911:
The nominator has just asked me to come back here and say whether my concerns were addressed. Basically, they weren't, since at the time I thought the responses to my points were cursory and uninterested. I thought, and still think, the article lacks sufficient analysis and historical context to be
789:"She was refitting during the Battle of Dogger Bank in early 1915" in the lead makes it seem like she was refitted right there in the middle of a battle. The body text makes this clear, but what battle she missed is not important enough to be in the lead, just say she was refitted during early 1915.
473:
really difficult to understand as some of the arrows depict distances between ships while other identical arrows show the direction ships were traveling in. The point in time at which these distances were relevant is also needed. I think that this image should be removed until it can be re-worked,
554:
doesnt hold up 703ft compared to 700ft, beam of 80ft compared to beam of 88ft, draft of 32 4 compared to 32 5 two of the first three stats when compared are smaller. displacement is larger but height is again smaller 5.92 feet compared to 6. I think it would be better described as similar as the
752:
and wont have time until after sunday to give it another detailed look, if my reviewing your responses to my comments are holding it up feel free to tag them as done or unactionable noting I'm unavailable but I've never had FAC that wasnt a positive exercise in collaboration so I'll
1524:
There is a substantial difference between the peacetime and wartime complements of the ship. Were the extra men naval reservists, do we know how quickly they were taken on after the outbreak of war and what difference did they make to the capabilities of the ship?
1457:
I've deleted the photo gallery link, but I think that the
Dreadnought Project links are worth keeping. Not least because they go into a lot more detail about the fire control equipment, with cites to contemporary documents, than I've done here. Thanks for the
689:
looks a little lonely/lost I realise its putitng things in cronological order so maybe its a chance to address the fire control issues in a new section that covers the actual refit and what took place along with absence note from the battle of Dogger Bank.
882:
The article needs some historical context about Beatty, battlecruisers, and
Jutland. Not to re-hash the whole story but just to indicate that there is a story. Consider that if this article ends up on the main page, readers will come to it directly.
1534:
Her namesake is mentioned in the infobox, but I would have thought that merited a sentence in the article, along with whoever launched her, and perhaps some context as to the use of the name. Is she the only Queen Mary in the history of the Royal
1387:
A couple of suggestions on the lead: you might want to qualify
Jutland as the largest naval battle of the war. Also, make it clear that the ship sank as a result of the magazine explosion. It's obvious to us, but might not be to non-experts.
434:
Still need to check for anything specific in the raid, but I've checked every source I have access to, including
Jellicoe's book on the Grand Fleet and a book on the battle, and no details are available on her activities during Heligoland
693:
Unfortunately, I do not know exactly when the ship actually received her fire-control directors. It may well have been this refit, but it likely wasn't the only refit that she received before
Jutland. It's just the only one that I can
502:...I thought that one colour was for the Germans and the other the British. That this isn't the case is another flaw with the image, but as I said, it's not a deal breaker here. I'd strongly suggest re-working this image though.
1183:
The precision in the conversions from imperial to metric is different in the infobox and the prose, some examples: 703 feet 6 inches (214 m) vs. 703 ft 6 in (214.4 m); 89 feet 0.5 inches (27.140 m) vs. 89 ft 0.5 in (27.1 m)
1300:) ... is part of the ship upside down? "Bottom of the North Sea" sometimes conveys a sense of the deeper parts of the North Sea ... I haven't seen the nautical maps but I wouldn't expect this to be true. - Dank (
470:
797:"She was the last battlecruiser completed before the war" is given in the lead but never presented or sourced in the article body. Also not sure what the significance of this is in terms of being in the lead.
174:
581:
The guns could be depressed to −3° and elevated to 20°, although the director controlling the turrets was limited to 15° 21' until prisms were installed before the Battle of
Jutland in May 1916 to allow full
1624:"? I know this has probably been discussed but the RN should be known well enough to get by without being qualified by "British" -- and even if clarification were needed, there's no need to link countries.
558:
I had a typo for her beam, it's 89 feet, not 80. As I said to Nick-D above, those trivial differences added up a significantly greater displacement. Metacentric height is a measure of stability, not size.--
829:
The 1,266 figure is stated twice close together in the article body. I think the second instance could just say "the lost officers and men". However, it would be good to include this figure in the lead.
117:
586:(third source) what happened its as if the change wasnt significant and barely notable. IMHO the fire control needs more detail about process before the change and what affect it had after the change.
838:"Her wreck was discovered in 1991 and rests partly upside-down, on sand, 60 metres (197 ft) down." is given in the lead but these facts are never presented or sourced in the article body.
1032:
The lead image lacks alt text; in fact the alt text for all the images should be reviewed since I've now seen another couple of images lacking alt text, or with extremely short alt text.
308:
Ping: this comment is still outstanding, and is the only reason I haven't moved to 'support' (though I have no objections to the article being promoted in it's current excellent state).
173:
The last
British battlecruiser completed before World War I began, this ship had only a brief career before she blew up during the Battle of Jutland in 1916. This article had a MilHist
862:
The lead puts a lot of emphasis on the fact that this was a battlecruiser, but there's no analysis later of whether this 'battlecruiserness' was a factor in her blowing up so quickly.
1422:
was the only
British BC to accurately judge the range to the Germans in the opening salvo at Jutland. I think Halpern ascribes this to the Argo clock - may be worth including.
1338:
781:
I think that "Aftermath" should be its own top-level section, rather than part of "Service", since it deals with a much later time period and a wholly different context.
417:
is not specifically mentioned in either the 'Battle of
Heligoland Bight' or 'Raid on Scarborough' sections. Can anything be said about the ship's role in these battles?
360:
More generally, details on the decision to build this ship and the selection of the design are needed - these are included in most other FA level articles on warships.
1582:
OK that's enough for me. I'll leave it to others to check sourcing and MOS compliance. But as regards prose, balance and completeness, I think this is ready for FA.
715:
last paragraph maybe used to create an
Aftermath type section rather than being tacked onto the end, at the moment the story feels like its just been left hanging.
749:
40:
912:
FA. But given that the nominator and I were clearly not on the same wavelength, I decided to neither support nor oppose, and instead say nothing further.
1355:. Though necessarily technical, the article is an engaging summary of solid references. Although it may not be required, I've added alt text to images.
395:"Later, on 13 October, Captain C. I. Prowse took command." - of this ship, or the squadron? (the entire section is about the squadron, so it's unclear)
1547:
Thanks for checking, FA only requires that we cover that which has been covered in reliable sources, so if they haven't yet then we don't need to.
30:
17:
805:"and exploded shortly afterwards" in the lead indicates there was some lag, whereas the article body indicates the ship broke in two right away.
635:
maybe than is for where there are comparative differences where as similar is for less distinct difference, combine they just dont read well.
1115:"Transmitting Station" (in Fire Control section) - does this need to be capitalised? Also should be wikilinked (or redlinked) to something -
200:
The para which begins "Queen Mary was slightly larger than her predecessors" doesn't actually compare this ship's dimensions to those of the
584:(two sources) but when you read the fire control it says 'Queen Mary received her main battery director before the Battle of Jutland in 1916
1069:
There seem to be a few terms that still need to be wikilinked, such as "deep load". "direct-drive steam turbines" should be linked to both
662:
the para starts in AUgust and continues through the battle, so where does the October date come from, why is it significant to the battle?
280:
She was a singleton as the pattern by that time was to authorize one battlecruiser as part of the tranche of capital ships every year.--
88:
83:
1010:
Lemme see what I can do, but I'm not going to try to summarize the technical details of the design as that would just be redundant.
92:
1149:
I've dropped in another dozen or so links, you might want to check them to make sure they're going to an appropriate destination.
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1262:- I researched Storey's account and he retired as a Captain; since he's notable according to the guidelines I linked his name.
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Linked, although plotting room isn't a bad link if it were expanded beyond the coast defense usage that the article has now.--
226:
That's how it's given in my source, but I can go either way since it's an implicit proper noun. Like the (US or Royal) Navy.--
207:
The differences in dimensions were fairly trivial, but added up to a significant difference in displacement, which is given.--
133:
363:
Lemme see, but I don't think that there's actually much out there as she was a slightly improved Lion so no major changes.--
1702:
Tks, I see that was Fifelfoo, so I think that's comprehensive and recent enough to give you a bye for this round. Cheers,
1515:"Later, on 13 October, Captain C. I. Prowse took command of the ship." doesn't really fit the paragraph it is tacked onto.
1505:
last Battlecruiser commissioned before WW1 or last British one? I think its the former but it could be read either way.
138:
1589:
1554:
1568:
Not sure. Burt, usually my best source for changes in paint scheme, says nothing on this. Thanks for the review.--
1440:
1296:
I can't get an image for "partly upside-down" (and it doesn't have a hyphen when it's not in front of a noun, per
865:
None of my sources make any conclusion about the issue since the exact cause of her destruction is still unknown.
821:
I'd repeat the link for Protection of Military Remains Act 1986 when it occurs again at the end of the article.
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The lead is rather short and fails to summarise the article. It could do with another couple of paragraphs.
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Queen Mary was refitting in January and February 1915 and did not participate in the Battle of Dogger Bank.
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277:
Was the ship always intended to be an 'orphan', or were others ships of her design planned but not built?
1545:
Colour scheme is also worth a mention, did they still have peacetime and wartime colours in those years?
1330:
1528:
Unknown. Changes in crew complement are little documented in the sources other than vague generalities.
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1656:
This is all just in the lead, pls give the whole article a going-over for redundant wording/links.
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Yes, I should have specified which version of the sclass template to use a little more carefully.
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488:
But the measurements use hollow squares while ships use solid squares. Thanks for the review.--
808:
No time interval was specified in the main body since it's uncertain exactly how long it took.
1666:
While we're at it, just remind me when you last had a spotcheck of sources at FAC... Cheers,
735:
Beside this the images are PD as the diagram no issues there, otherwise an Interesting read
530:
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479:
469:(comment only) I know that it's in quite a few articles (many of which are FAs), but I find
341:
322:
I'm not sure what exactly you're looking for, but I added a sentence explaining the above.--
313:
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474:
but this won't affect my vote in this FAC given how many FAs its currently being used in.
1245:
It's not linked so I can't tell if it's the same person or not. Thanks for the review.--
897:
There are links for all that stuff; the focus here is the ship. Thanks for the review.--
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1425:
Brooks says that Princess Royal had the most accurate range with QM 1,000 yards over.
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53:
1284:. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. Please check the edit summaries;
420:
I don't think so as she was just conforming to Beatty's movements, but I'll check.--
1356:
197:
This article is in good shape, but needs a little bit more work to reach FA class:
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1621:
877:
That would be OR since none of my sources make any such judgements about her.
1650:
870:
The article lacks any analysis of whether her design departures from the
748:
My appologies for not getting back here sooner, I've been distracted by
579:
The armament gices the impressionthat asignificant change occurred with
1617:
1472:
Fair enough. My concerns have been addressed, so I'll move to support.
223:"Following complaints from the Fleet" - should 'Fleet' be capitalised?
39:
Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in
1443:? Neither seem to add much, and the second is a poorly cited wiki.
471:
File:Scheer's illustration of I SG disposition 16 Dec. 1916 en.SVG
177:
last April and I've revised it slightly to meet the FA criteria.
1297:
1119:
is the closest I could find but probably isn't appropriate...
599:
see below for detailed thought, remove fire control section
1635:
linked twice in the first two sentences; perhaps you meant
813:
Was C. I. Prowse still captain at the time of the sinking?
1611:-- lot of support there, Storm, but still a a few things:
824:
Why? There's a cite and link to the actual document there.
1050:
I see it's been pulled since the last time I was at FAC.
143:
1013:
Lengthened slightly, but not a whole lot to work with.--
665:
It's not, but otherwise it's a one-sentence paragraph.--
1680:
USS Arizona, back in December, was my last spotcheck.--
1334:
1077:. There are probably more terms that can use wikilinks.
660:
Later, on 13 October, Captain C. I. Prowse took command
552:
Queen Mary was slightly larger than her predecessors...
105:
101:
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57:
590:
Fire control information looks like a copy/paste from
750:
Knowledge (XXG):Knowledge (XXG) Takes Perth Foreshore
1092:
Added more lots more links. Thanks for the review.--
118:
Featured article candidates/HMS Queen Mary/archive1
951:Not sure about using "Great Britain" as an author
625:The armour protection given to the Queen Mary was
1726:The above discussion is preserved as an archive.
449:Nope, nothing on her participation in the raid.--
1375:Images all check out. You might consider adding
41:Knowledge (XXG) talk:Featured article candidates
984:It seems that there's always one! Good catch.--
792:Reworded, but the name of the battle was given.
43:. No further edits should be made to this page.
596:yet there it has more detail about the system.
1732:No further edits should be made to this page.
1208:9-inch vs. six-inch? 9 inches vs. six inches?
841:I'll see if I can find a cite for the depth.
29:The following is an archived discussion of a
8:
294:Can you add some material explaining this?
18:Knowledge (XXG):Featured article candidates
1428:You're right - I was remembering it wrong.
122:
336:That's exactly what I was looking for :)
1310:Reworded and changed bottom to floor.--
844:Deleted as I couldn't find a RS cite.--
125:
115:
1653:linked twice in successive sentences.
1047:Alt text is not a requirement at FAC.
1396:Why is "protected place" italicized?
7:
1659:Found one more later in the article.
954:That's how it's cited in Worldcat.--
1288:will explain some of them. - Dank (
718:Good idea, thanks for the review.--
525:All my comments are now addressed.
245:Lemme add a definition somewhere.--
1382:Much better photo for the infobox.
1379:, which should be alright to use.
1227:(that may not be the right link).
24:
638:Typo of "than" changed to "to".--
547:General characteristics section;
874:class make her better or worse.
377:Added some additional details.--
1222:Change Midshipman Storey -: -->
555:comparisons just dont hold up.
1688:) 13:31, 15 March 2012 (UTC)--
1519:Added to the following section
1:
1642:in one go the second time...
1237:15:03, 27 February 2012 (UTC)
1159:23:44, 21 February 2012 (UTC)
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1102:04:26, 21 February 2012 (UTC)
1088:13:46, 16 February 2012 (UTC)
1060:23:45, 21 February 2012 (UTC)
1043:13:28, 16 February 2012 (UTC)
994:04:26, 21 February 2012 (UTC)
980:23:25, 14 February 2012 (UTC)
964:04:26, 21 February 2012 (UTC)
946:23:25, 14 February 2012 (UTC)
907:04:26, 21 February 2012 (UTC)
893:23:36, 12 February 2012 (UTC)
743:13:56, 12 February 2012 (UTC)
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512:10:20, 22 February 2012 (UTC)
498:18:31, 12 February 2012 (UTC)
484:01:24, 12 February 2012 (UTC)
445:04:26, 21 February 2012 (UTC)
430:18:31, 12 February 2012 (UTC)
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387:04:26, 21 February 2012 (UTC)
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304:10:20, 22 February 2012 (UTC)
290:18:31, 12 February 2012 (UTC)
269:04:26, 21 February 2012 (UTC)
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236:18:31, 12 February 2012 (UTC)
217:18:31, 12 February 2012 (UTC)
187:00:32, 12 February 2012 (UTC)
166:00:32, 12 February 2012 (UTC)
757:in your efforts you have my
1539:Good idea. Paragraph added.
655:Battle of Heligoland Bight
242:What's a 'cruising stage'?
31:featured article nomination
1749:
1712:22:56, 15 March 2012 (UTC)
1698:13:31, 15 March 2012 (UTC)
1676:09:34, 15 March 2012 (UTC)
1599:16:56, 15 March 2012 (UTC)
1578:03:19, 15 March 2012 (UTC)
1564:22:57, 13 March 2012 (UTC)
1482:14:07, 15 March 2012 (UTC)
1468:03:19, 15 March 2012 (UTC)
1453:17:37, 13 March 2012 (UTC)
1360:08:11, 13 March 2012 (UTC)
1272:22:16, 14 March 2012 (UTC)
922:03:07, 14 March 2012 (UTC)
770:16:19, 13 March 2012 (UTC)
535:07:06, 15 March 2012 (UTC)
346:07:06, 15 March 2012 (UTC)
332:03:19, 15 March 2012 (UTC)
1347:15:21, 5 March 2012 (UTC)
1320:16:40, 5 March 2012 (UTC)
1306:13:57, 5 March 2012 (UTC)
1255:19:30, 3 March 2012 (UTC)
1143:19:30, 3 March 2012 (UTC)
1023:19:30, 3 March 2012 (UTC)
854:19:30, 3 March 2012 (UTC)
459:19:30, 3 March 2012 (UTC)
318:22:53, 3 March 2012 (UTC)
1729:Please do not modify it.
593:Lion class battlecruiser
575:Armament v Fire control
36:Please do not modify it.
1498:nice read, almost there
1187:Rounding errors, fixed.
936:- spotchecks not done.
1509:Addressed in the lede.
1414:Damn spelling reforms.
1341:are my edits. - Dank (
1333:, having reviewed the
1071:Direct drive mechanism
602:Lemme see about this--
1627:That one snuck by me.
1225:Jocelyn Latham Storey
682:Raid on Scarborough;
541:Comments by Gnangarra
56:23:14, 15 March 2012
1640:-class battlecruiser
1435:Do we need links to
1337:made since A-class.
970:Where is Greenwich?
1331:standard disclaimer
1175:Complement uncited
711:Battle of Jutland;
1377:File:QueenMary.jpg
1194:Draft or Draught?
1178:Good catch, done.
627:similar than that
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1110:A little more
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1343:push to talk
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1290:push to talk
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398:Clarified.--
201:
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139:Citation bot
69:
49:
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35:
28:
1223:Midshipman
1201:Good catch.
694:document.--
1622:Royal Navy
1420:Queen Mary
1408:should be
972:Nikkimaria
938:Nikkimaria
833:Rewritten.
784:Good idea.
582:elevation.
415:Queen Mary
1651:North Sea
1474:Parsecboy
1458:review.--
1445:Parsecboy
1357:• Astynax
1704:Ian Rose
1668:Ian Rose
1595:Chequers
1560:Chequers
1492:Support
1369:Comments
1282:Comments
1170:Infobox:
1165:Comments
1002:Comments
800:Sourced.
776:Comments
619:Armour;
435:Bight.--
194:Comments
134:Analysis
54:Ian Rose
50:promoted
1618:British
1494:Queries
1365:Support
1353:Support
1335:changes
1327:Support
1260:Support
759:support
523:Support
259:Done.--
126:Toolbox
89:protect
84:history
1286:WP:MHU
1215:Fixed.
755:WP:AGF
623:opens
527:Nick-D
504:Nick-D
476:Nick-D
338:Nick-D
310:Nick-D
296:Nick-D
204:class
93:delete
1609:Notes
1591:Spiel
1556:Spiel
1535:Navy?
1391:Done.
1339:These
767:garra
740:garra
110:views
102:watch
98:links
16:<
1708:talk
1694:talk
1686:talk
1672:talk
1638:Lion
1586:Ϣere
1574:talk
1551:Ϣere
1478:talk
1464:talk
1449:talk
1441:this
1439:and
1437:this
1410:Cöln
1406:Köln
1404:SMS
1316:talk
1268:talk
1264:Kirk
1251:talk
1233:talk
1229:Kirk
1155:talk
1139:talk
1125:talk
1098:talk
1084:talk
1073:and
1056:talk
1039:talk
1019:talk
990:talk
976:talk
960:talk
942:talk
918:talk
903:talk
889:talk
872:Lion
850:talk
816:Yes.
764:Gnan
737:Gnan
724:talk
700:talk
671:talk
644:talk
631:hmm
608:talk
564:talk
531:talk
508:talk
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202:Lion
183:talk
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106:logs
80:talk
76:edit
1298:M-W
175:ACR
52:by
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