142:, researchers found that relationships with on-and-off patterns are twice as likely as couples who stably broke up or are together to report physical violence and half as likely to report verbal abuse. This may arise from the instability that comes with many on-and-off relationships, as there may be a tendency for quicker escalation and poor communication and relationship skills.
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Those who experienced on-and-off patterns also tended to show strong beliefs in that love overcomes all obstacles and that there is only one true partner for that person. In "Relationship
Churning in Emerging Adulthood: On/Off Relationships and Sex with an Ex," the authors note that individuals going
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revealed that lingering feelings and continued attachment were the most common reasons why partners decided to get back together. Furthermore, reconciliation often was initiated by one person. While the other partner may not have strongly wanted to get back together, familiarity with the relationship
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are followed by reconciliation, perpetuating a cycle. Relationship reconciliation is defined as the process in which partners attempt to heal the hurt or wrong that was done and move on from it in order to progress forward in the relationship. This process of breaking up and getting back together can
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Despite this, not all on-again, off-again relationships are considered toxic, as breaking up and reconciling can help a couple with better communication and address the issues in their relationships. On-and-off partners have reported “future relationship knowledge" as being the top benefit of these
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These relationships differ from non-cyclical relationships in that on-again, off-again relationships are between partners that have pre-existing knowledge and experiences with each other. In addition to this, on-and-off partners often report more relationship uncertainty, questioning the meaning of
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Furthermore, on-and-off relationships pose risks in the healing process. Research has shown more difficulty in partners moving on by continuing this cycle, especially if partners have sex during periods of technically not being together. Partners's feelings of pain may also intensify with such
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perspective, this is in some ways expected, as it is a part of exploration in young adulthood. Individuals attempt to learn what they want in future relationships and long-term partners, and in doing so, this time period can be tumultuous, as they are building up experience in relationships.
71:, there are no specific relationship dispositions that make someone more or less likely to be in an on-again, off-again relationship. Dailey defines relationship disposition to be the way that individuals approach their relationship in regards to its purpose and functioning. This includes
75:, destiny and growth beliefs, and communal orientation. In her 2020 study of on-and-off and non-cyclical partners, results did not show on-and-off partners to be more avoidant, believe in destiny more strongly, or have less communal orientation than the non-cyclical couples.
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Some research also suggests that breaking up can happen more frequently when it used as a tactic to attain what an individual wants, and thus, it creates an unhealthy cycle of conflict followed by ending the relationship and getting back together.
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may have led to the decision to get back together. Other common causes for renewal of these relationships include changing perceptions, dissatisfaction with alternative partners, missing companionship, sympathy for the partner, and investment.
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emotionally-taxing events. On the other hand, on-and-off patterns can potentially normalize relationship disruptions and reconciliations for future relationships. Because of this, breakups may not have the same impact as they once did.
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couples, in part, due to less commitment, less investment, and simply the nature of the relationship. Less committed couples may breakup in less extreme circumstances, and thus, reconciliations are more likely to occur.
119:, and emotional frustration. Thus, being in an on-again, off-again relationship can damage one's mental health. Researcher Kale Monk, an assistant professor of human development and family sciences at the
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On-and-off partners report experiencing more negative aspects of the relationship in comparison to non-cyclical partners. These relationships are often strained by
179:, researchers reported that half of the young adults in the sample reported reconciliation from their current or most recent relationship. Dating and
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types of relationships. Other benefits include new perspectives, improving the current relationship, and learning more about yourself.
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revealed that nearly two-thirds of participants have experienced being in an on-again, off-again relationship.
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through this process often look to the positive qualities of the relationship to guide their decisions.
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Halpern-Meekin, Sarah; Manning, Wendy D.; Giordano, Peggy C.; Longmore, Monica A. (16 February 2013).
446:"On-again/off-again dating relationships: How are they different from other dating relationships?"
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Halpern-Meekin, Sarah; Manning, Wendy D.; Giordano, Peggy C.; Longmore, Monica A. (2 March 2013).
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Dailey, Rene M; Pfiester, Abigail; Jin, Borae; Beck, Gary; Clark, Gretchen (1 March 2009).
564:"Relationship Instability and Distress Over Time in Same‐ and Different‐Sex Relationships"
515:"Relationship Churning, Physical Violence, and Verbal Abuse in Young Adult Relationships"
365:"Relational reconciliation: Toward a more comprehensive model of relational development"
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the relationship, its strength, and future. Despite this, a 2009 study published in the
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308:"Relationship Churning in Emerging Adulthood: On/Off Relationships and Sex With an Ex"
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couples in emerging adulthood showed higher frequency in reconciliation than in
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484:"Why Do People Fall into the Trap of On-again/Off-again Relationships? | SPSP"
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Monk, J. Kale; Ogolsky, Brian G.; Maniotes, Christopher (11 November 2021).
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216:"On-Again/Off-Again Dating Relationships: What Keeps Partners Coming Back?"
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Dailey, René M.; Jin, Borae; Pfiester, Abigail; Beck, Gary (24 July 2011).
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This cyclical nature of relationships has proven to be a common part of
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In a 2013 study analyzing relationship instability published in the
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404:"Measuring the sources and content of relational uncertainty"
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Knobloch, Leanne K.; Solomon, Denise
Haunani (22 May 2009).
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363:Patterson, Brian; O'Hair, Dan (6 June 2009).
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531:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.01029.x
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221:The Journal of Social Psychology
32:on-again, off-again relationship
519:Journal of Marriage and Family
369:Communication Research Reports
312:Journal of Adolescent Research
83:A 2011 study published in the
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107:Potential drawbacks and risks
69:University of Texas at Austin
234:10.1080/00224545.2010.503249
177:National Institute of Health
86:Journal of Social Psychology
51:be short-term or long-term.
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130:In a 2013 study analyzing
44:interpersonal relationship
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381:10.1080/08824099209359904
273:"What is Reconciliation?"
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324:10.1177/0743558412464524
36:on-and-off relationship
626:Interpersonal conflict
616:Intimate relationships
450:Personal Relationships
121:University of Missouri
58:Personal Relationships
408:Communication Studies
132:relationship churning
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40:on-off relationship
18:On-off relationship
580:10.1111/fare.12614
165:emerging adulthood
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150:Potential benefits
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332:0743-5584
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488:spsp.org
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102:Impact
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125:abuse
113:doubt
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545:PMID
495:2023
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