461:"Hiryū had eight Zeros aloft, along with 12 more from the other carriers and all told they accounted for five of the British bombers for the loss of one of Hiryū's Zeros." - This sentence is wonky; the parenthetical 'along with 12 more from the other carriers' is missing an ending comma, but that would obfuscate the subject of the subsequent independent clause. Perhaps 'collectively' would be an improvement over 'all told': "Hiryu had eight Zeros aloft; joined by 12 from the other carriers, they collectively accounted for..."
202:. I'm not sure what the established protocol is for these kinds of pages, but why are the measurements for a Japanese aircraft carrier in American units (feet, inches, etc.). Seems kind of strange to have it that way, especially since I believe Japan had adopted the metric system 50 years before this carrier was built.
547:
That usage is very common in many military histories dealing with individual ships, aircraft or weapons, but I was taken to task many, many moon ago by a reviewer who wondered why I was personifying the ship and giving it agency rather than to the crew. It might read a bit like passive voice, but I
383:
From my work on
Japanese World War II-related topics, I can confirm Sturmvogel's comment above. There isn't even a genuinely comprehensive history of the IJN in the war (most books on the topic peter out after about early 1943 and compress the remainder of the war into some sketchy summary chapters
179:
was completed in the late 1930s and briefly participated in the 2nd Sino-Japanese War and the occupation of French IndoChina before the start of the
Pacific War. She participated in most of the early carrier operations of that war before being sunk during the Battle of Midway. The article recently
368:
Thanks for your vote of confidence, but, sadly, there's been very limited information on
Japanese carriers translated into English in the last few decades. I expect that rather more's been published in Japanese, but really couldn't say, aside from a few picture books. But look more closely at the
352:
All in all the article is as the early IJN Aircraft
Carriers were: top heavy with the Pacific War and American sources (only one japanese author about a japanese carrier? Aren't there any more who published in English?) but has, with you as its main author, the potential for great improvement.
523:
Footnote 1. I suggest that you, rather than footnoting the statement about which practice the article will follow, that you set the sources out following the sentence, with a "See, e.g." preceding. Personally, I do not footnote in notes, because it is two jumps for the reader and because the
325:
What we've got is a detailed account of everything that the ship or its aircraft did during the battle. She was the longest-surviving
Japanese carrier during the battle and did more than the others. Midway is exceedingly well documented and I've used all that info here. So, no, it couldn't be
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720:
While each carrier had contributed fighters to the CAP throughout the battle, at this point the CAP was formed by aircraft flying from Hiryu that had originally been based on the other, sunken, carriers.
727:"The fires were severe enough that the remaining American aircraft attacked the other ships escorting Hiryū," presumably because they deemed the carrier sunk? Consider adding the reason.
444:"While at Hashirajima, Sōryū's air group was based ashore at Tomitaka Airfield, near Saiki, Ōita, and conducted flight and weapons training with the other First Air Fleet carrier units."
343:
Nearly two and a half years of active war service are dealt in seven sentences and after that you have this huge texts about only seven months. Seems a little Anglo-Americancentric.
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It'd also be PD in the US because the NHHC considers such donations to be in the PD. I had an email saying this, but I think it was on my university email, which is now defunct.
94:
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564:"the port-side director was positioned below flight deck level on the port side" Perhaps delete "on the port side" or at least change to "on that side"? Mildly redundant.
595:
Would anything be gained by saying what the ship's deck was made of? I'd imagine steel but perhaps the type of steel would be interesting (not my field, just suggesting)
529:
I cite every footnote as the easiest way to source the info. I prefer this method over yours because sometimes I use the same cite in the main body and in the footnote.
441:"From a position 230 nautical miles (430 km; 260 mi) north of Oahu, Sōryū and the other five carriers launched two waves of aircraft on the morning of 8 December 1941."
803:
I've changed it to the
Japanese license and added the US PD-URAA license as well as I believe it still needs a US license. Thanks for getting to this so quickly.--
753:
Well done. After reading of the swath of destruction this vessel left in its path, I understand why the loss of four of them was such a blow to the
Japanese.--
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Why is the section about Midway nearly half as long as the whole article, when there is an own article about the battle and that even mentioned as the
713:" thirteen Zeros on CAP (a composite force of survivors from the other carriers)" You've been mentioning CAP for quite some time, why explain it now?
369:
bibliography, you'll find three books with
Japanese authors or co-authors; I do the best I can with what's available. Thanks for looking this over.--
346:
Reflects the limited info on the ship's very limited participation in the Sino-Japanese War and her far more active participation in the
Pacific War.
572:"This was the standard Japanese light AA gun" I would specify the gun instead of saying "this", as you've been sidetracked talking about the mounts.
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699:"23 degrees 17 minutes later" as minutes is also a subdivision of degrees, suggest changing 17 to seventeen, and it looks better anyway.
540:" participated in the Battle of Midway" I don't like participated, it is much too passive. Any objection to "fought" or a similar term?
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on prose and apparent comprehensiveness, though I am not a military scholar. I do have a few suggestions. Sorry to leave this so long:
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655:"although the fighters from the other carriers also made claims" This information seems like it should be next to the claims made by
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and should meet the FAC criteria. I look forward to working with reviewers to correct any weaknesses that they might identify.--
404:- I made a couple edits to link on first mention, tweak punctuation in some very long sentences, etc. A few remaining issues:
618:"the Japanese occupation of northern Indochina" as in the invasion part or the ruling against the will of the locals part?
800:
states that it was a "Donation of
Kazutoshi Hando, 1970", so it needs to be changed to the standard Japanese license.
632:
Kidu Butai" is linked when it was mentioned unlinked in the prior section and given a somewhat different description.
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This is the third article on the six Japanese carriers that attacked Pearl Harbor to make it to FAC thus far.
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has been promoted, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see
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Given as per the book, presumably in order of contribution rather than alphabetical.
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Which order is per the book, the one in short cites or the one in bibliography?
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I wish I knew what type of steel it was, but none of my sources mention that.
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Good point, normally I do just that and can't remember why I didn't. Fixed.--
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Fixed the issue with the Kate, but couldn't find anything wrong with Val.
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These two sentences look like they're written from Soryu's perspective:
499:- Reviewed the article for A & I think its ready for promotion.
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Featured article candidates/Japanese aircraft carrier Hiryū/archive1
39:
Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in
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Done. Always glad to have non-specialist eyes on a ship article.--
335:-cap but the Indian Ocean Raid and Pearl Harbor-sections haven't?
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Fixed, thanks for reviewing the article for all of these nits.--
792:- the description says this photo was taken by a plane from
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All other photos are demonstrably PD in Japan and the US.
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Moved "17 minutes later" to the beginning of the sentence.
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Stupid computer not noticing these copy-paste issues.
920:The above discussion is preserved as an archive.
796:, but the license tag says it's a USN photo. The
423:Ditto inconsistency between 'Zeroes" and 'Zeros'.
384:focused mainly on the handful of major battles).
41:Knowledge (XXG) talk:Featured article candidates
43:. No further edits should be made to this page.
926:No further edits should be made to this page.
899:template in place on the talk page until the
248:Missing bibliographic info for Chesneau 1980
29:The following is an archived discussion of a
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18:Knowledge (XXG):Featured article candidates
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768:Your responses seem satisfactory to me.--
867:- grand article, as per Sturm's usual.
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817:Looks good to go now, and no problem.
524:numbering gets sort of out of order.
7:
465:Good idea. Thanks for the review.--
331:Why does the Midway-section have a
24:
625:Good catch, the actual invasion.
256:Check order of authors for Hata
682:Engrossing reading, I must say.
74:Japanese aircraft carrier Hiryū
67:Japanese aircraft carrier Hiryū
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394:11:40, 10 September 2013 (UTC)
272:23:30, 26 September 2013 (UTC)
1:
413:and "Kate", as well as "Val".
379:20:06, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
363:11:35, 6 September 2013 (UTC)
314:(there has a lot to be done)
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290:05:12, 6 September 2013 (UTC)
913:10:32, 18 October 2013 (UTC)
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57:10:01, 19 October 2013 (UTC)
894:featured article candidates
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31:featured article nomination
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482:Thanks for a good read.
36:Please do not modify it.
790:File:Hiryu burning.jpg
548:rather like zhe point.
236:- spotchecks not done
182:MilHist A-class review
611:Construction/service
402:Support from Maralia
243:Good catch, fixed.
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659:s fighters.
409:I see both
579:Good idea.
282:Nikkimaria
264:Nikkimaria
887:WP:FAC/ar
883:candidate
848:Parsecboy
819:Parsecboy
798:NHHC page
204:Mattximus
905:Ian Rose
881:: This
557:Armament
355:Bomzibar
326:shorted.
136:Analysis
54:Ian Rose
50:promoted
865:Support
770:Wehwalt
755:Wehwalt
666:Agreed.
567:Indeed.
514:Support
497:Support
484:Maralia
312:Comment
200:Comment
128:Toolbox
91:protect
86:history
675:MIdway
657:Hiryū'
639:Fixed.
386:Nick-D
251:Added.
95:delete
794:Hosho
588:Armor
520:Lede:
427:Done.
177:Hiryu
112:views
104:watch
100:links
16:<
909:talk
852:talk
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