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interaction among children, she uses them to support notions of intrinsic gender difference whereas the actual research finds greater similarities. Her readable anecdotes support unjustified generalizations that fail to take ethnic differences into account. "As an
American Jewish woman married to an Irish American man," says Freed, "the constellation of conversational traits that I live with is completely at odds with those described by Tannen." She also points out that men and women are able to communicate with each other quite well when
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144:". According to Tannen, females engage in "rapport-talk" — a communication style meant to promote social affiliation and emotional connection, while men engage in "report-talk" — a style focused on exchanging information with little emotional import. The differences in metamessages, Tannen claims, result in misunderstandings between men and women.
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Freed also says Tannen draws different conclusions from the same anecdotes in her scholarly work. In one she uses in both a scholarly article and her book, a man interrupts a joke his wife has begun telling to finish it for her. The article explains the man's behavior as a display of dominance, while
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Tannen's book, Freed says, "simultaneously perpetuates negative stereotypes of women, excuses men their interactive failings, and distorts by omission the accumulated knowledge of our discipline." While Tannen accurately cites the factual findings of one researcher on the development of linguistic
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for nearly four years (eight months at #1) and was subsequently translated into 30 other languages. It received generally positive reviews, and some readers have even credited it with helping save their relationships. However, another linguist has criticized Tannen's representation of the research
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from female friends by doing so, becomes angry at her husband when he suggests a solution involving further surgery. Men and women both perceive the other gender as the more talkative, and they are both accurate, since studies show men speak more in public settings about public topics while women
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These patterns have paradoxical effects. Men use the language of conflict to create connections, and conversely women can use the language of connection to create conflict. "Women and men are inclined to understand each other in terms of their own styles because we assume we all live in the same
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Men often dominate conversations in public, even where they know less about a subject than a female interlocutor, because they use conversation to establish status. Women, on the other hand, often listen more because they have been socialized to be accommodating. These patterns, which begin in
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137:. It draws partly on academic research by Tannen and others, but was regarded by academics with some controversy upon its release. It was written for a popular audience, and uses anecdotes from literature and the lives of Tannen and her family, students and friends.
248:"Its popularity and overwhelming acclaim are both astonishing and troubling," she began. "n otherwise well-respected linguist has publicly and successfully promulgated a theoretical framework that is widely disputed within the academic community."
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This leads to conversations at cross-purposes, since both parties may miss the other's metamessages, with attendant misunderstandings—for example, a woman complaining about the lingering effects of a medical procedure, who may merely be seeking
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childhood, mean, for instance, that men are far more likely to interrupt another speaker, and not to take it personally when they are themselves interrupted, while women are more likely to finish each other's sentences.
171:: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships ... For most men, talk is primarily a means to preserve independence and negotiate and maintain status in a hierarchical social order.
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Tannen's chapters, which are broken up into short titled sections of two or three pages, start by distinguishing what men and women seek from conversations: independence and intimacy respectively.
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by both genders, and Tannen devotes an entire chapter to exploring its social functions as a way of connecting speaker and listener to a larger group.
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Tannen writes that, from childhood, boys and girls learn different approaches to language and communication; she calls these different approaches "
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world." If the genders would keep this in mind and adjust accordingly, Tannen believes, much discord between them could be averted.
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Internet
Archive: You Just Don't Understand; Open Mind episode 1375 with Educator, Author Deborah Tannen, specialist in Linguistics
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called it "a refreshing and readable account of the complexities of communication between men and women."
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she cites as limited and misleading, faulting her for making generalizations and contradictory claims.
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dominate private conversation within and about relationships. The latter is frequently derided as
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Locating Power: Proceedings of the Second
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and appear on talk shows. Many readers thanked her for saving their marriages.
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Freed, Alice (1993). Hall, Kira; Buchholz, Mary; Moonwomon, Birch (eds.).
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For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of
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Communication styles of men and women: A review by Laura
Bryannan
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the book simply suggests the two have different understandings.
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linguistics professor Alice Freed gave an extended critique of
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You Just Don't
Understand: Women and Men in Conversation
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You Just Don't
Understand: Women and Men in Conversation
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422:"Why (S)He Acts So Funny"
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470:: 144–152
236:Criticism
213:Judy Mann
197:Reception
75:Published
343:(1990).
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57:Language
513:Portals
178:empathy
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159:Summary
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60:English
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