1024:"According to Amy Lawrence in her book ‘Echos and Narcissus: Women's Voices in Classical Hollywood Cinema’, a lot was changing in the social rim of things towards the end of the nineteenth century: for example, the growth and use of telephones as a means of communication. The introduction of phonographs contributed to the making of music. However, while all these aspects were evolving, the one thing that remained stagnant was the place society had put women such as Amy Lawrence. Her right to speak even in public spaces was forbidden. She couldn’t just speak freely & whenever she so pleased, unlike men. This had a ripple effect in all social and economical spaces the woman would occupy."
1077:
more about other groups that are facing the same thing. I also suggest adding the potential reason as to why certain groups are not as heavily involved the
Hollywood scene. A majority of the sources are credible but I would replace the ones that are written by popular media platforms. The article seems to weigh heavily towards one perspective - would be interesting to read about people that disagree with the main arguments in this article.
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Hollywood. Additionally, the section dedicated to Asian
Inequality is written somewhat un-encyclopedically, using repetitive sentence starters. Some letters are mistakenly capitalized. There is a quote that is simply inserted with no context and left as its own sentence. The grammar is also suspect, with several instances of, "There is reportedly many instances" when it should be, "There have been" or "There are".
941:
of
America." These sections simply need statistics that show how the wages or opportunities differ between men and women. I would also consider changing your subheadings to just "Wages" and "Opportunities" so it doesn't sound like you're projecting an opinion on the article. Based on your introduction statement you could also add sections on religious and sexual orientation inequalities in Hollywood. Take a look at
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the types of references in the article. The #OscarsSoWhite and #MeToo movements should be mentioned in their appropriate sections. An ‘efforts made’ or aftermath section should be included to talk about present day inequality and/or equality. A couple more images or other media can be employed to demonstrate the visual representation aspects of inequality, given the media-centric topic.
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one of the minorities (Asian Actors) leaving the other minorities unattended which for some reason does seem right since discriminations happens to all the minorities not only the Asian part of it. Maybe adding some more information into this section of the article will give it a much more value. Thank you.
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The article lacks citations, which are helpful too let the audience know where the information is coming from. For example, the data "22 percent more men than women feel that they work regularly and have a large choice of employment opportunities" and "actors of color, pay issues have an even steeper
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Here are some proposed changes to the article. The article needs more neutral language, such as the last lines in Gender
Inequality. The first section of the article can be a history section with a chronological timeline of inequality. A number of academic sources can be newly cited here to diversify
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article will be a good model to follow for your introduction. Just make sure you're keeping it within the context of your topic. Parts of your text under "Gender
Inequality" are not neutral, especially "It’s time to have wage equality once and for all. And equal rights for women in the United States
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Right off the bat, the articles has a decent amount of supporting information to back up the main points of the article. However, I would definitely add more information to the racial inequality portion because there is only one population that is distinctly pointed out. It would be helpful to read
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As mentioned by Armand, I also believe more details needs to be added to this article. Specifically, the article appears to not have a proper introduction section. Perhaps talking a little about the history of inequality in
Hollywood and what led to debate in this topic might be helpful for readers
1036:
This article is very well written and the tone of it seems to be very neutral. However, I do happen to notice that in the racial discrimination section of this article you do give a good explanation as to what the meaning of it is as well as explain very well what the problem is, yet you only cover
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Casey, I went through your article and copy edited some of the grammatical errors I found and added hyperlinks as well. I was afraid to add to your article because it would still appear that the article is being constructed and formed and any additions might alter the direction in which you were
964:
Consider adding a section link that at least links to other articles about racism in
Hollywood/the entertainment industry. As it stands now, the article only has one subsection for Asian Inequality, and would benefit from at least shallow dives into other race's milestones, controversies, etc in
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This is an ok beginning. I'm not sure exactly what the topic of the contribution is. Is it gender equality? Inequality in the entertainment industry? Do you have a sense of where it would fit? There are a number of grammatical, punctuation and capitalization issues. Remember, this is something
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This is an prevalent topic that should have plenty of sources to pull from. This article would benefit from you expanding upon your introductory sentence by giving some basic background on what
Hollywood is, who is involved in it and other basic statistics and information about the movie or TV
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I would also suggest for this section to dive deeper into the social and economical effects this had in
Hollywood on woman and provide specific examples to give more factual evidence to support the sentence, rather than just forming an opinion.
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https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=0_NMAgAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA269&dq=Inequality+and+hollywood&ots=HG6rThx8cO&sig=Io17YtoiW4LXIryX-bQwKdiYqHc#v=onepage&q=Inequality%20and%20hollywood&f=false
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aims to improve the quality of articles dealing with gender studies and to remove systematic gender bias from
Knowledge (XXG). If you would like to participate in the project, you can choose to edit this article, or visit the
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Casey, Have you seen the editor's comments on your sandbox? Also, the format of the sandbox doesn't conform to the Wiki style. Make sure you take a look at the handbook on Wiki style. And what makes a good Knowledge (XXG)
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Sheridan, Earl. “Conservative Implications of the Irrelevance of Racism in Contemporary African American Cinema.” Journal of Black Studies, vol. 37, no. 2, 1 Nov. 2006, pp. 177–192., doi:10.1177/0021934706292347.
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planning to take the article. I noticed there was nothing under the racial inequality aspect in Hollywood so I found a website for you too look at that could give you some leads and help you form this section.
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Also Variety Newspaper has written extensively on the topic. You should be able to identify a lot more. Also, see if you can find other Wiki articles on related topics and then link their article to your
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Here is a source/citation that would be helpful for elaborating on "racial inequality" section of the article and includes data on the inequalities on race as well as other features, such as disabilities:
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Gray, Herman. “Television, Black Americans, and the American Dream.” Critical Studies in Mass Communication, vol. 6, no. 4, 18 May 2009, pp. 376–386., doi:10.1080/15295038909366763.
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The article could use some context as well as definition of the topic, I would suggest adding more content to the beginning of the article where it provides the introduction.
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Bielby, Denise D., and William T. Bielby. “Women And Men In Film.” Gender & Society, vol. 10, no. 3, 1996, pp. 248–270., doi:10.1177/089124396010003004.
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Stam, Robert, and Louise Spence. “Colonialism, Racism and Representation.” Screen, vol. 24, no. 2, 1983, pp. 2–20., doi:10.1093/screen/24.2.2.
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Rogin, Michael. Blackface, White Noise: Jewish Immigrants in the Hollywood Melting Pot. Berkeley: University of California Press, c1996 1996.
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The piece is still very minimal. It could use some additional data. Also, there's a lot more on this topic. Take a look at this cite:
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The tone of the article also seems a little biased since there a lot of content that does not seem to be cited or backed up.
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This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available
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Romero, Editor:Mary, and Editor:Eric Margolis. The Blackwell Companion to Social Inequalities. John Wiley & Sons, 2005.
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For the gender equality section, I propose the section for Lawrence be edited in terms of grammar to become:
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Kaufman, James C., and Dean Keith Simonton. The Social Science of Cinema. Oxford University Press, 2014.
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http://breakingbrown.com/2014/04/racial-inequality-and-hollywood-in-2014-by-the-numbers-infographic/
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