743:" Egoyan found it was initially challenging to acquire the rights to the novel, saying "it wasn’t available," due to rights being optioned to studios that weren't actually producing it." Thanks for clarifying this. But it's so wordy, you have a contraction which isn't MOS-approved, it isn't quite technically correct (source says studio, not studios) and I don't see why the quote is necessary. Most importantly, I also think it still fails to explain the story very clearly; if it was already optioned, how did Egoyan get the rights at all? Reading the source, it looks like you can express it more simply as something like: "Egoyan was initially unable to get the rights to the book, as had been optioned by another studio. Two years later, at the suggestion of novelist Margaret Atwood, he spoke to Banks personally. As the studio option was about to expire, Banks, tired of studio procrastination, gave the rights to Egoyan on the condition that he make the film." You should also wikilink to
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I'm sure you can condense this into a one or two-sentence summary. It's only useful to quote a source if they have something original or insightful to say about the situation; for example, the quote about why
Exotica performed better is good because it tells us something new, rather than just restate the same thing. But the others are just repetitive. Does that make sense?
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This looks a little short to me. (I have a funny feeling I wrote it - or a version of it - a long time ago, whoops.) Having said that, I err on the side of brevity, and it's a deliberately concise movie, so if you don't think there's anything worth expanding on, that's totally cool. Clearly I didn't
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Apart from the detail about it being "challenging" to get the rights, which is still unclear IMO, I only have one more major issue with the prose. The box office section basically restates the same information (it was a box office flop but critical success) several times, quoting multiple sources.
704:
Tweaked prose; respectfully disagree about box office analysis, Writers Guild adds some context about other
Canadian films and the international box office specifically; Stuart adds the film aimed for a mass audience; Spokesman-Review comments specifically on box office.
400:" Novelist Margaret Atwood suggested Egoyan meet with Banks personally after his success with the film Exotica (1994)." Who does "his" refer to? And who did she suggest it to, Egoyan or Banks? She's a writer so maybe she knows Egoyan?
777:"Egoyan later stated he was drawn to the novel because he felt film is for "confronting the most extreme things."" I don't understand this. Why would his opinion on film attract him to a novel? Do you mean he was drawn to
417:"Banks was willing to grant Egoyan the rights, and Egoyan later stated he was drawn to the novel because he felt film was for "Confronting the most extreme things." These two pieces of information seem unconnected.
823:. In a nutshell, periods and commas should go outside of the quotation marks if it is not a complete sentence being quoted. I would argue that this applies not only to the main text but also the References section.
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383:"Egoyan found it was initially challenging to acquire the rights to the novel, saying "it wasn’t available."" What does this mean? Sounds vague/euphemistic. Concrete details please.
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294:"The film was highly acclaimed upon its release" - this sounds like puffery and it's unnecessary when you have the concrete facts of the awards instead. delete.
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In the
External links section, it would be helpful if the link "Film reviews" had more information about the source or specifics of the content. Cheers,
672:
Great, thanks. I tweaked a few more small things, mainly grammar issues; I hope that's OK - seemed simpler than just listing them all in a niggly way.
620:"The film received overwhelming critical acclaim upon its release. " - delete - let the facts (ie the RT score and critics' quotes) do the talking.
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be mentioned in the lead. Keeping the mention in the lead is fine. The new sentence is good and actually gives more relevant information, nice job.
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The Alton info does need to be in the body, not the lead. I suggest adding a sentence to the start of the
Production section, something like: "
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Good point. The terms (rail/barrier) were not consistent before, so I missed this. I've reinserted it and made them consistent.
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Fair enough. I'm not persuaded all the quotes are necessary but it's not a major problem and it's still readable and clear.
213:"large class action lawsuit" - "large" isn't necessary, class-action is a compound adjective in this case so needs a hyphen
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disagree running through the barrier isn't important, since the lawsuit (may) have been against the town for the rail.
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is adapted from the novel of the same name by
Russell Banks, inspired by actual events in Alton, Texas in 1989."
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540:"The Pied Piper theme influenced Mychael Danna's music," what is the Pied Piper theme? Who is Mychael Danna?
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Removed that link- never heard of FilmVault, and it doesn't appear to have a
Knowledge (XXG) article.
434:"in order to make funding from Canada more accessible." - simplify: "to help secure Canadian funding"
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You don't need cast names in plot summaries when you have a cast section - unnecessary duplication.
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The prose is generally good, but I have some suggestions for clarifying and simplifying some parts:
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469:"Egoyan wrote his own stanza " - "his own" sounds like he wrote it to keep for himself, so -: -->
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Oh, one more thing. Looks like some text got garbled: "Holm explained hes acceptance". Huh?
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OK, this looks like a Good
Article to me. Congratulations and thanks for your hard work!
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593:"The two songs were chosen because of their largely domestic popularity, " -: -->
575:"Polley's character, Nicole, was an aspiring singer before the accident," - : -->
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Removed Oscar ref. Not sure where Alton mention belongs in body at this time.
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This is one of my favourite films. Looking forward to reviewing this article.
602:"sexual content," "rather than the early film's artistic merit." - : -->
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Removed "highly," but awards and reviews aren't exactly the same thing.
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First impressions: this looks like a nice, concise, well-cited article.
637:"The A.V. Club named The Sweet Hereafter as the 22nd best film" - : -->
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pretty bland, essentially "he liked the job". delete, not interesting.
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lead sections don't need citations - citing in the body is sufficient.
603:"sexual content ... rather than the early film's artistic merit."
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Moved the footnote, but disagree a mention can't be in the lead.
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Egoyan and the
Canadian actors to be great to work with. -: -->
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Knowledge (XXG):Manual_of_Style#Punctuation_inside_or_outside
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Seems like "largely" was causing the confusion, removed.
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557:"the use of Medieval-style music was adopted" -: -->
451:"Another major change is Egoyan's addition " - : -->
514:no need for a quote, Holm found the role difficult
513:"Holm called his part a "Difficult role,"" - : -->
505:"Holm accepted the role," - We know this, delete
320:seem to think so at the time. Just double-check.
594:what does "largely domestic popularity" mean?
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1134:B. Images are provided if possible and are
815:A very nice article! A couple of comments:
761:Thanks for finding that wikilink. Revised.
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196:"As with the novel" - unnecessary
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470:"Eogyan wrote a new stanza"
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811:Drive-by notes from Moisejp
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535:Made difficult role easier.
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487:"Egoyan explained" -: -->
1138:to the topic, and have
877:reasonably well written
1009:broad in its coverage
991:No original research
452:"Egoyan also added"
268:I meant it couldn't
745:option (filmmaking)
238:The Sweet Hereafter
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858:Criteria checklist
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117:Article talk
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81:Instructions
1179:Popcornduff
1110:with their
890:", without
819:Please see
783:Popcornduff
781:the novel?
749:Popcornduff
721:Popcornduff
692:Popcornduff
678:Popcornduff
364:Popcornduff
274:Popcornduff
242:Popcornduff
167:Popcornduff
147:Popcornduff
104:visual edit
957:A. Has an
951:verifiable
378:Production
48:Authorship
34:GA toolbox
1080:edit wars
144:Reviewer:
71:Templates
62:Reviewing
27:GA Review
1136:relevant
1098:contain
1096:Does it
892:copyvios
868:WP:WIAGA
842:Ribbet32
763:Ribbet32
707:Ribbet32
652:Ribbet32
508:Tweaked.
349:Ribbet32
299:Ribbet32
256:Ribbet32
180:Comments
157:contribs
76:Criteria
1157:Overall
1082:, etc:
1051:neutral
1032:Focused
924:fiction
888:concise
828:Moisejp
345:Comment
127:history
108:history
94:Article
1114:, and
1108:tagged
1100:images
1073:stable
1071:Is it
1048:Is it
1007:Is it
944:Is it
926:, and
916:layout
875:Is it
884:clear
779:adapt
136:Watch
16:<
1183:talk
948:and
928:list
912:lead
886:and
846:talk
832:talk
802:Done
787:talk
767:talk
753:talk
725:talk
711:talk
696:talk
682:talk
656:talk
648:Done
630:Done
613:Done
586:Done
568:Done
550:Done
524:Done
498:Done
480:Done
462:Done
444:Done
427:Done
410:Done
393:Done
368:talk
353:talk
336:Done
315:Plot
303:talk
278:talk
270:only
260:talk
246:talk
223:Done
206:Done
191:Lead
171:talk
151:talk
123:edit
100:edit
1142::
1078:No
1030:B.
1014:A.
989:C.
908:MoS
906:B.
1185:)
1159::
1122::
1075:?
1054:?
1034::
1018::
1011:?
993::
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954:?
930::
922:,
918:,
914:,
879:?
864:GA
848:)
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