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the fish went a bit "off", and by the time of the southern journey it was enough to sicken and weaken the dogs, who all eventually died of a combination of poor diet and overwork. I can't put that much detail into this brief summary, so I chose simply to say that their food was "inappropriate". Would it work better if I said "tainted" instead of "inappropriate", and added a referenced footnote by way of explanation?
336:"...difficulties caused by the party’s lack of ice travelling experience and the failure of its dogs through inappropriate food." This makes it sound like the dogs broke down because Scott was trying to feed them kitty food. What happened to the dogs? Did they die ("...losses amongst the dogs...")? What was inappropriate about their food, or do you mean inadequate? --
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In general, I really like this article. To this layman, who's own
Farthest South mark is 65°15’S, its a succinct, accessible, eminently readable skip through man's gradual approach to the south pole. The only point at which I felt something was missing was Borchgrevink's 1900 return to the continent.
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It's obvious that you are an accomplished editor of articles to FA, or near-FA standard, and my review seems only able to find very minor issues with prose. If it's OK with you, rather than the laborious process of identifying them here for you to address, I'd like to just make the changes as I find
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Please continue the review. I was just wondering whether I have put enough work into the article - it's a new approach for me, the broad brush of exploration rather than the minutae of individual expeditions. Now that SNAE is out of the way, I will be able to give more attention to it. Disregard my
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Your first surmise is actually quite near the truth. The story is this: On the advice of Nansen, Scott took with him to
Antarctica a large supply of stockfish, to use as basic dog fodder in place of the more usual biscuit. Unfortunately, on its long sea journey south, with inadequate refrigeration,
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I've listed this article for peer review. It has recently passed GA with the observation that it perhaps had too many images. I've deleted one, and shifted the positions of others. I'd like further comments on choice and positioning of images, also on the prose generally, and any other suggestions
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Sounds fine to me. On past experience, your edits have almost always improved the prose, so it's unlikely I will revert. What I would value most, when you're through, is some brief overall assessment of the article's worth. Its GA promotion was fast-tracked, without a detailed review report, so I
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The
Captain Cook section mentions that one of the primary purposes of his expedition was to discover the Great Southern Continent (the other purpose, not mentioned, was to observe the transit of Venus). Cook's journey, and his high latitude circumnavigation, killed off all hopes of a fertile
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I am most grateful for this review, which has been of great assistance. My inclination is not to take it anywhere further for the moment, but to work on it with a view perhaps, in the autumn or maybe later, of giving it a punt. For the record, my own
Farthest South is
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Please tell me he picked up his shore party that was left there the previous year. The only substantive thing that I think would improve this article would be a map image showing each explorer's farthest south record (and their routes if at all possible).
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Having finished a copyedit of the main body, I turned my attention to the lead, but this reads to me as if it is from a subtlely different article. Some of the concepts introduced in the lead that do not get explored in any detail in the main article
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I will have to give some thought to this. I cannot summarise ten or eleven expeditions in the lead, only the general motivations that successively drove them on (first trade, then discovery, then adventure). I will work on it.
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Conversely, much of the salient points in the main body do not seem to be summarised in the lead. I suspect this is simply a case of re-casting the lead once you are happy with the main content though.
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known land on earth until
Captain Cook's discovery...". I think it reads better as a new sentence, allowing the active voice to be used, and "most southerly confirmed" seems a little clunky.
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haven't had a proper critique of it yet. As I said above, it's a different type of article from my usual expedition histories, so an outside perspective on it will be specially welcome.
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What are you beginning to wonder? Is it serious enough for me to suspend the PR? It's a fascinating subject, amongst my favourites on wikipedia, and I hope you continue with it. --
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Storms are mentioned in relation to the Hoces and Drake expeditions. The Cook and
Weddell expeditions also experienced rough weather, and I have added afew words in each case.
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My review is based on what you have included. You know better than I what, if anything, is missing, but it does not read like there is anything substantial lacking. --
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them. You can obviously revert those you don't like, and I would still comment here on issues that are more than just small re-arrangements in wording. Sound OK? --
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Bouvet Island wasn't sighted on a voyage that led to a
Farthest South. Its discovery is only relevant in that its bleak nature should have warned explorers that
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East Indies...". In it's current form it reads like he was questing for a route to the Spice islands, but he would have settled for the East Indies.
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Your suggestion led me to make various tweaks to this rather unsatisfactory paragraph. I'm beginning to wonder about this article....
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377:"...loss of all its dogs through poor diet and overwork." seems to me to be a perfectly valid way to summarise this. --
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The stormy nature of the southern seas (the dangers from ice are regularly mentioned, but the stormy seas are not).
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My wording was lazy and wrong. The Spice
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land south of 60° was likely to be equally inhospitable. I have briefly made this point in the Cook section.
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I have added further details into the Scott and
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Only lack of imagination on my part. I've now shifted the
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of, not an alternative name for, the East Indies, and I've altered accordingly.
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search of a western route..."? Quest sounds somehow wrong.
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review of the article for issues relating to grammar and
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219:. The islands remained the most southerly
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144:Knowledge:Manual_of_Style#Images
211:Garcia de Nodal expedition...
102:style; it can be found on the
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560:22:59, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
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