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In the lede: "now-retracted" is redundant- "retracted" is all needed in this context. "crush" feels slangish (and, well, high school-ish) as opposed to "romantic interest in". Story section includes improper contraction "wasn't". 2nd sentence of 3rd para of
Initial response section is too long. Drew
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Lede states motivation was just a crush, but article and sources indicate belief delusions and PTSD was a factor. Under "Questions emerge," "she appeared to offer evasive responses " is editorializing. ABC section states Jackie was fine after, but
Washington Post states
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in lede: "would say" would be more concise as "said". "Crush" still appears in the Key discrepancies and Notes sections. Categories should be in alphabetical order. "AM" still appears in "Story" while the (IMO more preferable) "a.m." still appears in Key
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Rachel Soltis, Jackie’s former roommate, says she noticed emotional and physical changes in her during the fall of 2012. “She was withdrawn, depressed and couldn’t wake up in the mornings,” says Soltis, adding that she’s convinced Jackie was sexually
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I think "romantic outing" is wordy and sounds pompous. If the sentence is too close to the source, switch around the phrases, add some different transitions. Remember that simply inserting a synonym into a sentence still gives a close paraphrase.
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Hi Ribbet32. I want to nominate this article to become a featured article, and the instruction page for that says that I should seek out a mentor to help me promote it to featured article status. Would you be so kind as to be my mentor in this
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1. The missing citation on
Consequences; 2. The neutrality point on the ABC section (I don't feel comfortable with that without a little balance); 3. What do you think about having the picture of the article? I think it communicates
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Needs organizational adjustment. Line is blurred between "Consequences" and "Legal and social consequences of story", which are presented as separate sections, and then between the latter and "Lawsuits" further
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Any chance we can deal with the 2c issues? Refs 4 and 29 still cite the same article, which appears to be the broken ref 26. There's no ref at the end of the 3rd para of
Consequenes, though one exists
594:. Under "Key discrepancies- Washington", this seems garbled to me: "no pledges resident in the house" Under "Sexual assault skepticism", "US college campuses" should be "U.S. college campuses" per
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does say we can use close-paraphrase in certain circumstances. So we can use a synonym but cannot change the meaning of a "simple statement of fact" or to avoid altering "technical terms".
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as an article). "Prestigious" might work. But second, simply taking an original-source sentence and using a thesaurus on a word or two does not actually solve the close-paraphrase (see
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Cindy is not mentioned in ref for statement "no effort was made by
Rolling Stone to interview her". Refs 20 and 29 are redundant. Ref 65 is dead. Ref 77 needs archive
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Two problems: first, changing to a word that is less standard does not help readers. "Elite" is what the source says, so we need that exact meaning (note we have
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Thank you. This is a really difficult subject, so it's good to see a thorough and mature take on it. Congratulations to all contributors.
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Still appears in
Consequences. Can be "postponed" or "cancelled all events related to its fraternities and sororities"
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I think I took care of everything. Let me know if any more changes needed to be made. Thanks for your help!
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Existence section includes typo "attacker " Inconsistencies in article's use of "AM" and "a.m."
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490:'s para in the pop culture para is best deleted. Has nothing to do with pop culture or Rolling Stone.
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Thank you for a lot of work in the past 24 hours. Remaining points before we wrap this up;
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466:: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
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Still appears in Police investigation section. Can be "struck to the face with a bottle"
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Still appears in Story. Could be "romantic outing with a Phi Kappa Psi member"
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Still appears in lede. Can be "culminating in the article being published"
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Thank you for your prompt efforts to address the issues.
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suspended all fraternity and sorority activities until
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6. Note a screenshot of the article is available at
303:she asked Erdely to be taken out of the article
479:Jackie seemed “really upset, really shaken up”
310:she was forced to perform oral sex on five men
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528:Image is free. No FU image of article, like
368:about sexual assaults at an elite university
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530:The Thriving Cult of Greed and Power
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327:hit in the face by a bottle
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259:00:08, 12 August 2017 (UTC)
161:21:54, 10 August 2017 (UTC)
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210:Thoroughly referenced 2b
380:was wrong with this edit
498:No horrific edit wars
385:one chosen or set apart
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441:Broad in its coverage
18:Talk:A Rape on Campus
458:Not a lot off topic
201:no original research
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81:Instructions
502:Illustrated
104:visual edit
635:something.
484:assaulted.
400:WP:LIMITED
196:Verifiable
48:Authorship
34:GA toolbox
683:endeavor?
596:WP:NOTUSA
249:Resolved
241:concerns:
144:Reviewer:
71:Templates
62:Reviewing
27:GA Review
678:Ribbet32
663:Ribbet32
654:Ribbet32
638:Ribbet32
610:Ribbet32
570:Ribbet32
508:such as
277:Ribbet32
251:Ribbet32
157:contribs
147:Ribbet32
76:Criteria
463:Neutral
127:history
108:history
94:Article
510:images
404:DMacks
376:DMacks
350:DMacks
518:audio
516:, or
514:video
506:media
392:elite
217:WP:RS
199:with
190:down.
182:1b
136:Watch
16:<
667:talk
642:talk
614:talk
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552:1a.
488:Xenu
446:3a.
408:talk
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230:2d.
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151:talk
123:edit
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