420:"Tel Aviv is Israel's economic hub, with many high tech firms maintaining offices or research and development facilities". Hi-tech, or if "high" is used, at least hyphenate it. With + -ing is clumsy and, strictly speaking, ungrammatical. So some firms have R and D facilities but not offices? More seriously, the causality doesn't work: why does the presence of R and D facilities make the city an economic hub? What a bombsite.
293:"it is exceeded in size by Jerusalem, the modern-day capital of Israel" Can we avoid the phrase "the modern-day capital of Israel"? It isn't exactly relevant to the article, and it brings us into POV territory, since that claim is disputed by much of the international community. We probably could find an undisputable form of words, but perhaps simpler to say nothing here than to complicate the lead.--
545:
Odd thematic treatment (i.e., the grammatical point of departure): "Many major routes of the national road network pass through or end in Tel Aviv, a transportation hub." Better: "Tel Aviv is a transportation hub: many major routes of the national road network pass through or lead to the city."
188:
is
Madtchi.com. Also, these statements will need dates to prevent them becoming outdated - "It is currently undergoing redevelopment" "that currently plays in the lower divisions" "the mayor, who is currently Ron Huldai" "will open in the next school year". The article would also benefit from a
712:(why is this being ignored?). Also, I now notice that the Religion section makes no reference to mosques though it does mention churches. The Local Government section still doesn't talk about support services and who provides them. It would be good to see these issues addressed methodically. --
538:
sufficiently authoritative (who wrote it, anyway—that would help a little, but not enough)? It's like citing a daily newspaper—some journalist's opinion—which may or may not have tinges of commercial influence. Be careful; some may accuse the article of peacockery over such claims and
924:
External links need some cleanup: there are three links to photography by one person at one website; the official website is already linked in the infobox; it's not appropriate to external link to all the individual institutions' websites from the city's wiki
855:"The Azrieli Center, composed of three buildings, one square, one triangular, and one circular, usurped that title." - this reads as a list of four things; reword "...of three buildings—one square, one triangular, and one circular—usurped..."
531:"Built on sand dunes, farming in Tel Aviv was not profitable, and maritime commerce was centered in Haifa and Ashdod. Instead, the city gradually developed as a center for scientific and technical research." Um ... when?
524:
Why are non-breaking spaces inserted after most of the numbers? Undesirable gaps between words may result, where there's little advantage in preventing "50,000" and "unregistered from being split by a line-break. Please
909:
Some words are overlinked: Jaffa, Bauhaus, Jerusalem, Meir
Dizengoff, metropolitan area, Neve Tzedek, Ramat Aviv, Ramat Gan, Sde Dov Airport, secular, Tel Aviv Central Bus Station, White City (Tel Aviv)
578:. The copy has been worked on and added to sentence by sentence without too much attention to the bigger picture. It needs a thorough copy-edit by an experienced editor. Here are some examples
599:
As well as having a vast array of museums for tourists to visit, and quarters to explore, many tours of the city are available in different languages focusing on various aspects of the city.
1029:"Israel has the highest number of museums per capita of any country, three of the largest of which are in Tel Aviv" - this is cited to two an Israeli travel site and the Israeli consulate
64:
1080:
You did a great job of addressing many of my concerns quickly. I've left comments above about issues that remain. I am particularly concerned about the sourcing; the exceptional
222:
401:
Ive found a better reference for that - Tel Aviv is referred to in this way so I dont think it should be removed just because another city is in the same way. Thanks.--
489:
text needs copy-editing. Please try to find someone new to the article for this purpose: an eye for logic is required, as well as for other micro-issues of language.
816:"On November 4, 1995, Yitzhak Rabin, Israel’s prime minister was assassinated" - reword "On November 4, 1995, Israel's prime minister Yitzhak Rabin was assassinated"
806:"Tel Aviv continued to grow in 1926–28 but suffered an economic setback in 1927–30." - these date ranges are somewhat illogical as they seem to contradict each other
93:
as nominator: Following a previous failed FA nomination, the issues brought up have been addressed, and I feel the article is now fully ready for FA status.--
951:
Citation format is lacking: many publication names are not italicized; some authors' names are not last name, first name; some cites have no retrieval date
40:
427:"? So being the cultural capital wouldn't mean that it's a centre of m, t and the arts by default? The A plus B doesn't work properly here; recast.
30:
17:
675:
Have you re-contacted editors who asked for a copyedit? Since they didn't lodge an Oppose, they wouldn't know to revisit unless you ask.
518:—The prose is much better, for sure, and with a little more work (by yet another person) it may pass 1a. I have concerns over 1c, too.
811:"When Jaffa was taken on May 14, only few of its 65,000 Arab residents remained." - 'only few' is awkward; 'few' would work on its own
820:"Elections are carried out by every adult who has been living in the city for over one year" - nonsensical; every adult may be
333:. I've made a few copyediting changes, mostly related to grammar & spelling, and moved a few of the sections to conform to
385:
as the 'city that never sleeps' and the reference supporting it does not seem to be reliable enough for a featured article.
859:"The city is considered one of the top 10 most technologically influential cities in the world." - this needs a citation
528:
There are many valuable links, so why did I have to remove links to such everyday words as "port"? Please check through.
1093:
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1000:"Tel Aviv has the world's largest collection of such buildings" - the citation for this claim is an Israeli travel site
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Again, a problem of logic: "Tel Aviv is the country's cultural capital, and a center of music, theater and the arts." "
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The city is considered by
Newsweek to be one of the top 10 most technologically influential cities in the world." Is
70:
203:
Fixed the date issues and references. How do I get a third-part copyedit. Which measurements need the converstions--
1084:
claims (oldest in world, largest collection in world, highest number in world) need rock solid, non-COI sourcing.
704:
and while he has done an outstanding job in very little time, the copy still needs improvement. Quite apart from
1039:
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There is currently a request in place for a copyedit. Hopefully this will resolve these issues once complete.--
549:
Ref 86: "proxy error". No authors appear in the reference citations. Are all sources reliable? I'm concerned.
446:
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guidelines. Please see my comments related to the 'dubious' tags for some areas that still need clarification.
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919:
All three links in the 'See also' section are redundant; they are already present within the main article text
661:
I think a copyedit has now been carried out by a new user. If you could have a look, perhaps this is ok now?--
225:, or search for individual editors who are good writers and preferably will have an interest in the subject.
390:
342:
866:
Thanks for providing the citation, but high tech is a rapidly changing field, and I must challenge using a
971:"is the oldest port in the world" - this hefty claim needs a really hefty citation. It currently has none.
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899:"Maariv, Israel's second most popular tabloid is also published in the city," - add comma after tabloid
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I'm not yet satisfied that the prose is of the required "professional" standard. A few samples:
184:
I've fixed the dashes. Every reference has to give the publisher; for example, the publisher of
170:
Thanks for the comment - could you possibly give me some idea as to where this applies? Thanks--
485:
It's quick to address the solutions I put to you here; but there were mere examples of why the
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542:"Israel's center of high-tech"—last item is not a noun, but appears to perform that role here.
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Tel Aviv is known as "the city that never sleeps" due to its nightlife and 24-hour culture.
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article, but the sourcing for some of the more exceptional claims does not appear to meet
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the word "municipal" should not be capitalized unless it is in an organization's title
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Kilometres need mile equivalents, and °C need °F equivalents; using the templates at
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Ooops - they were mostly just typos in the cite template - I have fixed these now--
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592:
the old city walls were destroyed due to increased security allowing for expansion
889:"Tel Aviv is home to the Tel Aviv Stock Exchange, (TASE)," - drop the first comma
757:"The White City" - this is a nickname and should be in quote marks the first time
961:
430:
Etymology — The third "Tel Aviv" has to be in italics or double quotes; see why?
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894:"and Pinchas Zukerman (born in Tel Aviv), have all appeared" - drop the comma
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the Jewish community of Jaffa, with it Jews with a nation-building mind-set
57:
830:
Better, but is there really no citizenship requirement, only residency?
302:
I think that's ok now - just took out the bit about modern-day capital--
239:
The copyedit request has been made and I have converted the figures--
39:
Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in
741:
I'm sorry but this still needs a very thorough copyedit. Examples:
849:"more likely to be around 10 °C (50 °F) to 15 °C (60 °F)" -: -->
1066:
This is a good article, but it needs some work to get to FA.
221:
will make it easier. To get a copyedit, you can list it at
1048:
You've added a citation, but it's another
Israeli source.
521:
I looked at "Demographics" and had to make a few changes.
329:
Article looks very good, and very close to meeting the
223:
585:
Despite the fact that it is less than a century old
978:This is not a sufficient source; it states Jaffa "
1101:The above discussion is preserved as an archive.
255:There are still some refs missing the publisher.
700:I've had a look at the copy-edit carried out by
749:drop the first comma in the very first sentence
43:. No further edits should be made to this page.
933:I have addressed everything up to this point--
441:I think I have addressed these three issues.--
1107:No further edits should be made to this page.
29:The following is an archived discussion of a
8:
801:"On April 1, 1917," - link full dates please
546:Surely this issue is the same in Hebrew ...?
152:Some measurements are missing conversions.
41:Knowledge talk:Featured article candidates
381:I'd remove that one. We usually refer to
318:I'm picking up dead links, please fix.--
956:I did not look at the sourcing for the
870:to support a present tense statement.
708:comments, it still has an unconverted
460:Needs a good massage by someone new.
18:Knowledge:Featured article candidates
7:
114:There is some incorrect dash usage.
982:the oldest port" (emphasis mine).
914:Please do link to: Palestine, Nazi
24:
710:7,445 people per square kilometer
616:7,445 people per square kilometer
132:Some refs are missing publishers.
1011:okay, but the link is broken.
136:Have added all publisher now--
1:
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688:03:08, 11 February 2008 (UTC)
587:("Less than a century old"?).
563:11:11, 11 February 2008 (UTC)
355:I have addressed those tags--
1007:The citation added for this
671:17:40, 8 February 2008 (UTC)
655:17:23, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
637:12:50, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
503:12:31, 6 February 2008 (UTC)
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86:14:33, 2 February 2008 (UTC)
762:"the New York Times" -: -->
31:featured article nomination
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612:of 51.8 square kilometers
52:02:21, 12 February 2008.
1104:Please do not modify it.
850:usually between...and...
67:(00:19, 27 January 2008)
36:Please do not modify it.
574:I agree entirely with
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868:ten year old citation
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189:third-part copyedit.
610:Conversions absent:
71:Check external links
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778:, not the
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706:Maralia's
702:Finetooth
603:Clarity:
335:WP:CITIES
822:eligible
539:sources.
536:Newsweek
525:address.
383:New York
339:Dr. Cash
58:Tel Aviv
1086:Maralia
1068:Maralia
1050:Maralia
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679:Georgia
572:Comment
374:Comment
257:Epbr123
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109:Comment
91:Support
1034:Done--
958:entire
925:entry.
739:Oppose
614:&
559:(talk)
499:(talk)
470:(talk)
1009:looks
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722:AVIES
677:Sandy
631:AVIES
487:whole
16:<
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627:OGER
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320:Doc
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