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1762:"For her part, Telpuk feels she has been caught in the "middle of a rivalry of nations". She has been vilified as a mercenary fortune-seeker and CIA lackey. She has received a variety of threats by telephone and email, and had police protection starting when the incident became a public scandal in December. She has even received a bouquet with an ominous note."
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1968:"She was posed with a red suitcase decorated with both the Argentine and Venezuelan flags while wearing a scarf, black leather gloves and black-and-white boots for her Playboy cover appearance, and in her pictorial, she wore less and posed with various props: ubiquitous suitcase, dollar bills, including the propeller blades of a single-engine airplane."
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It is fairly standard family information that is used to add breadth. In the absence of having information on a father we provide the information that the mother is widowed. Saying where the mother lives and worked is moderately relevant. The problem is that in the absence of all the other personal
1320:"Since the suitcase scandal became public, she has become an international celebrity and appeared on covers several magazines including those of the February 2008 issue of the Argentine edition of Playboy magazine and the March 2008 issue of the Venezuelan edition of Playboy magazine."
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What does her height have to do with her job as a teacher? That part needs to be moved, but I'm not sure it's relevant at all. Being quite average, her height is not notable in itself. It might have been relevant if she was a professional model, but she's not even
2397:. It will help make the experience of writing Good Articles as non-threatening and satisfying as possible if all the participating editors would take a moment to answer a few questions for us, in this section please. The survey will end on April 30.
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The article needs a thorough copy edit for language, POV, weasel words etc., but it also needs to be clearer on the issues. After reading it I wasn't sure at what airport this was, what jurisdiction the US had, and other central issues. Good luck!
1783:"Her first magazine cover appearance came in the form of a cover appearance on the December issue of an irreverent political magazine, Veintitrés. Telpuk appeared under the headline "The Bombshell Behind the Suitcase" standing behind a suitcase. "
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2111:"After quickly going from night shift police woman to pinup girl, she has left the police force, joined a charter airline, begun taking English classes and begun to prepare for a role on Skating for a Dream, an Argentine variety show."
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2065:"She was raised in a small town in the Santa Fe Province where she taught nursery school, but she moved to Buenos Aires after passing an entrance exam for the Airport Security Police about three years prior to the incident."
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yes, this article should be deleted, but it was created by a guy who has 2% of the GA articles in wikipedia. i just hope the other 150+ articles are not as ridiculous as this. my point is, it's impossible to take it to
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This is not serious. Such articles like this do not help to build the encyclopedia, but rather turns it into a tabloid. We should follow the example of the
Spanish version, in which this article was eliminated.
2726:, since Tony made it a GA, and plans to keep his good record. my god, an article that has no relevance is now a good article because of a whim, because tony wanted to have one more article on his trophy shelf.--
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debates at times. Feel free to take any action that you feel is approppriate for the project. If the article no longer merits an encyclopedic place consensus will prevail. Just notify me of any nomination.--
2259:"Instead of pursuing a bribe reported the finding." - I assume there's just a "she" missing, but this whole section is a bit too tenuous and circumstantial. It would be better to include more facts, quotes etc.
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seriously, this girl just became "famous" months after the valijagate because she resigned and appeared with little clothes on a magazine. she wasn't relevant to the media, nor to anybody, for that matter.
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Try combining the two sentences. And maybe say "Although the local media of both
Argentina and Venezuela gave the story immediate front page coverage, the case faded away until after Kirchner was elected."
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The description of the
Playboy shoot is so detailed it borders on the lewd. Less would be better here, and maybe also pointing out how the props were allusions to the incident, and thereby relevant to the
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The cited source says: "Maybe he thought I would ask for a bribe and that would be the end of it." That may have been a fair assumption, on his part, given the notorious corruption among
Argentine customs
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1451:"The carrier, Guido Antonini Wilson (nicknamed "El Gordo" or "The Fat Man"), opened the bag at the insistence of Telpuk who noticed the six dense and perfectly rectangular blocks in the luggage scans"
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At any point during this review, let us know if we recommend any edits, including markup, punctuation and language, that you feel don't fit with your writing style. Thanks for your time. - Dan
822:, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of Crime and Criminal Biography articles on Knowledge (XXG). If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
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has withdrawn from reviewing this article; I am requesting a second editor to go over the review work done thus far and close the matter, if possible. I have changed the status of the
1409:"The United States prosecutors believe that the money represented a contribution from Venezuelan President Chávez to the presidential campaign of Argentina's leftist leader, Kirchner."
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2115:"After quickly going from night shift police woman to pinup girl" is not good to use. And use past tense. And you already said she will appear of Skating for a Dream.
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1716:"The local medias of both Argentina and Venezuela gave the story immediate front page coverage. Then, the case had faded away until after Kirchner was elected."
1631:"In a country known for its corruption, Telpuk did not have an interest in a bribe although she feels Wilson may have expected her to be willing to take one. "
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This article is not broad enough. You contain almost no personal information, and not even enough about "the incident". This needs to be expanded.
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2153:"Telpuk's mother is named Yolanda and lives in a middle-class suburb of Buenos Aires. She is widowed and used to work for a pasta factory."
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I think you should "when forced to open it" to the beginning of the sentence. And I think you can say "he" instead of Wilson both times.
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1539:"He began to stammer and show signs of nervousness, and Wilson said the suitcase only contained about $ 60,000 when forced to open it."
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You talk about the "prosecutors", but that doesn't come till later, so maybe you could drop the part about the US prosecutors.
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information that we would like to have this less important personal information is disappointing in its direct relevance.--
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Say "at first, Wilson had explained..." And it is necessary to say "According to an early interview for Perfil newspaper"?
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I've just read through the article, and Noble Story seems to have pointed out most of the issues. Another few things:
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on
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Eliminate the "was". And this sentence is a run-on. And, "she wore less" is also not encyclopediac.
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i mean, if you want to promote your client, go ahead, but what you're looking for is a webpage.
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Is your writing style influenced by any particular WikiProject or other group on
Knowledge (XXG)?
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I think you should use past tense. And I think the part about the bouquet is sort of unnecessary.
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is a survey of the language and style of
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Who is? And if you're talking about Wilson, move the description up to the first mention of him.
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Would you like any additional feedback on the writing style in this article?
1879:"Then, on the..." sounds rather awkward. Maybe "She then appeared on the..."
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I think you can combine this sentence. And don't say "in the form of a".
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Don't say "there is talk...". I'm pretty sure that's a weasel word.
586:. For instructions on how to use this banner, please refer to the
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and contribute to a wider array of articles like those on our
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from the article and its talk page, especially if potentially
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Keep the tense consistent. And put a comma after "magazines".
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Also, I think this section needs to go up at the beginning.
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Need we know his nickname? And put a comma after "Telpuk".
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Facts from this article were featured on Knowledge (XXG)'s
2014:"There is talk that she may become a television show host"
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If you want to delete this article it should be taken to
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1833:"And that was about it" is definitely not encyclopediac.
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This is ridiculous. This article should be deleted -_-
1678:"which led to the series of events" is rather awkward.
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Did you know ...that after discovering a suitcase with
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A fact from this article appeared on Knowledge (XXG)'s
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1417:I moved the sentence to later in the article.--
217:If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
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2523:) 03:25, 21 April 2008 (UTC) I always do.--
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399:On this day...
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2266:fixed she.--
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1682:rephrased.--
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430:Good article
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372:editions of
359:
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303:May 17, 2009
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265:May 20, 2008
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19:This is the
2702:—Preceding
2590:—Preceding
2557:GA criteria
2335:Noble Story
2243:Noble Story
354:800,000 in
148:free images
31:not a forum
2782:Categories
2764:WP:CHICAGO
2685:WP:CHICAGO
2658:Notability
2644:WP:CHICAGO
2574:relevance?
2542:WP:CHICAGO
2498:WP:CHICAGO
2461:WP:CHICAGO
2424:WP:CHICAGO
2342:GA nominee
2285:WP:CHICAGO
2223:WP:CHICAGO
2181:WP:CHICAGO
2138:WP:CHICAGO
2097:WP:CHICAGO
2046:WP:CHICAGO
2000:WP:CHICAGO
1954:WP:CHICAGO
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1861:WP:CHICAGO
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1617:WP:CHICAGO
1571:WP:CHICAGO
1525:WP:CHICAGO
1478:WP:CHICAGO
1436:WP:CHICAGO
1404:Maletinazo
1390:WP:CHICAGO
1349:WP:CHICAGO
1272:photograph
909:Law portal
738:to do list
650:photograph
403:column on
370:Venezuelan
356:Maletinazo
339:column on
206:under the
2617:late 2008
1640:agents.--
1310:GA Review
1145:Venezuela
1136:Venezuela
1092:Venezuela
924:. Please
744:Argentina
722:Argentina
677:Argentina
593:Biography
526:Biography
465:libellous
393:Main Page
366:Argentine
329:Main Page
88:if needed
71:Be polite
21:talk page
2704:unsigned
2604:contribs
2592:unsigned
2561:Dr. Cash
2521:mistakes
2307:article.
2060:Personal
1276:included
1040:Politics
1031:politics
987:Politics
497:GA-class
220:reassess
56:get help
29:This is
27:article.
2768:WP:LOTM
2689:WP:LOTM
2648:WP:LOTM
2546:WP:LOTD
2502:WP:LOTD
2465:WP:LOTD
2428:WP:LOTD
2349:Gosgood
2318:Lampman
2289:WP:LOTM
2237:General
2227:WP:LOTD
2185:WP:LOTD
2142:WP:LOTD
2101:WP:LOTD
2050:WP:LOTD
2004:WP:LOTD
1958:WP:LOTD
1911:WP:LOTD
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1394:WP:LOTD
1353:WP:LOTD
1172:on the
1067:on the
918:of the
856:on the
771:on the
732:sign up
395:in the
375:Playboy
331:in the
255:Process
154:WP refs
142:scholar
2743:WP:XfD
2724:WP:AFD
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