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Some general issues: Sometimes things are written as if the article is "AsthmaCoincidenceinternallyincomprehensiblediagnosingreversibleasthmaavoidanceorganizationpreventativerepetitive attack"excessive rather than "AriskAsthmaathleticscomprehensivequarterAsthmaAsthmasmatha"; make an effort to clarify that you mean "during an attack" or similar. Often the article focuses rather narrowly on children, more generalized or specifically adult info is much needed.
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As this was a FA, I jumped right into a detailed review. A quater of the way through I nearly abandoned this as I would not normally put so much time into an article put up for review with such obvious flaws not yet fixed. This needs a lot of work and I hope you really mean to address the issues.
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Seems to be about prevention of attacks rather than prevention of asmatha. I would clarify this in overview paragraph mention that attacks can prevented or reduced in severity by medication and aviodence of triggers. Then make a new subsection called "Preventive medication". Or on second thought
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I've listed this article for peer review because the article has been around 2 years since promotion to FA. I was thinking of putting it through a FA review but then I thought a peer review might be a better first step. I was wondering whether any areas need expansion due to changes in
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Environmental sub-section: Bullets points should be converted to prose. This section reads like it is about "juvenile asthma" can it be made more general or if not specify "in children". Find more info on adults to balance what cannot be
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This is repetative of preventive medications above. Maybe you should cut the preventative section altogether and merge everything into treatment. Is there anything that is really prevents of the disorder? Unless you mean to get into the
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The airways of asthmatics are "hypersensitive" to certain triggers, also known as stimuli (see below). In response to exposure to these triggers, the bronchi (large airways) contract into spasm (an "asthma attack").
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Should be either the first or last subsection; or else part of the overview without a titled subsection. Looks like a bulleted section with the bullet points removed. Make into proper prose.
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However, as with all association studies, replication is important before genetic variation (such as a single nucleotide polymorphism, or SNP) in a certain gene is thought to influence asthma
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cut the section and merge as discussed below. Also rewrite bullet points in prose. Severely trim the information on air filters and merge into the "Avoidance of triggers" sub-section.
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Even more incromprehensible to me. Is this dianosising that a person has obstruction or that the known obstruction is reversable? What do the the criteria actually mean in lay terms?
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What the distinction between "hallmarks of an asthma attack" and "signs of an asthmatic episode" that they should be separate paragraphs? Organization of section is questionable.
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technology,treatment and knowledge in this time. I know some areas are lacking citation and I'll work on that ASAP. Just any suggestiongs in general would be appreciated.
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As with other complex diseases, many genetic and environmental factors have been suggested as causes of asthma, but not all of them have been replicated.
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I don't airways is consistently defined in the same way here. The tissue becomes inflamed and produce mucus, but it is the passages that narrow.
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The hygiene hypothesis is a theory about the cause of asthma and other allergic disease, and is supported by epidemiologic data for asthma . . .
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most studies show that early treatment with glucocorticoids prevents or ameliorates decline in lung function as measured by several parameters.
189:. While it continually reads "genetic and environmental" the environmental subsection is presented before the genetic ones. Change to match.
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This should be last sentence of first paragraph (overview of section) rather than last sentence in the paragraph on sign of severe attacks.
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The CD14 SNP C-159T and endotoxin exposure are a well-replicated example of a gene-environment interaction that is associated with asthma.
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Despite the severity of symptoms during an asthmatic episode, between attacks an asthmatic may show few or even no signs of the disease
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The most effective treatment for asthma is identifying triggers, such as pets or aspirin, and limiting or eliminating exposure to them
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This section is completely lacking in organization and at times internaly repetitive. Needs to be re-worked into something cohesive.
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Rewrite as a single subsection called "Coincedencee with other disorders". Add info on eczema and allergies per the following section.
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Needs serious re-oranization. The subsection titles are not mutually exclusive and earlier info is repeated. Bullets --: -->
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Asthma is caused by a complex interaction of genetic and environmental factors that researchers do not fully understand yet
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This needs to be cut or a lot of work put into writing a comphensive section. Certainly the large quotation is unneeded.
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During an asthma episode, inflamed airways react to environmental triggers such as smoke, dust, or pollen
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Do we really need to go over examples of "environmental triggers" so shortly after reading that section?
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Yuck on the parenthetical. Also isn't this a little to introductory for this portion of the article.
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Avoid the repetition of of the symptoms in the first two paragraphs. Too many parenthetical.
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The normal calibre of the bronchus is maintained by a balanced functioning of these systems,
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This should be moved out "overview section" and put under the "environmental section"
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Replicated? Replicated in controlled studies, or in isolation of other factors?
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inflamed airways . . . The airways narrow and produce excess mucus . . .
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How about "exposure to endotoxin from bacterial infections"? Try to not
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Is this really "Epidemiology" or rather a risk factor and/or trigger?
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This is either a treatment or a preventaive. Don't repeat this in
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Quotations are ecessive. Why is this info in it's own subsection?
463:, which is not currently covered, it is all really a treatment.
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review of the article for issues relating to grammar and
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the reading of linked articles to comprehend a sentence.
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This is the opening of a new paragraph; what systems.
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Not a proper summary of the article; needs expansion.
552:Peer review pages with semiautomated peer reviews
317:This is too technical. Try to explain it better.
497:Why are we re-hashing the reisk factors again?
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147:This peer review discussion has been closed.
122:This peer review discussion has been closed.
105:A script has been used to generate a semi-
475:Why is this info in it's own subsection?
418:The basic measurement is peak flow rates
292:I'll try find some info on adult asthma
420:That really doesn't make sense. How is
424:(links to the meter) a "measurement"?
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483:What is the prognosis for adults?
467:Long-acting β2-agonists subsection
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501:Asmatha and athlectics subsection
343:I've tried to explain it better.
526:tags need to be taken care of.--
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113:style; it can be found on the
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404:Asmatha and . . . subsections
363:Needs an overview paragraph.
428:Bulleted diagnostic criteria
355:09:48, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
304:08:46, 11 August 2008 (UTC)
18:Knowledge (XXG):Peer review
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115:automated peer review page
489:This does not make sense.
264:11:45, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
217:11:38, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
562:August 2008 peer reviews
538:20:16, 9 July 2008 (UTC)
473:Treatment controversies'
142:12:00, 7 July 2008 (UTC)
398:Pathogenesis subsection
557:July 2008 peer reviews
40:Previous peer review
165:Signs and symptoms:
461:Hygiene hypothesis
456:Medical subsection
392:Stimuli subsection
394:Rewrite as prose.
97:Watch peer review
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436:Prevention:
59:visual edit
546:Categories
481:Prognosis:
412:Diagnosis:
153:BirgitteSB
443:Treatment
107:automated
530:Birgitte
509:History:
290:Doing...
130:Thanks,
20: |
446:Prose.
325:require
82:history
63:history
49:Article
345:Ziphon
294:Ziphon
254:Ziphon
207:Ziphon
182:Cause:
132:Ziphon
32:Asthma
22:Asthma
159:Lead:
111:house
91:Watch
16:<
521:Fact
350:ears
340:Done
299:ears
259:ears
250:Done
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203:Done
137:ears
78:edit
55:edit
548::
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