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426:"James Beckett of Anime News Network was critical of the early chapters due to the writing of their multiple fight scenes, but lauded the narratives of Lunafreya and Noctis as superior to the game and a fine send-off for them despite there being too many plot elements for a comfortable resolution in the final chapter" -: -->
465:
I think I've dealt with the stuff you raised. I tried condensing some bits of the plot a little further, and I removed the "Terraflare" bits as they weren't essential. Also realised I hadn't introduced either
Insomnia or the Great War of Old before mentioning them, so did that. Sorry about the proper
696:
Did my best with these hopefully final points. And don't be too concerned about it being confusing after this. This is a plot which requires the reader to know...a game, a movie, an ONA, four DLC episodes, several post-game additions, a multiplayer story campaign, and supplementary lore scattered
438:"Both Anime UK and Triezenberg faulted the thematic changes compared to the content of Final Fantasy XV, drawing comparisons between the theme of sacrifice from the game, and themes of defying fate from Fabula Nova Crystallis Final Fantasy which Final Fantasy XV formed a part of" -: -->
225:
I'm big on stating the obvious in the first sentence and giving the most basic context. Even something as simple as "Final
Fantasy XV: The Dawn of the Future was originally planned as downloadable content for the role-playing game Final Fantasy XV." (full stop.) Then get into
259:"Author Emi Nagashima was selected for the project, due to their experience writing supplementary materials for Final Fantasy XIII and Nier Automata. Writing under the pen name Jun Eishima, Nagashima based the novel on materials from the Final Fantasy XV development team."
201:"The novel's narrative was originally planned as a downloadable content tetralogy for release through 2019, but due to internal restructures and the departure of project leader Hajime Tabata, only the first part Episode Ardyn was completed. " -: -->
320:" In the midst of a war between the Niflheim empire and the free kingdom of Lucis over control of the magical Crystal, a plague called the Starscourge is spreading over Eos, turning native life into Daemons and lengthening the nights." -: -->
258:"The novel was written by Emi Nagashima (under the pen name Jun Eishima), who had written supplementary materials for Final Fantasy XIII and Nier Automata, based on materials provided by the Final Fantasy XV development team" -: -->
466:
nouns and detail dumps, but I couldn't get it to work any other way. Doesn't help that a chunk of the game's backstory isn't explained at all, so it's like trying to make a late-stage MCU film understandable to a newcomer. --
674:
Re-reading the plot, I think it's generally reading pretty well. But not sure how much of that is just learning more each time I read. Either way, this should be enough to get you to GA status. Thanks for your work on this.
47:
246:"At the time of cancellation, Episode Ardyn was almost complete, the scenario for Episode Aranea was finalised, the narrative of Episode Luna was almost finished, and Episode Noctis was still in the drafting stage." -: -->
126:
202:"The novel's narrative was originally planned as episodic content Final Fantasy XV in 2019, but only the first episode was completed due to the departure of key staff such as project leader Hajime Tabata."
197:
Same thing with the first sentence of the second paragraph – with the long aside between the hyphens –. Maybe have a sentence introducing the characters, a second sentence introducing the plot (or vice
122:
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427:"James Beckett of Anime News Network was critical of how the fight scenes and resolution were written, but still lauded the narratives of Lunafreya and Noctis as superior to the game."
548:
maybe clarify that the novel is non-canon then? One more sentence would explain this. Also, this might make more sense in the development section, rather than the plot or setting.
368:"Lunafreya, having sacrificed herself to further Noctis's journey, is revived by Bahamut in a tomb on the Niflheim continent, meeting Solara while running from Daemons" -: -->
209:
It would be helpful to note what the change in tone was. It seems like the game was meant to be more dark, while this was supposed to provide an alternative happier ending?
247:
is it important to detail the status of every episode, or can we just say "Episode Adryn was almost complete, while the other episodes were in various states of drafting."
80:
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329:
This is sort of a sentence fragment that turns into a run on sentence. It might be better to just have individual sentences for each character, for readability.
115:
17:
623:
I think I got everything. One thing, the recap would've been inaccurate since
Niflheim didn't exist when Ardyn's story begins, so I tried rephrasing it. --
376:"Lunafreya fails to win Ardyn over, but manages to purge Ifrit of the Starscourge and forge a Covenant with him, but doing this overwhelms her. " -: -->
92:
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across various books. On top of about two thirds of XV's planned scenario being cut. I'm not surprised it's hard to understand in a vacuum. --
262:
Did something equivalent, there's nothing in the sources about why
Nagashima was hired, only confirmation that she'd worked with them before.
526:"based the novel on materials from the Final Fantasy XV development team. Osanai gave his original draft to Nagashima to work from" -: -->
156:
380:"When Noctis arrives, he is forced to fight her Daemonic form, then sees Bahamut use her darkness to begin charging Teraflare." -: -->
444:
Let's work through that. We will probably need one more good pass, but I'm confident this can get to GA with some work and patience.
75:
324:"a figure called the True King will cleanse Eos by uniting the power of the Astrals and the Crystal at the cost of his life" -: -->
250:"and discussions as to whether the public should be told. It was eventually decided to announce their cancellation publicly" -: -->
241:
He was director of XV, and producer of its post-release content, so removing the "later" would make it an inaccurate statement.
251:"After internal discussions about what to tell the public, they finally announced that the remaining episodes were cancelled."
392:
The story section has a lot of proper nouns and magical concepts. It's a hard read but I'm hoping this first pass will help.
325:"a figure called the True King will sacrifice himself to cleanse Eos, by uniting the power of the Astrals and the Crystal."
482:
Thanks for your work on this, and I can see how the plot is just hard to begin with. I think one more pass should do it.
665:
since this is the first time you're mentioning this proper noun, maybe give it some context. (e.g: city of
Insomnia)
527:"based the novel on materials from the Final Fantasy XV development team, including an original draft from Osanai."
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234:"was handled". (or if you want to imply that they did not follow through the development, say "At the time...")
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This is honestly still a hard read, but it is significantly better than before. Thanks for working on this.
419:"The English version of the novel was announced for June 23, 2020 through Square Enix Books & Manga,"
194:
The very first sentence runs on quite a bit. Is it possible to pull a part or two into the next sentence?
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360:"she is entrusted by the Niflheim soldier Loqi Tummelt with escorting a young girl to safety" -: -->
229:"as a final closure to the game's universe, tying up loose ends in the narrative and lore." -: -->
556:
what does this mean? Does he try to talk to the crystal, or is it more of an unspoken connection?
369:
this runs on with a lot of commas. Try a rephrase, and maybe even breaking it into two sentences.
372:"Lunafreya begins to question her mission through Solara's critical view of the Astrals," -: -->
423:"while the digital version was still released on the original date" (I'm guessing it came out)
418:"The novel's planned English was June 23, 2020 through Square Enix Books & Manga, " -: -->
356:"before deciding to help save as many as possible in Gralea and neighbouring Tenebrae" -: -->
414:"An English version of the novel was confirmed as being in production in early 2019" -: -->
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dropping this would make the sentence flow better and probably won't lose much information
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656:"which is overseen by a divine race called the Astrals and populated by humans." -: -->
559:"and after being tortured and returned to Angelgard by Bahamut vows to destroy" -: -->
337:
you say fate twice close together here. Maybe it's time just say what that decree was?
660:"Ardyn's appeal to the Crystal is repulsed due to the Starscourge in his body" -: -->
422:"while the digital version was still planned for release on the original date" -: -->
384:"ritual in his place, then with the aid of his friends Noctis frees Lunafreya" -: -->
560:"and after being tortured and returned to Angelgard by Bahamut, he vows to destroy"
238:
is it ok to say "the game's director and producer", or would that be inaccurate?
290:
Done what was mentioned above I think, with the two exceptions/altered bits. --
361:"the Niflheim soldier Logi Tummelt asks her to escort a young girl to safety."
385:"ritual in his place. With the aid of his friends, Noctis frees Lunafreya..."
552:"Ardyn Lucis Caelum is the Chancellor of Niflheim, and a healer..." (recap)
439:
this one is pretty long too and might benefit from a more focused summary.
711:
Thanks again for your patience and hard work. Happy to give this a pass.
349:
this is odd phrasing. Maybe "The episode ends before the final battle" ?
205:"but its thematic changes from the game saw negative reactions." -: -->
388:"and destroys Bahamut's spiritual form before his spirit fades" -: -->
587:
The reception should probably be a full heading and not a subheading.
206:"but criticized the changes in tone from the game's original story."
523:"Square hired the author Emi Nagashima, who had previously written"
602:
That should get us all the way there hopefully. Let's keep going.
357:"before trying to save lives in Gralea and neighbouring Tenebrae."
169:
Ready to take on another one of these. More comments coming soon.
657:"where humans are overseen by a divine race called the Astrals."
641:
There are a few minor issues. Hope it's not too much of a pain.
340:"An attack he stages in Insomnia is stalled by Bahamut," -: -->
547:"canon option was for Ardyn to accept Bahamut's decree" -: -->
511:"story and universe" (easier to understand closure to a story)
348:"The scene changes to before the intended final battle" -: -->
415:"Work on an English translation was confirmed in early 2019."
410:"demand outstripped the supplies Square Enix prepared" -: -->
377:
all the commas makes this one choppy. Rephrase / break apart?
373:
are you trying to say that Solara's criticism influences her?
661:
still having trouble understanding what is happening here.
321:
this one runs on a bit. Maybe break it into two sentences?
341:"Bahamut blocks him as he attempts an attack in Insomnia"
269:
That should be a good start. Thanks for working on this.
411:"Square Enix ran out of inventory due to popular demand"
336:"accept the Astral Bahamut's decree on his fate" -: -->
134:
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522:"Author Emi Nagashima had previously written" -: -->
237:"game's original director and later producer" -: -->
230:"to provide closure to the game's story and lore."
381:struggling to understand who is doing what to who
18:Talk:Final Fantasy XV: The Dawn of the Future
8:
567:"Lunafreya fails to convince Ardyn" -: -->
406:"sold through Square Enix's stores" -: -->
389:"and destroying Bahamut's spiritual form."
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430:"it could be enjoyable for series" -: -->
551:"Ardyn Lucis Caelum is a healer" -: -->
254:"Square Enix were looking into " -: -->
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652:"was settled on by March 2018" -: -->
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590:"The novel's planned English" -: -->
431:"the novel could be enjoyable for
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563:"During his ten slumber" -: -->
332:"the original narrative" -: -->
591:i think a word is missing here
543:"Additionally a plague" -: -->
1:
726:15:52, 16 November 2022 (UTC)
707:09:32, 16 November 2022 (UTC)
685:01:53, 16 November 2022 (UTC)
653:"was completed by March 2018"
633:09:54, 15 November 2022 (UTC)
612:01:32, 15 November 2022 (UTC)
476:09:02, 14 November 2022 (UTC)
454:04:05, 14 November 2022 (UTC)
333:"the original game narrative"
300:17:29, 11 November 2022 (UTC)
279:16:59, 11 November 2022 (UTC)
179:18:30, 10 November 2022 (UTC)
161:18:30, 10 November 2022 (UTC)
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510:"universe and story" -: -->
494:Nothing to add. Great work.
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594:"reading of events" -: -->
233:"was being handled" -: -->
518:"scrapped content" -: -->
514:"planned scenario" -: -->
402:"It released both" -: -->
255:"Square Enix looked into"
544:"Additionally, a plague"
564:ten year slumber maybe?
344:"Ardyn rebels," -: -->
519:"unfinished content"
352:"reminiscing" -: -->
345:"Ardyn resists," (?)
328:"They are..." -: -->
364:"takes down" -: -->
403:"It was published"
307:Let's keep going.
664:"Insomnia" -: -->
568:convince of what?
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579:Publication
398:Publication
353:"lamenting"
104:visual edit
699:ProtoDrake
625:ProtoDrake
502:Background
468:ProtoDrake
292:ProtoDrake
217:Background
48:Authorship
34:GA toolbox
669:same idea
365:"defeats"
144:Reviewer:
71:Templates
62:Reviewing
27:GA Review
157:contribs
76:Criteria
649:"story"
226:detail.
198:versa)?
127:history
108:history
94:Article
435:fans"
136:Watch
16:<
722:talk
703:talk
681:talk
629:talk
608:talk
535:Plot
486:Lead
472:talk
450:talk
312:Plot
296:talk
275:talk
186:Lead
175:talk
151:talk
123:edit
100:edit
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