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724:, if it's helpful to someone interested in editing this article. Harry was also hired as Led Zeppelin's PR man by their manager Peter Grant and shares some of his memories on this era in Uncut magazine issue 63 (July 2002). I might work on this profile later on if no one else does. (I'm not very experienced at html writing so my apologies if the link above causes trouble)
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poll is necessary and goes past the focus on Bill Harry. I think that paragraph should be nixed and reduced to a mention of The
Beatles on top with Rory Storm and the Hurricanes being fourth. The following (3rd) paragraph can also be cut down and made more concise and within the context of Harry and
1821:→ It doesn't flow quite correctly when I read it. You're going from the shock of meeting Lennon to "but he introduced Lennon..." That should probably be rewritten. I recommend two separate sentences there: one for the shock of meeting Lennon, and one for introducting Lennon to Sutcliffe.
1755:→ It also is a little wordy and hard to understand. Did Harry call his "conformist" fellow students "dilettantes and dabblers" who "worse duffle coats and turtle neck sweaters", if I'm reading correctly? If so, just slightly reword that so it makes more sense and flows better.
1890:→ How it's written doesn't make sense. First, you're saying 500 and then 350. I'm not sure if the fact of bands quickly forming and breaking up created that average or not; it's not clear according to how it's written. Can you clarify that a little better, please?
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I took Harry's quote tags out and put the sentence directly after it, with a slight change: "The Daily Worker newspaper denounced the enthusiasm of younger people in
Liverpool by saying "The 'Mersey Sound' is the sound of 30,000 people on the
1794:), which is the first time in the body of the article in which he is mentioned, which normally means you give the full name and provide a wikilink. Were Sutcliffe and Lennon fellow students of Barry's? If so, that should be mentioned in there.
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era is important, but there should be coverage of his career since then. There is probably neough material to have a separate Mersey Beat article. referencing needs to be radically improved with less reliance on primary sources. Not listed.
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In "The First Issue" subsection, I agree with the previous GA review in that the image of the threepenny image is not really needed in this article. It really doesn't contribute anything more to the article, unlike the other pictures, which
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Commas do not always precede coordinating conjunctions such as "and", "but", or "or". A comma is normally used when the second half of the sentence following the comma could technically stand alone as a sentence of its
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At the time, artist and teacher Arthur
Ballard thought that Harry and Sutcliffe both overshadowed Lennon at college, stating they were both "extremely well educated, and very eager for information."
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They are both mentioned in the lead, but I will add something in there about them being student friends. (I see that someone has already put their full names in the article...)--
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Stay consistent with abbreviations. You had "P.R." with full stops, and then you had "PR" without them. Stick with one (though the former should be the right form in this case).
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Although, because of the employment situation in
Liverpool at the time, The Daily Worker newspaper announced: "The Mersey Sound is the sound of 30,000 people on the dole."
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and related topics on
Knowledge (XXG). Users who are willing to participate in the project should visit the project page, where they can join and see a list of open tasks.
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Overall, I would suggest a complete rewrite, copy-editing for style, omitting unnecessary detail, possibly splitting out the detail on Mersey Beat to a separate article.
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The article is adequately referenced, but a large number of key references are primary sources, eg merseybeat.com and triumphplc.com. Many other references, e.g. #34
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Stay consistent with your prepositions. You seemed to have alternated from "in the Ye Cracke Pub" to "at the Ye Cracke Pub" (even though "at" is preferable here).
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Virginia's parents helped the paper during this time, as they paid for classified ads, and arranged for Harry and his future wife's first photographs together.
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such as "although" and "supposedly" whenever you can, because more times than not, they serve to editorialize (i.e. not maintaining NPOV) rather than state.
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Note: Mersey Beat will return to publication in August 2009 with a 24-page special issue to celebrate the
Liverpool International Beatle Week in Liverpool.[
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148:) policy, even if it is not a biography, because it contains material about living persons. Contentious material about living persons that is unsourced or
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Focus on writing longer, fuller paragraphs as opposed to shorter, choppy paragraph. Fuller paragraphs makes the writing look more professional to readers.
1894:"500 different groups, which were constantly forming and breaking up, with an average of about 350 groups that were playing concerts on a regular basis"--
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The main photo has gone, even though I voiced my objections. No comment on here or my page, either. The photo police really are a law unto themselves.--
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I do not believe that this article is at Good
Article standard at present. I suggest working to make this an artciel about Bill Harry. Obviously the
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after the link to keep me from modifying it, if I keep adding bad data, but formatting bugs should be reported instead. Alternatively, you can add
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The title was suggested by the owner, Frank
Hesselberg, as a play on his own comments, and being truthful, but was abandoned after a few issues.
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What a total misunderstanding of the
English language. It was a place that was respected, but was not friendly, in any sense. Using the phrase
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to the talk pages of all
Beatles-related articles. Send a newsletter to members, canvas for new members and coordinate tasks. Enter articles
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This is the best yet: "I suggest working to make this an artciel about Bill Harry." It's called BILL HARRY, or did you not notice that?--
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pending improvements to the issues above (except the "things to remember" section; that is not part of it but for your own reference).
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Astrid Kirchherr arranging for that photo of The Beatles to be taken. Remember this the article is more about Bill Harry as opposed to
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He attended the Catholic St. Vincent's Institute, but had to get used to the priests dispensing corporal punishment on a regular basis.
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Rewrite to update as it is now end of August. The list of books is fine, but there is no mention of his writing them in the article.
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When you have finished reviewing my changes, you may follow the instructions on the template below to fix any issues with the URLs.
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1825:"Despite his misgivings about Lennon's attitude, Harry introduced him to Sutcliffe, who was a small, soft-spoken and shy student."--
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in their thoughts and actions and not like the "dilettantes and dabblers", as Harry called conformist fellow students, who wore
1720:→ I'm not exactly understanding the middle of that sentence in particular. Can you rewrite that to make it a little more clear?
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Between 1958 and 1964, the Merseyside area had about 500 different bands, forming and breaking up, with an average of 350.
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is not neccessary, the cover price is not mentioned in the artcile and a picture of a threpenny piece is not needed.
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I'm really sorry, but I will have to work on this over the next few days. (Job pressure and all that, y'know...)--
1759:"in their thoughts and actions and not like the "dilettantes and dabblers", whom Harry disapproved of for wearing
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This article does not yet have a related to do list. If you can think of any ways to improve the article, why not
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to delete these "External links modified" talk page sections if they want to de-clutter talk pages, but see the
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to delete these "External links modified" talk page sections if they want to de-clutter talk pages, but see the
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to delete these "External links modified" talk page sections if they want to de-clutter talk pages, but see the
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That first sentence needs to be split up into smaller sentences. One-sentence paragraphs are generally avoided.
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The photographs bit - does this refer to pictures of Harry and fiancée? If so this is unnecessary information.
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would mean that it was accepted that boys would have the stuffing knocked out of them on a daily basis. --
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1866:) doesn't make logical sense there. Wouldn't it be a better idea to have that in the previous paragraph?
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to keep me off the page altogether, but should be used as a last resort. I made the following changes:
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the end-punctuation (i.e. a comma or full stop) unless that quotation is a full sentence itself.
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The lead may need to be expanded just a little to provide a more broad overview of the article.
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In "The Liverpool Groups" subsection, I don't think displaying the complete results of the
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and was a disruptive influence at the college, but Harry introduced Lennon to Sutcliffe.
1113:...and in the top floor Jacaranda club (run by Williams, who later managed The Beatles).
1075:..he worked on a demolition site, taking part in demolishing a flour mill in Birkenhead.
2442:, "External links modified" talk page sections are no longer generated or monitored by
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No problems found found when checking against quick fail criteria, on to main review.
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https://web.archive.org/web/20141101234537/http://www.frankcarlyle.co.uk/archive.html
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https://web.archive.org/web/20120505082202/http://www.sixtiescity.com/Mbeat/mb1A.htm
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https://web.archive.org/web/20120217184607/http://www.beatlefolks.com/bharry4.shtml
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https://web.archive.org/web/20120210172914/http://www.beatlefolks.com/bharry3.shtml
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1214:: there is some repetition in this section of information in the previous section;
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The article is or has been the subject of ongoing or recent, unresolved edit wars.
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The article completely lacks reliable sources – see Knowledge (XXG):Verifiability.
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Thanks. I still have to rework the lead, and change those P.R. things and at/in.--
1557:"Splitting the price of the newspaper (threepence) with retailers". Blind again.--
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You will need alt text in the images (though not a GA requirement). Please see
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In Knowledge (XXG), "smart quotations" are used. That is, the end-quotation
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Shortening the lead to two larger paragraphs instead of three smaller ones.
1670:. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
1347:. When viewd as a whole ther are very few reliable secondary sources here.
816:. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
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Meeting Lennon had been a shock for Harry, as Lennon often dressed like a
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onto this list, also list articles needing cleanup and other work here.
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Don't forget to wikilink those important terms, but also be wary of
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There are cleanup banners that are obviously still valid, including
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Despite this, he maintained that students at art college should be
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Of course there is. Read the quote underneath the list of books.--
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The lead needs a little improvement. I recommend the following:
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A list of articles needing cleanup associated with this project
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That last sentence in "The First Issue" subsection (regarding
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Mersey Beat was his career, and still is part of his career.--
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from the article and its talk page, especially if potentially
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When you have finished reviewing my changes, please set the
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In the first sentence in "The Liverpool Groups" subsection:
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http://triumphpc.com/mersey-beat/about/founders-story.shtml
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There is some biographical information about Bill Harry at
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Mid-importance biography (arts and entertainment) articles
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for additional information. I made the following changes:
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for additional information. I made the following changes:
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Williams is mentioned in the lead. Didn't you read that?--
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Because it wasn't how other people saw The Mersey Sound.
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I have just added archive links to one external link on
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No, please take your time. First things first, anyways.
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I don't know where that came from, but it's gone now.--
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You really want to stick the knife in. I wonder why? --
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Thanks for the review. I will work on this tonight.--
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I totally agree. I will cut it and add it to the the
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GA-Class biography (arts and entertainment) articles
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659:, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of
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1389:Possibly rather too broad. Too much detail about
2110:I thank thee kindly, and very much as well. :) --
2290:http://www.freewebs.com/merseybeat/billharry.htm
1393:, there shoudl eb more on his subsequent career.
2606:GA-Class Apple Corps and Apple Records articles
2438:This message was posted before February 2018.
2318:This message was posted before February 2018.
2190:This message was posted before February 2018.
1716:In the "Liverpool College of Art" subsection:
1249:The lead does not fully summarise the article.
48:If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
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1091:Doing what, exactly? Isn't the fact enough?--
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1115:Who is Williams, this is the first mention.
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364:-related article is within the scope of
738:I have added a bit more to this page.--
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1939:) 16:56, 2 December 2009 (UTC) Done.--
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2100:. Good work on the improvements.
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753:It's coming along nicely.--
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2129:Hello fellow Wikipedians,
1077:redundancy - suggest just
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1696:I am working on it now.--
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2374:InternetArchiveBot
2325:InternetArchiveBot
2197:InternetArchiveBot
1360:broad in its scope
1279:factually accurate
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287:biography articles
193:content assessment
66:Article milestones
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1997:for more details.
1530:suitable captions
1471:No edit wars etc.
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1761:duffle coats
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126:Good article
125:
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49:
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43:please do so
31:
30:
26:
2183:Sourcecheck
2112:andreasegde
2079:andreasegde
2065:andreasegde
2040:andreasegde
2026:andreasegde
2002:Conclusions
1988:overlinking
1941:andreasegde
1933:andreasegde
1929:Mersey Beat
1921:Mersey Beat
1916:Mersey Beat
1896:andreasegde
1873:andreasegde
1847:andreasegde
1827:andreasegde
1800:andreasegde
1792:John Lennon
1769:andreasegde
1726:andreasegde
1698:andreasegde
1664:transcluded
1629:andreasegde
1608:Jezhotwells
1603:Mersey Beat
1559:andreasegde
1405:andreasegde
1391:Mersey Beat
1264:andreasegde
1230:andreasegde
1169:andreasegde
1147:Mersey Beat
1127:andreasegde
1093:andreasegde
1051:andreasegde
1026:Early years
972:Jezhotwells
827:Jezhotwells
810:transcluded
789:andreasegde
770:andreasegde
755:andreasegde
740:andreasegde
417:To-do list:
377:The Beatles
372:The Beatles
362:Apple Corps
336:The Beatles
2550:Categories
2501:Report bug
2400:Bill Harry
2381:Report bug
2270:Bill Harry
2134:Bill Harry
1931:article.--
1676:MoS issues
1284:verifiable
670:Journalism
661:journalism
617:Journalism
589:create one
503:See also:
96:Not listed
37:under the
27:Bill Harry
2484:this tool
2477:this tool
2364:this tool
2357:this tool
2236:this tool
2229:this tool
1817:Teddy boy
1743:bohemians
1656:GA Review
1589:Pass/Fail
1377:(focused)
907:clarifyme
802:GA Review
481:). See:
278:Biography
218:Biography
157:libellous
2490:Cheers.—
2370:Cheers.—
2242:Cheers.—
2144:cbignore
2102:MuZemike
2055:MuZemike
2017:MuZemike
1965:precedes
1871:dole".--
1165:together
189:GA-class
51:reassess
2534:Ojorojo
2526:Ojorojo
2404:my edit
2274:my edit
2252::Online
2169:checked
2138:my edit
2013:on hold
1845:Gone.--
1583:Overall
999:(prose)
887:cleanup
697:on the
563:Project
538:Kenwood
404:on the
74:Process
2177:failed
2152:nobots
2098:Passed
1995:WP:ALT
1496:images
1465:stable
1463:It is
1437:policy
1358:It is
1344:; #20
1341:; #38
1338:; #36
1335:; #33
1277:It is
990:It is
891:wikify
565:: Add
546:Verify
528:Update
491:Expand
195:scale.
115:Listed
77:Result
1666:from
812:from
783:Photo
558:Other
519:See:
514:Stubs
356:This
2538:talk
2530:talk
2173:true
2116:talk
2083:talk
2069:talk
2044:talk
2030:talk
1960:own.
1945:talk
1937:talk
1900:talk
1877:talk
1851:talk
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1773:talk
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1281:and
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1097:talk
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976:talk
903:fact
895:NPOV
831:talk
793:talk
774:talk
759:talk
744:talk
734:Bill
716:Info
446:and
424:For
396:High
267:and
71:Date
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2428:to
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2308:to
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1011:MoS
689:Mid
146:BLP
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