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bestseller lists as well." -? These two sentences can be broken up and combined into simpler, shorter sentences. The "all" is redundant. It can also be stated that as the franchise grows (with new novels), the claim of the novels getting on the hit lists might not hold true then (uncertain if that is
282:, the article as of 22:47, 29 April 2008 (UTC) is 49.5 for Flesch Reading Ease, and geared toward grades 11.88–12.14 (17 years old readers). I am uncertain if this tool is of any use (or if anyone used it in reviews) but the tool indicate the article could do with a little simplification.
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Rather than creating entirely new maps and geometry, developer Bungie included a map-editing tool known as the Forge, which enables players to insert game objects, such as weapons and crates, into existing multiplayer
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and I have been expanding and copy editing it to prepare it for FAC, and would like some outside input to improve the article's chances of passing. Any comments/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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The last SPARTAN-II thought alive, the Master Chief, escapes on the ship Pillar of Autumn to supposedly random coordinates selected by the A.I. Cortana she had obtained from ancient
Forerunner hieroglyphs.
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Fill out the citation templates. Several are partially filled out on critical information. E.g. "Halo Movie is officially dead", "Halo Wars: Ensemble
Interview. Kikizo (2007-09-17)."
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Generally a good job at writing from an out of universe perspective, and avoiding or explaining jargon. Might want to provide context for the reader in a few places though See
379:. The proper template should be used with the correct host address stated. Who is David James Dague (currently unemployed and ceased updates of his site)? What is the mp3 of?
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I have never played these games, although I have heard about them. The article seems fairly close to FAC to me, here are some fairly nit-picky suggestions for improvement:
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Halo Wars is a real time strategy game being developed by
Ensemble Studios for the Xbox 360 that takes place in the year 2531, before the events of Halo: Combat Evolved.
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I just pointed out examples I found - other places need work so get a copyedit in any case just to catch things missed - or try printing it out and reading it out loud.
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The successful assassination of the
Prophet leads to the Brutes replacing the Elites as the preferred fighters of the Covenant, leads to a schism in the ranks.
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so that in the future this will be clearer (As of April 2008, it still holds the record for...) Sentence needs a ref too - extraordinary claim
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canon, though some are based on fan fiction closely relating to the official Canon." -? Is the last "canon" meant to start with an uppercase?
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There is also the option to fight with melee attacks using their weapon as a cudgel." - their is plural, but weapon and cudgel are singular
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The whole I love Bees and Iris promtional games(?) section is unclear to me - needs more detail / context. Halo DA is very jargon-y.
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376:"Downes, Steven. Interview with "Xerxdeej" (Part 2). tiedtheleader.com. (2005-08-23)." -? The link directs to a mp3 file stored at
302:"Players can view replays of their games using "Saved Films", watching a multiplayer match or mission from all angles." -: -->
131:..the term "Halo" refers to Halo megastructures, which are large orbital constructions, similar to those first popularized...'
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from the article on them). Now they are not identified as aliens until the second phrase of the third sentence about them.
127:...the term "Halo" refers to the Halo megastructure, a large orbital construction, similar to those first popularized...
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Spin offs and sequels section - could expected release dates be added to make clearer that these are not yet available?
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These rebellions led to the creation of the SPARTAN-II Project by the UNSC in an effort to hold the colonies together.
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In the lead, since my understanding is that there are more than one Halos, should this sentence be changed to plural:
386:. Washington: Bungie." -? Directs to a Knowledge (XXG) link. It should use the relevant sources used in that article.
194:..supposedly random coordinates, which the A.I. Cortana had in fact obtained from ancient Forerunner hieroglyphs.
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I would identify
Douglass C. Perry as the author of the report on IGN. I am unfamiliar with
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It also still holds the record for the longest streak as the number one game on Xbox Live.
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This article earned Good article status earlier this year and is the main article to the
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A run through with a spelling/grammar checker ala
Microsoft Word, WordPerfect 12, or
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303:"Players can save their games as films and watch these saved films from all angles."
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sold more than 100,000 copies, a "rare hit" for the games-to-comics genre. All the
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Is "Delta Halo" the same as
Installation 05? If so, make this clearer please
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Another example - mention that the
Covenant are aliens at first mention (a
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The strong sales of the game series have led to a massive Halo franchise.
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The strong sales of the game series has lead to a massive Halo franchise.
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There are several redundant elements within statements, i.e. wordiness.
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Another problem sentence - not sure what it is trying to say exactly
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explain SPARTAN-II creates the enahnced soldiers such a Master Chief.
318:"The film has continually resumed and stopped preproduction;" -: -->
311:"The demonstrated work featured dual-wielding and a version of the
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Might want to identify who calls it the Golden
Triangle of Halo in
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A bit choppy here, perhaps could be rewritten to something like
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299:"Players could now hijack vehicles from each other."
421:. Microsoft. Xbox. (in English)." -? Same as above.
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militaristic and theocratic alliance of alien races
155:...forms the "Golden Triangle of Halo" gameplay,...
442:Thanks, we'll start going through the article (
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258:Thanks, we'll start going through the article (
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94:This peer review discussion has been closed.
310:map Zanzibar, with dual-wielding." -: -->
192:perhaps the end could be something like
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147:Another possible grammar problem in
407:. New York: Ballantine Books, 332.
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382:"Bakken, Lars, et al.. (2007).
393:. New York: Ballantine Books.
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384:Is Quisnam Protero Damno!
389:"Dietz, William (2003).
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400:." -? Same as above.
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