371:"In 1889, he reported on a case of acute porphyria provoked by the newly introduced hypnotic drug sulfonmethane (sulfonal). The patient's underlying condition was probably acute intermittent porphyria, which can be provoked by medicines; similar reports by others followed shortly after, and other drugs were also found to be porphyrogenic." - not sure about these two sentences. They don't read well, and are a bit jargony.
548:"They had two children. He was an ardent swimmer, and wrote poetry under several pseudonyms. He spoke several languages. He died in Amsterdam shortly after returning from a holiday in Ireland, from what was thought to be myocarditis." this all reads a bit poorly; it is very abrupt and is a little repetitive, with so may sentences starting with He.
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I think some material in the "Scientific career" could be rewritten a little. Specifically I think there is a little bit of jargon, and it can be quite dense with information. For example, Atropa belladonna is Deadly
Nightshade – lay readers may find that Stokvis researched the toxicity of this quite
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Regarding the lead - the first sentence could do with some improvements. I don't think Dutch needs to be wiki-linked, but maybe link pharmacology? The lead seems a little light, I know the article is not a large one, but maybe some more information could be added. One thing that stuck out for me was
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After reading the article, the statement "He was one of a number of influential 19th century Jewish physicians in the
Netherlands." seems even more out of place than we I initially read it. Nothing is said about this in the article, yet it is included, but further details regarding his scientific
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I hope those comments are helpful. Ignore any you don't agree with, but I tried to be extra picky especially as your aim is FAC. The article was interesting, but can read a little dense in parts. I didn't check the references; maybe I'll come back and check them if I have time. -
509:" He received an honorary degree of Doctor of Laws from the University of Edinburgh in 1884." maybe " He was awarded an honorary Doctor of Laws from the University of Edinburgh in 1884." - and does this statement need three references?
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interesting, but may glaze over it if they only see the scientific name. Another example is "Methemoglobinemia" - this is a blood condition, there is no harm in saying so, especially as lay readers would have no idea what it is!
314:" the Brussels Academy awarded a gold medal to Stokvis for an essay on the development of albuminuria (a kidney disorder in which the protein albumin can be detected in the urine)." - maybe try and remove the parenthesis
448:"Stokvis' most important work was judged by his contemporaries" be more specific; how was it judged by them? You may even be able to quote from his obituary, it should be in the public domain
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career (which seems to be why is notable) is omitted. I'm wondering if this sentence is necessary, and if instead a couple more sentences about his scientific career could be added.
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I've listed this article for peer review because I want to make sure I have maximised all opportunities to expand and verify its content before hopefully taking it to
401:" Olof Hammarsten further characterised the chemical properties of the red compound found in the urine of the patients" - this is very vague, further characterised?
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I'll give this a read and add some comments as I go. I'm not promising my review will be comprehensive, but I'll try and be as picky as I can!
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when he was (according to his en-wiki page) such a notable painter? If there is information on this, maybe it could be added to the caption.
466:"Professional activities" - I'm wondering if there could be a more appropriate section title here - was his "scientific" career amateur?
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The author of the obituary refers to his 3-volume book as a "magnum opus". Not sure if there's an advantage to quoting that verbatim.
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Good point; the sources are quiet on where exactly he studied, considered it didn't have an university at that point.
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It is a direct translation of the name of the organisation (Joods
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Like his brother-in-law
Wertheim he stimulated the arts. The sources are scarce on his exact contribution.
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Rephrased. It was chemical analysis, and confirmation that it was indeed a porphyrin.
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Is his research into methemoglobinemia related to his research into blood pigments?
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Reduced to three (one cited the other). Trying to be thorough.
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Stokvis was a professor, but doesn't say where?
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Difficult to say. It is mentioned separately in the source.
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Would it be worth adding an infobox for this article?
374:Rephrased and restructured for comprehensibility.
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435:—after to their color."?
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36:Toolbox
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471:JFW
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376:JFW
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162:JFW
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