1675:"The style was not quickly adopted due to its controversial, revealing design, and many western countries banned it from beaches and public places." - A few issues with this sentence - the first bit is vague because it is around the wrong way, and 'countries' often don't ban bikinis; councils and local authorities do. I'd suggest: "Due to its controversial and revealing design, the bikini was slow to be adopted. In many countries it was banned from beaches and public places."
1450:
744:"The coverage offered can vary widely, from revealing pubikini, microkini and string bikini to a fuller designs such as the tankini, skirtini or bandeaukini." - this sentence is a bit of a mess grammatically. It also doesn't have a source, which isn't fatal as the claims are surely uncontentious, but I wonder if the sentence is needed at all. The third paragraph of the section seems to deal with the same material.
1382:"also known as the "Triangle", removal pubic hair from the sides to form a triangle so that pubic hair cannot be seen while wearing a bikini bottom, also at the top of the thighs and under the navel" - this, and the following two parenthetical sentences, don't make grammatical sense. I think too much is trying to be done in each of the parentheses. Perhaps split into three or four separate sentences.
1153:"Since then, a number of bikini designers including Malia Mills have encouraged women of all ages and body types to take up the style. The 1970s saw the rise of the lean ideal of female body and figures like Cheryl Tiegs, who possessed the figure that remains in vogue in the 21st century." - given the direct attribution, these sentences need sources
42:
378:"His costume was created in the form of a bra and two triangular pieces connected by strips of material, slicing the top off Heim's bottoms, with a total area of 30 square inches (200 cm2) of cloth with newspaper-type print, which was advertised as "smaller than the smallest swimsuit" - a massive sentence - try splitting?
922:"At the 2006 Asian Games at Doha, Qatar, only one Muslim country fielded a team in the beach volleyball competition because of concerns that the uniform was inappropriate. The Iraqi team refused to wear bikinis." - It might be good, for flow, to clarify in the first sentence that Iraq was the "only team".
713:
The history section of the article is strong on the cultural history of the bikini. But it is short on details of the history of the bikini's design, manufacture and economics. Did the design change over time? Did the way in which it was manufactured change? Who were the main manufacturers over time,
355:
Jacques Heim launched his two-piece swimsuit in Paris which he called the atome, after the smallest known particle of matter, which he advertised as the world's "smallest bathing suit". - There are a few problems with this sentence: (1) Jacques Heim can be "Heim", (2) the double "which" is confusing,
1763:
Thanks for your patience with this, Aditya. After all the changes above, I am confident that the article meets the GA criteria. The prose is now quite solid. The article is also comprehensive, and the internal balance has benefitted from the sports section being trimmed a bit and the history section
1653:"The modern bikini was first introduced by French engineer Louis Réard and separately by fashion designer Jacques Heim in Paris in 1946." - a couple of commas would help here. Presently it reads like Heim introduced it in Paris in 1946, while the location and date of Reard's introduction is unknown.
1329:
The pubic region surely isn't "also known as the bikini line" - one is a region and the other is a line. (I know what the sentence is trying to say, but it just doesn't say it correctly.) Perhaps get rid of it, because the next sentence accurately explains what a bikini line is, making the
160:
Hi there. I'll probably take a few days on this, doing it section by section, no strict time limits. My approach with GA reviews is to simply try to make the article as good as it can be. Some of my comments will, therefore, be over and above what the GA criteria require.
230:
tells us is that the goddess wore a bikini-like garment. It's a bit of a leap from that to say that the origins of the bikini can be traced to this goddess, right? I doubt there's any causal or historical link between these ancient costumes and Mr Réard's 1946
814:"Dolce & Gabbana designed trikinis in summer 2005 as three scintillating sequined fabric pieces that barely covered the essentials." - the "scintillating" seems quite unnecessary, but even without it the sentence seems like a gratuitous plug for D&G.
280:"In 1913, inspired by the introduction of females into Olympic swimming, the designer Carl Jantzen made the first functional two-piece swimwear, a close-fitting one-piece with shorts on the bottom and short sleeves on top" - This is worded too closely to
916:"FIVB's" - we don't know what the FIVB is until the next paragraph. Perhaps re-structure this section: use the first para to talk about the Olympics and the FIVB, and the second paragraph to talk about what officials and players think about the bikini.
196:
841:"Bikinis have become a major component of marketing various women's sports and is an official uniform for beach volleyball and is widely worn in athletics and other sports." - there's a plural conflict here. Perhaps split the sentence into two?
1719:"These stylistic variations like monokini, microkini, tankini, trikini, pubikini, bandeaukini and skirtini are usually unimportant to the general public." - This sentence needs some more punctuation but I'd go so far as to suggest deleting it.
1558:"Wearing a bikini in the sun results in tanning of uncovered skin and creates a "bikini tan" - might need to tone this sentences down a bit - what about people with very dark skin, who do not tan to the extent that a tan line would result?
934:"During the 2004 Olympics, an exotic dance team from the Canary Islands entertained fans but drew some criticism from female competitors" - this paragraph is relevant to beach volleyball but I don't see the relevance to bikinis.
766:"Bikini variations have grown to include a large number of more or less revealing styles" - The list of variants that follows this is very long, and only some items in the list are wikilinked or explained. Pare back, perhaps?
1131:"The New York Times reported the opinion that the bikini is permissible for people are not "too fat or too thin"." - it would be good to have a year for the NYT report, because both the preceding and succeeding sentences do.
773:
Since some of the terms are given only here, I believe their inclusion increases comprehensiveness of the coverage. But, it was indeed cumbersome. So I moved it to the beginning of the sub-section "Major variants".
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306:"However, midriff fashion was stated as only for beaches and informal events and considered indecent to be worn in public" - page 702 seems to be the incorrect page number for the footnote - it is an index page.
919:"According to FIVB rules, female beach volleyball players have the option of playing in shorts or a one-piece swimsuit" - This contradicts the sentence that says the bikini is the "required uniform" for women.
1034:"While most beach movies depend on surfs and bikinis the beach party films specifically included Surf Party, a film on surf culture made in 1961." - I don't understand the purpose or meaning of this sentence.
687:"In the Middle East, the bikini is still either banned or is highly controversial." - source? My immediate thought is that Israel is in the Middle East yet I doubt it is banned or controversial in Tel Aviv.
1197:"Yearly Spring Break festivities, which mark the start of the bikini season" - it would be good to limit this sentence geographically, because the spring break only seems to be a US/Nth America thing.
1580:"Chemical company BASF incorporated nanotechnology into bikinis for better UV protection as wet clothes have reduced protection against UV light in 2003" - this sentence doesn't make sense.
925:"Beach volleyball became the fifth largest television audience of all the sports at the 2000 Summer Olympics at Bondi Beach" - this doesn't make sense - "became" is the wrong verb, I think.
449:"owner of mass market swimwear firm Cole of California and American swimsuit mogul Fred Cole" - this seems like an unnecessarily detailed description that obstructs the flow of the sentence
571:"It is cited as the most famous bikini of all time and an iconic moment in cinematic and fashion history." - cited by whom? This is a very bold claim that I think needs inline attribution.
980:"Women in athletics often wear bikinis the same size as those worn in beach volleyball" - "similar" might be better here than "same", especially without a direct source on the point.
1056:
Is the Bikini
Basketball Association worthy of mention? It seems more a (failing) marketing gimmick than a genuine sport, and looks out of place alongside, surfing, volleyball, etc.
258:"so that there was no exposed skin visible" - This seems tautological. In any case, surely there was skin visible: face, hands and feet. Do we need this part of the sentence at all?
1498:
is what you're looking for, though I wonder whether removing some of the citations wouldn't work just as well. Do those sentences really need a half-dozen different sources?
1624:
The final paragraph seems out of place in this section. I don't see how a bikini that protects the skin from UV rays will in any way affect the development of a bikini tan.
1175:"Movies like Blue Crush and TV reality shows like Surf Girls has merged to concept of bikini model and athletes together" - there are a couple of plural conflicts here.
173:"His name for the garment stuck with the media and the public." - This has a citation-needed tag. I wonder if the sentence is necessary; it bludgeons an obvious point.
328:"The fabric shortage continued for some time after the end of the war." Citation? The History Channel source suggests that production was going strong again by 1946.
80:
1482:
How do I club together back-to-back inline citations (like those in the "Bikini waxing" section). Please check to see that the cites have some complexity in them.
1408:
At first, it is suggested that "Brazilian" and "Hollywood" are synonymous ("also known as"), but in the next sentence it appears that they are different things.
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seems to support it. The problem is that this one source is equivocal ("appears to have been Rudy
Gernreich") while our article is not equivocal at all. .
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expanded. My confidence is supported by the fact that the article was on the verge of being passed before the second review expired. Well done! --
1697:"The original bikini style has acquired a positive connotation in popular culture." - Where does this come from? It's an enormous generalisation.
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By inline I mean that it would be preferable for the person or persons who have made the "cite" to be mentioned in the text of the article. --
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1246:"By the 1960s, the bikini swimsuit influenced panty styles and coincided with the cut of the new lower rise jeans and pants." - source?
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549:"bikini capital of the world" - the source says "beachwear capital of the western world". I'd suggest a direct quote in our article.
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Clarified. This was screwed up by diligent fan of Heim, who was quite convinced that history is wrong and Heim is inventor.
400:"Bernardini received 50,000 fan letters, many of them from men." - I think "many of them men" is a bit of a captain obvious.
863:"However, the trend has raised some criticism." - any outline of the criticism? This sentence hangs without an explanation.
652:"By the end of the century, the bikini had become the most popular beachwear around the globe." - this claim needs a source
515:"Though some regarded the bikini and beauty contests as freedom to women" - there seems to be a verb missing from between
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The section twice uses the term "declared", and I think it does so incorrectly. "Announced" might be more appropriate.
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Done. This was screwed up by large number or people, including I, trying to pack too much into one sentence.
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Included the history of material. Historical introduction and evolution of individual designs are covered in
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493:"some countries with religious traditions" - this is very vague. Is "with religious traditions" necessary?
1007:
Is the FCCLA sentence relevant? The wikilink takes us to a page that has nothing to do with bodybuilding.
931:
The WWE Diva sentence seems a bit too trivial for an article section about the sport of beach volleyball.
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The Raquel Welch sentences are unsourced. The sentences aren't obvious facts so they ought to be sourced.
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944:. I have thoroughly redone the beach volleyball section. I am afraid it would require another reading.
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684:"In the Middle East, the bikini is still either banned" - I'd suggest dropping the "still"
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Is WordIQ.com a reliable source? And they're not the publisher of either of the footnotes.
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Rewrote. That "unimportant" part seemed quite unsourced and unimportant to me.
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885:"International Swimming Federation (FINA)" - Should it be
1737:. I think it should, if only briefly (a sentence or two).
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That looks better; I've just made some minor tweaks. --
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1468:, contact the responding user(s) directly on their
662:"Women go in breast augmentation and tummy tucks" ?
1459:has been answered. If you need more help, you can
1299:The second paragraph is too close a paraphrase of
1356:"commonly by women" - shouldn't it be "commonly
724:section. Looking for manufacturing information.
1104:The Alexander Putnam example seems irrelevant.
8:
1330:parentheses in the first sentence redundant.
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1082:The Vicky Botwright example seems trivial.
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1426:The changes mentioned above look fine. --
581:I see three inlines. Are they not right?
1704:Removed. I have no clue of its origins.
356:and (3) there is a citation-needed tag.
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889:International Swimming Federation?
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1360:women", or something similar?
632:Paragraph redone with cites.
1472:, or consider visiting the
1182:Copy edited. Please check.
1789:
1774:23:53, 10 April 2015 (UTC)
1587:Rewrote using the source.
1514:Didn't work. Not as easy.
1393:Please check if it works.
1341:Please check if it works.
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1065:Bikini in popular culture
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676:02:42, 1 April 2015 (UTC)
657:Outside the Western world
613:03:32, 1 April 2015 (UTC)
1389:Improvement attempted.
821:Reworked the sentence.
456:Sentence restructured.
1293:
1463:ask another question
1067:. More appropriate.
709:History (as a whole)
238:Ref and copy fixed.
313:Page number fixed.
544:Rise to popularity
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1465:on your talk page
1231:Added citations.
444:Social resistance
253:Bikini precursors
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53:External links
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1324:Bikini waxing
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799:1990s. Done.
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350:Modern bikini
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1457:help request
1390:
1367:Edited out.
1357:
1338:
1294:Men's bikini
1269:
1138:1961. Done.
1029:Other sports
1002:Bodybuilding
941:
886:
712:
606:Copy fixed.
578:
529:"Bringing".
520:
516:
291:Copy fixed.
221:In antiquity
163:
159:
143:
142:
135:
131:
117:Article talk
116:
112:
93:
90:
81:Instructions
1766:Mkativerata
1428:Mkativerata
1415:Clarified.
1126:Bikini body
957:Mkativerata
594:Mkativerata
197:one of them
148:Mkativerata
104:visual edit
18:Talk:Bikini
1744:Included.
1531:Bikini tan
942:Big update
282:the source
231:invention.
228:the source
48:Authorship
34:GA toolbox
1111:Removed.
1089:Removed.
1063:Moved to
1014:Removed.
975:Athletics
669:Removed.
429:Removed.
335:Removed.
265:Removed.
180:Removed.
168:Etymology
144:Reviewer:
71:Templates
62:Reviewing
27:GA Review
1494:I think
1474:Teahouse
1337:Edited.
1309:Edited.
1279:Edited.
694:Edited.
478:Closed.
76:Criteria
1759:Overall
1391:Request
1339:Request
521:freedom
127:history
108:history
94:Article
1747:Aditya
1707:Aditya
1685:Aditya
1663:Aditya
1634:Aditya
1612:Aditya
1609:Done.
1590:Aditya
1568:Aditya
1546:Aditya
1517:Aditya
1485:Aditya
1418:Aditya
1396:Aditya
1370:Aditya
1344:Aditya
1312:Aditya
1282:Aditya
1270:marked
1256:Aditya
1234:Aditya
1207:Aditya
1204:Done.
1185:Aditya
1163:Aditya
1141:Aditya
1114:Aditya
1092:Aditya
1070:Aditya
1044:Aditya
1017:Aditya
990:Aditya
987:Done.
947:Aditya
899:Aditya
896:Done.
873:Aditya
870:Done.
851:Aditya
848:Done.
824:Aditya
802:Aditya
777:Aditya
754:Aditya
727:Aditya
697:Aditya
672:Aditya
635:Aditya
609:Aditya
584:Aditya
559:Aditya
556:Done.
532:Aditya
503:Aditya
481:Aditya
459:Aditya
432:Aditya
410:Aditya
407:Done.
388:Aditya
366:Aditya
338:Aditya
316:Aditya
294:Aditya
268:Aditya
241:Aditya
209:Aditya
183:Aditya
1735:sport
1455:This
579:Query
136:Watch
16:<
1770:talk
1648:Lead
1504:talk
1500:Huon
1432:talk
961:talk
598:talk
519:and
152:talk
123:edit
100:edit
887:The
1772:)
1506:)
1434:)
1358:on
963:)
600:)
517:as
154:)
146:--
125:|
106:|
102:|
1768:(
1502:(
1476:.
1430:(
1302:.
1272:?
959:(
596:(
284:.
150:(
132:·
129:)
121:(
113:·
110:)
98:(
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