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Hi, I was asked by BlueMoonset to take a look at this. Building on Vami's review, it looks quite good. The main issue was broadness of coverage, and though I am not an expert in French tanks, I can see that since Vami's comment and recommendation to add more in the
Service history section, there has
271:
There is much to be desired in this article as it is now. Until the next week, so 5 October 2019, I'll suggest improvements to be made. If a response to this review is not made by the
Nominee within three days' time, I will autofail this review and leave my comments here for their consideration.
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been a decent expansion (especially in this area). The other area for concern was the written quality; I read through and the language looks fine, but it is too technical to understand in some places, e.g. the phrase
859:
This section should be renamed "Service history". This is the standard for articles on military land vehicles and weapons, and reflects that an item or vehicle can be useful in more situations than just
344:
The addition of more content about this vehicle's production there would be desirable. Another section, for variants of the VBL, could also exist under this "Design" section and there be most relevant.
47:
305:
I have to recognize my wording is quite poor. As you can see, my native language is French so I'm not able to be very eloquent in
English. If you see some "very bad" wording, please let me know.--
394:
What kind of details are desirable for the production? I do not have day per day records of production. And all the vehicles produced for export are listed in their respective sections.--
126:
408:
Number of VBLs produced, for how many years it was produced, number of variants and the number of these produced, etc. I recommend reading other articles about military vehicles,
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1581:
I've also done one rephrase to make reading the
Service history section less whiplash, but some more editing could be done, particularly when connecting and changing topic.
1388:
Expanded the given sentence: "intended to work with the AMX-10 RC "wheeled tank", the
Hotchkiss M201 jeep being obsolete when compared with the Soviet BRDM-2 armoured car"--
495:
Give me more background than this. Why did the French start this program? What were the requirements for the program and/or the French military? Was there any competition?
235:, followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow. —
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1323:, it's been over a month. If you don't have time for this I understand, and can find a new reviewer; otherwise, it would be great if you could prioritize this. Thanks.
905:
This section is rather bare-bones. Whatever that would be relevant here should be added, such as prose references to (for example) use of captured VBLs by insurgents. –
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make substantive edits that change the flow and structure of the prose if I previously suggested and it is necessary. For replying to
Reviewer comment, please use
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In reviews I conduct, I may make small copyedits. These will only be limited to spelling and punctuation (removal of double spaces and such). I will
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The prose of the article is very simplistic. In itself, that wouldn't be a problem, but it doesn't say much. I will elaborate in my comments. –
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That's not very clear. In 2014, a new production was planned in Russia. Panhard might have kept the production machine tools in a depot.--
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for figures like horsepower or metric measurements. It'll give the prose a better technical flavor and more internationally legible.
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1278:, I see that Le Petit Chat expanded the Service history section later that day, Vami IV did some subsequent editing, and
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I recommend the re-naming of this section to "Design" or "Specification", and giving it a subsection called "Production".
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The VBL has two compartments: a motor bay, placed forward to protect the second compartment, which is for the crew.
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Nice work, did a quick ce because it was only small comments left, again, feel free to comment on these edits.
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Just a remionder ping. It has been a month with not much action here or at the article.
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Added much more info. However, I did not find the number of produced VBL per variant.--
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1523:. It's unnecessarily confusing to keep as Beyrouth, especially in English wikipedia.
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I'd recommend changing the word 'Beyrouth' to one of the more accurate spellings in
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That may be for the best. I've found myself rather busy with off-wiki matters. –
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Many thanks for your remarks. They are really useful to improve this article.--
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but is at least inaccurate. Do you know the correct word? "move in water"?--
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The first two sentences of the second paragraph should be combined. See:
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You are right, I have to explain this. I will do it in the next 7 days.--
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Sorry, I forgot this article. I will do it in the next 12 hours.--
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added "due to the addition of more weapons, armour and systems"--
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has just done some copyediting. Where does the review stand now?
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Is it out of production if the last from the factory was 2010?
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Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the
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The VBL is fully amphibious and can drive at 5.4 km/h in water.
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Write out numbers under 20 - I did one, then noticed more
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Could you add the article to the appropriate section at
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power ratio enable the VBL to speed at 95 km/h (59 mph)
1402:
Also added the distance between the plant and Paris. --
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Pinging you to bring this comment to your attention. –
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Perhaps 'horsepower' could get a wikilink when used.
1384:. Also, what "NBC hazards" are should be explained.
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Used "recce (reconnaissance)" to introduce "recce".--
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No mention of why the mass increased by half a ton.
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I am led to believe you meant "reconnaissance" here.
1591:I tried to improve connections between paragraphs:
253:WikiProject Military History 2019 Backlog Bonzai
1612:I think that's it, feel free to ask questions.
987:Feel free to correct/comment my wording :) --
8:
1519:Beyrouth is much more similar to the German
1254:No problem. That was the aim of the pings.
636:Could you link "Recce" to "Reconnaissance"?
1627:Thank you for taking this over, Kingsif. –
817:I'd use "drive", to create something like
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493:The French VBL programme started in 1978.
1699:Weapons, military equipment and programs
1515:- it is written in English as 'Beirut'
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1677:Knowledge (XXG):Good articles/Warfare
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475:I moved the variants section.--
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1482:- isn't it just 'to drive'?
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582:thanks for the wording.--
526:Added much more info.--
1593:Special:Diff/938806887
1191:Good Article criteria
1163:free or tagged images
785:Vehicles do not swim.
372:for the main title.--
1016:review progress box
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1698:
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1516:
1513:that article
1491:
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1371:
1368:New reviewer
1302:
1258:
1257:
1227:
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1174:
1161:
1148:
1135:
1125:
1115:
1093:
1079:
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1014:Good Article
1012:
983:
953:
885:
858:
857:
830:
783:and can swim
781:
761:
745:
723:
700:
684:
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540:Excellent. –
522:
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117:Article talk
116:
112:
93:
90:
81:Instructions
1342:BlueMoonset
1325:BlueMoonset
1284:BlueMoonset
1116:broadness (
1005:GA progress
473:I will move
337:Description
104:visual edit
1054:ref layout
600:The recce
48:Authorship
34:GA toolbox
801:that page
144:Reviewer:
71:Templates
62:Reviewing
27:GA Review
1521:Bayreuth
1024:Criteria
954:Doing...
701:Doing...
615:Not done
471:Doing...
224:Doing...
214:Not done
157:contribs
76:Criteria
1681:Kingsif
1652:Kingsif
1614:Kingsif
1587:Kingsif
1321:Vami IV
1276:Vami IV
1219:Vami IV
1137:neutral
1126:focus (
1030:prose (
973:Vami IV
860:combat.
233:Removed
147:Vami IV
127:history
108:history
94:Article
1424:done--
1264:(talk)
1233:(talk)
1150:stable
1066:cites
821:–Vami
1635:_IV†♠
1630:♠Vami
1354:_IV†♠
1349:♠Vami
1311:_IV†♠
1306:♠Vami
1096:WP:CV
1082:WP:OR
1068:WP:RS
936:_IV†♠
931:♠Vami
913:_IV†♠
908:♠Vami
870:_IV†♠
865:♠Vami
646:_IV†♠
641:♠Vami
548:_IV†♠
543:♠Vami
497:–Vami
420:_IV†♠
415:♠Vami
353:_IV†♠
348:♠Vami
297:_IV†♠
292:♠Vami
280:_IV†♠
275:♠Vami
263:_IV†♠
258:♠Vami
243:_IV†♠
238:♠Vami
226:, or
204:Added
195:Fixed
136:Watch
16:<
1707:talk
1685:talk
1656:talk
1618:talk
1601:talk
1571:talk
1562:Done
1542:talk
1533:Done
1501:talk
1492:Done
1468:talk
1449:talk
1430:talk
1408:talk
1394:talk
1329:talk
1288:talk
1259:corn
1246:talk
1228:corn
1217:and
1173:6b.
1160:6a.
1124:3b.
1114:3a.
1092:2d.
1078:2c.
1064:2b.
1051:2a.
1038:1b.
1028:1a.
993:talk
984:Done
962:talk
895:talk
886:Done
840:talk
831:Done
809:talk
771:talk
762:Done
733:talk
724:Done
709:talk
670:talk
661:Done
627:talk
618:See
588:talk
579:Done
532:talk
523:Done
508:talk
481:talk
461:Done
444:talk
435:Done
400:talk
378:talk
369:Done
328:talk
311:talk
185:Done
175:only
151:talk
123:edit
100:edit
1701:.--
1517:and
1256:AIR
1225:AIR
1147:5.
1134:4.
1094:no
1080:no
1041:MoS
621:.--
412:. –
255:. –
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