User:Jimmyatic - Knowledge

360:

a certain day and the wife would follow him the day after. The man made it down to Florida as planned and went directly to his hotel. Once in his room, he decided to open his laptop and send his wife, who was still back in Minnesota, an e-mail. However, he accidentally left off one letter in typing his wife's e-mail address and sent the e-mail off without realizing his error.

345:"Well, Your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous." 333:"None that plays golf very well," a cardinal replied. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a cardinal, then ask him to play against Israel's golfer as your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match." 359:

It seems there was this couple from Minneapolis, Minnesota who decided to go to Florida for a few days to thaw out during one particularly cold winter. Because both of them worked, they had some difficulty coordinating travel schedules. They finally decided that the husband would leave for Florida on

1928:

If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound? NO. YOU ARE WALKING AT THE SPEED OF... WALKING. BUT THE PLANE'S MATTER AROUND YOU IS MOVING FASTER THAN SOUND. NICE TRY, BUT YOU'RE NOT GONNA BEAT

896:

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons

569:

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times...When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When my parents were killed, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right

363:

In another part of the country a widow had just returned from the funeral of her husband, a Lutheran Pastor of many years, who had been "called home to glory" just a few days earlier. She decided to check her e-mail because she was expecting to hear from her husband's relatives and friends. Upon

320:

Shortly after Pope John Paul II apologized to the nation of Israel for the treatment of Jews by the Catholic Church over the years, the leader of Israel sent back a message to the College of Cardinals. The proposal was for a friendly game of golf to be played between the two leaders or their

1503:

If you died on the International Dateline, and half of you were on 1 side and the other half on the other side, what day would you die? WHEN YOU DIE, YOU FALL DOWN. IF YOU fell EXACTLY HALF AND HALF, THEN YOU WERE STANDING ON THE WESTERN SIDE, SO YOU WOULD DIE ON THE DAY BEFORE.

873:

Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

740:

Is the color orange called that because it's the color of the fruit of the same name, or was the fruit called orange because that's its color? Which came first, the color or the fruit? COLOR WAS NAMED FOR FRUIT. BEFORE THEN, IT WAS CALLED YELLOW-RED.

1397:

If you were born exactly on 12:00 midnight on December 31st – January 1st, which year would you say you were born in? WHATEVER YEAR JANUARY FIRST IS IN. ONCE YOU HIT 12:00, IT'S A NEW YEAR. EVER NOTICE HOW AT DEAD MIDNIGHT WE SCREAM HAPPY NEW YEAR?

989:

How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone? Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

1894:

If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing? YOU'D SEE THROUGH THE WHOLE UNIVERSE, THEN TO THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD, AND THEN THROUGH IT, THEN REPEAT THE CYCLE. SO, YEAH.

1375:

Why is it that when we are humming and then we plug our nose, our humming stops? Do people really hum through their nose, or their mouths? YOUR MOUTH IS CLOSED WHEN YOU HUM, SO THE VIBRATING AIR COMES OUT OF THE ONLY HOLE IT CAN GET: YOUR NOSE.

900:

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

1281:

Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do? YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? THEY SAY (WHEN YOU'RE TALKING)"DID I TELL YOU TO TALK?" THEY DIDN'T SAY BREATHE, OR BLINK, BUT WE DO IT ANYWAYS!

892:

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

530:

Two boys are playing football in Denver City Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.

364:

reading the first message she let out a loud scream, fainted and fell to the floor. The woman's son rushed into the room and found his mother lying on the floor. He glanced up at the computer screen and saw the following:

98:

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

888:

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

327:"Your holiness," said one of the cardinals, "the reason Israel wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show that you are old and unable to compete. I am afraid that this would tarnish our image to the world." 816:

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? IT DEPENDS ON WHO'S POINT OF VIEW YOU'RE REFERRING TO. YOURS-YOU SUCCEEDED AT YOUR GOAL(TO FAIL). ANYONE ELSE- YOU FAILED(EVEN THOUGH THAT WAS THE POINT).

540:"Sorry, since we are in Denver I just assumed you were." said the reporter. He erases the first headline and tries again. "Little Rockies Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he writes in his notebook. 1110:

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do? PARADOX, CAN'T BE MADE TO WORK. SO I GUESS THE APOCALYPSE HAPPENS BECAUSE OF IT. MEH.

2250:

Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet. ELECTRICITY COMES OUT OF IT. If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?

1428:

If you took a compass to outer space would it still point "magnetic north"? Is there still a north, south, east, and west in space? NO, BECAUSE THERE'S NO MAGNETIC FIELD FOR YOU TO BE INSIDE OF.

2490:

Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

1558:

How come, in the Mini Wheat’s commercials, Sweets has a Brooklyn accent and Wheat’s has an English accent? They're attached at the back, wouldn't they have been raised in the same place?

1888:

If a water spins clockwise when it drains in the northern hemisphere, and water spins counterclockwise when it drains in the southern hemisphere...which way does it spin at the equator?

3120:

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?

534:

A reporter, who was strolling by, sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Broncos Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

237:

The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

1570:

Can you fart and burp at the same time? YES. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? ?. Have you ever heard of a raisin that is not dry?

2778:

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation? If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the side of the tube?

2814:

If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up? If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

641:

If a black box in a plane is indestructible, why can't they make the whole plane out of it? THE PLANE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FLY. THE BLACK BOX MATERIAL IS TOO HEAVY TO FLY.

1603:

Why isn't sour cream really sour? THAT'S YOUR OPINION. Do they re-use body bags? Or do they throw them away and get new ones? The people using them wouldn’t care anyway?

1522:

When you snap your fingers, does the sound occur when your middle finger releases from your thumb, or when your middle finger hits the palm of your hand? THE SECOND ONE.

1074:

Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?

339:

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the pope of the result. "I have some good news and some bad news, Your Holiness," said the golfer.

1372:

Can you write in pencil on an eraser? YEP. I'VE DONE IT. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

2706:

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

1410:

If you are parking somewhere and the signs in front of the parked cars say "30 minutes" then when your 30 minutes are up can you park in the spot right next to you??

1642:

How come when you go in the front door of a church, you are at the back of the church, and if you go in the back door, you would end up in the front of the church?

859:

If ATM stands for Automatic Teller Machine, why do we call it an ATM machine? And if PIN stands for Personal Identification Number, why do we call it a PIN number?

373:

I've just checked in. Everything has been prepared for your arrival here tomorrow. The heat is amazing. Looking forward to seeing you then! Your Devoted Husband.

1104:

Why can’t a baby cry while it’s inside its mother? BECAUSE IT'S IN AN AMNIOTIC SAC, FULL OF LIQUID. IT'S LIKE HOW YOU USUALLY AVOID OPENING YOUR EYES UNDERWATER.

2217:

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? YOU.ALREADY.ASKED.THAT!

1804:

If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?

1369:

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? YOU ALREADY SAID THAT. Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day?

2103:

Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

2178:

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"? YOU ALREADY SAID THAT.

1864:

When a male is elected president and his wife is called the First Lady. What would a lady's husband be called if she were elected president? FIRST MAN?

1179:"How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?" 1528:

Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?

60:

Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?

2718:

If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?

1537:

If the police see some one committing a crime but are on there way to investigate a crime do they stop or go to the one they were on their way to?

897:

in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

294:: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer. 999:

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

2781:

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

1552:

If our planet is inhabited with creatures made by God...is it possible that there's another planet inhabited with creatures made by the Devil?

503:

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No, wait, I messed it up" and repeat.

1807:

If a policecar, an ambulance, a fire truck and a mail truck are all at a 4 way stop who has the right away? CHUCK NORRIS. HE'S A PEDESTRIAN.

1260:

When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do you call a girl that is named after her mother? PROBABLY THE SAME NAME.

336:

Everyone agreed it was a great idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play as a representative of the pope.

2832:

If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?

1482:

If people say if you eat dessert before dinner it will ruin your appetite won’t eating dinner before dessert ruin your appetite for dessert?

877:

The water is clear. You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water. There now......feeling better?

2424:

Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't know if they are rhetorical questions or not? WAS THAT RHETORICAL?

1582:

Since you have to pull over when you see a funeral coming down the road...what would you do if there were a funeral coming down both sides?

1158:

How come you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put on your hamburger but they don't take off the price if you get something taken off?

2151:

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat? SOME PEOPLE LIKE IT.

1194:

If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future? OOOH. GOOD ONE.

1005:

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

1561:

Why do people, such as S.W.A.T or Seals wear the bulletproof vests where you can see them? Wouldn’t people aim for their head or crotch?

638:

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

1452:

Why do we have to wait till the water starts boiling before we can put pasta into the water? YOU DON'T HAVE TO. MOST PEOPLE CHOOSE TO.

1059:

If your sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?

832:

Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know the time? Do I point to my crotch when I want to know where the bathroom is?

1278:

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that ?

1092:

Why do all superheroes wear spandex? HULK DOESN'T. HE WEARS OVERSTRETCHED PANTS. IRON MAN DOESN'T. HE WEARS IRON. JUST TO NAME A FEW.

518:

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble the answers in a notebook. Mutter something about psychological profiles".

3171:

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

2061:

Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out?? LITTLE PEOPLE?

1962:

If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?

1747:

If you built a time machine with all new parts, when you went back would the parts you use dissapear because they didn't exist then?

1077:

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

2415:

If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves? and if so, aren't we all masochist?

2025:

If someone can't see, they're blind and if someone cant hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell? ANSOMIATIC.

1885:

Have you ever thought what life would be like if your name was Anonymous? You'd get credit for everything nobody wanted credit for?

81:

Have you ever thought what life would be like if your name was Anonymous? You'd get credit for everything nobody wanted credit for?

996:

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate? THEY ALREADY HAVE THAT. CHOCOLATE AND STRAWBERRY.

2757:

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

2196:

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? IT WOULD END THE SERIES.

1898:

If it is a 50 mph per hour wind and you drive your car at 50mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind?

1236:

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

1891:

If you own a piece of land and there is an volcano on it and it ruins a nearby town, do you have to pay for the property damage?

1416:

When you see the weather report and it says "partly cloudy" and then the next day it says "partly sunny"; what’s the difference?

1285:

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going too ?

1227:

Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number? THE SPANISH WORD FOR NUMBER, NUMERO. OTHERWISE KNOWN AS N°.

570:

here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side, and now that I am dying, you are still here....You know what?"

330:

The Pope thought about this and as he had never held a golf club in his life asked, "Don't we have a cardinal to represent me?"

2130:

If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a car accident, does it increase the number of the cars in the pile-up?

959:

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

956:

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

2712:

If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?

563:

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

1394:

Why are there pictures of the sun wearing sunglasses when the purpose of sunglasses is to protect your eyes from the sun?

1032:

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

2772:

If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?

2421:

If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"

1651:

If you eat regular rice crispies with chocolate milk will it taste the same as eating co-co crispies with regular milk?

644:

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? TO HELP YOU FOCUS

2973:

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

2484:

If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas?

853:

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

394:

Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

382:

At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

3198:

Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being qualified as cold? At what temperature does it qualify as hot?

2409:

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore? IT DOES. IT JUST CAN'T HAVE...IT.

1995:

Why does everyone speak different languages and have different accents if we all originally came from the same place?

1714:

Why does the label on children’s Tylenol tell you not to operate heavy machinery or vehicles when it's for CHILDREN!?

1309:

Why is it that on the back of a medicine bottle it says "adult" is 12 and above, but the adult age in reality is 18?

759:

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?

2856:

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?

546:"I assumed everyone in Denver was either for the Broncos or Rockies. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked. 2826:

If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?

2700:

How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?

1986:

If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government? YES.

3201:

If you were a pastor, and you were getting married, would you hire a pastor, or would you do the wedding yourself?

2349:

If a Truck is loaded with Helium, would it weigh less than when it was empty? Wouldn't it get better fuel mileage?

2271:

Why are toe nail clippers bigger than finger nail clippers when your toe nails are smaller than your finger nails?

602:

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

1855:

Why do they call the clock where you punch your time card called a "time" clock? Aren't all clocks "time" clocks?

1618:

Why is that when fish die in water, they float to the top, but when humans die in water, they sink to the bottom?

1306:

If the handicapped bathrooms are for people who cant walk why do they put them at the end of the bathrooms ?

950:

If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived)

856:

If you asked a librarian where the books on self help were would they tell you, or would that defeat the purpose?

2193:

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

1461:

Why do police officers wear tight clothes and dressy shoes? wouldn't that make them slower when chasing someone?

57:

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

2862:

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

2574:

Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?

2037:

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

2016:

Why do they call it "head over heels in love" If our head is always over our heels? I WONDER THAT ALL THE TIME!

1573:

If two identical twin brothers married identical twin sisters, would there kids be identical? ERR, MOST LIKELY.

1513:

If the weather man says "it's a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?

1188:

If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?

2406:

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

2259:

Why is it when your almost dead your on deaths doorstep, but when your actually dead your not in deaths house?

1263:

Just what was the "Baby On Board" sign for? Did it help us decide which car not to hit in case of an accident?

1131:

Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

552:

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Redneck Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet."

3099:

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

2964:

When people lose weight, where does it go? When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

2805:

If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?

2022:

Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia? EPIC OXYMORON.

1116:

What happens if your snot freezes in your nose? BREATHE THROUGH YOUR MOUTH UNTIL THEY CAN UNFREEZE YOUR SNOT.

926:

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

473:

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".

3162:

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

1242:

If you went back in time and killed your mother would you disappear the moment you killed her? YEP. PARADOX.

1185:

If you were under house arrest and you lived in a mobile home, wouldn’t you be able to go anywhere you want?

2301:

If a robber tried to rob a dance club and yelled, "Everybody get down", would all the people start dancing?

1531:

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

1002:"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?" 497:

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now".

312:: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 2553:

Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

2472:

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

2283:

On the periodic table, why do some elements have symbols with letters that aren't even in the word? LATIN.

1288:

Why do people call it an ATM machine, but they know it's really saying Automated Teller Machine Machine?

427:

When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

2115:

Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice" ? YOU ALREADY SAID THAT.

1254:

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

1062:

Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?

2649:

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

2220:

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up "there" anyway?

2133:

In France do people just ask for toast and get French toast? or do they have to ask for American toast?

1300:

Since there is a rule that states "i" before "e" except after "c", wouldn't "science" be spelled wrong?

1101:

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

756:

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

753:

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap? A MUTE CAN'T SWEAR. HE CAN'T TALK.

2937:

What happens if you get scared half to death twice? What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect?

2727:

If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?

2322:

IF MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES, WHY DO BANKS HAVE BRANCHES? WHY DO YOU AKS THE SAME QUESTION SO MUCH?

2289:

Why do they call it “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” when they know the answer is going to be everyone?

1768:

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth? A THOUSAND WORDS.

1657:

What are those little things on the end of your shoelaces called? AGLETS. WATCH MORE PHINEAS AND FERB.

449:

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".

321:

representatives to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Catholic and Jewish faiths.

1585:

If you can test drive cars at the dealer's, why not test-drive lawnmowers around at a hardware store?

1047:

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

904: 885:

What if Dr. Seuss did technical writing? (You really have to read this one out loud to appreciate it)

3192:

Why is it that whenever you sing to the radio, your voice is higher? Even when you have a low voice?

2991:

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

2292:

Why does Bugs bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?

2139:

Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?

2094:

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

1071:

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights?

1056:

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown? Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

2379:

If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?

1125:

Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be “under par” in any thing else?

1020:

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

1011:

Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom?

771:

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

485:

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

1828:

Isn't it scary that the word "therapist" is the same as the words "the" and "rapist" put together?

2820:

If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?

2523:

why do the ABC song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep all have the same tune?

2346:

How come it was called the Cosby Show when Billy Cosby's character was named Heathcliff Huxtible?

2106:

Isn't it kind of ominous to put your tax returns in the mail box and put up the little red flag?

1500:

Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on? NO. TEST IT YOURSELF.

1182:

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

2679:

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

2673:

How is it possible to have a civil war? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

2157:

Why is it that lemon dishsoap is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?

2049:

How come some Little Debbie snack cakes come in a twin pack and others are wrapped individually?

1956:

If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days? THE SECOND DAY.(SEE ABOVE)

1935:

What does OK actually mean? OLD KINDERHOOK, AKA MARTIN VAN BUREN, OUR EIGHTH PRESIDENT. NO JOKE.

1173:

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

983:

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

623:

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

521:

Tell your friends 4 days prior, that you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

2547:

I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?

1696:

Why do the numbers on the phone go one way, but the numbers on the calculator go the other way?

1636:

If a fire truck was on its way to a fire and it passes another fire, which fire would it go to?

1443:

Why is the St. Louis baseball team the cardinals, but the Missouri state bird is the blue bird?

1155:

If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?

430:

Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

140:

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

1215:

Why is it that when babies are born they only weigh like 7 lbs yet the mom weighs 30 lbs more?

626:

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

2961:

When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?

2823:

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

2487:

If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

1992:

Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests?

1913:

Why in baseball is it called the World Series if it is only played in the U.S.A & Canada?

1455:

If a criminal turns himself in shouldn't he get the reward money? HE SHOULD, BUT HE DOESN'T.

1327:

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

1303:

If the S.W.A.T team comes to your house and breaks down your door, do they replace it later?

1233:

Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?

1230:

Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one?

95:

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

72:

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

2571:

If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russian's government, where would they send you?

2367:

If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first? YES.

1467:

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

1330:

How come you can kill a deer and put it on your wall but it's illegal to keep them as a pet?

1269:

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

2766:

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

2556:

If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?

1645:

If your named Will and you are in the army do you get worried when people say fire at will?

1437:

Do you ever notice those red balls on the wires while your driving? Well what are they for?

1212:

When something's funny why is it called a "knee-slapper" when you actually slap your thigh?

807:

Before the light bulb was invented, what appeared over peoples heads when they had an idea?

2430:

Why do we leave expensive cars in the driveway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage?

2214:

Why do people say "You scared the living daylights out of me" when daylight is not living?

2091:

If Dracula has no reflection, how comes he always had such a straight parting in his hair?

2058:

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

2031:

Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?

1798:

If anything's possible, then is it possible that nothing's possible? IS NOTHING SOMETHING?

1324:

If the day before a holiday is called Christmas Eve, is the day after Christmas Adam? NO.

2838:

If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?

2520:

Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?

1291:

Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number?

128:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more, the friend or the money.

3234:

How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep fried potatoes?

2955:

What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

2859:

If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

2502:

If the speed of movement is slower than the speed of light - how fast is a moving light?

1275:

If all of the Acme stuff doesn't work, why does Wile Coyote keep buying their products?

2787:

If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?

2736:

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

2637:

How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

2175:

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? PEOPLE ARE IN A RUSH.

1977:

Why do the call the angel of death an angel if all it does is bring pain and suffering?

1904:

Why do they call them "Animal Crackers" when there not even crackers...they're cookies?

1873:

Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

1488:

Why does "lake" come first (Lake Michigan) and "river" come second (Mississippi River)?

1089:

Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?

125:

A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

3096:

Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees? Why don't you ever see baby pigeons?

3048:

Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?

2412:

If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

2304:

Why is a woman in a suit a "business person” but a man in a dress is a "transvestite"?

1684:

Why does breaking a mirror mean seven years of bad luck when seven is a lucky number??

1609:

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway?

1458:

Why are blue Christmas lights so popular? Aren't red and green the traditional colors?

1050:

Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?

2496:

Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts, but have to put in your two cents worth?

2760:

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

2682:

If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound and would anyone care?

1660:

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?

938:"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute? 264:: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it. 27:

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?

2694:

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

2202:

Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?

2013:

Why do they call them guidance counselors when all counselors do is offer guidance?

2001:

If you tell someone they are being judgmental aren't you being judgmental yourself?

1738:

When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it forms 'THEIRS'. Coincidence? I think not?

1672:

If there were a knowledge contest, would the female winner be called Miss Informed?

1413:

Why isn't the word 'gullible' in the dictionary? YES IT I-- OH, I GET IT. GOOD ONE.

1391:

Does it really count in court when an atheist is sworn in under oath using a Bible?

424:

When the money comes out the ATM, scream I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"

3222:

If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke?

3021:

Why didn't Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force?

2925:

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

1867:

If you are born on February 29 of a leap year, when is your birthday? FEBRUARY 29

1834:

On a telephone, why does ABC start on the number 2 and not 1? ONLY ON SOME PHONES.

1567:

How come stealing from one book is plagiarism, but stealing from many is research?

1312:

Why do most people put more effort into their wedding than their actual marriage?

1122:

If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?

744:

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

614:

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

87:

If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

3168:

After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

2568:

How can military troops be deployed if they have never been ployed to begin with?

1858:

Why does blow and suck mean the same thing when we describe something being crap?

1407:

When a car is for sale and it has a balloon on it, does the balloon come with it?

3207:

Can someone have their head in the clouds and be down-to-earth at the same time?

3174:

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?Have ex-bankers become disinterested?

2652:

How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

2598:

Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?

2295:

If a terminator is someone who kills, shouldn't an exterminator be the opposite?

2160:

If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?

2097:

Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains neither grapes, nor nuts?

1780:

What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

1546:

If shampoo comes in so many colors, why is the lather on your head always white?

1425:

What happens when you say “hi” to your friend on an airplane who's name is Jack?

1257:

Do the air bubbles that are created when you fart in water, smell when they pop?

1140:

Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?

1008:

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??

418:

Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

78:

If shampoo comes in so many colors, why is the lather on your head always white?

3219:

Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets?

3108:

Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?

2802:

If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?

2670:

How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness?

2457:

What would happen if an Irresistible Force met an Immovable Object? APOCALYPSE.

2280:

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

2004:

Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?

1621:

Don’t you find it weird we teach our kids: scrub a dub dub, three men in a tub?

1354:

If CD’s were spun in the opposite direction, would it say everything backwards?

1209:

Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only one day of Christmas?

1017:

What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?

810:

If you spin an Oriental person around and around, does he become disorientated?

3225:

If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two players?

3015:

Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop? Why aren't there bulletproof pants?

2967:

When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?

2886:

Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

2316:

How long is it until your relationship is considered a long-term relationship?

1825:

Would it be possible for a solar car to travel faster then the speed of light?

850:

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

841:

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

768:

Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

704:

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?

573:"What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. 440:

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 7 inch paper, 99 copies.

2970:

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

2511:

How can something be new and improved? if it's new, what was it improving on?

1907:

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? OVER 9000!

1507:

If someone crashes his or her car on purpose, why is it still a car accident?

1348:

Why is there a size 12-14, 14-16, 16-18, and so forth, but no 13, 15, and 17?

1272:

Can you cry under water? ERR... YES? MOST PEOPLE WOULD TRY AND SURFACE FIRST.

1146:

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

1065:

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free?

388:

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

306:: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 164:

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

146:

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

2790:

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

2715:

If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?

1519:

If Sunday is the holy day of rest why do we have to get up early for church?

1251:

If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

458:

Highlight irrelevant material in scientific papers and cc. them to your boss.

182:

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

3189:

How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?

3123:

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?

2754:

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

2730:

If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

2454:

Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?

2172:

Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand? IT MEASURES seconds.

1901:

Why does "closing up" a shop and "closing down" a shop mean the same thing?

1744:

Are one handed people offended when police tell them to put their hands up?

1741:

What would happen if u put a humidifier and a dehumdifier in the same room?

1449:

If we had a president that was a woman, would her husband be the first man?

1434:

Do people with big eyes see at a wider range than people with smaller eyes?

1297:

Why do you DELETE something on the computer, but ERASE something on paper?

1149:

Why is snow white and ice clear? Aren't they just different forms of water?

838:

If you were scared half to death twice, would you be 3/4 dead or 100% dead?

620:

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?

2841:

If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?

2835:

If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?

2394:

If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

2223:

If somebody vanished without a trace, how do people know they are missing?

2142:

If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound ?

1510:

If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?

1497:

What would happen if: Everyone was to flush their toilet at the same time?

1473:

Why is it when we ask for the check in a restaurant they bring us a bill?

1294:

Why is Christmas colors red and green when Santa's suit is red and white?

1191:

What would happen if you were to feed a pig some bacon? SWINE CANNIBALISM?

1035:

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa

467:

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the cartridge across the room.

69:

If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?

3078:

Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?

2994:

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

2532:

If you get cheated by the better business bureau, who do you complain to?

2166:

Why can magicians make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?

2034:

Why is it called a TV set when there is only one? YOU ALREADY ASKED THAT.

1959:

If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?

1941:

Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down?

1759:

If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

1681:

On a hamburger bun, why is the top bun always bigger than the bottom one?

1639:

If you could walk through the walls, wouldn’t you fall through the floor?

1440:

Why do people who don’t want to go to hell bury themselves 6 ft. closer?

1366:

Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?

1053:

Why does shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind? YOUR OPINION.

596:

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

3210:

If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember

3003:

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

2535:

If you're in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

2358:

Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?

2340:

Why is it called butterfingers when there is no butter or fingers in it?

2100:

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? ?.

2079:

If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit? LOL

1771:

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

1143:

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

929:

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

847:

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest end up drowning as well?

804:

When sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their signs?

635:

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards?

593:

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

464:

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

443:

If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to others.

2592:

Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?

2433:

why do they have handicap parking spaces in front of the skating rings?

2331:

If you say something is indescribable, isn't that describing it? YES...

2073:

If you wore a teflon suit, could you ever end up in a sticky situation?

1624:

Why do they call it "morning sickness" in the middle of the afternoon?

1606:

Why isn’t the Q or the Z included on the phone IT'S ON THE 1 SOMETIMES.

1464:

If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?

829:

If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box what color would it change to?

170:

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

122:

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

2844:

If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?

2493:

If you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?

2247:

Why is an elevator still called an elevator even when its going down?

2229:

Why is it called pineapple, when's there neither pine nor apple in it?

2109:

What ever happened to an E grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E. I DUNNO.

2007:

How come no matter what color the liquid is the froth is always white?

1732:

Why are the obituaries found in the "living" section of the newspaper?

1726:

Why is there not a Channel 1 on TV? MY GRANDMA HAS CHANNEL 1. NO JOKE.

1594:

Since the U.S. says United We Stand, does that offend legless people?

1401:

If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out?

1170:

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

980:

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

506:

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

191:

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

66:

If you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?

2817:

If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?

2793:

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

2667:

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

2643:

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

2607:

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?

2463:

If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers?

2310:

Was Dawson Named After The Creek or Was The Creek Named After Dawson?

2088:

Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on Christmas lights?

1540:

Seeing as Cupid is so good at matchmaking, does he have a girlfriend?

947:

Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?

611:

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

421:

Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

216:

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

3051:

Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

3045:

Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?

2874:

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

2763:

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

2721:

If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?

2499:

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

2118:

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary? YES, GO CHECK.

1630:

If money is the root of all evil then how come churches ask for it?

1026:

If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?

965:

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

823:

If you wear an antennae to a wedding, would the reception be better?

683:

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

662:

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

494:

Buy a large number of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

2931:

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

2784:

If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?

2343:

If you shine a light into a mirror, do you get twice as much light?

2268:

If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?

2124:

If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?

1882:

If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?

1879:

What do you say when someone says you're in denial, but you're not?

1795:

If the energizer bunny attacks someone, is he charged with battery?

1516:

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

1491:

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

1239:

Who gets to keep the pennies in a wishing well? CREEPERS AND HOBOS.

1218:

Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a running back?

765:

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

324:

The Pope met with his College of Cardinals to discuss the proposal.

3126:

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

2610:

But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!

2439:

Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?

2253:

If you accidentally ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?

1786:

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

1476:

How come wine and hard liquor doesn't come in cans, but beer does?

1360:

If a man has no fingers, can he press charges? YES. IT'S A PHRASE.

1321:

Do stuttering people stutter when they're thinking to themselves?

1203:

How come only car keys are the only keys with teeth on both sides?

905:

http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/elz1/clocktower/Highwayman.html

686:

Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?

668:

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

479:

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.

406:

Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

3039:

If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down?

2988:

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

2904:

There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

2745:

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?

2550:

If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?

2508:

Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?

2385:

What came first, the fruit or the color orange? COLOR. SEE ABOVE.

2376:

Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?

2298:

How many people do you need to consider it a mass suicide/murder?

2286:

Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? EPIC BALANCE.

2277:

If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do? (SEE ABOVE)

2121:

What do you call a female daddy long legs? A MOMMY LONG LEGS. LOL

1989:

If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you? PARADOX.

1711:

What does the T in T-Shirt really mean? TORSO. AS IN, MIDSECTION?

1663:

If they develop a supersonic train, will they give it a whistle?

1431:

Why is it illegal to put money in other people's parking meters?

719:

Why do we call it a hot water heater if the water is already hot?

689:

If the front of your car says 'DODGE', do you really need a horn?

509:

In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage".

3075:

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

2853:

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

2703:

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

2313:

Could a tanning bed kill a vampire? If not would they get a tan?

2235:

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

1783:

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

1774:

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

1750:

How can sweet and sour sauce be sweet and sour at the same time?

1675:

If you stick on stickers on non-stick pans, would they stick on?

1494:

If I raise the volume on my radio, does it use more electricity?

1068:

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

993:

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

798:

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

722:

If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

397:

Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

351:

Nicklaus sighed, "I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by three strokes."

152:

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

54:

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

3240:

Why do they say "an alarm going off," if it is really going on?

3054:

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

2976:

When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

2775:

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

2634:

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

2445:

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?

2319:

Can you make cheese out of human breast milk? HAS ANYONE TRIED?

1932:

If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? ÆTHER.

1245:

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

1221:

If you die and you have a broken leg do they take the cast off?

1176:

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

986:

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

650:

If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

629:

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

608:

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

188:

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

185:

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

2676:

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

2580:

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

2448:

If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests? TESTI- GOOD JOB.

2364:

How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?

2328:

How do you know which armrest is yours in the movie theaters?

1998:

Why do they call it a RUNNING BACK when he is running forward?

1849:

Why did Superman wear his briefs on the outside of his tights?

1762:

Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars

1756:

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

1597:

If no one buys a ticket to a movie, does the movie still play?

1107:

If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

917:

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

213:

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

167:

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

149:

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

116:

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

3114:

Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?

3081:

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

3000:

Why are there never any artist's materials in a drawing room?

2919:

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

2724:

If a dog sweats through his tongue, why does he have armpits?

2664:

How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?

1152:

Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?

566:

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

452:

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think".

435:

Subject: 29 Ways to Annoy People (For those who don't know how

176:

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

36:

Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?

2997:

Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?

2928:

What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?

2799:

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

2769:

If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?

2688:

If a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?

2538:

What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane? ME!

2529:

How does Santa get into a house that doesn't have a chimney?

2070:

Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?

1925:

In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?

1831:

Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

1612:

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

1479:

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

941:

Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?

914:

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

801:

Why is it called a "near miss" when you don't hit something?

774:

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

750:

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

728:

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

3009:

Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?

2808:

If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?

2739:

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

2691:

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

2517:

Why did they name that underwear company fruit of the loom?

2154:

Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps?

1965:

Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?

1534:

What is the parking situation like at the Special Olympics?

953:

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

725:

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

713:

Why call it "take" a dump, when you leave something behind?

665:

Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?

207:

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

161:

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

2733:

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

2685:

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

2616:

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

2541:

What would Cheese say if they got their picture taken? ME!

2526:

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

2355:

Why do they call it a black light when it's really purple?

2112:

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

1843:

Why do radio operators say "niner" instead of just "nine"?

1813:

why are rubber duckies yellow when most real ducks aren't?

1224:

Is sign language the same in languages other than English?

968:

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

962:

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

844:

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

515:

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

385:

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

342:"Tell me the good news, Cardinal Nicklaus," said the pope. 158:

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

75:

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

3060:

Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?

2796:

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

2655:

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

2577:

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

2514:

Is Disney world the only people trap operated by a mouse?

2010:

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

1735:

How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?

1708:

If dinosaurs had sores.........what would they be called?

1576:

If your glove is too big, does it still fit like a glove?

1543:

Is an alcoholic just a drunk that's scared of a hangover?

1485:

Why do they call him a Skipper when he just stands there?

1404:

Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

1248:

Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?

731:

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

617:

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

270:: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 210:

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

119:

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

84:

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

3087:

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

3084:

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

2829:

If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?

2589:

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

2460:

What's the difference between a wise man and a wise guy?

2427:

Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?

2046:

Why is it called football when you hardly use your feet?

2019:

Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?

1968:

Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"? SOME PEOPLE DO.

1699:

Why do we tie shoes to the back of a car for newly weds?

1095:

If Mars had earthquakes would they be called Marsquakes?

659:

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

605:

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

415:

Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

225:

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

197:

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

143:

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

137:

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

63:

Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?

3105:

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

3090:

Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

2871:

Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?

2709:

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

2505:

Why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?

2325:

If you cut off a glowworm's tail would it be delighted?

2136:

Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?

2127:

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

1702:

Is it possible to do stand-up comedy sitting down? YES.

1564:

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

1357:

If lava melts rock, wouldn’t the lava melt the volcano?

1206:

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

1200:

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

1164:

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

974:

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

923:

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

813:

If a vegetable goes into a coma, is it called a person?

671:

Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?

45:

If you cut off a glowworm's tail would it be delighted?

21:

Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?

3204:

Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters?

3150:

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

3036:

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

2952:

What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?

2847:

If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?

2442:

What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?

2352:

Why is the blackboard green? THE ORIGINALS WERE BLACK.

2190:

Does a postman deliver his own mail? ERR... PO BOXING?

2043:

Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down?

2040:

How did the headless horseman know where he was going?

1315:

Why do dogs walk around in circles before lying down?

820:

Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables?

647:

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell 'mnemonic'?

599:

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

194:

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

173:

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

42:

Why do dogs walk around in circles before lying down?

3216:

If you died with braces on would they take them off?

2982:

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

2901:

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

2748:

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

2631:

Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?

2559:

How come overtones and undertones are the same thing?

2232:

Why is it called eggplant, when there's no egg in it?

1953:

Do the different "M&M's"® colors taste different?

1922:

Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

1876:

Why do they call it 2% milk, if its 2% fat, not milk?

1579:

Is it possible to scream at the bottom of your lungs?

1023:

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

680:

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

537:"But I'm not a Broncos fan," the little hero replied. 3117:

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

2916:

What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?

2889:

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

2451:

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

2397:

Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?

2082:

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

1971:

Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille?

1693:

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

1690:

If I think, and therefore I am, am I just a thought?

1119:

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

179:

If pencils are so popular, than why are they only #2?

2436:

What happens if someone loses a lost and found box?

2418:

why is it called lipstick when it always comes off?

2028:

How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?

1944:

Why can't you eat pancakes for dinner? YES YOU CAN!

1852:

Does anyone actually kill two birds with one stone?

1792:

If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?

792:

Why do you wear a pair of panties and only one bra?

777:

Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one?

228:

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

102:

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

3111:Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one? 3066:Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? 2400:Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids? 1591:Is it possible for a narcoleptic to have insomnia? 674:Why call it a building if it's already been built? 653:Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one? 632:Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? 391:

Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"

3093:Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is? 2661:How do you know when you're out of invisible ink? 2604:Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip? 2466:How can you chop down a tree and then chop it up? 1983:If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm? 1723:Do bald men wash their head with soap or shampoo? 1555:Why do they put Canadian bacon on Hawaiian Pizza? 1446:Why are public toilet seats never complete ovals? 1419:Can a person choke and die on a life savor? YERP. 1083:Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1? 692:What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep? 543:"But I'm not a Rockies fan either," the boy said. 2205:Does peanut butter really have butter in it? NO. 2187:If feathers tickle people, do they tickle birds? 2184:Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest? 2163:Is French kissing in France just called kissing? 1846:Why do people say heads up when you should duck? 1549:If a table is propped up can it be propped down? 1167:Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends? 977:Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends? 734:If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? 695:When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? 461:Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 409:Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". 252:: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. . . . 3072:Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? 2913:What color would a smurf turn if you choked it? 2181:What do people in China call their good plates? 2067:Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks? 2055:Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick'name? YES...? 1950:Why don't you hear thunder with heat lightning? 1753:Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? 1385:How do they get the air inside the bubble wrap? 470:Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 377:Subject: How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity 24:Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? 3153:Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? 3144:Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream? 3129:Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto? 3102:Why is a women's prison called a penal colony? 1777:What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours? 1627:Did you know there is a page 666 in The Bible? 1422:Why are women and men's shoe sizes different? 219:Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery. 155:I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. 2751:If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 2481:How come thaw and unthaw mean the same thing? 2199:Why doesn't a chicken egg taste like chicken? 1938:What does the K in K-mart actually stand for? 1044:Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue? 587:Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? 288:: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate) 51:What does the K in K-mart actually stand for? 3195:Why is most lunchmeat bigger than the bread? 3183:Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional? 3147:Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission? 3141:Don't you have to get up to get to the tape? 3006:Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? 2388:Where does the white go when the snow melts? 2337:Can you sleep forever without being in coma? 2274:Is the opposite of "out of whack" "in whack" 2244:Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot? 2238:What was the best thing before sliced bread? 1678:Why don't ducks duck when you shoot at them? 1470:Why do birds bob their heads when they walk? 1345:Why is it when we duck they call us chicken? 1342:Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 1080:Why is a square meal served on round plates? 935:Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time? 716:What was the best thing before sliced bread? 590:Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? 348:"How can there be bad news?" the pope asked. 222:Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. 39:Why don't ducks duck when you shoot at them? 8: 3180:Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed? 3159:Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 2922:What do sheep count when they can't sleep? 2811:If you bear a child, why do you have a cow? 2586:Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? 1980:Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up? 1029:If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold? 932:Can a fire truck park in the fire lane? YES 701:Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs? 656:Why does your nose run and your feet smell? 403:As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 33:Can a person choke and die on a life savor? 2898:Shouldn't it be some things in moderation? 2850:If you take a shower, where do you put it? 2742:If inert is to be stationary, what is ert? 2064:What is a male ladybug called? SAME THING. 1388:Why are there black lines on a basketball? 1318:Can a metal plate in your head get rusted? 1041:Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars? 786:Is grass really greener on the other side? 500:As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 3228:Why is shampoo clear but conditioner not? 2697:If God dropped acid, would he see people? 2625:Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's? 2373:Did they have antiques in the olden days? 2307:When pigs fart, does it smell like bacon? 2265:What's the opposite of opposite? SYNONYM. 2169:Why is it that rain drops but snow falls? 1919:Why are things typed up but written down? 1840:Do dumped farmers get John Deere letters? 1801:Is atheism is a non-prophet organization? 1086:Which way does a compass point in space? 920:Can you make a candle out of your earwax? 48:Can you make a candle out of your earwax? 3237:Do babies produce more spit than adults? 3156:Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? 2892:Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? 2883:Can you grow birds by planting birdseed? 2628:Does the little mermaid wear an algebra? 2475:Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man? 2085:Does the President have to pay taxes? NO 1916:Why do old men have hair in their ears? 1588:Is there anything easier done than said? 3057:Why do they report power outages on TV? 2910:What color is a chameleon on a mirror? 2907:What came first the chicken or the egg? 2619:Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? 2478:Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot? 1669:Why can't we sneeze with our eyes open? 1654:Why is Bra singular and Panties plural? 1525:Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV? 710:Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? 512:Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 476:Staple papers in the middle of the page. 2868:Is it possible to be totally partial? 2334:Do Dutch people always split the bill? 1379:Can you blow a balloon up under water? 1339:Why would Dodge make a car called Ram? 971:Can you get cornered in a round room? 707:How come wrong numbers are never busy? 30:Can you blow a balloon up under water? 3177:Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted? 3138:Why is the word "abbreviate" so long? 3063:Why do 'tug'boats push their barges? 3024:Why do airlines call flights nonstop? 3018:Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? 2946:What is another word for "thesaurus"? 2658:How do you know when yogurt goes bad? 2565:What should one call a male ladybird? 2544:why are turds pinched off at the end? 1910:How do you throw away a garbage can? 1333:What do vegetarians feed their dogs? 1266:Does Hawaiian Punch come from Hawaii? 1161:Can you get cornered in a round room? 1038:beans, and all beans are a vegetable? 795:Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? 2895:Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"? 2646:How can there be "self help GROUPS"? 2622:Do one legged ducks swim in circles? 1974:How do you handcuff a one-armed man? 1717:Why do they call front seat shotgun? 1137:How come popcorn isn't a vegetable? 1128:Is Jerry Garcia grateful to be dead? 826:Why is abbreviated such a long word? 747:How can there be self-help "groups"? 737:Is there another word for thesaurus? 677:Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? 549:"I'm a Cowboys fan." the child said. 455:Practice making fax and modem noises. 7: 2979:Where are Preparations A through G? 2595:Can you be a closet claustrophobic? 2562:What would you use to dilute water? 1819:Do judges and lawyers do jury duty? 1765:Did Noah keep his bees in archives? 1729:Why are there dents in a golf ball? 3132:Why is the alphabet in that order? 3030:Why do bars advertise live bands? 2601:Did Adam and Eve have navels? NO. 2391:Can blind people see their dreams? 2370:Why are pennies bigger than dimes? 1336:Can someone give up lent for lent? 762:Is there another word for synonym? 246:: Coming back to life as a donkey. 131:Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. 3165:Can fat people go skinny-dipping? 3069:Why do we have hot water heaters? 3033:What does a dead band sound like? 2934:What happened to the first 6 ups? 2583:Aren't all generalizations false? 2361:What do you call male ballerinas? 2262:Why do we scrub Down and wash Up? 2211:Is the fear of flying groundless? 1351:What did cured ham actually have? 14: 2958:What's another word for synonym? 2613:Do fish get cramps after eating? 2469:How can you hear yourself think? 2403:Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? 2256:Do sore thumbs really stick out? 1687:Can angels eat devils food cake? 576:"I think you bring me bad luck." 3186:Have ex-punsters been expunged? 3027:Won't they all stop eventually? 2865:Is a castrated pig disgruntled? 2640:How can someone "draw a blank"? 1600:Are you able to fart in heaven? 1363:Can a blind man see his future? 1098:Why did Mary own a little lamb? 870:Picture yourself near a stream. 780:What do they pack Styrofoam in? 258:: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head. 3012:Why are we afraid of falling? 2382:Is a sleeping bag a nap sack? 2241:Why do birds have white poop? 2208:Do mimes watch silent movies? 1816:Are there female leprechauns? 863:Subject: HOW TO HANDLE STRESS 783:Why did God give men nipples? 400:Dont use any punctuation marks 240:Here are some recent winners: 1: 3135:Is it because of that song? 3042:Why do guys wear underpants? 2880:Isn't hot water already hot? 2226:Why are boxing rings square? 1197:Do pyromaniacs wear blazers? 944:Are marbles made of marble? 835:Why is there an 's' in lisp? 1382:Can crop circles be square? 3231:Do cows have calf muscles? 2949:What is the speed of dark? 2076:How fast do hotcakes sell? 1648:Why is there an L in NOEL? 1633:Can vampires donate blood? 482:Honk and wave to strangers. 3254: 1947:Why do donuts have holes? 1837:Do pigs pull ham strings? 1666:Do fish ever get thirsty? 355:Subject: Email from Heaven 300:: All talk and no action. 202:Subject: Bumper Stickers 2 1134:Can bald men get lice?? 1113:Why are Pringles curved? 698:Does fuzzy logic tickle? 2943:Aren't all gifts free? 2145:Why are SOFTballs hard? 1861:Can dogs have dog days? 1720:Why are all farms red? 491:type only in lower case. 446:Sing along at the Opera. 434: 412:Sing along at the opera. 370:Subject: I've arrived! 282:: A degenerate disease. 1810:Why are all farms red? 881:Subject: Dr. Seuss Tech 559:Subject: Heart to heart 488:TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE. 2985:Who invented accents? 2148:Do vampires get AIDS? 1789:What do mermaids eat? 1014:Can mute people burp? 2940:What is a free gift? 2877:Is there a Dr. Salt? 789:Do boxer shorts box? 367:To: My Loving Wife. 276:: Terminal coolness. 233:Subject: Daffynitions 2052:Do cows drink milk? 134:Death is hereditary. 1929:THE BLUE HEDGEHOG. 1705:Is bad a bad word? 3213:that they forgot? 1615:Do ducks sneeze? 867:A Visualization: 3245: 583:Things to Ponder 3253: 3252: 3248: 3247: 3246: 3244: 3243: 3242: 1822:Do fish sleep? 912: 902: 898: 894: 890: 883: 865: 585: 579: 561: 555: 528: 437: 379: 357: 318: 235: 204: 113: 108: 93: 19: 12: 11: 5: 3251: 3249: 1870:Do birds pee? 911: 908: 899: 895: 891: 887: 882: 879: 864: 861: 584: 581: 560: 557: 527: 524: 523: 522: 519: 516: 513: 510: 507: 504: 501: 498: 495: 492: 489: 486: 483: 480: 477: 474: 471: 468: 465: 462: 459: 456: 453: 450: 447: 444: 441: 436: 433: 432: 431: 428: 425: 422: 419: 416: 413: 410: 407: 404: 401: 398: 395: 392: 389: 386: 383: 378: 375: 356: 353: 317: 314: 304:Dopeler effect 234: 231: 230: 229: 226: 223: 220: 217: 214: 211: 208: 203: 200: 199: 198: 195: 192: 189: 186: 183: 180: 177: 174: 171: 168: 165: 162: 159: 156: 153: 150: 147: 144: 141: 138: 135: 132: 129: 126: 123: 120: 117: 112: 109: 107: 104: 92: 89: 18: 15: 13: 10: 9: 6: 4: 3: 2: 3250: 3241: 3238: 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Index