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655:"A popular theory..." This transition is jarring. There's no reason why the Rinoa/Ultimecia theory should be in the same paragraph as the above stuff on visual design. If you can find any more info on Rinoa's story design, you might make a new paragraph on that and include this theory at the end. Otherwise, nix it in this section and move it to the Rinoa/Ultimecia paragraph in Reception
42:
946:"Critics have countered that the two characters have contrasting designs" - again, the ref doesn't really say this 'in counter to' the theory. They just make the observation that their designs contrast, but not in reference to the theory. Also I just saw that GameRant (Ref ) is unreliable per
1125:
Ok I did all the corrections, sourced what I could, rewrote, cut stuff. One thing I can say is that Angelo might have been been based on a dog at Nomura’s office, but its in the
Ultimania and I don’t have access to it. But otherwise I think it’s done!
908:
More broadly, Refs 38-43 all seem to fall into the category of "Top 10" listicles that are generally discouraged these days as RS, even within otherwise reliable publications, especially for the near-ubiquitous "Hottest babes in games" articles of the
630:
Ref fails verification/borders on OR to me. From the quote, it's not clear that it was based on feedback from FF7 or that the miniskirt refers to Tifa's miniskirt. Rinoa also wears a miniskirt with shorts so they could be referring to that.
538:
But it doesn’t, as far as I can tell. If
Ultimecia didn’t possess Rinoa, and hadn’t been possessing Edea previously, she would not have suddenly had magical powers. That’s how I understand the plot anyway. I tried to rewrite it though.
693:"Fans ... in France" - became is used twice in this sentence, reword to avoid this. Also it implies that the official French translation copied the fan translation, which 1) doesn't seem likely, 2) isn't quite supported by the ref.
679:"The official names of Final Fantasy VIII's characters were released by Shonen Jump when the game released to the general public" - this doesn't make sense. Do you mean when the game was announced to the general public?
671:"Critics have countered that the two characters have sharply contrasting designs" This one is a stretch. Ref does make note of their contrasting designs but does not use it as evidence against the theory.
722:
Ref is a preview interview before the game was released. The only reason the female character is ambiguous at this point in time is because she hasn't been revealed yet. To a naive player,
177:
221:
80:
1009:
Combine the remainder of the paragraph "On the other hand, Charlie
Barratt ... her character was too stereotypical" with the last paragraph of criticism in this section.
524:
This still contradicts "Through his time with Rinoa, he discovers that she now has Edea's magical powers, making her a
Sorceress as well" from later in the article.
47:
1018:
70:
831:"Forced to flee Timber, Rinoa decides to stay with the group and travel with them" - why are they forced to flee? Also ref doesn't really verify this statement
973:"for the characters loving interactions" - this is an awkward construction, not sure what the intended meaning is here, especially at the end of this sentence.
431:
782:
quote mark here: ’. This is a straight quote mark: '. You should disable your keyboard's autocorrecting to curly quote marks when editing on
Knowledge (XXG).
225:
217:
726:
characters are a mystery. I think the takeaway of this interview answer is the bit about how the embrace is supposed to evoke emotion. The mystery is
274:
209:
797:
126:
1096:
Sorry I wasn't done earlier. I responded to some of your changes above as well. See messages marked with the timestamp 21:19, 18 June 2020 (UTC).
736:
I think you should drop the "unknown woman" angle. By the time the game came out, it was obvious who the woman is. Focus on the why, not the who.
873:
Speaking of which, Angelo is only mentioned here. Is there no design info on Angelo? Seems appropriate to include in Design, if only briefly.
122:
449:
167:
52:
841:"Squall is convinced" - switch to active voice. I don't remember this scene specifically; do they convince him or does he convince himself?
916:
Ok I cut two of them, should I cut all of them? Should her beauty or “hotness” not be mentioned? Just want to be clear what I should do.
622:
Throw an extra ref name to in there somewhere so it's clear that it's cited to that. You go 4 sentences without a ref in the beginning.
156:
107:
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976:
Ref doesn't really praise anything. It just says it's cute/awkward, and it's part of preview coverage of an entirely different game.
370:
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1019:
https://web.archive.org/web/20140718215117/http://www.gamesradar.com/every-scott-pilgrim-vs-the-world-videogame-reference/?page=2
99:
991:"Glasser called Rinoa "Square's valentine to every gamer with a crush"" - actually, he calls FFVIII this, not Rinoa specifically
518:
possession by
Ultimecia isn't what causes her to become a sorceress and contradicts the explanation later in the article
767:"with Kana Hanazawa voicing her in Japanese, and by Skyler Davenport in English" - the prepositions here are wrong. Use
205:
250:
1131:
1080:
1058:
921:
798:
https://square-enix-games.com/en_GB/news/dissidia-final-fantasy-nt-gives-rinoa-a-voice-and-introduces-a-new-level
544:
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1145:
1101:
1034:
889:"Fans voted for Rinoa to be the tenth" - clarify that this is Japanese fans. Also change to "voted Rinoa as"
864:
804:
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591:
Now this sentence repeats "female characters" too many times. "and were overshadowing their personalities"?
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585:"more advanced graphics" - of the PS1, right? This sentence needs a bit more context in the lead
525:
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838:"Esthar fears her powers" - Esthar is not a person; try to reword to avoid naming Esthar at all?
779:
494:
947:
935:
828:"small resistance faction seeking to liberate the small nation" - small twice in one sentence
995:
988:"ranked the couple as the top Square Enix couple" - couple appears twice, try to avoid this
964:
711:
92:
957:
Ref is about an entirely different lingering plot line; it's not about Rinoa = Ultimecia
940:
Refs and do not verify the claim that "Rinoa's weaponry is interesting though atypical"
943:
Ref and are not RS and I think this so-called "censorship" isn't noteworthy to mention
960:
Ref can be used to replace Ref to verify the existence of the Rinoa
Ultimecia theory
614:
Caption for Kana should make clear that she was not voiced in the original game
1149:
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Yeah I looked through the article, I think you did, I don’t see any others.
985:
Ref does not verify "the couple was developed correctly in the narrative"
497:
quotes in this article. I fixed a few but I don't think I got them all.
1017:
The Scott
Pilgrim ref only appears in an older version of that article
844:"Square Enix's and Sony's PlayStation 2" - should be Square at the time
822:
Section links to
General Caraway, Julia, Zell, Selphie, Edea are broken
637:
This change now makes the reference to Tifa in the lead obsolete.
1140:
I made a few final changes and I think it's good to go. Passed.
710:
Kitase may have designed the logo (not clear from the ref), but
895:"many times and made the scenes action line up precisely" : -->
881:
Explain who Chiba is (he's credited as Event
Director in FF8).
510:"friends" appears twice in one sentence; reword to avoid this
663:
Ref is a self-published Medium post, does not qualify as RS
1000:
Ref is archived but not marked as such in the cite template
936:
https://archive.rpgamer.com/features/2012/dogs/dogs-5.html
701:"which showed a male and female character" - showed : -->
996:
https://archive.rpgamer.com/editor/1999/q4/112499as.html
965:
https://archive.rpgamer.com/editor/2005/q2/041805gm.html
134:
103:
1003:"They also ranked the couple" - specify who "they" is
521:
I rewrote it to be clearer how she gets her powers.
425:and other media, where possible and appropriate.
850:Her appearance in Itadaki Street is unsourced
430:(images are tagged and non-free content have
8:
982:Ref is a duplicate of Ref , which is not RS
856:Her appearance in Dissidia NT is unsourced
30:
754:"did not have clear understanding" : -->
896:"many times to make the scene's action"
61:
33:
902:Ref doesn't really mention her beauty
730:they are embracing, not who they are.
7:
859:Ref Twinfinite is not RS for news.
567:"make Rinoa contrast against" : -->
954:"One fan theory about the game is"
24:
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437:
406:
382:
379:Fair representation without bias
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892:"IGN regards her" - who at IGN?
176:for what the criteria are, and
1046:Ok! I think I got everything!
194:(prose, spelling, and grammar)
1:
969:"couples first meeting" : -->
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853:Ref is a fan site, not RS
796:Ref is not RS. Use this:
576:"such characters as" : -->
1150:05:32, 19 June 2020 (UTC)
1136:01:41, 19 June 2020 (UTC)
1106:21:21, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
1085:20:22, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
1063:13:45, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
1039:07:25, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
926:00:30, 19 June 2020 (UTC)
869:21:19, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
834:Fisherman's Horizon : -->
809:21:19, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
792:21:19, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
746:21:19, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
714:is the one who draws it.
689:21:19, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
647:21:19, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
601:21:19, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
549:00:02, 19 June 2020 (UTC)
534:21:19, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
161:02:08, 18 June 2020 (UTC)
970:"couple's first meeting"
953:"A fan theory was" : -->
696:Rewritten and clarified.
778:"her". Also you used a
562:Changed it to Ultimecia
187:reasonably well written
568:"contrast Rinoa with"
559:Who is "their enemy"?
180:for what they are not)
769:Parallelism (grammar)
759:clear understanding"
419:It is illustrated by
371:neutral point of view
327:broad in its coverage
1029:Review in progress.
994:Ref is broken : -->
963:Ref is broken : -->
934:Ref is broken : -->
18:Talk:Rinoa Heartilly
432:fair use rationales
835:Fishermans Horizon
577:"characters like"
403:No edit wars, etc.
246:factually accurate
450:suitable captions
261:reference section
89:
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733:Tried a rewrite
610:Character design
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43:Copyvio detector
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1128:Judgesurreal777
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1067:Anything else?
1055:Judgesurreal777
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918:Judgesurreal777
777:"Rijos’s" : -->
712:Yoshitaka Amano
541:Judgesurreal777
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368:It follows the
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81:Instructions
818:Appearances
493:A bunch of
218:word choice
104:visual edit
634:Rewritten
588:Rewritten
307:plagiarism
251:verifiable
48:Authorship
34:GA toolbox
909:mid-2000s
884:clarified
877:Reception
617:Clarified
475:Pass/Fail
144:Reviewer:
71:Templates
62:Reviewing
27:GA Review
1023:Archived
780:WP:CURLY
774:Rewrote
580:Changed.
571:Changed.
495:WP:CURLY
157:contribs
76:Criteria
948:WP:VG/S
469:Overall
350:focused
303:copyvio
222:fiction
127:history
108:history
94:Article
1013:Legacy
702:shows
625:Fixed.
513:Fixed.
422:images
397:stable
395:It is
373:policy
325:It is
244:It is
224:, and
214:layout
185:It is
170:review
762:Fixed
717:Fixed
705:Fixed
674:Fixed
448:with
226:lists
172:(see
136:Watch
16:<
1146:talk
1132:talk
1102:talk
1081:talk
1059:talk
1035:talk
922:talk
865:talk
805:talk
788:talk
742:talk
724:both
685:talk
658:done
643:talk
597:talk
545:talk
530:talk
506:Lead
305:and
248:and
210:lead
208:for
178:here
174:here
151:talk
123:edit
100:edit
728:why
666:Cut
206:MoS
1148:)
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477::
471::
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436::
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405::
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340::
332:a
329:.
311::
299:d
293::
289:OR
285:c
279::
271:b
265::
257:a
254:.
230::
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216:,
212:,
202:b
196::
192:a
189:.
168:GA
159:)
125:|
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