1936:. But even more problematic is the usage of n-th for a name containing the sponsor name, given that the sponsor changes. Indeed there are only two low-quality hits on Google when restricted to .hu, but eight news site hits for "XXIII. Magyar NagydĂj". Adding Formula One to the name, there is still but one low-quality hit for "XXIII. Formula 1 ING Magyar NagydĂj", three for "XXIII. Formula 1 Magyar NagydĂj", seven for the common usage corrupted form "XXIII. Forma 1 Magyar NagydĂj", and a full 491 for its variant "XXIII. Forma-1-es Magyar NagydĂj" (where "-es" is a modifier without equivalent in English). But leaving the "XIII." off, there are 2,390 hits on the Hungary domain for "Formula 1 ING Magyar NagydĂj", and still 1,790 for the corrupted form "Forma 1 ING Magyar NagydĂj" (these hits are for the three years when ING was the sponsor: 2007, 2008 and 2009). Checking the official poster
1303:"Crucially, both McLaren drivers had used one fewer set of the Soft tyres—which were expected to be more favourable in the race than the Super Softs—than Ferrari during the qualifying session, suggesting that Hamilton and Kovalainen might have had a tyre performance advantage in the race. This was because the Soft tyre had turned out to be the fastest tyre choice over the course of a single lap, despite the theoretical performance advantage of the Super Soft; Ferrari used an additional set of Soft tyres to McLaren before realising this was the case" Wordy. Can it be cut a little? Also, it seems from this that only a certain number of tyres could be used in the race. Was this so? (I can't remember) If so, it needs spelling out I think.
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1210:"...two on Friday, and a third on Saturday. The Friday morning session took place from 10:00 to 11:30 local time, and the afternoon session lasted from 14:00 to 15:30. The third session was held between 11:00 and 12:00 on Saturday morning." Very wordy: could it be merged? For example, "two on Friday from 10:00 to 11:30 and 14:00 to 15:30 local time, and a third on Saturday morning between 11:00 and 12:00."
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1377:"At the completion of the first lap, Massa led from Hamilton, Kovalainen, Glock, Kubica, Alonso, Räikkönen, Webber, Trulli, Piquet, Coulthard, Heidfeld, Barrichello, Button, Vettel, Bourdais, Rosberg, Nakajima, Fisichella and Sutil" Very long list of drivers here. Is it necessary, and if so can it be phrased more effectively?
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I think it needs it to make sense. The one thing I was thinking is that the date qualifier may work better starting the sentence, so "As of
November 2010, the race remains Kovalainen's only Formula One win." Otherwise the date just looks tacked on. On another note, I agree with previous reviews that
1082:
I think the Jerez testing is too detailed in an article on the Grand Prix. Could it be summarised a little more. I can see the need to give the fastest cars, but I think the KERS stuff (although obviously significant) does not belong in this article as it had no bearing on the race. In fact, I would
1010:"ahead of Ferrari team-mates": I know it states that Hamilton drove for McLaren, but this sentence makes it seem like Massa and Raikkonen were Hamilton's team mates. Maybe "ahead of Ferrari's Felipe Massa..." or "ahead of Ferrari drivers..." but this means there are a lot of "drivers" in this bit.
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Every testing exercise carried out prior to a race can have a significant effect on the performance and technical changes brought on by the teams. Now granted the testing sessions mentioned here focussed more on trials related with next season (probably because it was last session of this summer),
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You give the temperatures for practices and throughout the weekend. I'm OK with this for GA but if you take this to FAC, you need to justify it a bit more. How does this temperature affect the cars? Was it good or bad? Otherwise, it just looks like a weather report (which I appreciate it isn't!).
1162:
As with the first paragraph in this section, this paragraph about the tyre regulations is used almost word-for-word in other articles, where there are more photos of the cars in action on the different tyres. I suppose it's not too important in this article, as there is a lack of photos from the
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This is not written from a neutral point of view especially when describing the way the drivers were driving. I fully understand that some users will say this was the greatest drive of Glock or
Kovalainen, but that is an unsourceable opinion. The whole tone is off by making it sound absolutely
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Although almost nonexistent on the web, hard-copy often uses en dashes for partnerships. This distinguishes partnerships from single sponsors with hyphenated names, like Simca-Gordini or Frazer-Nash. Although anyone familiar with the Grand Prix will with rare exception be able to parse them
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All good now. I still don't like the long lists of drivers, but if they are necessary, I suppose this is the best way. I would say that it is not necessary to give the entire field, but that's just my view. Watch out for it at FA though. Happy to pass, though. Well done.
1059:"the battle for fourth place between Toyota, Red Bull and Renault was covered by two points": battle is possibly too dramatic. If it is necessary to cover 4th place (is it?) maybe state the distance from 3rd placed McLaren and then use the "covered by two points"?
816:
There are some POV words in there, and also no wikilinks in the entire race section. This is pretty common for the first draft of a race report, and it always gets cleaned up within a day or two. It's not written in a very encyclopedic tone right now, for sure.
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Congratulations for making FA, but I just noticed an unsourced information that is likely to be wrong: the official name "XXIII ING Magyar NagydĂj". It is at least bad punctuation, in
Hungarian it should be "XXIII. ING Magyar NagydĂj", with the dot implying
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Honestly, I can't think of a good way to cut it. There was a limit on tyres in place, but the 2008 regulations have been taken down from the FIA website, and I can't remember it. I'll ask around on a forum, as I'm sure the pdf file will still be on-line
900:
Although I have gone through this as far as copy editing is concerned, I have to stop for now. There still needs to be another check for consistencies, especially to do with numbers, i.e. Xth lap, Xth position or xxxxth position, etc. Full compliance to
1380:
In lieu of a lap chart, I think it's important to establish the running order so that I don't have to keep referring to the positions concerned for every pass or incident. I would argue that having a couple of lists saves space elsewhere in the race
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Ferrari increased the size of the F2008 chassis's brake cooling ducts following high brake wear at the German Grand Prix, introduced a high, "shark-fin", engine cover, and louvres in the bodywork to improve the car's cooling around its
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still there are certain changes brought on, like Force India's new gearbox and McLaren's new nosecone. You can also refer to certain previous articles which diligently mention testing session carried ahead of respective races (e.g.
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Do we really need all the info on the test sessions held in the week before the race? They're not notable, plus this article is supposed to be about the
Hungarian GP, and the tests have nothing to do with the race.
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article. Although the testing information is not integral to the article, I believe the brief paragraph it is now summarised in helps to give an interesting impression of the background to the event.--
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the lead could be extended. More detail on the race for example, or the role of the race in the
Championship (I believe Massa's camp points to this race and his engine failure as being pivotal).
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I don't think there are any other issues: links, sources, images, etc seem fine, but I'll have another look in the next day or two. Should pass once the points above have been checked. Thanks! --
1493:"was the first time that a car bearing the number 23 had won a race since Jim Clark at the 1964 Belgian Grand Prix." Is this important? Seems a statistical freak which is not really important.
1401:"Glock lost a few seconds during his pit stop when the fuel rig failed to connect properly with his car, but did not lose any positions." If it didn't affect the race, does it need mentioning?
965:"The teams, also known as "constructors", were..." Not sure about phrasing here. Maybe just say "constructors" and link it? Or: "the teams (constructors)". Also, 2 "teams" in close proximity.
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is one sponsor, rather than there being something called the "Force (India-Ferrari)", that is, an "India-Ferrari Force". A minor point most readers are unlikely to notice, but a courtesy. —
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I am hesitant to change this one, because the phrasing of the first two sentences in this paragraph is identical to all of the Grand Prix articles which have reached GA or FA status.--
1280:"heat his tyres sufficiently due to traffic" This needs explaining to the non-specialist. What effect does heating the tyres have? And "traffic" may be confusing. Can it be linked?
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See above. :) I think that it's important to let the reader know the running order, and this is the most effective (although perhaps not the most elegant) way of doing it.--
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I was wondering what you think of the sentence "The race remains
Kovalainen's only Formula One win, as of ". Do you think the "as of..." part is necessary?--
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is necessary for FA. If someone has the time, please try to do this. Otherwise, I will try to have a look at this again when I have some time. Cheers. --
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I'll let it go if you like. But I don't think it adds to the article, and seems superfluous. Again, might not go down too well at FA! --
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Have we discussed "teammate" or "team-mate"? I've been using the former after it was changed either in preparation for or at an FAC.
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This section drags a little due to the long lists of positions. If these came out or were shortened, it would read quite nicely.
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Perhaps to get around the problems of the long lists of race order, you could just go over the top ten, not the whole field.
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I've gone over it again and no other issues. I'll put it on hold now for a week, but let me know if you need longer. --
1546:"The race remains Kovalainen's sole Formula One win to date." Needs a ref, and probably a date ("as of August 2010").
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I would still prefer to keep the full list of runners, unless it becomes an insurmountable obstacle to FA status.--
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1424:"By the end of lap 26, Massa, ... and Sutil." Why list the order here, and same point as above listing drivers.
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as a hypothetical example, which the (truly) naive might think was a three-way partnership. Punctuating it
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If you have discovered URLs which were erroneously considered dead by the bot, you can report them with
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If you have discovered URLs which were erroneously considered dead by the bot, you can report them with
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A week should be fine. Thanks again for the review; do you have any articles on review at the moment?--
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on
Knowledge (XXG). If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join
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Many thanks for the copyedit! I'll have a look at these questions when the race weekend is over.--
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https://web.archive.org/20100713025515/http://www.formula1.com:80/news/headlines/2008/8/8188.html
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This was after the first round of stops has concluded; I've spelled it out in the article....--
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https://web.archive.org/20081202073201/http://www.formula1.com/news/headlines/2008/8/8197.html
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https://web.archive.org/20081202074847/http://www.formula1.com/news/headlines/2008/8/8200.html
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Right, I think I've addressed (or commented on) all of these issues. Over to you! :) --
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868:, I have completed a full copy edit of this article. I need to clarify the following:
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cut anything which has no direct bearing on this race, but I am open to discussion.
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Hello again, and thank you for the review! I'll get to work as soon as possible.--
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I've changed the one remaining instance of this inconsistency that I could find.--
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934:. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
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Though
Mercedes might avoid the "Benz" for precisely this reason, imagine
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I've always seen it written down as one word in the specialist press, but
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I've read through the article once so far. Here are my initial thoughts.
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It's "a high, 'shark-fin' engine cover" and "louvres" . I've changed it.
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after the link to keep me from modifying it. Alternatively, you can add
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after the link to keep me from modifying it. Alternatively, you can add
1354:"out-dragging Kovalainen off the starting grid": outdragging is jargon.
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An editor has reviewed this edit and fixed any errors that were found.
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An editor has reviewed this edit and fixed any errors that were found.
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As I said in one of my edit summaries, numbers have to be consistent (
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Hmmm, I'll have to think about that more when and if it goes to FAC.--
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OK, but personally I wouldn't like it if I was reviewing for FA. --
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to keep me off the page altogether. I made the following changes:
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to keep me off the page altogether. I made the following changes:
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I've cut the KERS material down, as it is already included in the
1450:...and this is after all of the scheduled stops were completed.--
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amazing which my by some users opinions but not in line with the
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Is it necessary to mention the white stripe on the option tyre?
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Should include a year, so "Formula 1 ING Magyar NagydĂj 2008".
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When you have finished reviewing my changes, please set the
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When you have finished reviewing my changes, please set the
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Featured articles that have appeared on the main page once
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I have just added archive links to 2 external links on
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http://www.formula1.com/news/headlines/2008/8/8197.html
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http://www.formula1.com/news/headlines/2008/8/8200.html
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http://www.formula1.com/news/headlines/2008/8/8188.html
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http://www.formula1.com/news/headlines/2008/8/8186.html
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I have just added archive links to 4 external links on
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http://www.formula1.com/teams_and_drivers/drivers/813/
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1944:"Formula 1 ENI Magyar NagydĂj 2011". --
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1307:somewhere.--
1204:
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1139:disagrees!--
1114:Fine now. --
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789:LeaveSleaves
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500:project page
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427:WikiProjects
391:
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347:Not promoted
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290:Not promoted
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214:please do so
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19:This is the
1852:Force India
1137:our article
928:transcluded
606:copy edited
531:Formula One
519:the project
492:Formula One
446:Formula One
361:Peer review
323:Peer review
266:Peer review
148:free images
31:not a forum
2272:Categories
1745:Changed.--
1715:WP:ORDINAL
1496:Removed.--
1404:Removed.--
960:Background
885:DH85868993
874:radiators.
847:Apterygial
833:Importance
810:neutrality
205:identified
2244:this tool
2237:this tool
2129:this tool
2122:this tool
1663:Sarastro1
1605:Sarastro1
1572:Sarastro1
1541:Post-race
1381:report.--
1189:Sarastro1
1116:Sarastro1
1043:Sarastro1
994:Sarastro1
943:Sarastro1
940:Reviewer:
920:GA Review
907:S Masters
510:task list
508:View the
88:if needed
71:Be polite
21:talk page
2250:Cheers.—
2173:cbignore
2135:Cheers.—
2038:cbignore
1942:is named
610:SMasters
417:FA-class
385:Promoted
366:Reviewed
328:Reviewed
271:Reviewed
56:get help
29:This is
27:article.
2260::Online
2212:checked
2167:my edit
2145::Online
2097:checked
2032:my edit
1999:Midgrid
1995:Done.--
1963:Midgrid
1873:Midgrid
1807:Midgrid
1789:Midgrid
1749:Midgrid
1726:Midgrid
1695:Midgrid
1639:Midgrid
1621:Midgrid
1589:Midgrid
1553:Midgrid
1549:Done.--
1523:Midgrid
1500:Midgrid
1477:Midgrid
1473:Done.--
1454:Midgrid
1431:Midgrid
1408:Midgrid
1385:Midgrid
1361:Midgrid
1357:Done.--
1329:Midgrid
1311:Midgrid
1287:Midgrid
1283:Done.--
1264:Midgrid
1260:Done.--
1241:Midgrid
1217:Midgrid
1213:Done.--
1167:Midgrid
1143:Midgrid
1094:Midgrid
1066:Midgrid
1062:Done.--
1021:Midgrid
972:Midgrid
843:Belgian
754:Testing
735:on the
708:Hungary
699:Hungary
655:Hungary
562:on the
517:Discuss
249:Process
154:WPÂ refs
142:scholar
2181:nobots
2046:nobots
2004:(talk)
1981:Aptery
1968:(talk)
1878:(talk)
1826:Aptery
1812:(talk)
1794:(talk)
1770:Aptery
1754:(talk)
1731:(talk)
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1071:(talk)
1026:(talk)
977:(talk)
903:WP:MoS
423:scale.
309:Listed
252:Result
126:Google
1911:kwami
1897:kwami
1856:kwami
930:from
845:one.
198:is a
169:JSTOR
130:books
84:Seek
2216:true
2101:true
1986:gial
1950:talk
1915:talk
1901:talk
1860:talk
1831:gial
1775:gial
1667:talk
1609:talk
1576:talk
1349:Race
1193:talk
1120:talk
1047:talk
998:talk
947:talk
911:talk
889:talk
851:talk
839:here
823:talk
793:talk
765:talk
246:Date
162:FENS
136:news
73:and
2203:to
2193:to
2088:to
2078:to
2068:to
2058:to
1015:the
803:POV
787:).
727:Low
608:by
554:Mid
176:TWL
2274::
2179:{{
2175:}}
2171:{{
2044:{{
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1952:)
1934:rd
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54:;
2246:.
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2112:Y
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172:·
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128:(
58:.
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