears to be only attributed to one source. I couldn't find support for the above statement in
1435:
I decided it was time to bring this review to a close. After examining the article as it currently stands, I think the changes made are sufficient to bring the article to GA status. There are still two aspects (see "final updates") that I think will improve the article, if you can find the time to
1146:
In Indian
Affairs section, "Allmand was seen as particularly sensitive..." by who? In this paragraph, Allmand's policies should be stated outright, instead of what people thought about his policies. "seemingly about to reach..." I know that is stated in the source, but there isn't any evidence
1080:"the bill that would abolish the death penalty in Canada. The bill proposed complete removal of the death penalty from the Criminal Code." Are both of these sentences needed? Seems a bit redundant. Perhaps only the second sentence is needed, since it is more specific.
1240:"the World Federalist Movement–Canada honoured Allmand with its World Peace Award." the reference for this section brought up a privacy warning on my browser (Chrome). Has their website moved? This information might be available on their new website.
1067:
Update: "The bill also proposed an application process which included a waiting period during which the gun purchase was publicly listed to allow people to object." Still a little awkward. What is meant by "people?" Which people can object - anybody?
1458:
Belated thanks for passing this. I've been quite busy in real life recently and my on-wiki activity has gone down as a result. I'll try to address the remaining issues in a push for
Featured Article status sometime in the future. Thanks again, ----
1544:
1108:"Allmand preferred not signing the treaty than passing a flawed version that with a loophole that other countries could also adopt to circumvent its terms." Awkward phrasing, minor grammar issues: "that with a loophole that."
1191:
the first source (ref name=":1") is a dead link. Can this source be web archived, or was it moved to a different location on their website? I know government websites sometimes shift around the location of their online
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In
Montreal municipal politics, "Allmand once again showed an independent streak..." is this phrase necessary? "took on some of the least glamorous jobs on the council..." opinion that's nearly copied from the
1367:
Yeah, sorry, not free enough to access a library source that details more of Mr. Allmand's work in
Indigenous affairs as an MP and minister. Hopefully soon (I'll definitely ping you when that happens).----
1226:"During Brian Mulroney's tenure as prime minister, Allmand held numerous Official Opposition critic portfolios. He was critic for Employment from 1984 to 1990." This information is not in the cited source.
1499:
1217:
final update - I reworded to more closely match what is expressed in the source. I still think this section could use some source diversification, but I won't hold it against passing the review.
782:, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
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Under "Federal
Politics," the paragraph about gun control has long, awkwardly phrased sentence structure, Especially the sentence beginning, "In 1971, he proposed a bill..."
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1280:
That concludes my first round of reviewing. Once you address each of the concerns above, I'll double check to make sure everything is in order, then pass the article.
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I set the importance rating to Low, although I'm tempted to make it 'Mid' based on his years as a
Cabinet Minister, particularly Solicitor General. Thoughts?
989:
616:
I'll put general thoughts in the table organized by criteria, then get into specifics below, which, when addressed, will qualify the article for GA status.
602:
Greetings! I will be reviewing this article. I am currently completing my initial reading/minor copyediting, and will present my initial impressions below.
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the source. The entire death penalty section appears to rely on this one source fairly heavily. Could this paragraph be supported by other sources?
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related to "Words to watch" above, just a few phrases that appear a little promotional. See below. update: issues have been addressed.
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In the interest of moving the review along, I've posted the current status of specific items in the review with the tag "update."
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final update - I still think this section could be better supported, but I won't hold it against passing the entire article.
674:
Some minor spelling/grammar mistakes that I corrected as I reviewed. Some awkward phrases, see below. Update: issues fixed.
1412:
Thanks, I'll try to get to these ASAP when I have more access to the more in-depth sources. Been pretty busy lately. ----
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Wording in a few places is a little too similar to the sources, see below. update: issues have been addressed.
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on
Knowledge (XXG). If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
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one or two sections which could be better referenced, see below. update: issues have been addressed.
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I've made a few changes, but have had a busy week. Will try to finish these this week. ----
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909:: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
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Only one image. Contains fair use rationale, which appears valid as far as I am aware.
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Thanks. I'll try to work these changes in when I have time this upcoming week. ----
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provided for that. Seems like speculation unless more information can be provided.
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one or two minor words to watch, see below. update: issues have been addressed.
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final update - I added "According to
Allmand" to show the source of the claim.
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Text is concise where needed, and expands to cover the topic as appropriate.
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881:. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see
574:. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
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Political parties and politicians in Canada articles
166:. For instructions on how to use this banner, please refer to the
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I've removed the claim that Allmand is a republican as
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WikiProject Political parties and politicians in Canada
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433:. The nomination discussion and review may be seen at
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866:
Article is very thorough in its coverage. Nice work!
283:, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
1325:Ok, no problem. Let me know when you are finished.
669:understandable to an appropriately broad audience
422:introduced legislation that abolished the use of
435:Template:Did you know nominations/Warren Allmand
45:. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
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33:Social sciences and society good articles
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1115:Update: Still awkward, so I rewrote it.
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176:Knowledge (XXG):WikiProject Biography
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671:; spelling and grammar are correct.
277:This article is within the scope of
152:This article is within the scope of
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667:. the prose is clear, concise, and
92:It is of interest to the following
297:Knowledge (XXG):WikiProject Canada
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1122:Words/phrases to watch/Neutrality
1025:Only photo is a studio portrait.
41:. If you can improve it further,
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1260:23:08, 30 December 2017 (UTC)
1214:Update - still needs fixing.
1174:Update - still needs fixing.
1154:Update - still needs fixing.
1134:Update - still needs fixing.
990:valid non-free use rationales
626:21:29, 30 December 2017 (UTC)
612:19:45, 30 December 2017 (UTC)
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359:This article is supported by
339:This article is supported by
291:and see a list of open tasks.
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938:no edit wars present.
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