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In fact, I would suggest a full revision of this sentence to "He decided he also wanted to record a new album, after he liked the musicians that their assistant and production coordinator May Pang had assembled for Ono's album. Shortly thereafter, he asked Pang to book them for his sessions." I think
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was recorded between July and August 1973 in Lennon's characteristic quick fashion, and mixed over a two-week period. Lennon produced the album by himself, following a previous two-year partnership with Phil
Spector. When the album was remixed in 2002, many audio anormallies that were hidden in the
868:
Regarding "was feeling weighed down" and "feel that he was drifting away" β I definitely understand what the prose is getting at here, and there's no question that it's typical
English writing style, but I wonder if it's the sort of thing that some might object to, since the specifics of those
981:"Lennon's characteristic quick fashion" β I can't quite pin down the reason for this one, but I think this reads better with another adjective between "quick" and "fashion." Since I cannot justify it, you can probably feel free to ignore this one if you happen to disagree.
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templates (though I personally find those the simplest method to use), but you probably should abbreviate them in some fashion. For the second Blaney ref (#5 currently), for example, you could easily just trim the text of the ref to "Blaney 2005, pp. 127-128".
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There are a couple structural problems with the first few sentences of this paragraph; I'm going to propose a wording that I think resolves all of them. I am leaving refs out here, so you'll have to make sure those remain attached to the statements they're
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Looks like a nice article overall, though I suspect it is in need of a good amount of work. I'm going to start with the first section, rather than with the lead, as I want to make sure I can accurately go over what needs to be included in the lead to meet
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feelings are hard to quantify in the cold, clinical style that many
Knowledge (XXG) editors prefer. I might suggest rewriting these to mention that Lennon "became stressed" and "began to feel emotionally withdrawn" or something similar.
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Thanks. If you have a page number for the reference, that would be ideal, but I don't think it's strictly required. For a book that's chronologically organised, it shouldn't be too hard for anyone to find and verify.
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I would end the "Make Love, Not War" sentence with the original song title. "which Lennon recorded demos of, on 28 and 29 December 1970" should then become "Lennon recorded demos of the song on 28 and 29 December
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in the sentence regarding the album's release dates that could probably be combined into a single one. I would separate the catalogue numbers with a semicolon. Very small issue, but I think it'd be better that
1010:"many audio abnormalities" β This is somewhat vague, no? If the source in question gives more detail, I would add a few examples. If it doesn't get more specific than that, though, there shouldn't be a problem.
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are a bit unwieldy. We have books that are given full-form citations many times, when just once would have sufficed. This makes it, IMO, a little hard to follow. You don't have to use
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In the second paragraph, I would add a brief mention of his immigration issue. You could probably keep this in the same sentence as the mention of the separation with no real problem.
785:. Most of these will be prose issues, though I'll probably touch on referencing and breadth of scope from time to time. All of these are just suggestions; feel free to disagree, etc.
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in summer 1973, produced solely by Lennon, and released in
November of that year." You can then delete the final sentence of this paragraph, which is somewhat out of place right now.
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1445:"was recorded and released in November 1973" makes it sound as if it was recorded and released within the same month. I would suggest revising this to read "was recorded at
1263:
Is his reprising of the role sourced to the Pang book? If so, I would add another footnote at the end of this sentence. If not, we'll need to find a source that backs it up.
861:"After constant court appearances" &mdash Shouldn't this be "Amid constant court appearances" or similar, since his legal status wasn't definitively resolved until '75?
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and related topics on
Knowledge (XXG). Users who are willing to participate in the project should visit the project page, where they can join and see a list of open tasks.
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1166:"On some of the rough mixes that have appeared on bootlegs, they chronicle the time-consuming overdubbing for the arrangement that Lennon wanted for the song." ---: -->
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Final pass will be done by Sunday night. I suspect all the problems have been dealt with, but I want to give it a final look to make sure there aren't any I missed.
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1167:"On some of the rough mixes that have appeared on bootlegs, the time-consuming overdubbing on the song is apparent, as Lennon gradually refined the arrangement."
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There's a sentence that begins "Which were written to fulfil his record label contract obligations," but it lacks a subject. Is this referring to the songs on
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896:"Under the billing"? "Incarnation" doesn't typically refer to the name or title of something, so perhaps this is clearer. Alternatively, "Under the moniker".
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1647:: There are lots of alternative topics for the relatively-common phrase "Mind Games", and including the artist's name in the title is helpful to readers. β
802:"By the start of 1973, John Lennon started" should probably be "By the start of 1973, John Lennon had started". Since the sentence specifies events that
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I'm not entirely sure as the Pang ref and the reprisal was already in the article before I started working on it. I'll have a look anyway. Best,
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Do we have any idea where the
December 1970 demos were recorded? I feel like it may be helpful to mention this, if only to distance it from the
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to the talk pages of all
Beatles-related articles. Send a newsletter to members, canvas for new members and coordinate tasks. Enter articles
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all look fine. I will give the whole of the article another read-through and give a thorough spot check to the references over the weekend.
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Will check this later, though I think the place wasn't mentioned in the particular source I add, it might be in some other sources. Best,
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Subsequent comments should be made in a new section on the talk page. Editors desiring to contest the closing decision should consider a
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The clause "After Ono edged Pang on" seems like a strange aside from the rest of the paragraph. I would rewrite it to "At Ono's urging".
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Great work! And congratulations on successfully deciphering some of my cryptic and contradictory comments above. More shortly.
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973:"The album was recorded" - I would introduce the name of the album in this section right here, rather than just "the album."
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sessions mention. As it is now, I could see a somewhat less-informed reader assuming that these demos were done during the
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Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Perhaps we should add "in
December 1980" following "After Lennon's death", to make the chronology as clear as possible.
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I would change the sentence beginning "Lennon decided" to start with "He decided" to avoud overuse of the surname.
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Could someone please get the article title & page number for the
Billboard reference #58? Thanks!
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Everything else looks fine. I will be ready to list the article as soon as the above is taken care of.
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Okay. For now it's not a problem, but that would be great if you could find any more info on it.
877:"a situation that was only worsened by constant surveillance by the FBI" β Does this read better?
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I would mention the album's re-releases, if only in passing, as well as the single.
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Subsequent comments should be made in a new section on this talk page or in a
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is an album with Yoko Ono and not a solo album. this is really confusing me
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Maybe mention that this was Lennon's first solo album without Phil
Spector?
754:. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
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onto this list, also list articles needing cleanup and other work here.
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The cite doesn't have a page number as the book is an e-book. Best,
1612:, this album is not more notable than all other subjects combined.
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To be continued Thursday. Friday at the absolute latest. Thanks!
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A list of articles needing cleanup associated with this project
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as only the first 50-ish pages are availble for preview. Best,
1158:"and him knowing about the cause for his insecurity." ---: -->
904:"Difficulties between Lennon and Ono became" β Simplify tense.
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903:"Difficulties between Lennon and Ono were becoming" ---: -->
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wouldn't this be John Lennon's third studio album because
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The Cynical Idealist: A Spiritual Biography of John Lennon
492:, notable radio series which has spawned many bootlegs.
876:"not helped by being surveillanced by the FBI," ---: -->
59:
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The above discussion is preserved as an archive of a
1564:. No further edits should be made to this section.
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I would drop the "by" in "by arranging interviews."
1699:. No further edits should be made to this section.
1441:Almost forgot about this! Just a few things here.
1150:"features lyrics that Lennon apologises" ---: -->
45:. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can
1764:GA-Class Apple Corps and Apple Records articles
1257:"King also reprised his role as Queen" ---: -->
832:Drop "at this point" in the sentence following.
1306:"toward the foreground representing" ---: -->
1247:"and had Lennon waltzing with "her"" ---: -->
1159:"and discusses the causes of his insecurity."
319:John Lennon: Music, Memories, and Memorabilia
8:
1205:bar two (see above). (Thanks so far!) Best,
1151:"features lyrics in which Lennon apologises"
854:? Probably need to rewrite for clarity here.
884:I would link "The Plastic U.F.Ono Band" to
1550:The following is a closed discussion of a
1065:sessions, which, of course, they were not.
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459:Here are some tasks awaiting attention:
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1290:"and reaching higher in the US" ---: -->
144:-related article is within the scope of
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160:Knowledge (XXG):WikiProject The Beatles
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1706:placement in John Lennon's discography
1248:"and waltzed with Lennon" β Also link
1573:the pages, per the discussion below.
1307:"toward the foreground, representing"
1258:"King reprised his role as the Queen"
7:
1569:The result of the move request was:
667:The following discussion is closed.
260:Mind Games: The Guide to Inner Space
202:This article is within the scope of
75:
73:
1744:Mid-importance The Beatles articles
92:It is of interest to the following
472:Category:The Beatles concert tours
228:on at least one previous occasion.
14:
1508:The discussion above is closed.
1488:and thanks for the review! Best,
980:"Lennon's quick fashion" ---: -->
41:. If you can improve it further,
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1017:Will check this later Best,
919:"Pang became" β Tense again.
918:"Pang would become" ---: -->
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1099:Ascot Sound Studios. Best,
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597:Request help with reference
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1713:Some Time in New York City
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291:The Words of John Lennon
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1664:, Spot on.
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1495:Talk tonight
1484:
1467:
1440:
1435:Lead section
1434:
1410:Talk tonight
1399:
1373:
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1336:Talk tonight
1325:
1297:
1277:Talk tonight
1235:
1234:
1212:Talk tonight
1201:
1182:
1173:
1165:
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1149:
1132:Talk tonight
1106:Talk tonight
1095:
1080:Talk tonight
1062:
1058:
1056:
1048:
1024:Talk tonight
998:
997:
987:
979:
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953:Talk tonight
942:
924:More later.
923:
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734:Instructions
669:
666:
633:Talk tonight
622:
600:
555:
550:
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545:Beatle wives
537:
536:
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519:
518:
505:
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497:
482:
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431:
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396:Talk tonight
386:
376:Talk tonight
366:
364:
361:
352:Talk tonight
342:
340:
337:
328:Talk tonight
318:
316:
313:
304:Talk tonight
294:
290:
288:
285:
282:
273:Talk tonight
263:
259:
257:
256:
249:Go through:
248:
247:
181:
145:
94:WikiProjects
52:
43:please do so
31:
30:
26:
1697:move review
1649:BarrelProof
1632:67.70.35.44
1630:per nom --
1562:move review
1176:Backmasking
804:had already
748:transcluded
317:Nothing in
237:To-do list:
157:The Beatles
152:The Beatles
142:John Lennon
113:The Beatles
1723:Categories
1603:Mind Games
1590:Mind Games
1298:nota benes
999:Mind Games
852:Mind Games
795:Background
783:WP:SUMMARY
701:Authorship
687:GA toolbox
644:GoingBatty
603:GoingBatty
496:See also:
37:under the
1524:Evanh2008
1470:Evanh2008
1421:Evanh2008
1383:Evanh2008
1374:Citations
1370:Footnotes
1361:Evanh2008
1353:Personnel
1223:Evanh2008
1185:Evanh2008
1118:Evanh2008
1035:Evanh2008
989:sourcing:
926:Evanh2008
806:happened
787:Evanh2008
763:Evanh2008
760:Reviewer:
724:Templates
715:Reviewing
680:GA Review
642:Thanks!
474:). See:
1666:Gregkaye
1608:β fails
1575:Dekimasu
1534:contribs
1063:Get Back
1059:Get Back
773:contribs
729:Criteria
321:. Best,
266:. Best,
84:GA-class
47:reassess
1662:Support
1645:Support
1628:Support
841:demoing
556:Project
531:Kenwood
184:on the
1490:yeepsi
1405:yeepsi
1403:Best,
1357:Charts
1355:, and
1331:yeepsi
1329:Best,
1272:yeepsi
1207:yeepsi
1127:yeepsi
1101:yeepsi
1075:yeepsi
1050:1970."
1019:yeepsi
948:yeepsi
946:Best,
839:Link "
628:yeepsi
626:Best,
558:: Add
539:Verify
521:Update
484:Expand
391:yeepsi
389:Best,
371:yeepsi
369:Best,
347:yeepsi
345:Best,
323:yeepsi
299:yeepsi
268:yeepsi
90:scale.
54:Review
1250:waltz
750:from
551:Other
512:See:
507:Stubs
385:Done
365:Done
289:Done
258:Done
140:This
1653:talk
1636:talk
1618:talk
1571:move
1528:talk
1485:Done
1400:Done
1326:Done
1301:way.
1202:Done
1096:Done
943:Done
767:talk
648:talk
623:Done
607:talk
439:and
417:For
341:Nor
262:and
224:the
1689:.
1378:SFN
660:GA1
222:was
176:Mid
49:it.
1725::
1655:)
1638:)
1620:)
1601:β
1592:β
1579:γ!
1554:.
1536:)
1351:,
1238::
968::
843:"?
808:by
797::
775:)
650:)
609:)
564:}}
560:{{
529::
443:.
63:).
1673:βͺ
1671:β
1651:(
1634:(
1616:(
1531:Β·
1526:(
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1493:(
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1408:(
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951:(
770:Β·
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468::
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271:(
188:.
96::
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