154:
the post-production information a little but I would assume it will repeat a lot of what is already present. I'm also not too concerned about the breadth of the Themes section as every author has a different take and rather than list every single interpretation I've gone with those that seem to be common to a few authors; though obviously there's still room to improve it. And for those who haven't seen the film yet, go do so. It's good.
1752:
The conservatory would have supplied the cameras, microphones, lighting etc, some limited funding, and that kind of thing. I haven't seen any specifics but given the equipment that, for example, Alan Splet had access to despite the budget problems, it's safe to say that the AFI, like any university's
1858:
Nothing really stands out but the sole use of the book is to cite his own interpretation of the film's themes, which is directly attributed to him in-text; it seemed an interesting interpretation which added something to proceedings rather than repeating them. I could find something else instead but
274:
Personally, I don't believe that it is repetitive to state both that Lynch is
American and that the film was produced through the American Film Institute. It is perfectly plausible that a non-American might study at that particular institution, just as Lynch himself tried, in early life, to study in
153:
I've listed this article for peer review because this fella's heading to FAC within the next few weeks and I'd like a few extra stern sets of eyes on it in the meantime. There's only one more major source for me to find and include; the DVD has a 90-minute feature which I'm hoping will let be expand
401:
The word "surreal" could be used, but again, I don't think everyone would necessarily concur that the industrial landscape was particularly "surreal" seeing as how there are parts of the world that genuinely look rather like this; instead, it is the events and characters of the film that are more
1685:
I think that that's about it from me, Grapple X. I've thoroughly enjoyed reading your article and heartily congratulate you for it. It has my support for going on to achieve FA status, and feel free to gimme a message if you ever need someone to help you in achieving that or reviewing any other
994:"and retained his unorthodox hairstyle for the entirety of its gestation" – nowhere previously have we mentioned the hairstyle (one to which I must admit to having sported at a certain point of my life :p) and so the reader might be a little bemused here. I think greater explanation is needed.
413:
I've gone with "desolate". It might seem a little strong but the actual exteriors in the film are generally devoid of anyone but the immediate focus of the scenes (mostly just
Spencer but there's the kid who finds his head too). It covers the emptiness that "anonymous" would suggest while also
334:
It's in
California; Philadelphia is where Lynch had lived before moving there (and where he had studied fine art). I've added a mention of the AFI's location though that really strengthens my belief that calling either the film or Lynch "American" might be redundant to having specified it was
225:
I'd mention that either the film is
American or that Lynch is American. Perhaps refer to "American filmmaker David Lynch"Â ? All too often, pages reach FA-status without even mentioning that the subject of the article is American; this clearly betrays an ingrained American bias within the
402:"surreal". It would also be problematic because we already use the word "surrealism" in the opening sentence, and it fits nicely there. We could use something like "anonymous industrial landscape" perhaps, to emphasise that the location of the film is left a mystery ?
361:"in a strange industrial landscape" needs to be changed. "Strange" is a very POV word; what one person considers strange might be perfectly normal to another. Perhaps replace with "unnamed industrial landscape" or something of that nature ?
904:
Hmm. Crime is mentioned quite quickly afterwards and I'm not convinced the sources portray poverty so much; there's no indication that the Lynchs were struggling to get by for example. I've changed it to "a troubled neighborhood".
803:"Several board members at the AFI were still opposed to producing such a surrealist work" – only a few sentences previously, you have referred to "such a surrealist", so I think that in this instance we need to find a replacement.
226:
English-language
Knowledge (XXG), an assumption that being American is somehow the assumed norm. Not to attack you for this Grapple X, but its just something that Western Europeans like myself get up in arms about!
1737:
What does "The film was produced through the
American Film Institute (AFI) during the director's time studying there." this mean, specifically that "film was produced through the American Film Institute".
720:"Lynch disliked the course, and considered dropping out when he was offered the chance to produce a script of his own devising." This could be misconstrued as implying that Lynch was considering leaving
651:
Added it in prose; "However, by 1970, he had switched his focus to film-making, and at the age of 24 he accepted a scholarship at the
American Film Institute Centre for Advanced Film Studies".
1941:"It has been speculated that the prop may have been constructed from a skinned rabbit or a lamb's fetus." This is basically Ok, but you might want to note someone notable who speculated this.
289:
Fair enough, added. Was toying with the idea of going for state of origin but since it's
Pennsylvania and not Montana that figures heavily in the film I figured it would just confuse things.
900:"a rough neighborhood in Philadelphia" – is there a better way of phrasing this ? "a poverty-stricken neighbourhood with high crime rates" ?? Something like that; again, not essential.
1400:
There's mention in the "Legacy" section of a documentary that covers this scene; I could expand it there by a sentence to mention that the doc also covers those two films (as well as
238:
are
English. I could slot it in if you'd like but if I did then I'd probably rework the first two paragraphs to move the AFI mention into the second one instead to avoid repetition.
467:
I think that this single sentence on the film's plot could be extended or complemented by a second sentence, discussing some of the other activities that Henry gets up to in
502:"locations owned by the AFI" -- who are the AFIÂ ? I assume that they are the American Film Institute, but you have not mentioned this acronym previously in the introduction.
1274:
Changed one "works", one to "thriller" (Seven) and one to "comedy" (Barton Fink). That should lessen the use of "film" throughout the heading from 14 to 11 uses.
275:
Europe. I don't really mean to be pushy here, but I really think the inclusion of "American filmmaker David Lynch" would be of real benefit to the average reader
235:
182:
Great to see your work here
Grapple X. I'm popping out the house soon, but just gave the introduction a quick look over, with a few points of improvement:
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326:"through the American Film Institute during the director's time studying there" : where is the American Film Institute ? You should mention that it is in
1911:) for a similar purpose so I'm confident it should be okay; I doubt I'd consider using the source if it wasn't just to cite its author's opinion.
1270:"in films such as David Fincher's 1995 film Seven and the Coen brothers' 1991 film Barton Fink" – the word "film" becomes a bit repetitive here.
678:
In the first paragraph, you use "However" to open two sentences in succession; one of these will have to be removed (I recommend the latter).
2157:
126:
533:
Perhaps you could mention that this was Lynch's first full-length feature in the introduction ? Not essential, but could be of benefit.
632:
Perhaps give Lynch's birth year in brackets ? Not essential, but it might interest the reader to know how old he was when he created
2043:"BBC's Almar Haflidason awarded Eraserhead three stars" Should this be "The BBC's Almar Haflidason awarded Eraserhead three stars"?
1908:
1783:
was a surrealist script about adultery, which featured an continually growing insect representing one man's lust for his neighbor.
2133:
The last paragraph of "Reception" is pretty heavy on the word "described" or different forms of it, try for some more variation.
122:
1701:
Thanks a lot; your comments have been really helpful. My next FAC's definitely going to be Lynch-based; either this or another
69:
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1191:; surprisingly perhaps, the very concept is unknown in large swathes of Europe and perhaps other areas of the world too.
564:
Perhaps mention that the film is in black-and-white (although I assume that there is a better technical term for this)Â ?
1113:"the bizarre child" is POV wording; what is "bizarre" to one individual is not to another. How about "deformed child"Â ?
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The "Release" section seems fine as it is, but I wonder if it could be extended with a short discussion of the
963:"In one extreme example of this labored schedule, one scene" – the word "one" is used here in quick succession.
1981:
Not sure if there's a good way around it, but the last paragraph of "Filming" feel like it doesn't flow well.
17:
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You include a picture of Kafka, but why not Gogol too ? We could stick the two of them in a double image box.
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I'll double check but you could be right. I have an ohrwurm of Fiona Bruce just saying "something something
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I'll go through the rest of the page when I get the chance. All the best from a fellow Lynch-lover,
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It is a bit kitchen-sinkish. Any suggestions on where the information might be better put to use?
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Added a second sentence mentioning the dream vision stuff, and naming the Lady in the Radiator.
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and "The Nose" in order to inform the reader that these works were not contemporary with Lynch.
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That was meant to imply the surrealism of the film; would just using "surreal" work instead?
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covered this enough to avoid repeating it elsewhere; much as how I wouldn't specify that the
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played in the midnight movie scene, and perhaps explain what that scene was to start with.
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a large number of scenes" – add the "for" in, as it is currently missing from the article.
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1787:..." Is there a way to avoid starting consecutive sentences with the same word here?
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he has been offered to produce his own script, so I recommend we change this wording.
807:
Changed the first instance to "figurative" ("such a figurative, nonlinear script").
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Fair enough; I went with the former as it's more uncommon but both doesn't hurt.
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because that city was so influential to Lynch's mindset when creating the movie.
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Thanks for your comments, I look forward to anything else you have to offer.
1195:
This may explain why my old flatmates were so loudly evangelical about it.
1829:
What makes "Stewart, Mark Allyn (2007). David Lynch Decoded. AuthorHouse.
2061:" but at the same time I can picture George Alagiah using the article.
1903:
Fair enough. A book with a similar publishing history (Michelle Bush's
1382:
1009:
Clarified a little; there's also the film poster to demonstrate it.
1043:"of the AFI wishing" – "of the AFI's wish" would read more smoothly
1889:
Ok, use your best judgment then, but it might come up at FAC too.
1475:
could have dates bracketed to them; as should Georges Franju film
1619:
Perhaps include dates when referring to Lynch's many other works.
1545:
If you link to body horror then you should probably also link to
755:"In addition, Greystone Mansion, also owned by the AFI, was used
2086:
1705:
episode, so I'll keep you posted if you'd like. Thanks again!
1580:
612:
I'm all happy with the Plot section as it currently stands.
1380:
scene of the 1970s, perhaps with reference to the likes of
2085:
Yep, "the BBC" would be correct (at least according to
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932:
Who is Greg Olson. Is he a film critic ? An academic ?
1442:
I'd definately include a sentence or two on the role
1514:in the text if we are to include a picture of him.
1753:film school, was the one handing out the gear.
1152:in brackets; after all, we state the date of
70:
8:
150:This peer review discussion has been closed.
236:British Academy of Film and Television Arts
230:See, I had assumed that the mention of the
1396:was, after all, a key part of this scene.
77:
63:
32:
1262:The Soundtrack section seems fine to me.
1222:Regarding the "Post-production" section:
414:suggesting the off-putting nature of it.
628:Regarding the "Pre-production" section:
35:
2025:Not yet, but I'll keep my eyes open.
1078:then we should probably also link to
7:
1579:"acid-tripping" should be linked to
834:Include the years of publication of
1463:Regarding the "Reception" section:
537:Added, along with the below point.
24:
1909:Deep Throat (The X-Files episode)
1614:Regarding the "Legacy" section:
1038:Regarding the "Filming" section:
967:Changed to "an extreme example".
190:then you should probably link to
1623:Any not already dated now are.
936:Film critic, I believe. Added.
335:produced in America by the AFI.
2143:18:57, 14 September 2012 (UTC)
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2015:17:47, 14 September 2012 (UTC)
1991:17:36, 14 September 2012 (UTC)
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1951:17:27, 14 September 2012 (UTC)
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1797:17:00, 14 September 2012 (UTC)
1773:22:48, 13 September 2012 (UTC)
1748:20:36, 13 September 2012 (UTC)
1265:Regarding the Themes section:
1:
1725:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
1696:12:22, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
1678:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
1643:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
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1538:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
1503:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
1456:17:17, 6 September 2012 (UTC)
1438:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
1409:The Rocky Horror Picture Show
1368:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
1344:, pacifistic and fatalistic ?
1333:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
1307:The Angriest Dog in the World
1294:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
1255:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
1215:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
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1137:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
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1004:11:43, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
987:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
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925:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
893:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
862:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
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796:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
771:11:31, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
748:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
713:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
688:11:31, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
671:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
646:11:31, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
622:11:31, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
604:13:53, 3 September 2012 (UTC)
580:12:10, 3 September 2012 (UTC)
557:13:53, 3 September 2012 (UTC)
526:13:53, 3 September 2012 (UTC)
495:13:53, 3 September 2012 (UTC)
448:17:01, 6 September 2012 (UTC)
434:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
385:13:53, 3 September 2012 (UTC)
352:11:22, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
309:15:51, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
285:11:22, 5 September 2012 (UTC)
258:13:53, 3 September 2012 (UTC)
218:13:53, 3 September 2012 (UTC)
177:06:37, 1 September 2012 (UTC)
1907:) was used for my last FAC (
2158:September 2012 peer reviews
1686:Lynch-based articles. Best
1301:Perhaps a bracket date for
18:Knowledge (XXG):Peer review
2174:
1403:Night of the Living Dead
693:Removed the second one.
1144:Maybe add the dates of
232:American Film Institute
1836:." a reliable source?
1415:The Harder They Come
1477:Blood of the Beasts
438:Sounds good to me.
1510:We should mention
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1229:test screening
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1187:Maybe link to
1184:
1183:
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1080:cinematography
1074:If we link to
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991:
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2089:). Fixed it.
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2016:
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1994:
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1189:vegetarianism
1185:
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1117:Fair enough.
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837:
836:Metamorphosis
832:
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797:
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749:
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386:
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371:
364:
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333:
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321:
310:
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273:
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109:
105:
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96:
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73:
68:
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60:
58:
57:
52:
49:
46:
45:Copying check
42:
41:
40:
39:
34:
29:
26:
19:
2102:
2093:
2074:
2065:
2058:
2008:
1999:
1968:
1959:
1924:
1915:
1904:
1872:
1863:
1816:
1807:
1803:Changed it.
1784:
1780:
1766:
1757:
1731:
1718:
1709:
1702:
1684:
1671:
1662:
1651:
1649:
1636:
1627:
1618:
1613:
1600:
1591:
1578:
1565:
1556:
1547:black humour
1544:
1531:
1522:
1509:
1496:
1487:
1476:
1472:
1468:
1467:
1462:
1443:
1431:
1422:
1413:
1407:
1401:
1393:
1387:
1381:
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1361:
1352:
1342:subconscious
1339:
1326:
1317:
1306:
1302:
1300:
1287:
1278:
1269:
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1239:
1226:
1221:
1208:
1199:
1186:
1173:
1164:
1153:
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1130:
1121:
1112:
1099:
1090:
1076:sound design
1073:
1060:
1051:
1042:
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1022:
1013:
993:
980:
971:
962:
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931:
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909:
899:
886:
877:
868:
855:
846:
835:
833:
820:
811:
802:
789:
780:
776:Yep, added.
757:
756:
754:
741:
732:
721:
719:
706:
697:
677:
664:
655:
633:
631:
597:
588:
563:
550:
541:
532:
519:
510:
501:
488:
479:
468:
466:
427:
418:
378:
369:
360:
328:Philadelphia
325:
302:
293:
251:
242:
224:
211:
202:
185:
170:
161:
156:
149:
148:
135:
131:
117:Article talk
116:
112:
93:
27:
2135:Mark Arsten
2115:Mark Arsten
2045:Mark Arsten
2027:Mark Arsten
1983:Mark Arsten
1943:Mark Arsten
1891:Mark Arsten
1846:Mark Arsten
1838:AuthorHouse
1789:Mark Arsten
1740:Mark Arsten
1512:Luis Buñuel
1303:Blue Velvet
1154:Twin Peaks'
188:body horror
104:visual edit
1834:1434349853
1785:Gardenback
1781:Gardenback
1703:Twin Peaks
1473:L'Age d'Or
1444:Eraserhead
1394:Eraserhead
1156:Episode 2.
634:Eraserhead
469:Eraserhead
192:surrealism
28:Eraserhead
1844:company.
2152:Category
2059:from BBC
1732:Comments
1652:Begotten
1587:Got it.
1552:Got it.
1518:Got it.
1483:Got it.
873:Got it.
506:Got it.
198:Got it.
157:Thanks,
2094:GRAPPLE
2066:GRAPPLE
2000:GRAPPLE
1960:GRAPPLE
1955:Added.
1916:GRAPPLE
1864:GRAPPLE
1808:GRAPPLE
1758:GRAPPLE
1710:GRAPPLE
1663:GRAPPLE
1658:Added.
1628:GRAPPLE
1592:GRAPPLE
1557:GRAPPLE
1523:GRAPPLE
1488:GRAPPLE
1423:GRAPPLE
1383:El Topo
1353:GRAPPLE
1348:Added.
1318:GRAPPLE
1279:GRAPPLE
1240:GRAPPLE
1235:Added.
1200:GRAPPLE
1165:GRAPPLE
1160:Added.
1122:GRAPPLE
1091:GRAPPLE
1052:GRAPPLE
1014:GRAPPLE
972:GRAPPLE
941:GRAPPLE
910:GRAPPLE
878:GRAPPLE
847:GRAPPLE
812:GRAPPLE
781:GRAPPLE
733:GRAPPLE
722:because
698:GRAPPLE
656:GRAPPLE
589:GRAPPLE
542:GRAPPLE
511:GRAPPLE
480:GRAPPLE
419:GRAPPLE
370:GRAPPLE
294:GRAPPLE
243:GRAPPLE
203:GRAPPLE
162:GRAPPLE
127:history
108:history
94:Article
36:Toolbox
1905:Myth-X
1313:Done.
1047:Done.
842:Done.
728:Done.
2113:lol.
1840:is a
136:Watch
16:<
2139:talk
2119:talk
2049:talk
2031:talk
1987:talk
1947:talk
1895:talk
1850:talk
1831:ISBN
1793:talk
1744:talk
1692:talk
1471:and
1452:talk
1412:and
1386:and
1305:and
1150:Dune
1148:and
1000:talk
767:talk
684:talk
642:talk
618:talk
576:talk
444:talk
408:talk
348:talk
281:talk
194:too.
123:edit
100:edit
2087:BBC
1581:LSD
1418:).
758:for
2154::
2141:)
2121:)
2051:)
2033:)
1989:)
1949:)
1897:)
1852:)
1795:)
1746:)
1694:)
1454:)
1406:,
1392:.
1002:)
769:)
686:)
644:)
636:.
620:)
578:)
446:)
410:)
350:)
283:)
140:•
125:|
106:|
102:|
2137:(
2117:(
2103:X
2075:X
2047:(
2029:(
2009:X
1985:(
1969:X
1945:(
1925:X
1893:(
1873:X
1848:(
1817:X
1791:(
1779:"
1767:X
1742:(
1734::
1719:X
1690:(
1672:X
1654:.
1637:X
1601:X
1583:.
1566:X
1532:X
1497:X
1479:.
1450:(
1432:X
1362:X
1327:X
1309:?
1288:X
1249:X
1231:?
1209:X
1174:X
1131:X
1100:X
1082:.
1061:X
1023:X
998:(
981:X
950:X
919:X
887:X
856:X
821:X
790:X
765:(
742:X
707:X
682:(
665:X
640:(
616:(
598:X
574:(
551:X
520:X
489:X
471:.
442:(
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406:(
379:X
346:(
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279:(
252:X
212:X
171:X
132:·
129:)
121:(
113:·
110:)
98:(
78:e
71:t
64:v
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