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sentences rather than series of short sentences or a list. For example, referring to ref 9, you could start off with "Soriano's first posting was to Fort Bragg as a second lieutenant where he was
Assistant Officer-in-Charge of the 82d Airborne Recondo School for six months after which he was promoted to lieutenant and given command of an anti-tank platoon of the 508th Infantry Regiment. He later served with the 2nd Infantry Division in South Korea. In 1973 he returned to the United States where he served in a series of postings at Fort Lewis and in New York. In 1978 he was posted to the 8th Infantry Division in West Germany for three years, during which he was promoted to major." etc... You don't need to recite all his postings or promotions (but I would specifically mention divisional commands and his promotions to general ranks). I fully take on board your comments RE the DSM and BSM but I'm still uncomfortable that there is no explanation as to what he did to earn it. I'm going to ask for a second opinion on that.
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2071:"Born in the Philippines, Soriano moved with his family to the United States during his childhood, graduating from Salinas High School, and being commissioned as an officer through Army ROTC at San Jose State University.": Unless there's a word such as "after" or "before" in there somewhere, the present participles suggest that events happened in the same time frame, and they didn't, so: "Born in the Philippines, Soriano moved with his family to the United States and graduated from Salinas High School before being commissioned as an officer through Army ROTC at San Jose State University."
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2074:"Serving during Operations Desert Shield, Operation Desert Shield, and Operation Joint Endeavor, he retired in March 2005.": Same problem here with the present participle. Also, Desert Shield is mentioned twice ... if you meant Desert Storm, then better would be: "After serving in operations Desert Shield, Desert Storm and Joint Endeavor, he retired in March 2005." (The lowercase on plural "operations" isn't mandatory, but most style guides prefer it.)
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1834:. Non-combat Bronze Stars are pretty common awards for officers who serve overseas, and it's very hard to find the citations for them. The DSM citations are a little easier to find but since they're also non-combat awards, people don't place as much importance on them, so I would say not to worry about that, either. —
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I wanted to further explain my infobox edits here. My goal was to hep the info box better serve its purpose:"to summarize key facts in the article in which it appears. The less information it contains, the more effectively it serves that purpose, allowing readers to identify key facts at a glance."
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There is no date information for most of his commands. It would also be preferable to avoid stating them as a series of sentences as you have done. I would suggest adding in some location information to give context to his commands; for example, it is mentioned in the infobox that he served during
2443:
this sounds awkward: "Soriano is married to Vivian
Guillermo, whose parents come from Laoag but was born in the United States, and they have raised two children, Melissa and Keith". Perhaps try, "Soriano is married to Vivian Guillermo, who was born in the United States to Laoag natives. The couple
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I am nominating this article for A-Class review because it has been peer reviewed, expanded during the course of its GA nomination (which it has passed), and has been additionally expanded and copy edited. If there are any shortcomings I am willing to work on the article until the shortcomings are
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You have some deadlinks in your references. As well as being dead, ref 7 is missing the additional information, eg. access date etc, that your other web sources have. I would suggest that you just delete as it looks like it is just cited once, and you already have another cite for that sentence
2235:"In June 2004, as the commander of Fort Lewis, Soriano ordered the court-martial of Ryan G. Anderson, who was sentenced in September 2004 to life in prison with the possibility of parole after Soriano removed the death penalty as a possible sentencing option." - what was Anderson sentenced for?
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Oh OK, those ACR reviewers have more experience with A-class articles than I do so am happy to defer to any approach they have recommended. And I didn't know refs could be bundled like that! I'm just not sure why the need to include the quotes if they are in the websites cited. Just down to
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You are getting there, note my new comment with regard to refs above. Also you may have misinterpreted what I commented on above with regard to his commands (I could have been clearer :)). What I was requesting was to integrate the command information into the article as flowing and readable
2217:" Soriano came to the United States in the early 1950s when his father, Fred Soriano, a soldier in the United States Army, was assigned to Fort Benning, Georgia; he was six when he left the Philippines." - I'm guessing from this that we know exactly when he left, rather than just the decade?
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not sure about this: "In the 1960s, his family moved to
Salinas, California, leading to Soriano graduating from Salinas High School". (specifically "leading"). Perhaps this might work better, "In the 1960s, his family moved to Salinas, California, and Soriano later attended Salinas High
2238:" In September 2004, Soriano met with Philippine President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo at Malacanang, who had met before during Arroyo's state visit in May 2003, after being invited by General Narciso Abaya, Chief of staff of the Armed Forces of the Philippines" - "who he had met before"?
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If a second paragraph is added to the lead, what would you suggest? The lead goes into why the subject is notable (a notable first, and a notable status within an ethnic group), the subject's early life, and career. Would the lead expand upon the subject's career into more
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I'm glad you're thinking about FAC and I hope this passes, but it's unusual for articles to pass FAC with a single-paragraph lead; if a single paragraph really does summarize the article, then the article is significantly shorter than most FAs and might be opposed for that
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attached to it was it awarded for gallantry in combat similarly the DSM is not awarded for gallantry at all, but normally for high ranking meritorious service (this is just a guess, but chances are the awarding was due to completion of commands of Fort Carson then Fort
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I've never really joined any of those contests, and given that I am going to have reduced time editing as far as I can see for the near future it wouldn't be appropriate for me at this time to join in such an endeavor if I am not going to be that active; maybe in the
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2226:"is married to Vivian Guillermo, whose parents come from Laoag but was born in the United States" - I wasn't sure what this was trying to tell us about his wife (i.e. is her ethnic heritage or birth place important to the article?)
2214:"Since retiring from the Army, Soriano has worked for Northrop Grumman" - with a fairly short lead, you could probably afford to explain what the company is, e.g. "worked for the defense contractor, Northrop Gumman", or similar.
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Is that is all that needs to be improved for the lead, or the infobox? What about the body of the article? Please let me know how I can improve the article to achieve Class-A status, and make it easier when this article reached
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I wonder if it would make sense to add some mention of why he received his decorations in the
Military career section. For instance, maybe you could just mention why he got the major ones. That might help expand the article a
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Given the expansion you have done and the 2nd opinion, I am happy with the content. Just the issue with refs 20 and 25, as noted previously (looking at it again, 25 combines two different urls?), remains to be sorted.
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this seems a bit awkward: "Returning to various positions in
Virginia and The Pentagon, these including..." Perhaps try, "Returning to the United States, he undertook various positions in Virginia and The Pentagon,
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No mention of why he was awarded his
Distinguished Service Medals. The same is true for the Bronze Star, which I believe is awarded for gallantry in a combat zone. To my mind, these are serious omissions from the
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2451:"the army" (in Australia we would capitalise this as "the Army" (as a defacto proper noun as it is referring to a specific army), but I'm not sure about the US). I will leave it up to you to decide what is best;
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I didn't pick it up when doing the GA review, but strictly speaking there is no need for cites in the lead (and infobox) as everything in the lead/infobox should be in the main body of the article (and cited
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There is some confusion RE dates on which he joined the military; the infobox says 1970 but article says he joined after high school. The article then goes on to state that he graduated from university in
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The subject of this article was born in the
Philippines, but is Filipino American due to being born to a US Servicemember and being a naturalized citizen. There is no reason to sanitize the article to say
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Unless as as a title (for example, your first usage of the rank major) ranks should not be capitalised (as you have done with the 2nd instance of major). Also wikilink the first mention of major, not the
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As there hasn't been any response to these comments, I have made most of these changes myself. There are a few I can't deal with, though. I will be happy to support once these are addressed. Regards,
1335:: A brief explanation of what the Army ROTC is could help add to the article size (but keep the explanation short :)). I assume it was through San Jose University; if so merge these facts together.
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The medals and ribbons tables have the ref at the bottom, beneath the tables. This looks odd; I suggest checking other GA military bios that has similar tables to see how they are referenced.
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the main images all seem appropriately licenced. I couldn't check all the medals etc as I have a limited download, but my advice is to make sure these are good to go before nominating at FAC;
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Servicemember is a word, which is a more recent use rather than calling someone by the service specific common designation (Soldier, Marine, Sailor, Airman, Coast
Guardsman). Please see this
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2088:" Since retiring from the Army, Soriano has worked for Northrop Grumman, and sat on various boards of directors.": No comma, and "sat" isn't wrong, but "has sat" is usually recommended.
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For the groundbreaking image, amend the caption to identify which one is
Soriano (I know he is the one in the suit but I initially thought he was one of the army guys).
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the capitalisation here looks a bit irregular: "the current President of the board of directors". Perhaps try, "the current president of the board of directors";
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Unfortunately, I suspect there will be a bit work involved in addressing the issues noted. I will check back in a week to see how you are getting on. Cheers.
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1319:: Doesn't flow well. Suggest: "Soriano came to the United States in the early 1950s when his father, a soldier in the United States Army, was assigned to..."
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As for information about his wife, Vivian Guillermo, it could be argued that the information is trivial. However, it also verifies that she is also a
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1351::"retiring" is used in consecutive sentences (although separated by a paragraph). I suggest amending this to: "Since his retirement, Soriano has..."
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Military career. It was a shame that there's not more that could be said about this; I'm guessing there are no further sources that could be used?
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When you have finished reviewing my changes, you may follow the instructions on the template below to fix any issues with the URLs.
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https://web.archive.org/web/20131017083827/http://projects.militarytimes.com/citations-medals-awards/recipient.php?recipientid=65545
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There's no prohibition on citations in the lead section at FAC, but reviewers may object to so many in such a short lead. - Dank (
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on Knowledge (XXG). If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the ongoing discussions.
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1317:...Soriano came to the United States in the early 1950s when his father, Major Fred Soriano, USA, was assigned to Ft. Benning...
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As for the Distinguished Service Medal and Bronze Star; the BSM is not always a medal awarded for valor, only when there is a
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in the United States Army.": I recommend removing this here, and adding to the first sentence: ", and the first promoted to
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applies, but having live links (or sources that are available online (although not a requirement)) is always preferential.--
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personal preference I guess, and it is not a GA requirement. Passing as GA now; btw, you should enter the article into the
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Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Please let me know anything else I can do with the article to improve its quality so it can meet Class-A requirements.--
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I did the GA review for this article, but I see a number of good improvements have been made since then. Some comments:
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I was unaware of General Soriano before I came across this article and am very glad to know of this impressive officer.
2461:"In September 2004, Soriano met with Philippine President"... (where did this take place, in the US or the Philippines?
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The lead and infobox refers to "Operation Joint Endeavor" but there is no mention of this elsewhere in the article.
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I have modified the content (expanding it), and checked all the sources, which should now be live. Please see this
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anyway. Refs 10 and 11 are also dead. I suggest archiving your other web cites in case they go dead in the future.
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You haven't explicitly stated the father was a POW to the Japanese, but refer to him being a POW "again" in Korea.
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https://web.archive.org/web/20130713012653/http://www.dod.mil/pubs/foi/operation_and_plans/PersianGulfWar/404.pdf
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to delete these "External links modified" talk page sections if they want to de-clutter talk pages, but see the
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to delete these "External links modified" talk page sections if they want to de-clutter talk pages, but see the
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inconsistent "operations Desert Shield and Desert Storm" v "Operation Desert Shield and Desert Storm". Regards,
1882:. The source for 20 contains a quote which is in two parts, which is also the case for the first source in 25.--
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https://web.archive.org/web/20131017122945/http://www.thehomefrontcares.org/assets/THFCAnnualReport2012.pdf
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NB: I don't know if this is a reliable source, but there's some interesting additional information on him
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https://web.archive.org/web/20131022135627/http://seattletimes.com/html/localnews/2002081779_dige04m.html
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https://web.archive.org/web/20131017141835/http://www.fortlewismuseum.com/flm/news/banner_pdfs/200403.pdf
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I had not found other reliable sources that give additional information of the subject's military service
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If you have discovered URLs which were erroneously considered dead by the bot, you can report them with
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If you have discovered URLs which were erroneously considered dead by the bot, you can report them with
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on Knowledge (XXG). If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
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2574:. If you have any questions, or need the bot to ignore the links, or the page altogether, please visit
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got in the way. I made a mention of service in Bosnia, in the body of the article, with this change
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Please let me know what else you believe I can do to improve the article in order to get it to GA.--
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When did he marry his wife and does he have any children? Try and work this into body of article.
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I am sorry, I do not understand. Please elaborate what are the issues with citations 20 & 25?
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388:.If you are a subject of this article, or acting on behalf of one, and you need help, please see
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before doing mass systematic removals. This message is updated dynamically through the template
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before doing mass systematic removals. This message is updated dynamically through the template
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https://web.archive.org/web/20131017065246/http://www.manilamail.com/features/FilAmGeneral.htm
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Desert Storm - what formation was he commanding and did it do anything notable during the war?
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I am able to access the url on source 20, and both urls on source 25. The two sources are
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I am unfamiliar with how to archive references, is there a good how to guide to do that?--
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http://projects.militarytimes.com/citations-medals-awards/recipient.php?recipientid=65545
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https://web.archive.org/web/20120324090409/http://www.asianweek.com/082297/newsmaker.html
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If you found an error with any archives or the URLs themselves, you can fix them with
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If you found an error with any archives or the URLs themselves, you can fix them with
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Thanks for your reviewing this article, and your suggestions which helped improve it!
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Now I had done implemented some of the changes. I did not provide new wikilinks to
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1488:. Also, there is text associated with cites 19 and 24 I think shouldn't be there?
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http://www.riley.army.mil/bigredone/commandteam/Former/ADC/Soriano%2C%20Edward.htm
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on DSM and BSM, I would agree with the nom on this one. If the Bronze Star had a
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2448:"which was followed by command of an anti-tank platoon in the 508th Infantry."
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to reduce source clutter; which I had done as a recommendation to the A-Class
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it would be something to be included and probably found pretty easily on the
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http://www.coloradospringschamber.org/military/pdf/L4-%20BOARD%20MEMBERS.pdf
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1248:. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
718:, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of topics relating to the
603:, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of topics related to the
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I expanded the Military career section, and the infobox, please see this
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http://www.dod.mil/pubs/foi/operation_and_plans/PersianGulfWar/404.pdf
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his date of birth should probably be added to the Early life section;
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I had intended to review at GA actually - an interesting individual.
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and given the work on this article would this pass x5 expansion for
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http://seattletimes.com/html/localnews/2001963122_websoldier23.html
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dealt with, with hopes of passing this review and moving to FAR.
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http://www.thehomefrontcares.org/assets/THFCAnnualReport2012.pdf
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inconsistent "3d Battalion" v. "3rd and Ist Infantry Divisions"
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http://seattletimes.com/html/localnews/2002081779_dige04m.html
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http://www.fortlewismuseum.com/flm/news/banner_pdfs/200403.pdf
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from the article and its talk page, especially if potentially
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I have implemented your changes to the lead, please see this
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When you have finished reviewing my changes, please set the
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Facts from this article were featured on Knowledge (XXG)'s
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for additional information. I made the following changes:
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for additional information. I made the following changes:
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this should either be "chief of staff" or "Chief of Staff"
2220:"Soriano's mom's name was Encarnacion." - "mother's name"
1345::in this case, I think the position should be title case.
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that I have made in response with the above suggestions.
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I use Webcite, a Knowledge (XXG) page on it is here:
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Lead is quite short and should be expanded some more.
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Failed requests for military history A-Class review
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North American military history task force articles
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2704:using the archive tool instructions below. Editors
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http://www.manilamail.com/features/FilAmGeneral.htm
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2648:http://www.fortcarsonmuseum.com/board-of-directors
1343:Soriano served as director of homeland security...
3017:GA-Class North American military history articles
2972:GA-Class United States articles of Low-importance
2138:One or two sentences per section, maybe. - Dank (
1512:B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:
3027:GA-Class United States military history articles
868:For questions about, or to make suggestions for
617:Knowledge (XXG):WikiProject Tambayan Philippines
33:for general discussion of the article's subject.
1349:Since retiring from active duty, Soriano has...
2820:This message was posted before February 2018.
2690:This message was posted before February 2018.
2598:http://www.asianweek.com/082297/newsmaker.html
217:If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
2471:do we know when soriano and his wife married?
8:
2932:Low-importance biography (military) articles
2223:" San Jose State University" - worth linking
2211:Worth linking operations Desert Shield etc.
969:Knowledge (XXG):WikiProject Military history
2308:so I am not going to add that at this time.
1678:B. Images are provided if possible and are
2952:Low-importance Philippine-related articles
1452:, and they should be live now. Either way
1333:Soriano was commissioned through Army ROTC
1177:
1089:
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654:
549:
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2770:I have just modified 3 external links on
2566:I have just modified 7 external links on
2342:I didn't utilize it. It might fall under
2338:, but as it has questionable status as a
1046:United States military history task force
759:Knowledge (XXG):WikiProject United States
620:Template:WikiProject Tambayan Philippines
949:This article is within the scope of the
2982:Mid-importance Asian Americans articles
1791:; this majorly expands both sections.--
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2937:Military biography work group articles
2927:GA-Class biography (military) articles
2444:have two children, Melissa and Keith."
959:. To use this banner, please see the
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2997:Unknown-importance Colorado articles
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1956:The following discussion is closed.
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533:the military biography work group
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2395:Sorry I didn't respond sooner,
2334:I too saw the website which is
1899:Milhist article writing contest
1812:to 5054 characters (guess not)?
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637:This article has been rated as
2942:WikiProject Biography articles
2888:02:28, 18 September 2017 (UTC)
1880:1st Filipino Infantry Regiment
509:Template:WikiProject Biography
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3002:WikiProject Colorado articles
2902:Knowledge (XXG) good articles
2758:00:11, 21 December 2016 (UTC)
1417:appropriate reference section
1014:Military biography task force
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2992:GA-Class Colorado articles
2851:(last update: 5 June 2024)
2767:Hello fellow Wikipedians,
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2563:Hello fellow Wikipedians,
1357::swap present for current.
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785:project's importance scale
305:WikiProject A-class review
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2491:23:08, 20 July 2013 (UTC)
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2284:San Jose State University
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2097:19:30, 11 June 2013 (UTC)
2057:22:37, 10 June 2013 (UTC)
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2018:19:05, 26 May 2013 (UTC)
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1079:Post-Cold War task force
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1526:No original research
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614:Tambayan Philippines
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1551:Major aspects
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1486:Using WebCite
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1279:review – see
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924:Post-Cold War
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298:July 30, 2013
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52:Learn to edit
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2336:linked above
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2168:push to talk
2140:push to talk
2093:push to talk
2030:push to talk
2022:
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2005:
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1971:Anotherclown
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1752:Valor device
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1283:for criteria
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1228:Instructions
1154:otherwise.--
1152:
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872:, go to our
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744:Project Talk
732:
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424:WikiProjects
389:
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347:Good article
346:
325:
310:Not approved
303:
284:
279:May 24, 2013
265:
218:
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212:please do so
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19:This is the
2683:Sourcecheck
2539:MOS:INFOBOX
2535:MOS:INFOBOX
2405:WP:CITELEAD
2292:WP:OVERLINK
1824:2nd Opinion
1654:with their
1242:transcluded
864:New section
605:Philippines
267:Peer review
260:May 6, 2013
148:free images
31:not a forum
2896:Categories
2883:Report bug
2753:Report bug
2344:WP:ELMAYBE
2148:How about
1415:A. Has an
1409:verifiable
1195:Authorship
1181:GA toolbox
1121:has failed
866:tab above.
851:about the
332:column on
206:under the
2866:this tool
2859:this tool
2736:this tool
2729:this tool
2656:dead link
2397:real life
2124:detail?--
1919:future.--
1789:diff here
1624:edit wars
1254:Reviewer:
1218:Templates
1209:Reviewing
1174:GA Review
1169:GA review
908:Biography
503:Biography
443:Biography
382:libellous
322:Main Page
88:if needed
71:Be polite
21:talk page
2872:Cheers.—
2742:Cheers.—
2546:Ocalafla
2440:School".
2427:Comments
2364:Comments
2302:WP:SYNTH
2263:Hchc2009
2243:Hchc2009
2203:Comments
2045:Modified
2023:Comments
1949:A review
1828:V Device
1680:relevant
1642:contain
1640:Does it
1564:article.
1281:WP:WIAGA
1267:contribs
1223:Criteria
920:Cold War
675:Colorado
448:Military
414:GA-class
272:Reviewed
220:reassess
56:get help
29:This is
27:article.
2776:my edit
2669:checked
2660:tag to
2572:my edit
2468:little;
2373:there).
2277:changes
2068:reason.
1876:bundled
1755:Lewis).
1706:Overall
1626:, etc:
1595:neutral
1576:Focused
1448:I have
1382:fiction
1313:second.
783:on the
641:on the
324:in the
250:Process
154:WPÂ refs
142:scholar
2677:failed
2652:Added
2533:(from
2177:FAC.--
1806:WP:DYK
1658:, and
1652:tagged
1644:images
1617:stable
1615:Is it
1592:Is it
1542:Is it
1402:Is it
1384:, and
1374:layout
1292:Is it
749:Alerts
420:scale.
336:, and
291:Listed
253:Result
126:Google
2382:Zawed
2306:WP:OR
1903:Zawed
1859:Zawed
1775:Zawed
1728:Zawed
1490:Zawed
1386:lists
1329:1970.
1257:Zawed
1244:from
169:JSTOR
130:books
84:Seek
2673:true
2550:talk
2501:talk
2487:talk
2416:talk
2401:here
2386:talk
2352:talk
2327:link
2286:and
2267:talk
2259:here
2247:talk
2183:talk
2158:talk
2152:? --
2150:this
2130:talk
2115:talk
2107:diff
2053:talk
2014:talk
1998:talk
1975:talk
1925:talk
1907:talk
1888:talk
1863:talk
1797:talk
1779:talk
1764:talk
1745:diff
1732:talk
1494:talk
1476:talk
1462:talk
1406:and
1370:lead
1261:talk
1160:talk
854:U.S.
492:and
247:Date
162:FENS
136:news
73:and
2840:RfC
2810:to
2800:to
2790:to
2710:RfC
2687:).
2675:or
2646:to
2636:to
2626:to
2616:to
2606:to
2596:to
2586:to
2346:.--
2304:or
2109:.--
2047:.--
1838:Ed!
1622:No
1574:B.
1549:A.
1524:C.
1366:MoS
1364:B.
1124:an
775:Low
633:Low
371:BLP
176:TWL
2898::
2853:.
2848:}}
2844:{{
2723:.
2718:}}
2714:{{
2685:}}
2681:{{
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2654:{{
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1977:)
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1619:?
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1578::
1553::
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1496:)
1478:)
1464:)
1419::
1412:?
1388::
1380:,
1376:,
1372:,
1296:?
1277:GA
1269:)
1162:)
1099:/
994:/
922:/
918:/
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910:/
906::
876:.
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673:/
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540:).
446::
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1264:·
1259:(
1158:(
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963:.
881:!
859:.
787:.
645:.
500:.
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369:(
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326:"
225:.
172:·
166:·
158:·
151:·
145:·
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133:·
128:(
58:.
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